Getting Close to Parents through Communication

1. Abstract
Title: iDisCloseness: Getting Close to Parents through Communication
Researcher: Louise Allen R. Nacario
Curriculum Program: Bachelor of Arts in Communication Research
(English)
Youth and parents relationship affects the way they communicate towards each other. As Filipinos, we
are known for our closeness to the members of our families, but for some, youth find it hard to get close
with their parents and they think that they cannot do anything about the kind relationship they built with
them. The objective of the study is to give youth a way to be close to their parents through the help of
Altman and Taylor's Social Penetration Theory (1987) which proposes that the intimacy of relationship
affects disclosure. The essay also gives youth the author's own experiences in youth disclosure to parents.
Key Words: Youth Disclosure, Social Penetration Theory, Family Relationship, Family Communication,
PersonalIssues
(Filipino)
Ang relasyon ng mga kabataan sa kanilang mga magulang ay nakaapekto sa kung paano sila nakikitungo
sa isa't- isa. Bilang mga Pilipino, tayo ay kilala sa pagkakaroon natin ng pamilyang bukas at malapit sa
bawat isa, ngunit para sa iba, nahihirapan ang mga kabataan na makitungo ng bukas sa kanilang mga
magulang at naniniwala sila na wala silang kakayanang baguhin ang relasyong nabuo na. Ang pag- aaral
na ito ay isinagawa upang mabigyan ng mga posibleng paraan ang mga kabataan na mapalapit sa kanilang
mga magulang, sa tulong na rin ng pag- aaral na isinagawa nina Altman at Taylor na kilala natin bilang
Social Penetration Theory (1897),na nahsasaad na ang lalim ng relasyon ng dalawang tao ay nakaaapekto
sa lalim ng pagbabahagi natin ng mga bagay na tungkol sa ating saril sa iba. Ito ay nagbabahagi rin ng

2. mga pansariling karanasan ng sumulat ukol na rin sa kanyang relasyon sa kanya at sa kanyang mga
magulang.

3. Chapter One
Youth is a very delicate topic to study just as it is a delicate stage for everyone, huge changes in a person's
behavioral, social, and psychological aspects happen in this stage and it is the part of our lives where we
feel the most confused (Ryan & Furterman, 1998; Savin & Williams, 1998). For every person, it is
important that we choose whether we should share this personal questions and changes to others or not,
Petronio (2002) tells us that whenever we share something personal to another person, we feel like we are
sharing a part of us, which they should treat as theirs after our disclosure, and give importance since they
become a co- owner of this particular information. Sharing something personal is like revealing ourselves
to other, and since youth is where the very peak of a person's emotional side occurs, the way we treat
personal issues now affects who we will become in the future.
Adolescents, the early beginnings of being a youth, starts to explore their world and spend most of their
time outside their home, because of this, their family time decreases which is why they are given the
opportunity to filter their personal matters as to what to tell their family and what is to keep from them
(Smetana, Metzger, Gettman & Campione- Barr, 2006). Also, as Sova (2012) stated,pressure and strain
causes youth to either reveal or concealinformation about them, youth are often afraid of stigmatization
and judgment.
The objective of the study is to encourage youth to use communication (disclosure) in getting close with
their parents with the help of a communication theory that tackles disclosure, relationship and how it
affects the way we communicate with others.
The Social Penetration Theory of Altman and Taylor (1897) propose that as the relationship of people
develops, penetration occurs deep inside them, until they both reach the stage where they share personal
and private matters. They also suggest that penetration goes through stages: the orientation stage,
exploratory affective stage, affective stage,stable stage and the depenetration stage.

4. The orientation stage is the point where we small talk with other people, we tell them what they just asked
for and do not give them a chance to see through us. The second stage is the exploratory affective stage,
we start to let people or the other parties see a glimpse of who we are,not all that we are but we tell small
details of ourselves to them, it may be because we find similarities with them or because we get along
with them well, your relationship with them may be said as close friendship (Spring, 2002). Next is the
affective stage,the stage where we entrust personal matters to the other person and the introduction to the
possibility of reaching the next stage, the stable stage or the highest point of any relationship. In this
stage,both of us and the other party knows each other so well that nothing seems to be a secret. Lastly,
the depenetration stage, or the part when relationship turbulence occurs and two people depart themselves
from each other. To further explain what my essay is all about, I used these stages as guides for youth in
using communication in order to get along so well with their parents.
Personally, I wouldn’t say that I was instantly close to my parents; I was actually like any other youth out
there who are afraid of being judged and rejected. As I was reading through the theory of Social
Penetration, I found myself relating to it.
Youth can start getting close to their parents by practicing the stages of penetration, except of course to
the last stage,depenetration stage. In orientation stage, it is where we should try to start talking with our
parents about simple things like the grades we get at school, the television shows we’d like to watch or
some other curricular activities that we do. By doing this, our parents may want to know more about us
and ask questions that may lead to the second stage. Youth should not forget to always feel themselves, if
they are getting comfortable with sharing basic information with their parents. At the second stage, we
can share things like who we go out with at school, what is our kind of friends, and what we think about
things like news, university and government. In disclosing to parents, youth should also consider their
parents, try to let them talk as well, they may also feel like sharing about themselves. At the third stage,of
course, the youth will feelmore comfortable with sharing more and lead them to disclose very personal
issues and matters. I remember a professor during my first year college tell us that the last stage is the

5. stage that only few can reach,but if we check on the social penetration theory always, we can achieve this
stage with our parents. What we should avoid is doing something that can cause our relationship with our
parents to breakdown.
According to Barnes and Oison (1985), inside the family, the better the communication of the parent and
their youth children is, the tighter and more loving their relationship can be. The idea that youth cannot do
anything to change a broken or a distant relationship is wrong. My relationship with my parents is a proof
that disclosing can actually lead our relationship with our parents to closeness.