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Communication
How can I get others to
understand me?
Intrapersonal Skills
Definition - Those skills
used to communicate
with oneself
Examples:
-Self-Control
-Self-Discipline
-Self-Talk
-Accepting
Responsibilities
SELF
Interpersonal Skills
Definition - Those skills
used to communicate
with others
Examples:
-Listening
-Talking
-Problem-Solving
-Understanding
Others
Reasons Why We
Need These Skills
• They Help us to UNDERSTAND our own
behavior
• They Help us COPE with circumstances of
life
• They Help us CONTROL situations we find
ourselves in
Communication Styles
Transactional Analysis
Child-like Communication
• Easiest to recognize
• Most natural to use
• Immature
• Least effective when
you are an adult
• Self-centered
• Many teens and
adults revert to this
style when they are
frustrated or upset
Child-like Communication
• Giving orders
• Whining
• Name calling
• Yelling
• Verbal abuse
• Not listening
• Interrupting
• Topping
• Throwing tantrums
• Acting out of control
Parent-like Communication
• Has nothing to do with age
or being a parent
• Directing other’s behaviors
• Effective in getting others to
comply
• One-way or dictatorial
• Gets the point across
• Affects the behavior of
others
• Commonly used with those
using child-like
communication
Parent-like Communication
• Giving Instructions
• Directing
• Punishing
• Demanding
• Ordering
• Talking down to
• “Mom, get me a cookie.”
• “Go get my book out of
my locker.”
• “Lend me a dollar”
Adult-like Communication
• Highest level
• Most desirable
• Most Effective
Adult-like Communication
• Desire for open- two way
communication
• Taking responsibility for
comments and actions
• Remaining calm
• Showing respect for others’
feelings and opinions
• Wanting to resolve
problems with a win-win
attitude
• Having trust in others
• Controlling emotions while
discussing
Which is the most effective style
of communication?
Adult
Communication Hammer
Shank
Is like Non-Verbal
Communication
It is strong and can be
used to support
construction or
destruction
Communication Hammer
Claw
Is like Destructive
Communication
It is sharp and
dangerous and is
used to destroy and
tear down
relationships
Communication Hammer
Head
Is like Constructive
Communication
It is smooth and
rounded and is used
to build and help put
things together
Communication Hammer
Handle
Is like Us, the driving
force
We are in control of our
communication. We
choose to use it in a
constructive or
destructive manner.
Destructive Communication
• Blaming
• Endless Fighting
• Character
Assassination
• Calling in
Reinforcements
• Withdrawal
• Need to be Right
• Playing the Martyr
• “You” Messages
• Threatening
• Sarcasm
• Interrupting
• Swearing
• Insulting
• Harassing
• Teasing
• Gossip
• Lies
• Sexual Harassment
Constructive Communication
• Timing
• Asking Questions
• Clarifying
• Reflective Listening
• Respect
• Consideration
• Listening
• Avoiding Intense
Emotions
• Honesty/Openness
• Positive &
Encouraging
• Keeping Confidences
• “I” Messages
“I” Messages
• Help to decrease tension and
defensiveness
• Simple structure:
– I feel __________ when _______________.
– Use feeling words for the first blank
– Use what is happening or causing the problem
in the second blank
– I feel angry when you ignore what I am saying.
Behavior Characteristics
Passive
• Always Agrees
• Buys from Everyone
• Takes the blame
• Lets others walk over
them
• Apologizes a lot
• Refers to Other’s
Opinions
Behavior Characteristics
Aggressive
• Tells others what to do
• Gets angry easily
• Forces their opinions on
others
• Demands explanations
• Critical
• Interrupts
• Sarcastic
• Runs over people
Behavior Characteristics
Assertive
• States Opinion Calmly
• Negotiates and makes
compromises
• Smiles
• Takes credit when due
• Doesn’t have to win
• Can admit mistakes
• Cooperates with others
• Listens to others
Conflict Resolution
Step 1 - Define the Problem
-Begin with the Positive
-Describe the specifics
-Express your Feelings
-Admit your part in the
situation
*Avoid changing the subject!
Conflict Resolution
Step 2 - Summarize
your feelings for
clarification
“So you feel angry
because took your
clothes without
asking.”
Conflict Resolution
Step 3 - Look for
solutions
There are many
solutions to one
problem.
Look for consequences.
Make compromises.
Each person should be
involved.
Conflict Resolution
Step 4 - End with an
expression of Love
(kindness) for each
other.
Conflict Resolution
If a resolution has not been
achieved within a short
period (30 mins or less),
put things on hold for a
set period of time.
Then readdress the problem
later.
Sessions that go too long
have very little chance of
a mutual resolution.
Verbal Drawing Exercise
1. Down 2 inches
2. Right 3 inches
3. Up 2 inches
4. Diagonal Up and Left 2
inches
5. Diagonal Down and Left
2 inches
6. Right 3 inches
7. Down 2 inches
8. Left 2 inches
9. Up 1 and 1/2 inches
10. Right 1 inch
11. Down 1 and 1/2 inches
12. Left 4 inches
13. Up 2 inches
14. Make a squiggly circle 2
inches around over the
top of the line
15. Down 2 inches
16. Left 2 inches
17. Up 4 inches
18. Make a smooth circle 1
inch around at the top of
the line
19. Draw triangles around
the circle
How Much Do
We Really Listen?
