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THE DRUNKEN MUSE 
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The story "Drunken Muse" was audio recorded on a hidden voice recorder during 
the conversations about two decades ago. The story-teller didn't know or consent 
to the recording. 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tape_recorder 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/8-track_tape 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compact_Cassette 
The audio tapes on compact cassettes were never used. The records were partially 
damaged and lost. 
PAUL JAISINI VISION FUTURE GIF 
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https://medium.com/paul-jaisini-paints-invisible-paintings/paul-jaisini-vision- 
future-c387157124d2 
I am so pumped to get back to 
painting as I return to the second 
year of the art school after a full year 
suspension. As always it is like time-travel 
culturally speaking, like 
walking right into the middle ages 
going through the antique building’s 
portal. 
Art studios are the huge L-shaped 
lofts with super tall ceilings 20 feet 
no less with the wall to wall windows 
so that sunlight illuminates the 
space from south and east side 
designed for the purpose so that one 
could paint there from morning till 
sunset. 
In a studio there are classical 
gypsum sculptures, expensive 
copies of Venus de 
Milo, David, Laocoön and the others. 
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In the art studio there stood the 
noses, eyes, lips, feet, and palms on 
the wood shelves. 
Sketching the gypsum body parts 
helps you to build the classic 
academic base on which stands the 
whole modern and contempo art. 
This sort of teaching is specific for 
the art schools that preserve the 
traditions they had been founded on. 
There is only few art schools like 
this and of this caliber left now. 
Could be that this is the only 
legendary school that continues to 
function as if nothing had changed 
in the world. In the rest of the world 
with billions of some art classes 
nobody knows what does the old 
tradition of art school is for, its 
totally unfashionable. 
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Studying classic art 
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Academic_art 
) here is the foundation for creativity in 
any of the art styles. 
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X-tasy by Stelly Riesling with added GIF effects 
The smell of art is what defines the studio 
but not from human presence, something 
like an aroma reminiscent of the eastern 
market where smoke from hookaahs mix 
with the oil vapors, exotic fragrance from 
candles and spices. The Art Studios were 
never renovated since the times they were 
built over 150 years ago. The wood floors 
are saturated with art oils as if the floor is 
waxed with the organic oils from nuts, linen 
( linseed oil, poppy seed oil, and so forth.) 
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Adding to the mix the varnishes used by 
painters (pine wood varnish, Dammar 
varnish and others) It makes this ART 
SMELL to be the most intoxicating and 
ever-lasting musk. 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oil_painting 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oil_painting - 
Ingredients 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Studio - 
Art_studio 
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The instance you enter the studio space you 
feel the belonging to a knighthood and the 
whole art history. You are the undivided 
part of those people who left their creation 
imprints. 
Super pumped up after the long break up 
with the arts after my full year of non-stop 
party marathons I had returned to the 
bohemian life style. 
Actually my other life style wasn't any 
different from the bohemian. 
The only difference is that there is some 
meaning in the bohemian life style, 
something to create, to shape. Not just 
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spend time doing sports and girls but 
something on a whole 'nother level only with 
the same sub text and by far more 
emotionally connected. 
The bohemian I think is much more my 
thing, that fits me as a person. Maybe 
because my old man is the greatest 
sculptor. 
He is color blind so apparently I took up the 
torch, I have a very special sense for color. 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sculpture 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bohemianism 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Color_blindness 
There could be an inborn human 
predicament or inborn genius. 
I returned into the world to kiss its ground. I 
like everything about it, the babeville and 
its fashion circus. 
The art students are known to come up 
with endless varieties of how to be stylish. 
Take me for example, I am chilling in a suit 
jacket. It was professionally hand-tailored 
out of a denim Pajamas with stripes and 
starry silk underlining. 
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This “look” is completed by my python 
leather jeans. And over that an authentic 
LONG military Germany Waffen Elite 
Officer black Leather Coat from the WWII, 
only it is without a Swastika. 
I never part with my large portfolio and a 
Field Easel. 
EASEL 
The artwork with gif effect in neg color version 
About 700 students attend the studies. The 
art school accepts only the best of best with 
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few exception such as the kids of celebrity 
artists, writers and musicians and people 
who had real power in the city. 
I wasn't enrolled for money or the A-lister 
parents, but for my talents. The Art specialty 
(painting, drawing, sculpture) teachers here 
are the world-wide recognized 
contemporary artists. 
In a matter of my working ethics these 
important artists would point at me as the 
example of how fast I work, how well I 
sketch in color, how I always choose the 
most unexpected and unusual angle for my 
composition and so on... 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Composition_(vis 
ual_arts) 
name banner gif 
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Optical illusion geometric gif 
(portraiture, still-life, and landscape) 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Still_life 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portrait 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Landscape_painting 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Figure_drawing 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Figure_painting 
I never work on an académie (live drawing 
of a model, live painting of a model) the 
given eighty -- ninety hours. My whole 
process is about six -- nine hours to fully 
complete the work so I get out of the studio 
for some action and fun. 
I’m probably the strongest in the class. My 
art professors know I don’t need to be there 
to distract the others. 
When I’ve got nothing to do I start banging 
the head against the wall. Still I am criticized 
SUPER harshly for cutting the classes. 
At this point I am not aware of the inner 
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workings of “THE SYSTEM”. 
I call suitcase with a secret compartment. 
At the grade shows I only see the bad 
grades on my best artworks. 
There is another side of the coin. It revealed 
in the future when I got to befriend a 
secretary at the Dean’s office. It was about 
the time of my graduating year. 
The art teachers actually always considered 
me to be the leading artist among all 
students. They would grade all my artworks 
high on my personal record I knew nothing 
about. 
That was how the art school’s system 
pushed the talented students to go further to 
open up their potential. Pushing to the limits 
of impossible. 
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Gif effect added to the artwork 
I am harshly criticized for cutting a lot of 
classes. 
There is another side of the coin. It will be 
revealed in the future when I got to befriend 
a secretary at the Dean's office. It was 
about the time of my graduating year. 
The art teachers actually always considered 
me to be the leading artist among all 
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students. They would grade all my artworks 
high on my personal record I knew nothing 
about. 
That was how the art school's system 
pushed the talented students to go further to 
open up their potential. Pushing to the limits 
of impossible. 
Willing or not but the doubts get in my head. 
I was thinking (rather frantically) that maybe 
I’m all just misguided. I will work to beef up 
my skills unable to accept that I am not 
really a “genius” artist. The bad grades were 
corrupting my vision. 
Totally clueless that these bad grades in my 
case were used as "disciplinary measures" 
for my behavior of anarchy. These grades 
had nothing to do with my artworks. 
And yet my best drawings and paintings are 
graded the lowest. At the same time the art 
professors are taking my works home. I 
always find empty walls where my works 
were displayed for the semester shows. 
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Sooner or later the missing artworks got me 
enraged. My classmates tell me the back 
story on what REALLY had happened. 
All the art professors usually go the painting 
major's finals. So they just took my 
artworks right off the wall. 
Ever since I heard this back story I flaunt 
how IDGAF to even pick up my works with 
the bad grades after the finals end. 
Like a bunch of some doomsday looters in 
sight of an electronic store the art students 
same as the teachers vultured my artworks. 
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Later some of my paintings and drawings 
were seen at the school's museum, 
especially the paintings. 
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The story of the artworks snatched off 
my exhibit wall developed further. 
In the art school the art teachers are 
the privileged kind who exhibit 
regularly. All are the accomplished 
artists with big names. 
Another thing about my artworks (no 
longer mine and in someone else's 
possession) is the story that involves 
someone with the top art rep being the 
art dynasty. Even so it happed that the 
leading art professor nicknamed Molly 
(for her annoying facial mole) used my 
art stuff to have her son who studied 
same years as me, just never expelled, 
to apply to an art academy with the 
highest qualification requirements. 
