Conflict is inevitable but how we handle conflict determines whether conflict becomes a positive thing or a negative thing in our lives.

1. W E L C O M E T O T H E
J A C K S O N S T R E E T C H U R C H O F C H R I S T
W E ’ R E G L A D Y O U ’ R E H E R E

2. 1 Cor. 3:1-3 And I, brethren, could
not speak to you as to spiritual
people but as to carnal, as to
babes in Christ. [2] I fed you with
milk and not with solid food; for
until now you were not able to
receive it, and even now you are
still not able; [3] for you are still
carnal. For where there are envy,
strife, and divisions among you,
are you not carnal and behaving
like mere men?

3. RULES
FOR
CORRECTLY
HANDLING
CONFLICT

4. INTRODUCTION
A. These rules are applicable to
all relationships:
husband/wife, parent/child,
employer/employee,
neighbors, friends, yes, even
church members
B. Even war has its rules

5. I. COOL OFF FIRST - THINK
BEFORE YOU SPEAK
A. (Prov 15: 1) A soft answer turns away
wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.
B. (Prov 15:18) A wrathful man stirs up
strife, But he who is slow to anger allays
contention.
C. (Prov 15:28) The heart of the righteous
studies how to answer, But the mouth of
the wicked pours forth evil.
D. If you cool off first you may choose to
forget the whole thing

6. II. GIVE POSITIVE STROKES FIRST
A. (1 Cor 1:2-3) To the church of God which is at
Corinth, to those who are sanctified in Christ
Jesus, called to be saints, with all who in every
place call on the name of Jesus Christ our
Lord, both theirs and ours: {3) Grace to you
and peace from God our Father and the Lord
Jesus Christ.
B. Knowing what we do about the Corinthian
church how might Paul have introduced this
letter: division, sexual immorality, going to law
against brothers, drunken feast of lord's
supper, misuse of spiritual gifts?
C.Dear jerks, I've had it with you. How dare you
call yourselves Christians?
D.Philemon

7. Ill. DON'T LOSE SELF-CONTROL
A. (Prov 16:32) He who is slow to
anger is better than the mighty, And
he who rules his spirit than he who
takes a city.
B. (Prov 29:11) A fool vents all his
feelings, But a wise man holds them
back.
C. There is a difference between
"anger in control" and "anger under
control"

8. IV. DON'T BRING UP THE PAST
A. (Mat 6:34) "Therefore do not worry
about tomorrow, for tomorrow will
worry about its own things. Sufficient
for the day is its own trouble.
B. (Phil 3:13) Brethren, I do not count
myself to have apprehended; but one
thing I do, forgetting those things
which are behind and reaching forward
to those things which are ahead,
C. (I Cor 13:5) Love does not keep records
of wrong.

9. V. FIX THE PROBLEM NOT BLAME
A. (Gen 3:11-13) And He said, 'Who told you that
you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree
of which I commanded you that you should
not eat?" {12) Then the man said, "The woman
whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of
the tree, and I ate." 113) And the LORD God
said to the woman, 'What is this you have
done?" The woman said, "The serpent
deceived me, and I ate.“
B. In most human conflict there is seldom a
totally innocent party
C. Our focus should be on solving the problem,
not placing blame

10. VI. DON'T ASSUME MOTIVES
A. (Prov 18:13) He who answers a
matter before he hears it, It is folly
and shame to him.
B. (James 1: 19) So then, my beloved
brethren, let every man be swift to
hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;
C. Most conflict is the result of a failure
to truly listen and understand what is
really being said
D. Listening is the most important tool
to settle conflict

11. VII. DON'T USE LABELS
A.(Gen 37:17-19) And the man said,
"They have departed from here, for I
heard them say, 'Let us go to
Dothan.'" So Joseph went after his
brothers and found them in Dothan. {
18) Now when they saw him afar off,
even before he came near them, they
conspired against him to kill him. {1
9) Then they said to one another,
"Look, this dreamer is coming!

12. VII. DON'T USE LABELS
B. (Mat 5:22) "1 say to you that whoever is
angry with his brother without a cause
shall be in danger of the judgment. And
whoever says to his brother, 'Raca!'
shall be in danger of the council. But
whoever says, 'You fool!' shall be in
danger of hell fire.
C. Chinese proverb: he who throws mud
loses ground
D. When we run out of logic, we resort to
name calling

13. VIII. DON'T HIT BELOW THE BELT
A.(Col 3:12-14) Therefore, as the elect
of God, holy and beloved, put on
tender mercies, kindness, humility,
meekness, longsuffering; bearing
with one another, and forgiving, one
another, if anyone has a complaint
against another; even as Christ
forgave you, so you also must do.
But above all these things put on
love, which is the bond of perfection.

14. VIII. DON'T HIT BELOW THE BELT
B. (Mat 5:43-48) "You have heard that it was
said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate
your enemy.' "But I say to you, love your
enemies, bless those who curse you, do good
to those who hate you, and pray for those
who spitefully use you and persecute you,
"that you may be sons of your Father in
heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil
and on the good, and sends rain on the just
and on the unjust.
C. Taking advantage of a person's weakness or
vulnerability is not acting in love and
kindness

15. IX. ARGUE…
A.WITH THE RIGHT PERSON - (Gal 4:16)
Have I therefore become your enemy
because I tell you the truth?
B.ABOUT THE RIGHT THING - (Jonah
4:5-11)
C.AT THE RIGHT TIME
1. (Prov 25:11) A word fitly spoken is like
apples of gold In settings of silver.
2. (Prov 15:23) A word spoken in due
season, how good it is!
D.Man angry about work, comes home &
yells at wife, who then yells at the child,
who then kicks the dog, which then
chases the cat, which chases the mouse.

16. X. AVOID GUNNY SACKING
A. (Eph 4:26-27) "Be angry, and do not
sin": do not let the sun go down on
your wrath, {27) nor give place to the
devil.
B. (Mat 5:25) "Agree with your adversary
quickly, while you are on the way with
him, lest your adversary deliver you
to the judge, the judge hand you over
to the officer, and you be thrown into
prison.

17. X. AVOID GUNNY SACKING
C. (Acts 24:24-25) And after some days,
when Felix came with his wife
Drusilla, who was Jewish, he sent for
Paul and heard him concerning the
faith in Christ. {251 Now as he
reasoned about righteousness,
self-control, and the judgment to
come, Felix was afraid and answered,
"Go away for now; when I have a
convenient time I will call for you.“
D. The quicker conflict can be settled the
better the outcome

18. CONCLUSION
1.COOL OFF FIRST - THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK
2.GIVE POSITIVE STROKES FIRST
3.DON'T LOSE SELF-CONTROL
4.DON'T BRING UP THE PAST
5.FIX THE PROBLEM NOT THE BLAME
6.DON'T MIND-READ OR ASSUME MOTIVES
7.DON'T USE LABELS OR NAME CALLING
8.DON'T HIT BELOW THE BELT
9.ARGUE WITH THE RIGHT PERSON, ABOUT THE
RIGHT THING, AT THE RIGHT TIME
10.AVOID GUNNY SACKING UNSETTLED
CONFLICT