From the session at Winter Wickedness: my insights on the poly landmines I hit when trying polyamory for the first time!

1. 8 Things I Wish I’d
Known About
Polyamory
… Before I Tried It and Fucked It All Up
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

3. Today’s objective
Identify 1-3 things you can bring to your relationship(s) TODAY to improve chances of success
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

4. Introduce yourself
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

5. #1 The only “right” way to do poly is what
works for you
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

6. Poly is a custom job
Build your own relationship: no two poly configs are the same
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

7. Read books
Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and
Sustaining Open Relationships by
Tristan Taormino
The Ethical Slut by Janet Hardy and
Dossie Easton
Power Circuits: Polyamory in a Power
Dynamic by Raven Kaldera
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

8. #2 Communication is a journey
Not a destination
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

9. Poly Communication 101
Own your shit
Argue respectfully
No mind-reading
Be brave and bring stuff up
Emotional aftercare
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

10. Poly Communication 101
Own your shit
Argue respectfully
No mind-reading
Be brave and bring stuff up
Emotional aftercare
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

11. Poly Communication 101
Own your shit
Argue respectfully
No mind-reading
Be brave and bring stuff up
Emotional aftercare
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

12. Poly Communication 101
Own your shit
Argue respectfully
No mind-reading
Be brave and bring stuff up
Emotional aftercare
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

13. Poly Communication 101
Own your shit
Argue respectfully
No mind-reading
Be brave and bring stuff up
Emotional aftercare
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

14. #3 Guidelines, not rules
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

15. Minx’s guidelines about rules
Rules made out of fear are 99%
ineffective
Guidelines = mutually agreed
upon by all parties involved
Stuff changes
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

16. Minx’s guidelines about rules
Rules made out of fear are 99%
ineffective
Guidelines = mutually agreed
upon by all parties involved
Stuff changes
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

17. Minx’s guidelines about rules
Rules made out of fear are 99%
ineffective
Guidelines = mutually agreed
upon by all parties involved
Stuff changes
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

18. #4 People are human beings
Not test subjects threats or solutions to your current problems
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

19. Terrible reasons to try
polyamory
Because your current
relationship is broken
Because you can try it and ditch
the new partner if it doesn’t
work out
Because you’re bored or
unhappy
Because you’re afraid your
partner will break up with you if
you don’t
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

20. Great reasons to try
polyamory
Because it’s being true to yourself
Because you have a healthy
relationship and want to share it
Because you and your partner
want to explore new erotic
experiences
Because you want to bring new
kink skills back to your current
partner to enrich your relationship
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

21. #5 NRE is fun. And blinding.
Enjoy your NRE but don’t let it fuck up your life
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

22. NRE Advice
Enjoy it!
Share it! Bring your NRE home
to infuse your existing
relationships
Never pack anything larger than
a suitcase during NRE
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

23. NRE Advice
Enjoy it!
Share it! Bring your NRE home
to infuse your existing
relationships
Never pack anything larger than
a suitcase during NRE
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

24. NRE Advice
Enjoy it!
Share it! Bring your NRE home
to infuse your existing
relationships
Never pack anything larger than
a suitcase during NRE
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

25. #6 You don’t have to do it alone
Best tool for poly success is having a poly community/support network
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

26. #7 It starts with YOU
Even if it wasn’t your idea. And especially if it was.
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

27. Essential relationship skills
A high level of self-knowledge
The ability to say what she wants,
regardless of the consequences
The courage to hear what a loved
one wants
Emotional intelligence: the ability
to separate behaviors from the
emotions surrounding them
The ability to embrace change
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

28. Essential relationship skills
A high level of self-knowledge
The ability to say what she thinks,
wants, and feels, regardless of the
consequences
The courage to hear what a loved
one wants
Emotional intelligence: the ability
to separate behaviors from the
emotions surrounding them
The ability to embrace change
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

29. Essential relationship skills
A high level of self-knowledge
The ability to say what she thinks,
wants, and feels, regardless of the
consequences
The courage to hear what a loved
one wants
Emotional intelligence: the ability
to separate behaviors from the
emotions surrounding them
The ability to embrace change
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

30. Essential relationship skills
A high level of self-knowledge
The ability to say what she thinks,
wants, and feels, regardless of the
consequences
The courage to hear what a loved
one wants
Emotional intelligence: the ability
to separate behaviors from the
emotions surrounding them
The ability to embrace change
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

31. Essential relationship skills
A high level of self-knowledge
The ability to say what she thinks,
wants, and feels, regardless of the
consequences
The courage to hear what a loved
one wants
Emotional intelligence: the ability
to separate behaviors from the
emotions surrounding them
The ability to embrace change
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

32. Why relationships fail
One or more of the parties
involved isn’t true to him/
herself
Lack of communication skills
Lack of emotional intelligence
Lack of courage to talk about
EVERYTHING
Fear of loss
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

33. #8 Change is good
Life’s challenges bring change for the better
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

34. Strength
Change
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

35. “Life rewards those who move in
the direction of greatest courage.”
–Franklin Veaux
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com

36. Reaching Minx
cunningminx@gmail.com
www.polyweekly.com
@cunningminx
@polyweekly
www.facebook.com/polyweekly
Fetlife: cunningminx