Molly's son portfolio sucked. To get him 
qualified to apply she gave her son all 
of my artworks she collected. 
The juice was given to me by the 
reliable sources. The story was 
concurred by the eye--witnesses the 
students who were applying to the 
same academy together with Molly's 
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son. Some of these students knew my 
work by the style, special color palette 
and the brushwork. 
They all knew that Molly's son was 
using my artworks. He only had to forge 
his signature and remove mine. 
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Study_(art) 
My drawings, sketches, paintings, 
watercolors are in "wide" use by others. 
I tell that to describe the routine of my life. 
It could explain why I was expelled three 
times for the chronic absence, for 
sabotaging the lectures -- getting my 
classmates to leave the studio and go to the 
movies or to the beach. 
Fast forward to that event of the breaking 
point when I started to work systematically. 
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I was sucked into work as if a drug 
addiction. I was penetrating deeper to the 
very core of creativity. Reading books, 
going to the museums, working in the field, 
working in the museums to copy masters. I 
completely forgot all about life around me. 
Practically I was devoured and digested 
with my nails and hair by that devil called 
the academic art. It sucked out the leftovers 
of my soul. 
I stayed in the studio after the classes to 
work. There were only few students like this, 
spiritually close to me. To them it was their 
life style since the day they had entered the 
art school unlike me. Whenever I'd get 
bored with art I'd quit working and just leave 
without asking permission. 
Now as if something had hit me hard and I 
started to really work. Most art students 
here typically come from such backgrounds 
when they did their baby steps and studied 
in the children's (secondary) art school from 
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an early age and tutored by art teachers at 
home. 
I had a tendency to take on a higher 
complexity unprepared without the 
experience of any art school training (the 
eight years on a daily basic with teachers 
and methodical practice.) 
As long as I remember myself I was 
drawing, during my school years, on the 
notebooks, with chalk on the asphalt, with 
stick on the sand. I did it subconsciously, 
not knowing what I was doing. 
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IDK, could be due to the several bad bike 
accidents when my head ended up hitting 
the brick... 
Why did my brain moved into the direction 
of noticing those things that normal people 
should not be noticing? That the leaves on 
the trees are not at all green, but violet. 
The falling shadows from the street lights 
are not at all outlined by black, the contours 
are the absolute blue. 
The trees look like people. 
There are so much more shades of colors 
that language could articulate. 
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Stuff like this filled up my head so that there 
was no place left for just a thought about 
girls, more so even the thoughts to 
manipulate my body functions. For instance 
using the 
bathroom. I almost peed my pants. 
Truthfully I was on the edge of madness. 
I remember how I hallucinated during my 
work imagining that someone had come into 
my studio and I spoke to "the guest." My 
brain was ill, there was no escape from that 
hell. 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Violet_(color) 
Once I was walking on a street without any 
awareness. My mind was no longer in 
command of anything accept the obsession 
with my painting. As I was pushing the limits 
of what was humanly possible in a matter of 
progress from the previous stage when I 
could draw and paint with intuitive results 
now I considered as totally armature waste 
of art materials. My condition would be hard 
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to describe since I could hardly remember 
what was it like during that madly intense 
period. I know that I was working non--stop 
and did make some major break through. It 
worked but at the same time the progress 
turned its evil side, I wasn't able to stop 
even for a brief moment. Something 
happened to my otherwise incorruptible 
memory that I could only remember few 
things from that period. And one of those 
things was my death walk through the city 
streets on a day I was supposed to 
disappear. 
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When I realized that I was walking 
automatically, blind and incredibly 
avoiding the cars, for the first time I felt the 
fear of madness that can easily take my life. 
It wasn't something I would fear if I was in 
my other life when loosing it would be quite 
an ordinary thing and not due to my lost 
mind. 
Whatever it was I survived with no chances 
to stay alive that day. I had more chances to 
live on when I was shot at execution style, 
when I was drowning in bad storm, climbing 
on a building like a cat, and on many others 
such occasions. 
Some guardian angel was looking over me 
as I came to the final moment of certain 
death, blind, deaf, disoriented and 
dellusional. 
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As we finished with draperies, still life, 
gypsum figures we moved on to the nude. 
To draw and paint from the live sitter, male 
or female model. 
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There comes an old fat hag to be posed 
before the artists. She will be POSING 
even during the breaks. She sits 
professionally without a slight move of her 
flab folds for us to draw her “forms”. 
‘assume it was done for the boys not to get 
distracted with the female anatomy. 
The models with “rounded” forms were 
chosen so we would study the reflects and 
double reflects on a “sphere-like” and 
“cylinder-like” forms. 
There would be plenty of the cast shadow 
(a type of shadow that is created on a 
form), and a drop shadow ( below the 
image). 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_human_p 
ositions 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Figure_study 
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The working objective was to concentrate 
on the drawing’s construction. 
When we’d get a young female model, 
she’d be so skeletal that we studied the 
skeleton . This type of models was as 
unattractive as the fat ones. 
The art students without an eye for a 
drawing and technique produced their 
works of caricature quality. With the lost 
proportions the models looked like animals, 
skinny chickens or fat frogs. 
For me it was a serious job, body didn’t 
exist. I x-rayed the flubs of fat to see the 
bones to connect them to muscles , to build 
a form. 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caricature 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muscle 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skeleton 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_skeleton 
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The illness I call the overdose had 
progressed and my end was near. 
Homies who knew me used to say that I 
was cracked. 
When I moved from the classicism to 
modern (I refused to see any modern or 
contemporary art, never wanted to see it, or 
ever saw it) I entered the Modern art on my 
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own, as my foot stepped into the forth 
dimension. 
I entered the world of mad pressure. Good I 
stepped in it one foot yet. 
I was sleeping in the studio right on the floor 
near my work and placed an electric heater 
near by. 
It was impossible to heat up whole place 
where fifty heavy-duty easels only took a 
quarter of the studio space. 
In the center there was a huge round stage 
made from a special hard wood to hold any 
number of models when needed for the 
multiple human-figure compositions. 
The place was full of easels, portable and 
the large for the field. The chairs, tables, 
palettes, boxes with paint, cases with paper 
and lots of other art stuff piled up into 
mountains. 
The parquet floor was always covered in 
fresh oil paints even though the teachers 
tried in vein to prove a fact that working 
neatly was by far more productive. 
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We had a dormitory built same year as the 
art school which was 150 something years 
ago. 
If you stayed late in the studio that was 
forbidden, you couldn't get to the dorm. 
A guard at the main door was a real watch 
dog, he faithfully guarded the pathway 
knowing every student's face. 
The dorm was occupied by those who 
couldn't pay for a room or the apartment in 
the city. 
Ten beds were squeezed in a dorm room. 
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This part of the antique building was never 
renovated probably b/c it was planned to be 
turned into more art studios. 
But since there were out of town students 
who had no place to live they were given a 
place in this dorm. 
The beds were of a good prison-like quality 
so the survival was possible. Another thing 
is what was happening in the dorm. 
On a typical day nobody there had any 
money left after the expensive art materials. 
Not a penny to get high. Alcoholic liquid 
(40-60%) was soaked into the bread. 
From one bite of that bread you could 
instantly drop dead as if your legs got cut off 
by a train. 
The receptors inside the nose absorb the 
fumes to hit right into the brain, this way the 
booze doesn't ever enter the digestive 
system and blood. 
It kills or makes one go bonkers. 
Some pissheads in desperation poured 
vodka into a wine bottle cap to inhale it like 
coke. After one cap screw it was a total 
alchoholocaust. 
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There were many ways of economizing: to 
use a medical thin rubber tube to suck the 
drink very slowly, one bottle would 
serve four alkies. 