This Line represents 1 Hour of what we hear
• 30 mins - we don’t hear what is said
• 15 mins - we don’t understand
• 7.5 mins - we don’t believe
• 3.5 mins - we forget
• 3.5 mins - We Remember!

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Understand others with effective communication skills

  • 1. Communication How can I get others to understand me?
  • 2. Intrapersonal Skills Definition - Those skills used to communicate with oneself Examples: -Self-Control -Self-Discipline -Self-Talk -Accepting Responsibilities SELF
  • 3. Interpersonal Skills Definition - Those skills used to communicate with others Examples: -Listening -Talking -Problem-Solving -Understanding Others
  • 4. Reasons Why We Need These Skills • They Help us to UNDERSTAND our own behavior • They Help us COPE with circumstances of life • They Help us CONTROL situations we find ourselves in
  • 6. Child-like Communication • Easiest to recognize • Most natural to use • Immature • Least effective when you are an adult • Self-centered • Many teens and adults revert to this style when they are frustrated or upset
  • 7. Child-like Communication • Giving orders • Whining • Name calling • Yelling • Verbal abuse • Not listening • Interrupting • Topping • Throwing tantrums • Acting out of control
  • 8. Parent-like Communication • Has nothing to do with age or being a parent • Directing other’s behaviors • Effective in getting others to comply • One-way or dictatorial • Gets the point across • Affects the behavior of others • Commonly used with those using child-like communication
  • 9. Parent-like Communication • Giving Instructions • Directing • Punishing • Demanding • Ordering • Talking down to • “Mom, get me a cookie.” • “Go get my book out of my locker.” • “Lend me a dollar”
  • 10. Adult-like Communication • Highest level • Most desirable • Most Effective
  • 11. Adult-like Communication • Desire for open- two way communication • Taking responsibility for comments and actions • Remaining calm • Showing respect for others’ feelings and opinions • Wanting to resolve problems with a win-win attitude • Having trust in others • Controlling emotions while discussing
  • 12. Which is the most effective style of communication? Adult
  • 13. Communication Hammer Shank Is like Non-Verbal Communication It is strong and can be used to support construction or destruction
  • 14. Communication Hammer Claw Is like Destructive Communication It is sharp and dangerous and is used to destroy and tear down relationships
  • 15. Communication Hammer Head Is like Constructive Communication It is smooth and rounded and is used to build and help put things together
  • 16. Communication Hammer Handle Is like Us, the driving force We are in control of our communication. We choose to use it in a constructive or destructive manner.
  • 17. Destructive Communication • Blaming • Endless Fighting • Character Assassination • Calling in Reinforcements • Withdrawal • Need to be Right • Playing the Martyr • “You” Messages • Threatening • Sarcasm • Interrupting • Swearing • Insulting • Harassing • Teasing • Gossip • Lies • Sexual Harassment
  • 18. Constructive Communication • Timing • Asking Questions • Clarifying • Reflective Listening • Respect • Consideration • Listening • Avoiding Intense Emotions • Honesty/Openness • Positive & Encouraging • Keeping Confidences • “I” Messages
  • 19. “I” Messages • Help to decrease tension and defensiveness • Simple structure: – I feel __________ when _______________. – Use feeling words for the first blank – Use what is happening or causing the problem in the second blank – I feel angry when you ignore what I am saying.
  • 20. Behavior Characteristics Passive • Always Agrees • Buys from Everyone • Takes the blame • Lets others walk over them • Apologizes a lot • Refers to Other’s Opinions
  • 21. Behavior Characteristics Aggressive • Tells others what to do • Gets angry easily • Forces their opinions on others • Demands explanations • Critical • Interrupts • Sarcastic • Runs over people
  • 22. Behavior Characteristics Assertive • States Opinion Calmly • Negotiates and makes compromises • Smiles • Takes credit when due • Doesn’t have to win • Can admit mistakes • Cooperates with others • Listens to others
  • 23. Conflict Resolution Step 1 - Define the Problem -Begin with the Positive -Describe the specifics -Express your Feelings -Admit your part in the situation *Avoid changing the subject!
  • 24. Conflict Resolution Step 2 - Summarize your feelings for clarification “So you feel angry because took your clothes without asking.”
  • 25. Conflict Resolution Step 3 - Look for solutions There are many solutions to one problem. Look for consequences. Make compromises. Each person should be involved.
  • 26. Conflict Resolution Step 4 - End with an expression of Love (kindness) for each other.
  • 27. Conflict Resolution If a resolution has not been achieved within a short period (30 mins or less), put things on hold for a set period of time. Then readdress the problem later. Sessions that go too long have very little chance of a mutual resolution.
  • 28. Verbal Drawing Exercise 1. Down 2 inches 2. Right 3 inches 3. Up 2 inches 4. Diagonal Up and Left 2 inches 5. Diagonal Down and Left 2 inches 6. Right 3 inches 7. Down 2 inches 8. Left 2 inches 9. Up 1 and 1/2 inches 10. Right 1 inch 11. Down 1 and 1/2 inches 12. Left 4 inches 13. Up 2 inches 14. Make a squiggly circle 2 inches around over the top of the line 15. Down 2 inches 16. Left 2 inches 17. Up 4 inches 18. Make a smooth circle 1 inch around at the top of the line 19. Draw triangles around the circle
  • 29. How Much Do We Really Listen? This Line represents 1 Hour of what we hear • 30 mins - we don’t hear what is said • 15 mins - we don’t understand • 7.5 mins - we don’t believe • 3.5 mins - we forget • 3.5 mins - We Remember!