Raise Your Voice: How to amplify your virtual presence and make yourself heard in the Zoom age

Raise Your Voice
How to amplify your virtual
presence and make yourself
heard in the Zoom age
With Terri Trespicio

What’s it like to be
heard?
Copyright © 2020 Terri Trespicio All rights reserved.
territrespicio.com/getit

What’s it like to be
ignored?

territrespicio.com/getit Copyright © 2020 Terri Trespicio All rights reserved.
McKinsey and LeanIn.org surveyed 329
companies and more than 68,000 employees.
Half the women surveyed have been interrupted
or talked over in meetings.
Around 40 percent watched other people take
credit for their ideas.
2019 Women in the Workplace
Report

What’s perceived one way when
men do it will be perceived
differently when women do.
Fact.

Communication isn’t as simple as
saying what you mean.
Deborah Tannen
prof of linguistics at Georgetown
“

Why is this all harder online?
• Tougher to read the room
• Harder to break into conversation
• Tech glitches and delays (missed cues, etc)
• We take up less “room”

Why is this all harder online?
…It’s also easier to disappear.

Explore tactics & strategies for being heard
(and helping other women be heard, too)
What we’re going to do

Reframe some of the language we use
around communication and speaking 

Tackle the awkwardness of online speaking
(& ways to get & keep attention) 

Attempt to undo all of sexism, everywhere.
What we’re NOT going to do

Assume that all women think,  
feel, or act in the same ways (or should).

Try to change our personalities.

Man bash.

Worry about men.

Always and unanimously agree.

What you’ll hear today are…
Suggestions. Tools. Ways to
consider, question, reframe.
(Not new rules by order of the queen.)

(Trigger warning)
We are about to talk about gender, and speak
in broad strokes about how women and men
are traditionally raised and what studies have
shown. This does not mean this is the only way
people are raised. Also, these issues apply to
people of all genders and of underrepresented
people across the board.

In every community known to linguists, the
patterns that constitute linguistic style are
relatively different for men and women.
What’s “natural” for most men speaking a
given language is, in some cases, different
from what’s “natural” for most women.
Deborah Tannen
“

I spent the first part of my career
crafting ideas in and for media.

I hosted a live radio show for years.

Today, I change the way people
think about, talk about &
communicate what they do.

Um is this thing on?

“Stop searching for your
passion” 6.7M views

How we were raised, encultured,
and taught affects how we talk,
what we value, and how we listen.
Fact!

Men tend to be rewarded for
standing out, showing status.  
Women tend to be rewarded for
playing down their achievements
and being inclusive.
Fact!

Female executives, vastly outnumbered in
boardrooms and C-suites and with few role
models and sponsors, report feeling alone,
unsupported, outside their comfort zones,
and unable to advocate forcefully for their
perspectives in many high-level meetings.
Kathryn Heath, Jill Flynn and Mary Davis Holt,
“Women Find Your Voice,” Harvard Business Review
“

Kathryn Heath, Jill Flynn and Mary Davis Holt,
“Women Find Your Voice,” Harvard Business Review
More than a third [of men] indicated that
when their female peers do speak up, they
fail to articulate a strong point of view.  
Half said that women allow themselves to be
interrupted, apologize repeatedly, and fail to
back up opinions with evidence.
“

We cannot change, in one fell
swoop, what people in general, or
men in particular, think about how
women act, speak, or behave.
Fact!

Men are not your enemy. In
fact, many of them would
love nothing more than to
champion you.
Fact!

Those who are comfortable speaking up in
groups, who need little or no silence before
raising their hands, or who speak out easily
without waiting to be recognized are far
more likely to get heard at meetings.
Deborah Tannen
“

Speaking up can sometimes
feel like a zero-sum game.

“Unsure of herself”
“Weak” “Insecure”
“Not confident”
“Forgettable”
Say nothing and you’re…

“Assertive”
“Aggressive”
“Demanding”
“Bitchy”
“Bossy”
“Talkative”
“Outspoken”
Say something and you’re…

What’s at stake?

Reputation vs.
representation

You don’t have to change who
you are to be worth listening to.

…But if you’re not getting the
results you want, you may
want to change tactics.

Before…

•What do you want to achieve
•Who or what are you advocating for
•How will you position what you will ask
for or represent
•What are your key points
Know the goal

Pure protein is tough to
swallow. Stories and evidence
are the sugar, fat, salt.

•Go in with an ally — all the allies
•Show up early, stay late
•Keep key points & questions in your
pocket
Master the pre-meeting

How to include people (when
some talk & others don’t)
Q.Prep the quieter members of your team
before hand, and talk to them about
what they might share so no one is put
on the spot.

(You don’t have to write this all
down! I can send you the deck!)

Want today’s slide deck + resources?
Get it!

During…

Talk like a pundit
•Jump in
•Do not disclaim
•Make your case
•Use “muscular” language
•Hold your ground
•Channel passion
•Tolerate some tension

“How do I contribute without
interrupting?”
Q.

Men have been doing it for ages.
They just don’t call it interrupting;
they call it…talking.

“Interrupt”

“Interrupt”
to stop or break the
continuity of

You don’t have to stop
the flow to start
swimming.

Seeing yourself as an
“interrupter” assumes
you’re not part of the
conversation.