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It was the usual schizophrenic day for me. I 
had my dose of coffee and ate on a way to 
the studio. 
Those days I didn't miss a class afraid to 
get expelled for the last and final time. 
I couldn't understand this thing about my 
artworks. Why did my classmates literally 
begged on their knees to have the C-graded 
artworks I was never satisfied with. 
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It became my trade mark to give away all of 
my stuff left and right. I didn't know why I let 
go of my drawings and paintings so easy. 
Now I regret that. It would be interesting to 
see the growth. 
Once I happened to tell a guy from my class 
who worked very hard on his drawing (he 
wasn't a good draftsman): "Oh Wow! you 
are doing a lot of progress, buddy, 
congrats!" I looked at his portfolio and 
pointed at a piece: "This drawing here is 
really mature and quite interesting, you 
achieved volume and air in just a linear 
drawing." 
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The guy suddenly goes red, stares at me 
wide-eyed with anger or confusion I couldn't 
quite understand... 
"Am I saying something wrong?" I asked. 
"You're fucking dissing me!" He answered. 
"Why?" I wondered. 
"This is YOUR drawing," Was the answer: "I 
took it, that is when I asked you and you 
gave it to me, don't you remember?" 
I didn't recognize, didn't see my signature, 
as it was overlapping the drawing. 
The guy was holding a grudge for this but it 
didn't turn him into one of my enemies. 
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At some point I am thankful to the teachers 
for their sneaky methods and experience on 
how to tame the most unruly and bring them 
into the art's stable. On the other hand 
these people were like sadistic fascists who 
used their special gases on me 
experimenting, would I survive it and live on. 
The bohemian hyped up life only started 
after the classes at about seven in the 
evening. This part of the artist's life was full 
of sex, booze, and drugs, more sex booze 
drugs and orgies. The art youth was 
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progressive, the sex - communal with the 
conveniently shared girlfriends and 
boyfriends. 
Strangely the good times didn't concern me 
anymore now. 
There was a small group of idiots who 
followed their criteria of achievement: to 
draw and paint a vase with flowers so that it 
comes to life, right out of the canvas to the 
carrying hands of the one who painted it. 
The flowers turned alive would be given to 
the girl/boyfriend. 
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The madness of the 4th dimension. 
The art group was lead by me and another 
guy soon (one month later) to disappear 
forever for the reasons unknown. 
After the classes me and few others 
searched for a studio. Found it. Not my 
studio. Any studio with the door unlocked. 
As usual I would set a still life. Take off my 
nazi coat. 
Set my next canvas on the easel to start 
quick sketching. 
Out of nowhere shows up some dude who 
was a new student, he was much older, 
about twenty three, somewhere from Texas 
and just plain untalented. 
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He wanted to hang around with "the power-group" 
to learn. 
There were few girls with the ambition to 
reach the level of a manly hand in creation. 
We all usually worked in grave silence and 
even a slight noise would be extremely 
annoying. 
If a brush would fall it seemed the atomic 
bomb had exploded somewhere near. We 
would exchange vicious cursing at the 
jittery creaking sneezing noise maker. 
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When you are focusing intensely and can't 
quite catch the brush stroke to complete the 
shaping of a form so that the image would 
turn real and come out of the flat surface the 
nerves are high strung to the limit. 
The last months I just never left the studio, 
didn't even come outside. Slept on my 
German coat in the corner. It was veiled 
with the drapery. I'd wake up in the morning. 
The doorman was already used to give me 
the keys knowing that I sleep and work 
there. It came with a warning that if I am 
discovered I must tell any story and 
solemnly kept the secret. 
The memories from those years distract me 
from telling what I want. It's about the event 
that had closed for me the entry into the 
forth dimension. 
That day I was getting upset over some 
stupid teases: "What had happened to you!" 
Whether the bros wanted to elevate my 
mental state, or they needed to get my 
works it had really caused me distraction. I 
was focusing on my work. Suddenly I hear 
the sounds of music in the studio. It jumped 
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me: “Are you out of your fucking minds? 
That asshole doorman will come here." 
"No he ain’t gonna." 
"Why?" 
"He is passed out, we had to carry him 
away." Was the answer. 
"What is going down?" I worried. 
"Not much, nothing is going down, we just 
want some fun. The way it is on here is so 
buzz-killing." 
Was it some holiday, I didn’t know. Holidays 
passed by me, I didn’t smoke or drink and 
only worked. What they were saying didn’t 
reach me. 
“Shut down the music. You’re gone but I 
must sleep here." 
"Why must you sleep here?" Asked Lorenzo 
(nick-named after his personal preferences 
of the Benzos) 
"Hmm, I guess there will be no way of 
working today?" I asked. 
"Working, way working, you gonna make 
me some home works," Assured me the 
dude nicknamed Kuz. "For that I will make 
your sculpture complete." 
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As interesting as it was to play with the real 
forms in sculpting I disliked dealing with the 
clay. Those times I believed the painting to 
be so much more in gradations, possibilities 
and complexity. Now I changed my mind to 
consider any art media possess the 
unlimited possibilities. 
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I agreed. Suddenly the guys were fixing to 
leave and I had to ask: "So? Who will finish 
building up the sculpture if you're leaving?" 
"No worries, will build it up, brb just a quick 
run for some booze before the stores closed 
up." 
"What booze? Get out of here go to another 
studio. I work, don’t mess me up." 
"No biggie, son, you can rest for once." 
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It was pointless to argue, they'd already 
been drunk and I was only getting nervous. 
My work wasn’t going good at all. I have 
changed the lighting set up many ways in 
vein. 
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Suddenly, out of nowhere Muse appears. A 
young, very-very attractive girl about 
eighteen. The returned gang introduced her 
to me: 
"J-Sin, meet her... lets say Nicky." 
"Eh, hello Nicky, who and what are you?" 
were my greetings. 
She smiled to everyone and answered: "I 
will be posing for you today." 
"We agreed about everything, will pay the 
price,” –explained Lorenzo barely moving 
his tongue, "She is gonna be happy!" 
His bag full of bottles made loud clanking 
noise. 
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When the drunks got them out I counted six. 
“Yes, this is going to be a wild night.” I was 
thinking what to do now. I approached the 
model, took off her coat and hanged it, 
removed her blouse and explained that she 
can go behind the curtain. 
"Hey, hey! What curtain son, what’s with 
you? She is from the med school, our 
people!" 
I heard the Kuz's inebriated voice. "She is 
THE model!" 
drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 50 of 71 50
"What -- nude?" I wondered. 
"And what did you think, she'd sit covered 
up in here?" They burst into laughter. 
Suddenly I feel elated with the anticipation 
of the new and amazing subject for the 
work. I was fed up with the poor set up and 
the struggle to "find" the good lighting for 
the gypsum head. How wonderful it turned 
out that I could make some picturesque oil 
sketches. 
drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 51 of 71 51
When the model took off her bra, her young 
breasts, her nipples instantly distract my 
attention from work. 
Shit, I couldn’t focus. Since we hadn’t a 
glimpse at such models it was too 
interesting. Could be that something about 
this evening or the environment was 
different. First time in a long while the music 
was playing, the glasses jingled and filled 
up with wine. 
As she posed we were all doing the quick 
sketching. She removed everything except 
her panties. 
drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 52 of 71 52
The drunken assholes wouldn’t let me 
focus. 
"Let me finally have a chance to work." I 
yelled getting distracted. 
They seemed to try bargaining: "We brought 
you the model, hey girl turn around!" Kuz 
pulled up her skirt and slapped her buddy. 
"Look at these buns, you've got to do 
another 
drawing for the semester show." 
"Boys, you are so bad!" She giggled to Kuz. 
