1. 1
5 Greatest Challenges for
Parents in 2013
Dr Michael Carr-Gregg
Chils & Adolescent Psychologist
www.michaelcarr-gregg.com.au
Wednesday 21 August 2013
Parenting
There is no
such thing as a
perfect parent
Is this the most vulnerable
generation? All families have some
difficulties
What does
the latest
research
say?
www.missionaustralia.com.au/document-downloads/cat_view/132-annual-mission-australia-youth-survey
What are the problems?
l Anxiety
l Depression
l Substance abuse/Alcohol
l Self Harm
l Eating disorders
l Sexual behaviour Sexualization
l 4 year shift
l Developmental compression

2. 2
2010 2011 2012
School or study
problems
27.3% 35.4% 36.5%
Coping with stress 25.5% 37.3% 40%
Body Image 31.1% 33.1% 34%
Tested the views of
15,000 15-19 yo
All parents must have a
‘developmental’ perspective
It’s a staged journey
Stages of Adolescence
Early Middle Late
11
“…It is sort of unfair to expect teens to
have adult levels of organizational skills or
decision-making before their brains are
finished being built...”
Jay Giedd, M.D. Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist and Chief
of Brain Imaging at the Child Psychiatry Branch of the
National Institute of Mental Health
A beautiful work in progress
12

3. 3
Parents need to negotiate
and compromise
l The surrogate voice of reason
l The frontal lobes of teenagers are
located in their parents brains
l Asking an adolescent to plan
ahead is like asking a dog to
study physics
l Too much freedom is not good
l Just as the early teen has not
grown into their body, we know
they have not yet grown into
their brain either
l Boys are slower….
Communication with young
people
“…she had lost the
art of conversation,
but not
unfortunately the
power of speech.”"
"
George Bernard
Shaw
The 6 golden rules of talking to
Young People
1. Give full attention – make eye
contact and focus on their content
and be playful
2. Sound interested – tone
must match content
3. Ask lots of questions –
signals interest and
engagement
4. Feedback – reflect back
in a paraphrase what you
have heard

4. 4
5. Praise their ability to
explain things
6. Help them find their
‘spark’
The question…
What gets you up in the morning?
Tips for good "
Communication "
with Teenagers
l Keep Calm
l Don’t talk too much and
listen more*
l Look for compromise and
negotiate
l Use humour
l set very clear boundaries
l avoid confrontations or
ultimatums
l only argue over things that
matters
23
Tips for good Communication
with with OLDER CHILDREN
• do not constantly
remind them of past
mistakes
• talk while doing
something together
• let some things go
by you

5. 5
Getting enough Sleep
• More than 2/3rd (68.9%)
high school students don't
get enough sleep on school
nights
• more likely than their well-
rested peers to drink,
smoke, and seriously
consider suicide
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention 2011
What does the research say is
the optimal amount of sleep for a
student?
8.25 -9.25
hours
Source: Understanding adolescent’s sleep patterns and school performance: a
critical appraisal. A.Wolfson, M.Carskadon, Sleep Medicine Reviews, Volume 7,
Issue 6, Pages 491-506
Stages of Sleep
Sleep sequence
1 2 3 4
432
2 5
• REM stage approx 90 minutes after falling
asleep
• The first cycle of REM sleep might last only a
short amount of time
• each cycle becomes longer.
• REM sleep can last up to an hour as sleep
progresses
Nine secrets of
a good night’s
sleep 1. Dim lights
2. Implement a
routine
3. Cool down
4. Minimise
anxiety
5. Avoid
stimulants
6. Digital clock
7. Drinks that
induce
sleepiness
l Drinking juice
made from
Montmorency
cherries
increases the
body’s level of
melatonin.
l Drink 30 ml
twice a day –
sleep for an
extra 25
minutes

6. 6
Alcohol
Alcohol Alcohol
l costs taxpayers an estimated
$15.3 billion every year
in
l Crime
l Violence
l Medical treatment
l Loss of productivity and death.
Alcohol and your kids: a guide for
parents and carers
“…There are many good
reasons to encourage your
teenager not to drink alcohol
before turning 18.”
http://www.alcohol.gov.au/internet/
alcohol/publishing.nsf/Content/guide-
parent
Alcohol research
q 47% of those who begin
drinking before 14
become alcohol
dependent compared
with 9% who wait until
21 (Hingson 2006)
q 50% of Grade 5 children
have had alcohol given
to them by their parents
(Toumbourou 2006)
Professor Toumbourou
Chair in Health Psychology
Deakin University
Source: Arch Pediatr Adolesc Med. 2006 Jul;
160(7):739-46.

