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8 Things I Wish I’d
Known About
Polyamory
… Before I Tried It and Fucked It All Up

@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
Today’s objective
Identify 1-3 things you can bring to your relationship(s) TODAY to improve chances of success
@cunningmi...
Introduce yourself

@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
#1 The only “right” way to do poly is what
works for you
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
Poly is a custom job
Build your own relationship: no two poly configs are the same
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
Read books
Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and
Sustaining Open Relationships by
Tristan Taormino
The Ethical Slut by Janet...
#2 Communication is a journey
Not a destination
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
Poly Communication 101

Own your shit
Argue respectfully
No mind-reading
Be brave and bring stuff up
Emotional aftercare

...
Poly Communication 101

Own your shit
Argue respectfully
No mind-reading
Be brave and bring stuff up
Emotional aftercare

...
Poly Communication 101

Own your shit
Argue respectfully
No mind-reading
Be brave and bring stuff up
Emotional aftercare

...
Poly Communication 101

Own your shit
Argue respectfully
No mind-reading
Be brave and bring stuff up
Emotional aftercare

...
Poly Communication 101

Own your shit
Argue respectfully
No mind-reading
Be brave and bring stuff up
Emotional aftercare

...
#3 Guidelines, not rules
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
Minx’s guidelines about rules

Rules made out of fear are 99%
ineffective
Guidelines = mutually agreed
upon by all parties...
Minx’s guidelines about rules

Rules made out of fear are 99%
ineffective
Guidelines = mutually agreed
upon by all parties...
Minx’s guidelines about rules

Rules made out of fear are 99%
ineffective
Guidelines = mutually agreed
upon by all parties...
#4 People are human beings
Not test subjects threats or solutions to your current problems
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
Terrible reasons to try
polyamory
Because your current
relationship is broken
Because you can try it and ditch
the new par...
Great reasons to try
polyamory
Because it’s being true to yourself
Because you have a healthy
relationship and want to sha...
#5 NRE is fun. And blinding.
Enjoy your NRE but don’t let it fuck up your life
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
NRE Advice

Enjoy it!
Share it! Bring your NRE home
to infuse your existing
relationships
Never pack anything larger than
...
NRE Advice

Enjoy it!
Share it! Bring your NRE home
to infuse your existing
relationships
Never pack anything larger than
...
NRE Advice

Enjoy it!
Share it! Bring your NRE home
to infuse your existing
relationships
Never pack anything larger than
...
#6 You don’t have to do it alone
Best tool for poly success is having a poly community/support network
@cunningminx www.po...
#7 It starts with YOU
Even if it wasn’t your idea. And especially if it was.
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
Essential relationship skills
A high level of self-knowledge
The ability to say what she wants,
regardless of the conseque...
Essential relationship skills
A high level of self-knowledge
The ability to say what she thinks,
wants, and feels, regardl...
Essential relationship skills
A high level of self-knowledge
The ability to say what she thinks,
wants, and feels, regardl...
Essential relationship skills
A high level of self-knowledge
The ability to say what she thinks,
wants, and feels, regardl...
Essential relationship skills
A high level of self-knowledge
The ability to say what she thinks,
wants, and feels, regardl...
Why relationships fail

One or more of the parties
involved isn’t true to him/
herself
Lack of communication skills
Lack o...
#8 Change is good
Life’s challenges bring change for the better
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
Strength
Change

@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
“Life rewards those who move in
the direction of greatest courage.”
–Franklin Veaux

@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
Reaching Minx
cunningminx@gmail.com
www.polyweekly.com
@cunningminx

@polyweekly
www.facebook.com/polyweekly
Fetlife: cunn...
8 Things I Wish I'd Known About Polyamory (Before I Tried It and It Kicked My Ass)
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8 Things I Wish I'd Known About Polyamory (Before I Tried It and It Kicked My Ass)

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From the session at Winter Wickedness: my insights on the poly landmines I hit when trying polyamory for the first time!

Published in: Health & Medicine, Technology
  • I learned most of that the hard way ;)
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  • It has kicked mine as well, and we learned many of those lessons the hard way, but to no avail. She's packing something larger than a suitcase. Great slide show though. If I end up in another relationship that is poly, I'll review it again with all concerned.
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  • Damn, every last one of those is exactly what I would say! So of course I think you're brilliant (seriously). If I use the slideshow, I'll credit you to the skies. --Alan M.
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  • This was absolutely Fabulous Minx! Thanks for sharing your slides. :)
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8 Things I Wish I'd Known About Polyamory (Before I Tried It and It Kicked My Ass)

