O N I T S A S S
K I C K I N G P O LY D R A M A
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
• U N D E R S TA N D T H E
D I F F E R E N C E B E T W E E N
E M O T I O N S A N D D R A M A
!
• O N E S O L I D T H I N G...
W H AT I S D R A M A ?
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
D R A M A
Adding amplification to
emotional reactions
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
A S S U M E G O O D W I L L
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
F I V E T I P S F O R AV O I D I N G D R A M A
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
K N O W T H Y S E L F
T I P # 1
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
K N O W
T H Y S E L F
• Write your user
manual
• You are the expert on
you
• Let others be the
experts on them
• To thine ...
K N O W
T H Y S E L F
• Write your user
manual
• You are the expert on
you
• Let others be the
experts on them
• To thine ...
K N O W
T H Y S E L F
• Write your user
manual
• You are the expert on
you
• Let others be the
experts on them
• To thine ...
K N O W
T H Y S E L F
• Write your user
manual
• You are the expert on
you
• Let others be the
experts on them
• To thine ...
C O M M U N I C AT E E A R LY & O F T E N
T I P # 2
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
H O W T O
C O M M U N I C AT E
• Bring it up at the first sign
• Be brave
• Weird and unidentified is
OK
• Strive to ident...
H O W T O
C O M M U N I C AT E
• Bring it up at the first sign
• Be brave
• Weird and unidentified is
OK
• Strive to ident...
H O W T O
C O M M U N I C AT E
• Bring it up at the first sign
• Be brave
• Weird and unidentified is
OK
• Strive to ident...
H O W T O
C O M M U N I C AT E
• Bring it up at the first sign
• Be brave
• Weird and unidentified is
OK
• Strive to ident...
O W N Y O U R O W N S H I T
T I P # 3
Paul McCarthy, Complex Pile
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
Paul McCarthy, Complex Pile
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
TA K I N G P E R S O N A L
R E S P O N S I B I L I T Y F O R
U N D E R S TA N D I N G ,
D I A G N O S I N G ,
A N A LY Z I...
A S S U M P T I O N S
• What you feel is OK—no
“shoulds”
• Emotions come from
within; no one makes you
feel anything
• You...
A S S U M P T I O N S
• What you feel is OK—no
“shoulds”
• Emotions come from
within; no one makes you
feel anything
• You...
A S S U M P T I O N S
• What you feel is OK—no
“shoulds”
• Emotions come from
within; no one makes you
feel anything
• You...
T H E D I S H E S O F D O O M
E X A M P L E
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
Corollary: let others own their shit, too
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
L E T T I N G O T H E R S
O W N T H E I R S H I T
• Let him/her be the expert
on him/her
• Embrace “yes, and… “
@cunningmi...
L E T T I N G O T H E R S
O W N T H E I R S H I T
• Let him/her be the expert
on him/her
• Embrace “yes, and… “
@cunningmi...
S AY I N G
T H A N K S
• Owning your shit is
embarrassing and hard
• Reward positive behavior
by saying “thank you” for
do...
TA L K A B O U T B E H AV I O R S
T I P # 4
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
Y O U D O N ’ T TA K E
M Y C A L L S W H E N
Y O U ’ R E O U T W I T H
H I M B U T Y O U D O
TA K E H I S C A L L S
W H E ...
TA L K A B O U T Y O U R F E E L I N G S
T I P # 5
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
W H E N Y O U D I D N ’ T
T E X T M E L A S T
N I G H T L I K E Y O U
P R O M I S E D , I F E LT
A B I T A B A N D O N E D...
O N LY O N E T O P I C AT A T I M E
B O N U S T I P :
@cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
T O R E C A P
1. Know thyself
2.Communicate early and
often
3.Own your own shit
4.Talk about behaviors, not
your judgments...
W W W.
P O LY W E E K LY.
C O M
/ 8 - T H I N G S -
B O O K
E B O O K * PA P E R B A C K * $ 8 . 9 9
• U N D E R S TA N D T H E
D I F F E R E N C E B E T W E E N
E M O T I O N S A N D D R A M A
!
• O N E S O L I D T H I N G...
W W W. P O LY W E E K LY. C O M
@ C U N N I N G M I N X
@ P O LY W E E K LY
C U N N I N G M I N X @ G M A I L . C O M
W W ...
Kicking poly drama on its ass
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Kicking poly drama on its ass

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How to avoid relationship drama in a polyamorous or monogamous relationship, first presented at Winter Wickedness, February, 2014

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Kicking poly drama on its ass