7. 7
a series of large
international studies have
uncovered a clear link
If you start drinking before 14 years of age,
you double the risk of alcohol
dependence at age 21…
the earlier you start
drinking, the greater the
chance of problem
drinking later in life.
Alcohol consumption in
adolescence can permanently
damages the wiring of the
brain
Government Advice
l Children under 15 years of age are
at the greatest risk of harm from
drinking.
l Not drinking in this age group –
(under 15 years) – is especially
important.
l For young people aged 15 to 17
years, the safest option is to delay
drinking for as long as possible.
http://www.alcohol.gov.au/internet/
alcohol/publishing.nsf/Content/guide-
parent
Official Australian
Government Advice
www.nhmrc.gov.au/your_health/healthy/alcohol/index.htm#sum
Smart Phone App

8. 8
School Formals
School Formals
Resilience
“…is the human
capacity to face,
overcome, be
strengthened by and
even be transformed
by adversity.”
First psychological study on
‘resilience’
• studied a cohort of children from
Kauai, Hawaii in 1970
Professor Emmy
Werner
the first scientists to use the term
‘resilience’ in 1970s
Source: Werner, E. E. (1971). The children of Kauai : a longitudinal study from the
prenatal period to age ten. Honolulu: University of Hawaii Press

9. 9
Kauai, Hawaii
• High levels of
unemployment
• High levels of
parental substance
abuse
• High levels of
mental illness
Source: Werner, E. E. (1982). Vulnerable but invincible: a longitudinal study of
resilient children and youth. New York: McGraw-HillNew York: McGraw-Hill
Kauai, Hawaii
• 2/3rds exhibited
destructive behaviours as
teens (eg: years, chronic
unemployment, substance
abuse, teen pregnancy)
• 1/3rd did not exhibit
destructive behaviours.
Source: Werner, E. E. (1982). Vulnerable but invincible: a longitudinal study of
resilient children and youth. New York: McGraw-HillNew York: McGraw-Hill
The 5 characteristics"
of resilient young people"
that every parent needs to
know
Resilience
Charismatic Adult
Social/Emotional
competencies
Spirituality
+ self talk
Islands of competence
And finally - the 8
secrets of happiness

10. 10
FLOURISHING = PERMA
• positive emotion
• engagement
• relationships
• meaning
• accomplishment
FLOURISHING = PERMA
• positive
emotion
l Any positive emotion like
l peace
l gratitude
l satisfaction
l Pleasure
l inspiration
l Hope
l curiosity
l love
l falls into this category
FLOURISHING = PERMA
• engagement
l When we're truly
engaged in a situation,
task, or project, we
experience a state of
flow:
l time seems to stop
l we lose our sense
of self
l we concentrate
intensely on the
present
FLOURISHING = PERMA
• relationships
l As humans, we are
"social beings," and
good relationships are
core to our well-being.
l people who have
l Meaningful
l Positive
relationships
l with others are happier
than those who do not
FLOURISHING = PERMA
• meaning
l Meaning comes from
serving a cause bigger
than ourselves.
FLOURISHING = PERMA
• Accomplishment
l master a skill
l achieve a valuable goal
l win in some competitive
event
l accomplishment is another
important thing that
contributes to our ability to
flourish.

11. 11
Criticism of PERMA
Where is Positive Health?
How do we apply PERMA?
l Using the PERMA Model
l Once Scouts are aware
of the things that make
up well-being (instead of
focusing on happiness
alone), it's much easier
to live a rich, meaningful
life.
PERMA QUESTIONs
l Although Scouts can't be happy all
the time, we need to make sure
that they often experience positive
emotions such as pleasure,
happiness, contentment, peace,
joy, and inspiration.
l Deep engagement happens when
participating in sports, spending
time with friends, or working on
projects that they are fascinated
with.

12. 12
The End
www.michaelcarr-gregg.com.au