"I will spank you for being soooo bad!" And 
she was laughing in most contagious sexy 
trills of her childish capricious voice. 
drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 53 of 71 53
I didn’t understand what these die--hard 
drunks were doing at the art school, without 
any talent or interest in art. My former palls 
in another life that was long forgotten. 
Today the serious artists who always 
worked together with me had left the 
moment this bad company swam by. 
Now I was looking at their watery eyes 
winking at the model. They caressed her 
things as she reclined on the wooden stage 
to rest. I wanted to figure out why did they 
distract me even more now? 
I was the same age as the model. I didn’t 
see her body, to me now it was the model 
for painting. 
It was getting late when the cold winds 
penetrate the place from the drafty wall size 
windows. I put on my sweater in the starting 
freezer. The one meter or the three feet and 
33/8 inch walls are like the thermos to 
absorb and hold the cool temperature. I 
looked at the laughing bunch who labored 
on my sculpture. 
drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 54 of 71 54
One was drawing a huge flying dick with 
wings with a charcoal right on a white wall. 
I had finished sketching the figure. I came 
up to the stage to set up the heater. I asked 
the model if she could sit some more taking 
breaks whenever she needs to move. 
When she looked at me she was constantly 
smiling. 
"Sure she’ll sit! And she'll lay, right, sweet 
buns?" 
I held my breath working imagining how 
awesome would be to have such a model 
every day. With a shaky hand I was working 
fast as a machine expecting any minute 
now she would say that she is too cold to sit 
another minute and she leaves, its all over. I 
will have to kill her and sit her lifeless body 
on a chair to complete my work. 
“Shit! Shit! Shit!" 
The heater I placed caused the red reflexes 
on the body. I was painting and had to get 
the color right. So I removed the heater. The 
model immediately complained about the 
cold. Kuz brought her a glass of wine asking 
me why did I remove the heater. 
drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 55 of 71 55
From wine her face flushed red. I tried to 
adjust the color scale, laying brushstrokes 
over the whole figure. 
Meanwhile the music turned up it was 
getting real loud. 
The model took her break. 
I walked after her studying her forms. 
"Is something wrong?" She asked. 
"Its all right, could you turn this way." 
"Oh, I see. Same in our med school, the nut 
cases," She openly declared to the others 
when I was on a floor looking from a lower 
viewpoint. 
drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 56 of 71 56
"Who is this?" She asked: "What kind of a 
mental is he?" 
"Its a disease, but it will pass" – was the 
answer for her. "Sometimes it is terminal. 
Not his tho, his will pass, he loves the young 
girls very much
" 
Something from the stupid jokes had 
reached me. 
"Hon, now he needs the medical attention. 
You are the medic? We are forever in debt 
to yous for allowing us come to the mortuary 
and for helping with the dead bodies... What 
we have here is a zombie. You are the 
drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 57 of 71 57
goddess who saves the body as your 
calling." 
What I heard was polluting my pure artistic 
brain with that life I refused. Now I was 
paying attention not to the mammary glands 
but to her breasts. Her back muscles are 
slightly weak. As I looked over the skeleton 
the muscles slowly disappeared. No matter 
how hard I tried to focus my x-rays were 
weakened. Maybe the electricity turned off 
inside my head. 
"Pour me some," I asked. 
Six months of my immaculate virginity and 
celibacy was broken by a wine glass. The 
red wine like the blood of innocents was 
running in my throat filling up the brain that 
shortly was boiling with vigor. So I said: 
"Could you please remove your panties?" 
"It wasn’t the deal," protested the model 
with her eyes glowing like honey. 
Lorenzo interrupted her: 
"For god’s sake, take of your panties, what 
is it to you, aren't you a medic?" 
drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 58 of 71 58
"I thought someone here was shy, as for 
me" She lustfully licked her lips. "Well, of 
course its nothing." 
"Who is shy?" Asked someone. 
"Him the weirdo!" She giggled in a very cute 
bubbly little voice. 
"Are you shy?" 
"It seems it was me who asked her to 
remove the panties." I explained. 
She just jumped right out of her panties not 
without pleasure it seemed. 
I imagined how to position her, what pose 
should she take. 
drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 59 of 71 59
"Hey!" I asked Kuz to pour me another 
glass. He was cheering me on yet 
reminding that I should first finish the 
drawing. 
"Later," I mumbled turning to the model: 
"Would you please sit on a chair and spread 
your pretty legs a little, as much as you 
wish." 
"Hey, Alex, so he is normal?" She asked. 
I was far away from normality. A actual girl 
weaved from the reality. But the process 
was a transformation with splitting 
dimensions. 
drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 60 of 71 60
She was turning more real when I touched 
her to show how to position her legs. 
I glimpsed at the red pubic hair seeing the 
pink flesh of her vaginal lips. 
I couldn't focus on my work. Could the 
“female anatomy” destroy the temple of 
magic I was erecting for the eight months? 
I returned to my easel and continued 
working. She was fidgeting changing poses 
uncomfortable this something hurting that... 
But it was only natural, she was sitting 
naked on a plain hard wooden chair. She 
was sliding from one side of the chair to 
another. I was buzzed from wine and 
couldn’t work, but I tried to complete my 
work just to annoy these assholes who 
screwed up my day. First work was washed 
off with turpentine and I wiped up the 
canvas dry with a rag. 
I was sketching now not with a charcoal but 
brushing in umber. It resulted in an 
interesting tonality and I was captured 
again. The model squirming on her hard 
chair complained. 
drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 61 of 71 61
"Yo, why don’t you lay her down, what is 
she suffering for?" Asked Alex, "Lay her the 
fuck down, why not." 
Right! I thought a little and told her to lay 
on the stage. Underneath her I spread some 
drapery. 
After few wine glasses I took off my 
sweater, my cheeks were on fire. Hers too. I 
unbuttoned my shirt, my blood was boiling, 
the body was washed with the warmth. 
The heater was moved away. 
"So true that wine warms you up," she said 
to Alex. 
drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 62 of 71 62
"Jay, so tell me how to lay her down there. 
Sit, sit, you poor thingy, I'll assist you" And 
he jumped on the stage. "Do you want her 
legs spread this way?" he asked opening 
up her legs so that her whole anatomy was 
showing. 
"Is this ok for you?" He winked at me: "Is it 
good?" 
"Oh no, can’t show it like this at the mid-semester 
show." Thinking some I added: " 
Let it be, lift her leg a little higher, like this. 
Turn her head down." 
drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 63 of 71 63
"Like this?" He kissed her on the lips. 
"Alex, the fuck you're doing, I don’t have 
any time." 
"Work, keep drawing, go on!" he said. "We 
won’t disturb you." 
I was outraged after I just washed 
everything off my canvas ready to work, but 
this wasn't going anywhere. I kept asking 
Alex what did he mean by not disturbing me 
when he messed everything up. I heard the 
girls laughing trills. "For real, he is ill!" 
"The sick can be cured." Insisted Alex. "Will 
hill him." He slurred. 
Of course, I own them my very life. If it 
weren't for them –- that’s it, finito. 
Kissing her on the lips and winking at me 
Alex continued bugging me: “Is this right?” 
For like ten minutes I was staring in the 
infinity in the emptiness
 Then I yelled: 
"Why are you sucking her? Get away from 
her, let her lay there quietly." 
Only to hear some nonsensical mumbling. 
"But I want you to work on the position, is 
this position right?" 
drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 64 of 71 64
"Right, just fuck off of her." 
Meanwhile Kuz, I noticed, was taking off his 
pants. He said: “Let him go fuck himself. 
Motherfucker is gonna fuck us up today, if 
he doesn’t want it, so fuck it.” 
Now I thought I knew what they wanted 
from me. 
I saw Alex’s naked butt as he laid on the 
stage, banging the girl and his ass wiggled. 
