A qualitative examination of dialectical tensions in a polyamorous context. Presented at the National Communication Association Annual Conference on November 21, 2015 in Las Vegas, Nevada. Research proposed by Billy Table, Rachel Reymann, and Dr. Harry Weger from the University of Central Florida.

1. Billy Table
&
Rachel
Reymann
University of
Central Florida
My partner's girlfriend's husband:
Embracing and discussing
dialectical tensions in polyamorous
relationships

2. Feel free to follow along:

3. ◼Conflicting feelings or contradictions we
tell ourselves to make sense of a
relationship as it develops and changes
(Baxter, 2004)
◼These are not necessarily separate
dualities, but rather connected
simultaneous relational contradictions
Relational Dialectics Theory

4. ◼Autonomy-
Connection
◼Certainty-Uncertainty
◼Openness-
Closedness
Baxter’s Original Tensions

5. ◼Honesty -Privacy
◼Jealousy-
Compersion
Tensions in Polyamorous Relationships

6. POLYAMORY

7. “Polyamory is the freedom to allow all the
relationships in my life to progress in
whatever way is most natural to them,
including romantic and/or sexual intimacy.
Everybody close to me is aware that I don't
restrict my relationships. I also do not try to
restrict the relationships of people in my
life.”

8. “Polyamory is being open to forming loving
relationships with multiple people, and
being supportive of your partners also
having multiple relationships.”

9. “[O]pen to more than one committed,
caring romantic relationship. With
everyone's informed consent/knowledge”

10. “Being open to sharing your life
romantically with multiple people at once.
It differs from open relationships or
swinging as the focus is on the relationship
rather [than] the sex.”

11. Methods

12. ● Open-ended survey questions for
long-form response
● Recruitment via /r/Polyamory and
/r/NonMonogamy
● Thematic analysis category
development of data
Methods

13. ● 39 total participants
● 24 women, 14 men, and 1 agender individual
● 33 White/Caucasian, 1 Hispanic/Latino, 1 Indian,
2 Multi-racial, and 2 selected Other
● 12 straight individuals, 17 bisexual, 2 pansexual,
5 queer, 1 “hetero-flexible,” 1 selected Other
● Age range is 21-41; Average age 28.5
Participants

14. Analysis

15. Autonomy-Connection
“[He] and I moved in together and still adhere to a free flowing
relationship style, meaning we decide when and how we want to spend time
together and apart. We both have independent personalities and I have no
problem doing my own thing for a matter of hours or days. I enjoy my "me"
time and do not currently have concerns about my partner dating others in
the future. We always set aside time specifically for us which we adhere to
strictly (except in emergency situations), but leave room for changes in
schedule or individual desires to do something separate or with others.”

16. Certainty-Uncertainty
“I use the dating app to talk to my non-primary
partner and got her to inform my wife that I can
only talk there. My wife secretly made an account
on the app and messaged me. We flirted back
and forth for days and I fell head over heels for
this person - just to discover that I’m already
married to her. It was amazing.”

17. Openness-Closedness
“We disclose only on what the other person asks.
I usually want to check that his partner was/is on
birth control, they used a condom, and she is
okay with him already having the only girlfriend he
wants. Sometimes I ask what she's like - her job,
or friends we have in common. Usually I only want
to know that they were safe and that everyone is
at peace with the arrangement.”

18. Honesty-Privacy
“She doesn't tell me much at all. She tells me when
she starts having sex with someone else (for health
reasons). She sometimes discusses difficulties she
has with other relationships (basically, using me for
moral support/advice). I'm sure she would tell me
much more if I asked, though she's very mindful of the
privacy of her other partners and wouldn't tell me
anything they might feel is private without asking them
if it's OK first. I've never had any other partners.”

19. Jealousy-Compersion
“I love hearing about his dates! I ask where they went,
what they did, whether they had sex, whether it was good,
whether they did anything new/different sexually, and
whether he had fun. When I hear about that stuff, I feel happy
for his date, happy for him, and sometimes turned on. / / I
usually tell him the same kinds of information, although he
does not ask as much about sex. He is not averse to hearing
it nor does it make him jealous, he just doesn't find it titillating
the way I do. He mostly feels happy for me or neutral about it,
so he doesn't ask a lot.”

20. Limitations

21. Feel free to follow along: