Communicating the death of a loved one to a dementia patient

Communicating the death of a
loved one to a dementia patient

Many ‘little deaths’ in dementia
A person with dementia has many ‘little
deaths’ by losing:
© Samvedna Senior Care www.samvednacare.com
• Their independence
• Ability to drive, read, cook,
or enjoy hobbies
• Memories
• Relationships

Deciding what to say
Informing a person with dementia about a
death can be a difficult and an emotionally
draining task
• Some people believe in being honest
• Others believe that we should try to ensure
their comfort and happiness, even at the cost of
lying to them

Dilemma: Truth Versus Lies
Reasons to choose to be
truthful about the death
• The person with dementia
deserves to know and mourn
the loss of their loved one
• She/he is still the same person with feelings,
emotions and connections
• We don’t want to lie to someone we love and
respect

Dilemma: Truth Versus Lies
Choosing to lie about the death to keep them
happy
• It’s hard for a person with dementia to register
the death and it may hit them as news every
time
• They mourn and grieve the loss multiple times
• They may not know whether it’s a recent death
or it’s been while

Factors to Consider
Factors to consider while making the decision:
•The stage of their
dementia
•Their relationship
with the deceased
•Frequency of contact
with deceased

Stage of dementia and grieving
In moderate to late stage
dementia
• You may have to tell the
patient many times
• They may still be shocked
• They may mourn the loss as if for the first time,
more than once
• They may not process the information properly

Stage of dementia and grieving
For example, an elderly may feel the pain of
losing a young teenage brother when told of
his passing as she may remember him from a
different time

Relationship with the deceased
• Is the deceased an
extremely close family
or friend, such as the
husband or wife?
• Does the person
expects to see the
deceased on a regular
basis?
If the above is true then helping that person
through the grieving process is important

Telling a dementia patient about a death
Seek help from someone who is not too emotional
attached for the talk
• Inform as soon as possible
• She/ he should be well rested
• Use short, simple sentences with few details
• Answer questions as honestly as possible
• Use clear words like ‘died’ instead of ‘passed
away’ or ‘at peace now’

Supporting the person with
dementia right after a death
• Support them with
physical touch, such
as a hug or holding
hands
•You may involve the person with dementia in
funeral planning, assigning a simple task, to help
the death be more real for them
•Plan for someone to be with the person during
services who can also take them out if they
become agitated

To help them register the death
Gentle reminders that the person is no
more:
• Bring out pictures and tell stories if this helps
their grieving process
 Provide clothes / possessions of the deceased
person as a Memory Aid
• Put up a photo of the
deceased as a cue

Accepting death
• Speak in the past tense about the person
– For example, “I loved Mom’s holiday cookies.”
• Express your sadness
– “I sure miss Dad. He always made birthdays so
fun, didn’t he, Mom? Remember when he….”
• Accept how often they want
to talk about the person who
has died—perhaps frequently,
not much, or maybe not at all

When they can’t register the death
Ask them how they are feeling and help them
cope with the emotion. She or he maybe:
• Missing the person
• Angry that they are not
around
• Scared without them
• Stressed

Responding to Emotions
• Respond to the emotion behind their words
– “You sound really frightened (or lost, or angry, etc.)
to me. Let me help you with that.”
– “You must really be missing her. Tell me what you
miss most.” Share your own feelings: “I miss her,
too.”
• Check their mood and if the person is unaware
and not distressed, you need not bring up the
reality of what has happened

Looking for Patterns & Unmet Needs
For example- if the person
who has died usually
brought them coffee in the
morning, the change in this
routine could be distressing
and remind them that their
loved one is not there
• Use distraction only when other ways of dealing
with their grief are not working

Accept their version of reality
Some examples
– A person with dementia may ask you “Where
is Raj” when Raj has been dead for years
– You can respond by asking them “Where do
you think he is?” and then agree with their
version of reality
– If the person thinks that Raj is at the store,
then that’s where he is. If she think that he is
avoiding her, then you go along with that

Conclusion
• You may choose to tell them about the
death once or twice
• This will give them the opportunity to
mourn the loss
• You may not tell them repeatedly if they
can’t register it and that makes them
stressed out

Consistency
• Consistency is important in your approach
• All family member and health care
professionals should communicate with
each other
• The information they provide to the
elderly should be consistent

Samvedna Senior Care
www.SamvednaCare.com

Communicating the death of a loved one to a dementia patient

Recommended

Recommended

More Related Content

Similar to Communicating the death of a loved one to a dementia patient

Similar to Communicating the death of a loved one to a dementia patient (20)

More from Samvedna Senior Care

More from Samvedna Senior Care (11)

Recently uploaded

Recently uploaded (20)

Communicating the death of a loved one to a dementia patient