I started sketching their nude asses. 
My consciousness was still in the process of 
transforming. 
I thought of how interesting were their 
drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 65 of 71 65
poses. 
Lorenzo came up to me and took the 
brushes from my hands placing all in my 
field easel he closed up. 
"Listen, J-man, you’re being a fucking 
buzzkill. Go draw some vases, fuck off to 
another studio. You don’t want it. For free?" 
I didn't understand him what did he mean. 
He explained: 
"What do you see Alex is doing right now?" 
"He is fucking his girlfriend." I said. 
Lorenzo continued: 
drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 66 of 71 66
"Whose girlfriend? What we have here is a 
scientist, from the med school who is 
helping us in our artistic quests, to 
understand the core of anatomy not only 
from the outside but from the inside. I 
recommend you, in order to comprehend, 
as you must know, you can only know the 
truth from the inside, experiencing the 
inside, to understand the outside. That’s 
drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 67 of 71 67
why I seize the brushes. Here is another 
glass of wine. Drink!" 
I looked at him as a doctor listening to his 
drunken bullshit. 
"The most important thing for you is to 
understand from the inside. See, you can’t 
understand it from the outside, it’s not how 
things are done." 
"Yes knowing the internal anatomy helps, 
take a muscle, body doesn’t exist without 
muscles." I agreed. 
"Hell yeah, yeah
 ha ha
that’s what I am 
going about. Look how Alex is working how 
he is learning." 
I looked at the bare ass's motions back and 
forth, at the girl who was lifting her legs and 
actively moving her hips. Alex jumped off, 
wiped up his cock with the drapery, he also 
wiped out the girl. “Who is next?” 
Kuz was kissing her from one side, when 
Lorenzo said: 
"He worked very hard today, he must learn 
from the inside. You see, because he just 
can’t break through the inside." 
drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 68 of 71 68
When Kuz was mounting her, Lorenzo 
spanked him loudly: 
"You can wait, the man needs the muse, get 
it? Understanding the Muse comes only 
from the inside.." They all bust into laughter. 
Lorenzo nearly helped my cock inside the 
girl cheering on: "Just do it, little one, 
everything is gonna be great. Honey, turn 
him back into a soldier that we've lost." 
drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 69 of 71 69
"The man is gone, the man known 
yesterday is not the man you meet, forever, 
around the corner, in London or in the 
street..." chanted Nick appearing from 
nowhere. He continued slurring his poems. 
Hearing the noise I didn’t know what’s going 
on as I kissed her breasts. 
"Feel the forms." I heard the racket near by 
as I was buzzing off the wine and licking the 
girl's body. On the other side Lorenzo had 
joined in groping her breasts. To be more at 
ease I moved her body closer to the stage’s 
edge. I was on top. 
I didn't hear any sounds of music, the entry 
door was covered with the draperies as the 
orgy just steamed up for the whole night. 
I woke up on the stage from loud knocking. 
The art students asked me what happened 
to the busted still life set. 
I exhaled my dragon breath to hear no more 
questions. Took my coat and left the 
building. Walking the street I met Alex. 
"Your face is not yet blushed, your eyes are 
a bit foggy, can’t say anything after the 
sleepless night. Like Cures Like." 
drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 70 of 71 70
He grinned getting money out of his pocket. 
"Let us get some treatment." 
We walked to the known spot for aching 
heads gathering. 
drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 71 of 71 71

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The Drunken Muse or return to the school after a full year suspension

  • 1. THE DRUNKEN MUSE drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 1 of 71 1
  • 2. The story "Drunken Muse" was audio recorded on a hidden voice recorder during the conversations about two decades ago. The story-teller didn't know or consent to the recording. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tape_recorder http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/8-track_tape http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compact_Cassette The audio tapes on compact cassettes were never used. The records were partially damaged and lost. PAUL JAISINI VISION FUTURE GIF drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 2 of 71 2
  • 3. https://medium.com/paul-jaisini-paints-invisible-paintings/paul-jaisini-vision- future-c387157124d2 I am so pumped to get back to painting as I return to the second year of the art school after a full year suspension. As always it is like time-travel culturally speaking, like walking right into the middle ages going through the antique building’s portal. Art studios are the huge L-shaped lofts with super tall ceilings 20 feet no less with the wall to wall windows so that sunlight illuminates the space from south and east side designed for the purpose so that one could paint there from morning till sunset. In a studio there are classical gypsum sculptures, expensive copies of Venus de Milo, David, Laocoön and the others. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 3 of 71 3
  • 4. In the art studio there stood the noses, eyes, lips, feet, and palms on the wood shelves. Sketching the gypsum body parts helps you to build the classic academic base on which stands the whole modern and contempo art. This sort of teaching is specific for the art schools that preserve the traditions they had been founded on. There is only few art schools like this and of this caliber left now. Could be that this is the only legendary school that continues to function as if nothing had changed in the world. In the rest of the world with billions of some art classes nobody knows what does the old tradition of art school is for, its totally unfashionable. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 4 of 71 4
  • 5. Studying classic art (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Academic_art ) here is the foundation for creativity in any of the art styles. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 5 of 71 5
  • 6. X-tasy by Stelly Riesling with added GIF effects The smell of art is what defines the studio but not from human presence, something like an aroma reminiscent of the eastern market where smoke from hookaahs mix with the oil vapors, exotic fragrance from candles and spices. The Art Studios were never renovated since the times they were built over 150 years ago. The wood floors are saturated with art oils as if the floor is waxed with the organic oils from nuts, linen ( linseed oil, poppy seed oil, and so forth.) drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 6 of 71 6
  • 7. Adding to the mix the varnishes used by painters (pine wood varnish, Dammar varnish and others) It makes this ART SMELL to be the most intoxicating and ever-lasting musk. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oil_painting http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oil_painting - Ingredients http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Studio - Art_studio drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 7 of 71 7
  • 8. The instance you enter the studio space you feel the belonging to a knighthood and the whole art history. You are the undivided part of those people who left their creation imprints. Super pumped up after the long break up with the arts after my full year of non-stop party marathons I had returned to the bohemian life style. Actually my other life style wasn't any different from the bohemian. The only difference is that there is some meaning in the bohemian life style, something to create, to shape. Not just drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 8 of 71 8
  • 9. spend time doing sports and girls but something on a whole 'nother level only with the same sub text and by far more emotionally connected. The bohemian I think is much more my thing, that fits me as a person. Maybe because my old man is the greatest sculptor. He is color blind so apparently I took up the torch, I have a very special sense for color. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sculpture http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bohemianism http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Color_blindness There could be an inborn human predicament or inborn genius. I returned into the world to kiss its ground. I like everything about it, the babeville and its fashion circus. The art students are known to come up with endless varieties of how to be stylish. Take me for example, I am chilling in a suit jacket. It was professionally hand-tailored out of a denim Pajamas with stripes and starry silk underlining. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 9 of 71 9
  • 10. This “look” is completed by my python leather jeans. And over that an authentic LONG military Germany Waffen Elite Officer black Leather Coat from the WWII, only it is without a Swastika. I never part with my large portfolio and a Field Easel. EASEL The artwork with gif effect in neg color version About 700 students attend the studies. The art school accepts only the best of best with drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 10 of 71 10
  • 11. few exception such as the kids of celebrity artists, writers and musicians and people who had real power in the city. I wasn't enrolled for money or the A-lister parents, but for my talents. The Art specialty (painting, drawing, sculpture) teachers here are the world-wide recognized contemporary artists. In a matter of my working ethics these important artists would point at me as the example of how fast I work, how well I sketch in color, how I always choose the most unexpected and unusual angle for my composition and so on... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Composition_(vis ual_arts) name banner gif drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 11 of 71 11