A conversation is not a monolith.
It’s an irregular, ongoing, living thing
with lots of breaks and breaths and
sharp turns. Conversations disrupt
themselves!

Jump in.
You don’t have to stop the game to join it.
Participating in an ongoing conversation is a
matter of timing and precision. Think scalpel,
not hammer.

How can I come across as
assertive, not aggressive?
Q.
Let’s look at those words
more closely.

How can I come across as
assertive, not aggressive?
Q.
Aggressive: ready to attack
Assertive: confident & direct

Participation does not
equal aggression.

What it can look & sound like

The friendly pause
“Chris, I love what you just said
—I don’t want to move on from
that too quickly. Here’s why…”

The friendly pause
& redirect
“Chris, I love what you just said—I want to
bring up this related point…”
(This way you’re not “taking” the mic but
shifting topics)

Denis Morton, Peloton
If you wait
until the
time’s right,
you’ll wait
forever.
“

Do not disclaim.
It’s a waste of breath, energy, and
everyone’s time—especially yours
(and it does nothing to garner
support or cred).

Do not disclaim.
“I just”
“I think”
“I don’t know if”
“I’m not sure if anyone agrees with me”
“Maybe I’m alone here on this”
“This is just my opinion, but”

“I’m sorry.”
Be aware of how you use the words

Make your case
Don’t shy away from a strong opinion.

•Headline your point
•Think crisp and cogent
•Present the shortest path, unfold
where and as you need
•How to handle what you don’t know
Media training tips:

Use “muscular” language
Precise, cogent, clear, direct, uncluttered.

SOURCE: Kathryn Heath, Jill
Flynn and Mary Davis Holt,
“Women Find Your Voice,”
Harvard Business Review
Examples of
“muscular”
language

Hold your ground
(keep talking)
“Chris, let me wrap up this point and
then go straight to you, because I
know you have something to say
about it.”

OR! Pause and pick back up
[After Chris interrupts you, wait til they
take a breath, or come to the end of a
sentence, then:
“One point before we move on from
this…”

I’m afraid of saying something
in case I’m not 100% correct.
Q. You don’t have to be infallible in order for your
point to be worthwhile.
Calculators are 100% correct. Leaders have
insights, hunches, ideas. They take risks.

How does
Rachel
Maddow
handle that?

Channel passion.
Elicit emotion.
Getting someone else to feel something is
strategy.  
But when your own feelings get in the
way, it’s static on the line.

Feelings and facts are tools.
Use them. But don’t assume one
replaces the other.

Tolerate some tension.
I don’t mean tough it out, or to be
“tough.”
Resist the urge to cave on the spot or fill
the space.
Use silence to your advantage.

Think like a talk show host

Think like a talk show host
•Treat attendees as you would expert guests
•Use names (a lot)
•Reflect back & add on
•Call out what’s working
•Pass the mic
•Use questions purposely, not reflexively
•Listen like a leader

Reflect back & add on
Everyone wants to be heard.
Everyone. So confirm that they’ve
been heard first.
“Joe, I hear you saying that…. I’ll
add this…”

Call out what’s working
This isn’t just a great way to
contribute, but builds team morale.

Pass the mic
“While we’re on this topic, I want to
give Jen a chance to weigh in on this.
Jen?”

How do I bring the group back
to the subject at hand after
an interruption?
Q.
Engage the biggest personalities in the
room, by name. (They want the group’s
undivided attention, too.)

Use questions purposefully,
not reflexively

How and when questions are
asked can send unintended
signals about competence and
power.
Deborah Tannen
“

When we use questions
reflexively, it can come
off as …unsure
…unaware
…unprepared
…unwilling to stake a claim
…fearful

We use questions
purposefully to
•Redirect, or prevent redirection
•Hit pause
•Pivot
•Raise critical issues
•Get clarification

Ask yourself…
•Where you can adjust the phrasing of a Q so
that it’s sharper, more precise, and
purposeful?  
 
i.e., “It doesn’t seem clear whether…” vs. “I’m
not clear” or “I’m not sure”  
•Where can you make a statement instead?

Listen like a leader.
You don’t have to talk all the time to
have an impact. The more closely
you listen, the more you’ll have to
say.

Make Zoom work for you
•Record your calls
•Names, names, names
•Use the chat function
•Make gestures more pronounced
•Get a good mic

Record your calls
•Review and get perspective
•If you’re a manager, great way to share
positive feedback (point out excellence)
•Save chat to follow up with anyone who did
not get a word in

Use the chat function
•Share support throughout the meeting
•Use it to bookmark a point to circle back to
•Queue up to contribute to that topic
•Notice what others are saying and amplify /
include their points
•Do NOT let it replace your actual voice

Make gestures we can see
•It’s still a visual medium, so use it
•Realize your head may be the size of a postage
stamp
•Be responsive: use body language, nods,
thumbs up—give people more to work with

Get a good mic
•Amplify your own voice 
•Sound matters—and can have a far bigger
impact than you realize.  
•You can get a really good mic on Amazon for
less than $80

This is not a
zero-sum game.
You can go beyond being heard, to having impact—
and help other women do the same.

Everyone is talented, original,
and has something important to
say.”
Brenda Ueland, If You Want to Write
“

Thank you!
Questions?

Raise Your Voice: How to amplify your virtual presence and make yourself heard in the Zoom age

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