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Understand others with effective communication skills
- 1. Communication How can I get others to understand me?
- 2. Intrapersonal Skills Definition - Those skills used to communicate with oneself Examples: -Self-Control -Self-Discipline -Self-Talk -Accepting Responsibilities SELF
- 3. Interpersonal Skills Definition - Those skills used to communicate with others Examples: -Listening -Talking -Problem-Solving -Understanding Others
- 4. Reasons Why We Need These Skills • They Help us to UNDERSTAND our own behavior • They Help us COPE with circumstances of life • They Help us CONTROL situations we find ourselves in
- 6. Child-like Communication • Easiest to recognize • Most natural to use • Immature • Least effective when you are an adult • Self-centered • Many teens and adults revert to this style when they are frustrated or upset
- 7. Child-like Communication • Giving orders • Whining • Name calling • Yelling • Verbal abuse • Not listening • Interrupting • Topping • Throwing tantrums • Acting out of control
- 8. Parent-like Communication • Has nothing to do with age or being a parent • Directing other’s behaviors • Effective in getting others to comply • One-way or dictatorial • Gets the point across • Affects the behavior of others • Commonly used with those using child-like communication
- 9. Parent-like Communication • Giving Instructions • Directing • Punishing • Demanding • Ordering • Talking down to • “Mom, get me a cookie.” • “Go get my book out of my locker.” • “Lend me a dollar”
- 10. Adult-like Communication • Highest level • Most desirable • Most Effective
- 11. Adult-like Communication • Desire for open- two way communication • Taking responsibility for comments and actions • Remaining calm • Showing respect for others’ feelings and opinions • Wanting to resolve problems with a win-win attitude • Having trust in others • Controlling emotions while discussing
- 12. Which is the most effective style of communication? Adult
- 13. Communication Hammer Shank Is like Non-Verbal Communication It is strong and can be used to support construction or destruction
- 14. Communication Hammer Claw Is like Destructive Communication It is sharp and dangerous and is used to destroy and tear down relationships
- 15. Communication Hammer Head Is like Constructive Communication It is smooth and rounded and is used to build and help put things together
- 16. Communication Hammer Handle Is like Us, the driving force We are in control of our communication. We choose to use it in a constructive or destructive manner.
- 17. Destructive Communication • Blaming • Endless Fighting • Character Assassination • Calling in Reinforcements • Withdrawal • Need to be Right • Playing the Martyr • “You” Messages • Threatening • Sarcasm • Interrupting • Swearing • Insulting • Harassing • Teasing • Gossip • Lies • Sexual Harassment
- 18. Constructive Communication • Timing • Asking Questions • Clarifying • Reflective Listening • Respect • Consideration • Listening • Avoiding Intense Emotions • Honesty/Openness • Positive & Encouraging • Keeping Confidences • “I” Messages
- 19. “I” Messages • Help to decrease tension and defensiveness • Simple structure: – I feel __________ when _______________. – Use feeling words for the first blank – Use what is happening or causing the problem in the second blank – I feel angry when you ignore what I am saying.
- 20. Behavior Characteristics Passive • Always Agrees • Buys from Everyone • Takes the blame • Lets others walk over them • Apologizes a lot • Refers to Other’s Opinions
- 21. Behavior Characteristics Aggressive • Tells others what to do • Gets angry easily • Forces their opinions on others • Demands explanations • Critical • Interrupts • Sarcastic • Runs over people
- 22. Behavior Characteristics Assertive • States Opinion Calmly • Negotiates and makes compromises • Smiles • Takes credit when due • Doesn’t have to win • Can admit mistakes • Cooperates with others • Listens to others
- 23. Conflict Resolution Step 1 - Define the Problem -Begin with the Positive -Describe the specifics -Express your Feelings -Admit your part in the situation *Avoid changing the subject!
- 24. Conflict Resolution Step 2 - Summarize your feelings for clarification “So you feel angry because took your clothes without asking.”
- 25. Conflict Resolution Step 3 - Look for solutions There are many solutions to one problem. Look for consequences. Make compromises. Each person should be involved.
- 26. Conflict Resolution Step 4 - End with an expression of Love (kindness) for each other.
- 27. Conflict Resolution If a resolution has not been achieved within a short period (30 mins or less), put things on hold for a set period of time. Then readdress the problem later. Sessions that go too long have very little chance of a mutual resolution.
- 28. Verbal Drawing Exercise 1. Down 2 inches 2. Right 3 inches 3. Up 2 inches 4. Diagonal Up and Left 2 inches 5. Diagonal Down and Left 2 inches 6. Right 3 inches 7. Down 2 inches 8. Left 2 inches 9. Up 1 and 1/2 inches 10. Right 1 inch 11. Down 1 and 1/2 inches 12. Left 4 inches 13. Up 2 inches 14. Make a squiggly circle 2 inches around over the top of the line 15. Down 2 inches 16. Left 2 inches 17. Up 4 inches 18. Make a smooth circle 1 inch around at the top of the line 19. Draw triangles around the circle
- 29. How Much Do We Really Listen? This Line represents 1 Hour of what we hear • 30 mins - we don’t hear what is said • 15 mins - we don’t understand • 7.5 mins - we don’t believe • 3.5 mins - we forget • 3.5 mins - We Remember!