  • 12. Optical illusion geometric gif (portraiture, still-life, and landscape) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Still_life http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portrait http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Landscape_painting http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Figure_drawing http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Figure_painting I never work on an acadĂ©mie (live drawing of a model, live painting of a model) the given eighty -- ninety hours. My whole process is about six -- nine hours to fully complete the work so I get out of the studio for some action and fun. I’m probably the strongest in the class. My art professors know I don’t need to be there to distract the others. When I’ve got nothing to do I start banging the head against the wall. Still I am criticized SUPER harshly for cutting the classes. At this point I am not aware of the inner drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 12 of 71 12
  • 13. workings of “THE SYSTEM”. I call suitcase with a secret compartment. At the grade shows I only see the bad grades on my best artworks. There is another side of the coin. It revealed in the future when I got to befriend a secretary at the Dean’s office. It was about the time of my graduating year. The art teachers actually always considered me to be the leading artist among all students. They would grade all my artworks high on my personal record I knew nothing about. That was how the art school’s system pushed the talented students to go further to open up their potential. Pushing to the limits of impossible. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 13 of 71 13
  • 14. Gif effect added to the artwork I am harshly criticized for cutting a lot of classes. There is another side of the coin. It will be revealed in the future when I got to befriend a secretary at the Dean's office. It was about the time of my graduating year. The art teachers actually always considered me to be the leading artist among all drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 14 of 71 14
  • 15. students. They would grade all my artworks high on my personal record I knew nothing about. That was how the art school's system pushed the talented students to go further to open up their potential. Pushing to the limits of impossible. Willing or not but the doubts get in my head. I was thinking (rather frantically) that maybe I’m all just misguided. I will work to beef up my skills unable to accept that I am not really a “genius” artist. The bad grades were corrupting my vision. Totally clueless that these bad grades in my case were used as "disciplinary measures" for my behavior of anarchy. These grades had nothing to do with my artworks. And yet my best drawings and paintings are graded the lowest. At the same time the art professors are taking my works home. I always find empty walls where my works were displayed for the semester shows. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 15 of 71 15
  • 16. Sooner or later the missing artworks got me enraged. My classmates tell me the back story on what REALLY had happened. All the art professors usually go the painting major's finals. So they just took my artworks right off the wall. Ever since I heard this back story I flaunt how IDGAF to even pick up my works with the bad grades after the finals end. Like a bunch of some doomsday looters in sight of an electronic store the art students same as the teachers vultured my artworks. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 16 of 71 16
  • 17. Later some of my paintings and drawings were seen at the school's museum, especially the paintings. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 17 of 71 17
  • 18. The story of the artworks snatched off my exhibit wall developed further. In the art school the art teachers are the privileged kind who exhibit regularly. All are the accomplished artists with big names. Another thing about my artworks (no longer mine and in someone else's possession) is the story that involves someone with the top art rep being the art dynasty. Even so it happed that the leading art professor nicknamed Molly (for her annoying facial mole) used my art stuff to have her son who studied same years as me, just never expelled, to apply to an art academy with the highest qualification requirements. Molly's son portfolio sucked. To get him qualified to apply she gave her son all of my artworks she collected. The juice was given to me by the reliable sources. The story was concurred by the eye--witnesses the students who were applying to the same academy together with Molly's drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 18 of 71 18
  • 19. son. Some of these students knew my work by the style, special color palette and the brushwork. They all knew that Molly's son was using my artworks. He only had to forge his signature and remove mine. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 19 of 71 19
  • 20. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Study_(art) My drawings, sketches, paintings, watercolors are in "wide" use by others. I tell that to describe the routine of my life. It could explain why I was expelled three times for the chronic absence, for sabotaging the lectures -- getting my classmates to leave the studio and go to the movies or to the beach. Fast forward to that event of the breaking point when I started to work systematically. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 20 of 71 20
  • 22. I was sucked into work as if a drug addiction. I was penetrating deeper to the very core of creativity. Reading books, going to the museums, working in the field, working in the museums to copy masters. I completely forgot all about life around me. Practically I was devoured and digested with my nails and hair by that devil called the academic art. It sucked out the leftovers of my soul. I stayed in the studio after the classes to work. There were only few students like this, spiritually close to me. To them it was their life style since the day they had entered the art school unlike me. Whenever I'd get bored with art I'd quit working and just leave without asking permission. Now as if something had hit me hard and I started to really work. Most art students here typically come from such backgrounds when they did their baby steps and studied in the children's (secondary) art school from drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 22 of 71 22
  • 23. an early age and tutored by art teachers at home. I had a tendency to take on a higher complexity unprepared without the experience of any art school training (the eight years on a daily basic with teachers and methodical practice.) As long as I remember myself I was drawing, during my school years, on the notebooks, with chalk on the asphalt, with stick on the sand. I did it subconsciously, not knowing what I was doing. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 23 of 71 23
  • 24. IDK, could be due to the several bad bike accidents when my head ended up hitting the brick... Why did my brain moved into the direction of noticing those things that normal people should not be noticing? That the leaves on the trees are not at all green, but violet. The falling shadows from the street lights are not at all outlined by black, the contours are the absolute blue. The trees look like people. There are so much more shades of colors that language could articulate. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 24 of 71 24
  • 25. Stuff like this filled up my head so that there was no place left for just a thought about girls, more so even the thoughts to manipulate my body functions. For instance using the bathroom. I almost peed my pants. Truthfully I was on the edge of madness. I remember how I hallucinated during my work imagining that someone had come into my studio and I spoke to "the guest." My brain was ill, there was no escape from that hell. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Violet_(color) Once I was walking on a street without any awareness. My mind was no longer in command of anything accept the obsession with my painting. As I was pushing the limits of what was humanly possible in a matter of progress from the previous stage when I could draw and paint with intuitive results now I considered as totally armature waste of art materials. My condition would be hard drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 25 of 71 25
  • 26. to describe since I could hardly remember what was it like during that madly intense period. I know that I was working non--stop and did make some major break through. It worked but at the same time the progress turned its evil side, I wasn't able to stop even for a brief moment. Something happened to my otherwise incorruptible memory that I could only remember few things from that period. And one of those things was my death walk through the city streets on a day I was supposed to disappear. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 26 of 71 26
  • 27. When I realized that I was walking automatically, blind and incredibly avoiding the cars, for the first time I felt the fear of madness that can easily take my life. It wasn't something I would fear if I was in my other life when loosing it would be quite an ordinary thing and not due to my lost mind. Whatever it was I survived with no chances to stay alive that day. I had more chances to live on when I was shot at execution style, when I was drowning in bad storm, climbing on a building like a cat, and on many others such occasions. Some guardian angel was looking over me as I came to the final moment of certain death, blind, deaf, disoriented and dellusional. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 27 of 71 27
  • 28. As we finished with draperies, still life, gypsum figures we moved on to the nude. To draw and paint from the live sitter, male or female model. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 28 of 71 28
  • 29. There comes an old fat hag to be posed before the artists. She will be POSING even during the breaks. She sits professionally without a slight move of her flab folds for us to draw her “forms”. ‘assume it was done for the boys not to get distracted with the female anatomy. The models with “rounded” forms were chosen so we would study the reflects and double reflects on a “sphere-like” and “cylinder-like” forms. There would be plenty of the cast shadow (a type of shadow that is created on a form), and a drop shadow ( below the image). http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_human_p ositions http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Figure_study drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 29 of 71 29
