2. In short, choppy sentences read as if they
have a ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum rhythm.
Consider the following:
I went to the store. My friend came with me.
She bought shoes and a blouse. I didn’t buy
anything because I was broke. The cashier
was rude. She clearly had a bad day.
What is choppiness?
3. Key causes of
choppiness:
Repetition of sentence pattern (beginning
most, if not all, of the sentences with a subject
plus verb).
Repetition of word or phrase, especially at the
beginning of the sentences.
Several short, related sentences in a row.
4. Ways to correct
choppiness
Vary sentence openings--use introductory
clauses and phrases.
Vary sentence structure--use a combination of
simple, complex, and compound sentences.
Vary word choice--avoid excessively using the
same word or phrase in a paragraph.
5. Sample choppy paragraph:
The voice of natives is silent. America’s government has oppressed
these people too long. The education system in America is not honest with its
students. The issues of Natives must be brought out to the public. Their
reservation lands are shrinking, while alcoholism, poverty, and suicide rates
are rising. Moreover, America’s image of natives is not accurate. Because
schools are not teaching about the present day natives, there are people who
think that natives live in teepees or wigwams or that they have chosen to
assimilate to America’s lifestyle. The last generations of Natives have had
enough. They see changes that must be made and strive to make a
difference. They need America, especially the American government, to see
them as humans that deserve the same rights that all other Americans have.
Notice how the first several
sentences here begin with “the” or
“their.” The repetition of words and
even sounds such as these can lead
to a feeling of choppiness. In fact, 4
sentences in this paragraph begin
with “the” and three begin with
“they”.
Another issue is that most of the
sentences begin with a subject +
verb pattern (The voice is...The
education system in America is...
They see...They need... and so on).
6. Corrected paragraph:
America’s government has oppressed and silenced Native
peoples for too long. Native reservation lands are shrinking, while
alcoholism, poverty, and suicide rates are rising. Moreover, America’s
image of Natives is not accurate. Because the education system in
America is not honest with its students, and because schools are not
teaching about present day Natives, there are people who still think
that natives live in teepees or wigwams or have completely
assimilated to America’s lifestyle. Recent generations of Natives have
had enough and see changes that must be made and strive to make a
difference. They need America, especially the American government,
to see them as humans that deserve the same rights that all other
Americans have.
As you can see, the sentences in this
paragraph are less choppy. While
there are some that do still begin with
a subject + verb, the sentences as a
whole are more complex. Some also
begin with an introductory clause or
phrase or include a dependent
clause in the middle.
Several sentences have also been
joined and rephrased in order to
eliminate repetition
7. Corrected paragraph:
America’s government has oppressed and silenced Native
peoples for too long. Native reservation lands are shrinking, while
alcoholism, poverty, and suicide rates are rising. Moreover, America’s
image of Natives is not accurate. Because the education system in
America is not honest with its students, and because schools are not
teaching about present day Natives, there are people who still think
that natives live in teepees or wigwams or have completely
assimilated to America’s lifestyle. Recent generations of Natives have
had enough and see changes that must be made and strive to make a
difference. They need America, especially the American government,
to see them as humans that deserve the same rights that all other
Americans have.
As you can see, the sentences in this
paragraph are less choppy. While
there are some that do still begin with
a subject + verb, the sentences as a
whole are more complex. Some also
begin with an introductory clause or
phrase or include a dependent
clause in the middle.
Several sentences have also been
joined and rephrased in order to
eliminate repetition
