1. Expert Academy IBBT 31/03/2010
Just Dare!
Assertiveness
by
Frederik Imbo
Assertiveness …
What ?
When ?
How ?
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2. Expert Academy IBBT 31/03/2010
passive
ME - YOU
assertive
ME - YOU
manipulative aggressive
ME - YOU ME - YOU
F antasy
E xperienced
As
R eality
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3. Expert Academy IBBT 31/03/2010
DO THINK
+/- +/-
FEEL
+/-
if you always do what you
always did
you will always get what you
always got
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4. Expert Academy IBBT 31/03/2010
Communication techniques
Communication techniques
 Building Rapport
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5. Expert Academy IBBT 31/03/2010
Communication techniques
 Building Rapport
 The diving board technique
Communication techniques
 Building Rapport
 The diving board technique
 The U-turn technique
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6. Expert Academy IBBT 31/03/2010
Communication techniques
 Building Rapport
 The diving board technique
 The U-turn technique
Communication techniques
 Building Rapport
 The diving board technique
 The U-turn technique
 The sandwich technique
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7. Expert Academy IBBT 31/03/2010
Communication techniques
 Building Rapport
 The diving board technique
 The U-turn technique
 The sandwich technique
Communication techniques
 Building Rapport
 The diving board technique
 The U-turn technique
 The sandwich technique
 The broken record technique
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8. Expert Academy IBBT 31/03/2010
Communication techniques
 Building Rapport
 The diving board technique
 The U-turn technique
 The sandwich technique
 The broken record technique
 The Model of Non-violent Communication:
 Observations
 Feelings
 Needs
 Requests
Observations
When I
see, I
hear,
I notice…
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9. Expert Academy IBBT 31/03/2010
Observations
When I
see, I
hear,
I notice…
Observations
When I
see, I
hear,
I notice… Feelings
then I
feel …
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10. Expert Academy IBBT 31/03/2010
Feeling when your needs are satisfied:
Grateful Affectionate Confident Joyful Peaceful
Proud Warm At ease/ safe Glad / amused Satisfied
Appreciative Loving Secure / calm Happy Content
Moved Compassionate Determined Delighted Relieved
Appreciation Tender / open hearted Empowered / strong Energetic / jubilant Serene/tranquil/still
Engaged Hopeful Pleased Exhilarated Fulfilled
Curious Expectant Pleasant / content Ecstatic Grateful / contented
Connected Longing Thrilled / overjoyed Eager Touched
Fascinated / enchanted Careless Awake Adventurous Moved
Involved / alert Brave Unconcerned Lively / playful Passionate
Feeling when your needs are NOT satisfied:
Afraid Angry Annoyed Tense Yearning
Worried / concerned Mad / frustrated Agitated / irritated Stressed out Nostalgic
Panicked Displeased Disappointed Nervous Envious
Terrified / petrified Resentful Uncomfortable Restless Jealous
Suspicious Enraged / Furious Displeased Anxious Longing
Vulnerable Disconnected Embarrassed Disquiet Pain
Insecure / fragile Bored / indifferent Guilty Impatient Hurt / miserable
Shaky Apathetic / numb Desperate Surprised Grief / lonely
Helpless / unable Uninterested Confused Shocked Regretful
Terrible Distant / detached Ashamed / Upset Broken / heartbroken
Sad Aversion Unhappy Fatigue Confused
Melancholy Hostile / disgusted Terrible Depleted / mortified Perplexed
Discouraged Repulsed Unfortunate Tired / sleepy Baffled
Depressed / Gloomy Contempt Hopeless / despair Exhausted Hesitant
Heavy hearted Envious / hate Beat Worn out / burnt out Lost/ puzzled
Observations
When I
see, I
hear,
I notice… Feelings
then I
feel …
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11. Expert Academy IBBT 31/03/2010
Observations
When I
see, I
hear,
I notice… Feelings
then I
feel …
Needs
because
I need…
Spirituality
Autonomy
Beauty
Respect / self-respect
Harmony
Choice / preference Inspiration
Freedom / Independence
Contact
Space
Order
Spontaneity
Unity
Celebration and joy
Celebration of life
Celebration of fulfilling dreams Physical well-being
Creativity / pleasure / humor Air/ light
Honesty Mourning Food / water
Authenticity Clothing / warmth
Self-expression Peace Shelter/ cover/ nurturing / care
Self-confidence Empathy Touch / tenderness / closeness
Integrity Compassion Protection / safety / security
Presence Equality / clarity Rest / sleep
Connection / togetherness Sex / intimacy
Meaning Emotional security Use own force
Hope / purpose Order /rest / stability
To matter / belonging To understand and be
understood Mutual association
Awareness
To see and be seen Acceptance
Understanding
Inspiration Appreciation/ acknowledgement
Challenge
Trust Communication/ sharing
Competence
Consideration / mutuality
Contribution
Support / encouragement / comfort
Change
Efficacy
Growth/ learning
… Emotional security / reassurance
Be understood / sympathy
Love / Affection / closeness
Cooperation / solidarity
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12. Expert Academy IBBT 31/03/2010
Observations
When I
see, I
hear,
I notice… Feelings
then I
feel …
Needs
because
I need…
Observations
When I
see, I
hear,
Requests I notice… Feelings
so
my then I
request feel …
is … Needs
because
I need…
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13. ∞
Expert Academy IBBT 31/03/2010
requests
requests
needs
needs
ME
YOU
feelings
feelings
observations
observations
Self-evaluation
Reflect on the result of your communication:
 To what extent did I achieve the purpose
of my communication?
 What is the reason for achieving or not
archieving my purpose?
 Where did my communication go wrong?
 What am I going to pay attention to next
time?
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14. Expert Academy IBBT 31/03/2010
GOOD
LUCK !!!
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