  • 31. The working objective was to concentrate on the drawing’s construction. When we’d get a young female model, she’d be so skeletal that we studied the skeleton . This type of models was as unattractive as the fat ones. The art students without an eye for a drawing and technique produced their works of caricature quality. With the lost proportions the models looked like animals, skinny chickens or fat frogs. For me it was a serious job, body didn’t exist. I x-rayed the flubs of fat to see the bones to connect them to muscles , to build a form. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caricature http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muscle http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skeleton http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_skeleton drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 31 of 71 31
  • 32. The illness I call the overdose had progressed and my end was near. Homies who knew me used to say that I was cracked. When I moved from the classicism to modern (I refused to see any modern or contemporary art, never wanted to see it, or ever saw it) I entered the Modern art on my drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 32 of 71 32
  • 33. own, as my foot stepped into the forth dimension. I entered the world of mad pressure. Good I stepped in it one foot yet. I was sleeping in the studio right on the floor near my work and placed an electric heater near by. It was impossible to heat up whole place where fifty heavy-duty easels only took a quarter of the studio space. In the center there was a huge round stage made from a special hard wood to hold any number of models when needed for the multiple human-figure compositions. The place was full of easels, portable and the large for the field. The chairs, tables, palettes, boxes with paint, cases with paper and lots of other art stuff piled up into mountains. The parquet floor was always covered in fresh oil paints even though the teachers tried in vein to prove a fact that working neatly was by far more productive. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 33 of 71 33
  • 34. We had a dormitory built same year as the art school which was 150 something years ago. If you stayed late in the studio that was forbidden, you couldn't get to the dorm. A guard at the main door was a real watch dog, he faithfully guarded the pathway knowing every student's face. The dorm was occupied by those who couldn't pay for a room or the apartment in the city. Ten beds were squeezed in a dorm room. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 34 of 71 34
  • 35. This part of the antique building was never renovated probably b/c it was planned to be turned into more art studios. But since there were out of town students who had no place to live they were given a place in this dorm. The beds were of a good prison-like quality so the survival was possible. Another thing is what was happening in the dorm. On a typical day nobody there had any money left after the expensive art materials. Not a penny to get high. Alcoholic liquid (40-60%) was soaked into the bread. From one bite of that bread you could instantly drop dead as if your legs got cut off by a train. The receptors inside the nose absorb the fumes to hit right into the brain, this way the booze doesn't ever enter the digestive system and blood. It kills or makes one go bonkers. Some pissheads in desperation poured vodka into a wine bottle cap to inhale it like coke. After one cap screw it was a total alchoholocaust. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 35 of 71 35
  • 36. There were many ways of economizing: to use a medical thin rubber tube to suck the drink very slowly, one bottle would serve four alkies. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 36 of 71 36
  • 37. It was the usual schizophrenic day for me. I had my dose of coffee and ate on a way to the studio. Those days I didn't miss a class afraid to get expelled for the last and final time. I couldn't understand this thing about my artworks. Why did my classmates literally begged on their knees to have the C-graded artworks I was never satisfied with. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 37 of 71 37
  • 38. It became my trade mark to give away all of my stuff left and right. I didn't know why I let go of my drawings and paintings so easy. Now I regret that. It would be interesting to see the growth. Once I happened to tell a guy from my class who worked very hard on his drawing (he wasn't a good draftsman): "Oh Wow! you are doing a lot of progress, buddy, congrats!" I looked at his portfolio and pointed at a piece: "This drawing here is really mature and quite interesting, you achieved volume and air in just a linear drawing." drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 38 of 71 38
  • 39. The guy suddenly goes red, stares at me wide-eyed with anger or confusion I couldn't quite understand... "Am I saying something wrong?" I asked. "You're fucking dissing me!" He answered. "Why?" I wondered. "This is YOUR drawing," Was the answer: "I took it, that is when I asked you and you gave it to me, don't you remember?" I didn't recognize, didn't see my signature, as it was overlapping the drawing. The guy was holding a grudge for this but it didn't turn him into one of my enemies. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 39 of 71 39
  • 40. At some point I am thankful to the teachers for their sneaky methods and experience on how to tame the most unruly and bring them into the art's stable. On the other hand these people were like sadistic fascists who used their special gases on me experimenting, would I survive it and live on. The bohemian hyped up life only started after the classes at about seven in the evening. This part of the artist's life was full of sex, booze, and drugs, more sex booze drugs and orgies. The art youth was drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 40 of 71 40
  • 41. progressive, the sex - communal with the conveniently shared girlfriends and boyfriends. Strangely the good times didn't concern me anymore now. There was a small group of idiots who followed their criteria of achievement: to draw and paint a vase with flowers so that it comes to life, right out of the canvas to the carrying hands of the one who painted it. The flowers turned alive would be given to the girl/boyfriend. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 41 of 71 41
  • 42. The madness of the 4th dimension. The art group was lead by me and another guy soon (one month later) to disappear forever for the reasons unknown. After the classes me and few others searched for a studio. Found it. Not my studio. Any studio with the door unlocked. As usual I would set a still life. Take off my nazi coat. Set my next canvas on the easel to start quick sketching. Out of nowhere shows up some dude who was a new student, he was much older, about twenty three, somewhere from Texas and just plain untalented. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 42 of 71 42
  • 43. He wanted to hang around with "the power-group" to learn. There were few girls with the ambition to reach the level of a manly hand in creation. We all usually worked in grave silence and even a slight noise would be extremely annoying. If a brush would fall it seemed the atomic bomb had exploded somewhere near. We would exchange vicious cursing at the jittery creaking sneezing noise maker. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 43 of 71 43
  • 44. When you are focusing intensely and can't quite catch the brush stroke to complete the shaping of a form so that the image would turn real and come out of the flat surface the nerves are high strung to the limit. The last months I just never left the studio, didn't even come outside. Slept on my German coat in the corner. It was veiled with the drapery. I'd wake up in the morning. The doorman was already used to give me the keys knowing that I sleep and work there. It came with a warning that if I am discovered I must tell any story and solemnly kept the secret. The memories from those years distract me from telling what I want. It's about the event that had closed for me the entry into the forth dimension. That day I was getting upset over some stupid teases: "What had happened to you!" Whether the bros wanted to elevate my mental state, or they needed to get my works it had really caused me distraction. I was focusing on my work. Suddenly I hear the sounds of music in the studio. It jumped drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 44 of 71 44
  • 45. me: “Are you out of your fucking minds? That asshole doorman will come here." "No he ain’t gonna." "Why?" "He is passed out, we had to carry him away." Was the answer. "What is going down?" I worried. "Not much, nothing is going down, we just want some fun. The way it is on here is so buzz-killing." Was it some holiday, I didn’t know. Holidays passed by me, I didn’t smoke or drink and only worked. What they were saying didn’t reach me. “Shut down the music. You’re gone but I must sleep here." "Why must you sleep here?" Asked Lorenzo (nick-named after his personal preferences of the Benzos) "Hmm, I guess there will be no way of working today?" I asked. "Working, way working, you gonna make me some home works," Assured me the dude nicknamed Kuz. "For that I will make your sculpture complete." drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 45 of 71 45
  • 46. As interesting as it was to play with the real forms in sculpting I disliked dealing with the clay. Those times I believed the painting to be so much more in gradations, possibilities and complexity. Now I changed my mind to consider any art media possess the unlimited possibilities. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 46 of 71 46