  1. 1. O N I T S A S S K I C K I N G P O LY D R A M A @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  2. 2. • U N D E R S TA N D T H E D I F F E R E N C E B E T W E E N E M O T I O N S A N D D R A M A ! • O N E S O L I D T H I N G T O T RY T O D AY T O D A Y ’ S G O A L S
  3. 3. W H AT I S D R A M A ? @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  4. 4. D R A M A Adding amplification to emotional reactions @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  5. 5. A S S U M E G O O D W I L L @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  6. 6. F I V E T I P S F O R AV O I D I N G D R A M A @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  7. 7. K N O W T H Y S E L F T I P # 1 @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  8. 8. K N O W T H Y S E L F • Write your user manual • You are the expert on you • Let others be the experts on them • To thine own self be true @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com http://polyweekly.com/2011/04/rtfm-the-user-manual/
  9. 9. K N O W T H Y S E L F • Write your user manual • You are the expert on you • Let others be the experts on them • To thine own self be true @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  10. 10. K N O W T H Y S E L F • Write your user manual • You are the expert on you • Let others be the experts on them • To thine own self be true @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  11. 11. K N O W T H Y S E L F • Write your user manual • You are the expert on you • Let others be the experts on them • To thine own self be true @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  12. 12. C O M M U N I C AT E E A R LY & O F T E N T I P # 2 @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  13. 13. H O W T O C O M M U N I C AT E • Bring it up at the first sign • Be brave • Weird and unidentified is OK • Strive to identify @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  14. 14. H O W T O C O M M U N I C AT E • Bring it up at the first sign • Be brave • Weird and unidentified is OK • Strive to identify @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  15. 15. H O W T O C O M M U N I C AT E • Bring it up at the first sign • Be brave • Weird and unidentified is OK • Strive to identify @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  16. 16. H O W T O C O M M U N I C AT E • Bring it up at the first sign • Be brave • Weird and unidentified is OK • Strive to identify @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  17. 17. O W N Y O U R O W N S H I T T I P # 3 Paul McCarthy, Complex Pile @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  18. 18. Paul McCarthy, Complex Pile @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  19. 19. TA K I N G P E R S O N A L R E S P O N S I B I L I T Y F O R U N D E R S TA N D I N G , D I A G N O S I N G , A N A LY Z I N G A N D S TAT I N G Y O U R E M O T I O N S D E F I N I T I O N @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  20. 20. A S S U M P T I O N S • What you feel is OK—no “shoulds” • Emotions come from within; no one makes you feel anything • You are empowered to understand and affect your emotions @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  21. 21. A S S U M P T I O N S • What you feel is OK—no “shoulds” • Emotions come from within; no one makes you feel anything • You are empowered to understand and affect your emotions @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  22. 22. A S S U M P T I O N S • What you feel is OK—no “shoulds” • Emotions come from within; no one makes you feel anything • You are empowered to understand and affect your emotions @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  23. 23. T H E D I S H E S O F D O O M E X A M P L E @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  24. 24. Corollary: let others own their shit, too @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  25. 25. L E T T I N G O T H E R S O W N T H E I R S H I T • Let him/her be the expert on him/her • Embrace “yes, and… “ @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  26. 26. L E T T I N G O T H E R S O W N T H E I R S H I T • Let him/her be the expert on him/her • Embrace “yes, and… “ @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  27. 27. S AY I N G T H A N K S • Owning your shit is embarrassing and hard • Reward positive behavior by saying “thank you” for doing the work and sharing the insights • Reward by responding with owning your own contribution @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  28. 28. TA L K A B O U T B E H AV I O R S T I P # 4 @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  29. 29. @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  30. 30. Y O U D O N ’ T TA K E M Y C A L L S W H E N Y O U ’ R E O U T W I T H H I M B U T Y O U D O TA K E H I S C A L L S W H E N Y O U ’ R E O U T W I T H M E B E H A V I O R S Y O U ’ R E T R E AT I N G M E L I K E A S E C O N D A RY J U D G M E N T S @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  31. 31. TA L K A B O U T Y O U R F E E L I N G S T I P # 5 @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  32. 32. @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  33. 33. W H E N Y O U D I D N ’ T T E X T M E L A S T N I G H T L I K E Y O U P R O M I S E D , I F E LT A B I T A B A N D O N E D M Y F E E L I N G S Y O U L I K E Y O U R N E W S L AV E B E T T E R T H A N M E A N D WA N T T O R E P L A C E M E Y O U R M O T I VA T I O N S @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  34. 34. O N LY O N E T O P I C AT A T I M E B O N U S T I P : @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com
  35. 35. T O R E C A P 1. Know thyself 2.Communicate early and often 3.Own your own shit 4.Talk about behaviors, not your judgments of them 5.Talk about your feelings @cunningminx www.polyweekly.com **Only one topic/aggrieved party at a time
  36. 36. W W W. P O LY W E E K LY. C O M / 8 - T H I N G S - B O O K E B O O K * PA P E R B A C K * $ 8 . 9 9
  37. 37. • U N D E R S TA N D T H E D I F F E R E N C E B E T W E E N E M O T I O N S A N D D R A M A ! • O N E S O L I D T H I N G T O T RY T O D AY T O D A Y ’ S G O A L S
  38. 38. W W W. P O LY W E E K LY. C O M @ C U N N I N G M I N X @ P O LY W E E K LY C U N N I N G M I N X @ G M A I L . C O M W W W. FA C E B O O K . C O M / P O LY W E E K LY R E A C H I N G M I N X

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