  1. 1. 8 Things I Wish I’d Known About Polyamory … Before I Tried It and Fucked It All Up @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  2. 2. Today’s objective Identify 1-3 things you can bring to your relationship(s) TODAY to improve chances of success @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  3. 3. Introduce yourself @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  4. 4. #1 The only “right” way to do poly is what works for you @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  5. 5. Poly is a custom job Build your own relationship: no two poly configs are the same @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  6. 6. Read books Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships by Tristan Taormino The Ethical Slut by Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton Power Circuits: Polyamory in a Power Dynamic by Raven Kaldera @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  7. 7. #2 Communication is a journey Not a destination @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  8. 8. Poly Communication 101 Own your shit Argue respectfully No mind-reading Be brave and bring stuff up Emotional aftercare @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  9. 9. Poly Communication 101 Own your shit Argue respectfully No mind-reading Be brave and bring stuff up Emotional aftercare @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  10. 10. Poly Communication 101 Own your shit Argue respectfully No mind-reading Be brave and bring stuff up Emotional aftercare @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  11. 11. Poly Communication 101 Own your shit Argue respectfully No mind-reading Be brave and bring stuff up Emotional aftercare @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  12. 12. Poly Communication 101 Own your shit Argue respectfully No mind-reading Be brave and bring stuff up Emotional aftercare @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  13. 13. #3 Guidelines, not rules @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  14. 14. Minx’s guidelines about rules Rules made out of fear are 99% ineffective Guidelines = mutually agreed upon by all parties involved Stuff changes @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  15. 15. Minx’s guidelines about rules Rules made out of fear are 99% ineffective Guidelines = mutually agreed upon by all parties involved Stuff changes @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  16. 16. Minx’s guidelines about rules Rules made out of fear are 99% ineffective Guidelines = mutually agreed upon by all parties involved Stuff changes @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  17. 17. #4 People are human beings Not test subjects threats or solutions to your current problems @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  18. 18. Terrible reasons to try polyamory Because your current relationship is broken Because you can try it and ditch the new partner if it doesn’t work out Because you’re bored or unhappy Because you’re afraid your partner will break up with you if you don’t @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  19. 19. Great reasons to try polyamory Because it’s being true to yourself Because you have a healthy relationship and want to share it Because you and your partner want to explore new erotic experiences Because you want to bring new kink skills back to your current partner to enrich your relationship @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  20. 20. #5 NRE is fun. And blinding. Enjoy your NRE but don’t let it fuck up your life @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  21. 21. NRE Advice Enjoy it! Share it! Bring your NRE home to infuse your existing relationships Never pack anything larger than a suitcase during NRE @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  22. 22. NRE Advice Enjoy it! Share it! Bring your NRE home to infuse your existing relationships Never pack anything larger than a suitcase during NRE @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  23. 23. NRE Advice Enjoy it! Share it! Bring your NRE home to infuse your existing relationships Never pack anything larger than a suitcase during NRE @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  24. 24. #6 You don’t have to do it alone Best tool for poly success is having a poly community/support network @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  25. 25. #7 It starts with YOU Even if it wasn’t your idea. And especially if it was. @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  26. 26. Essential relationship skills A high level of self-knowledge The ability to say what she wants, regardless of the consequences The courage to hear what a loved one wants Emotional intelligence: the ability to separate behaviors from the emotions surrounding them The ability to embrace change @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  27. 27. Essential relationship skills A high level of self-knowledge The ability to say what she thinks, wants, and feels, regardless of the consequences The courage to hear what a loved one wants Emotional intelligence: the ability to separate behaviors from the emotions surrounding them The ability to embrace change @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  28. 28. Essential relationship skills A high level of self-knowledge The ability to say what she thinks, wants, and feels, regardless of the consequences The courage to hear what a loved one wants Emotional intelligence: the ability to separate behaviors from the emotions surrounding them The ability to embrace change @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  29. 29. Essential relationship skills A high level of self-knowledge The ability to say what she thinks, wants, and feels, regardless of the consequences The courage to hear what a loved one wants Emotional intelligence: the ability to separate behaviors from the emotions surrounding them The ability to embrace change @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  30. 30. Essential relationship skills A high level of self-knowledge The ability to say what she thinks, wants, and feels, regardless of the consequences The courage to hear what a loved one wants Emotional intelligence: the ability to separate behaviors from the emotions surrounding them The ability to embrace change @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  31. 31. Why relationships fail One or more of the parties involved isn’t true to him/ herself Lack of communication skills Lack of emotional intelligence Lack of courage to talk about EVERYTHING Fear of loss @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  32. 32. #8 Change is good Life’s challenges bring change for the better @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  33. 33. Strength Change @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  34. 34. “Life rewards those who move in the direction of greatest courage.” –Franklin Veaux @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  35. 35. Reaching Minx cunningminx@gmail.com www.polyweekly.com @cunningminx @polyweekly www.facebook.com/polyweekly Fetlife: cunningminx

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