  • 47. I agreed. Suddenly the guys were fixing to leave and I had to ask: "So? Who will finish building up the sculpture if you're leaving?" "No worries, will build it up, brb just a quick run for some booze before the stores closed up." "What booze? Get out of here go to another studio. I work, don’t mess me up." "No biggie, son, you can rest for once." drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 47 of 71 47
  • 48. It was pointless to argue, they'd already been drunk and I was only getting nervous. My work wasn’t going good at all. I have changed the lighting set up many ways in vein. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 48 of 71 48
  • 49. Suddenly, out of nowhere Muse appears. A young, very-very attractive girl about eighteen. The returned gang introduced her to me: "J-Sin, meet her... lets say Nicky." "Eh, hello Nicky, who and what are you?" were my greetings. She smiled to everyone and answered: "I will be posing for you today." "We agreed about everything, will pay the price,” –explained Lorenzo barely moving his tongue, "She is gonna be happy!" His bag full of bottles made loud clanking noise. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 49 of 71 49
  • 50. When the drunks got them out I counted six. “Yes, this is going to be a wild night.” I was thinking what to do now. I approached the model, took off her coat and hanged it, removed her blouse and explained that she can go behind the curtain. "Hey, hey! What curtain son, what’s with you? She is from the med school, our people!" I heard the Kuz's inebriated voice. "She is THE model!" drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 50 of 71 50
  • 51. "What -- nude?" I wondered. "And what did you think, she'd sit covered up in here?" They burst into laughter. Suddenly I feel elated with the anticipation of the new and amazing subject for the work. I was fed up with the poor set up and the struggle to "find" the good lighting for the gypsum head. How wonderful it turned out that I could make some picturesque oil sketches. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 51 of 71 51
  • 52. When the model took off her bra, her young breasts, her nipples instantly distract my attention from work. Shit, I couldn’t focus. Since we hadn’t a glimpse at such models it was too interesting. Could be that something about this evening or the environment was different. First time in a long while the music was playing, the glasses jingled and filled up with wine. As she posed we were all doing the quick sketching. She removed everything except her panties. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 52 of 71 52
  • 53. The drunken assholes wouldn’t let me focus. "Let me finally have a chance to work." I yelled getting distracted. They seemed to try bargaining: "We brought you the model, hey girl turn around!" Kuz pulled up her skirt and slapped her buddy. "Look at these buns, you've got to do another drawing for the semester show." "Boys, you are so bad!" She giggled to Kuz. "I will spank you for being soooo bad!" And she was laughing in most contagious sexy trills of her childish capricious voice. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 53 of 71 53
  • 54. I didn’t understand what these die--hard drunks were doing at the art school, without any talent or interest in art. My former palls in another life that was long forgotten. Today the serious artists who always worked together with me had left the moment this bad company swam by. Now I was looking at their watery eyes winking at the model. They caressed her things as she reclined on the wooden stage to rest. I wanted to figure out why did they distract me even more now? I was the same age as the model. I didn’t see her body, to me now it was the model for painting. It was getting late when the cold winds penetrate the place from the drafty wall size windows. I put on my sweater in the starting freezer. The one meter or the three feet and 33/8 inch walls are like the thermos to absorb and hold the cool temperature. I looked at the laughing bunch who labored on my sculpture. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 54 of 71 54
  • 55. One was drawing a huge flying dick with wings with a charcoal right on a white wall. I had finished sketching the figure. I came up to the stage to set up the heater. I asked the model if she could sit some more taking breaks whenever she needs to move. When she looked at me she was constantly smiling. "Sure she’ll sit! And she'll lay, right, sweet buns?" I held my breath working imagining how awesome would be to have such a model every day. With a shaky hand I was working fast as a machine expecting any minute now she would say that she is too cold to sit another minute and she leaves, its all over. I will have to kill her and sit her lifeless body on a chair to complete my work. “Shit! Shit! Shit!" The heater I placed caused the red reflexes on the body. I was painting and had to get the color right. So I removed the heater. The model immediately complained about the cold. Kuz brought her a glass of wine asking me why did I remove the heater. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 55 of 71 55
  • 56. From wine her face flushed red. I tried to adjust the color scale, laying brushstrokes over the whole figure. Meanwhile the music turned up it was getting real loud. The model took her break. I walked after her studying her forms. "Is something wrong?" She asked. "Its all right, could you turn this way." "Oh, I see. Same in our med school, the nut cases," She openly declared to the others when I was on a floor looking from a lower viewpoint. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 56 of 71 56
  • 57. "Who is this?" She asked: "What kind of a mental is he?" "Its a disease, but it will pass" – was the answer for her. "Sometimes it is terminal. Not his tho, his will pass, he loves the young girls very much
" Something from the stupid jokes had reached me. "Hon, now he needs the medical attention. You are the medic? We are forever in debt to yous for allowing us come to the mortuary and for helping with the dead bodies... What we have here is a zombie. You are the drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 57 of 71 57
  • 58. goddess who saves the body as your calling." What I heard was polluting my pure artistic brain with that life I refused. Now I was paying attention not to the mammary glands but to her breasts. Her back muscles are slightly weak. As I looked over the skeleton the muscles slowly disappeared. No matter how hard I tried to focus my x-rays were weakened. Maybe the electricity turned off inside my head. "Pour me some," I asked. Six months of my immaculate virginity and celibacy was broken by a wine glass. The red wine like the blood of innocents was running in my throat filling up the brain that shortly was boiling with vigor. So I said: "Could you please remove your panties?" "It wasn’t the deal," protested the model with her eyes glowing like honey. Lorenzo interrupted her: "For god’s sake, take of your panties, what is it to you, aren't you a medic?" drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 58 of 71 58
  • 59. "I thought someone here was shy, as for me" She lustfully licked her lips. "Well, of course its nothing." "Who is shy?" Asked someone. "Him the weirdo!" She giggled in a very cute bubbly little voice. "Are you shy?" "It seems it was me who asked her to remove the panties." I explained. She just jumped right out of her panties not without pleasure it seemed. I imagined how to position her, what pose should she take. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 59 of 71 59
  • 60. "Hey!" I asked Kuz to pour me another glass. He was cheering me on yet reminding that I should first finish the drawing. "Later," I mumbled turning to the model: "Would you please sit on a chair and spread your pretty legs a little, as much as you wish." "Hey, Alex, so he is normal?" She asked. I was far away from normality. A actual girl weaved from the reality. But the process was a transformation with splitting dimensions. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 60 of 71 60
  • 61. She was turning more real when I touched her to show how to position her legs. I glimpsed at the red pubic hair seeing the pink flesh of her vaginal lips. I couldn't focus on my work. Could the “female anatomy” destroy the temple of magic I was erecting for the eight months? I returned to my easel and continued working. She was fidgeting changing poses uncomfortable this something hurting that... But it was only natural, she was sitting naked on a plain hard wooden chair. She was sliding from one side of the chair to another. I was buzzed from wine and couldn’t work, but I tried to complete my work just to annoy these assholes who screwed up my day. First work was washed off with turpentine and I wiped up the canvas dry with a rag. I was sketching now not with a charcoal but brushing in umber. It resulted in an interesting tonality and I was captured again. The model squirming on her hard chair complained. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 61 of 71 61
  • 62. "Yo, why don’t you lay her down, what is she suffering for?" Asked Alex, "Lay her the fuck down, why not." Right! I thought a little and told her to lay on the stage. Underneath her I spread some drapery. After few wine glasses I took off my sweater, my cheeks were on fire. Hers too. I unbuttoned my shirt, my blood was boiling, the body was washed with the warmth. The heater was moved away. "So true that wine warms you up," she said to Alex. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 62 of 71 62
  • 63. "Jay, so tell me how to lay her down there. Sit, sit, you poor thingy, I'll assist you" And he jumped on the stage. "Do you want her legs spread this way?" he asked opening up her legs so that her whole anatomy was showing. "Is this ok for you?" He winked at me: "Is it good?" "Oh no, can’t show it like this at the mid-semester show." Thinking some I added: " Let it be, lift her leg a little higher, like this. Turn her head down." drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 63 of 71 63
  • 64. "Like this?" He kissed her on the lips. "Alex, the fuck you're doing, I don’t have any time." "Work, keep drawing, go on!" he said. "We won’t disturb you." I was outraged after I just washed everything off my canvas ready to work, but this wasn't going anywhere. I kept asking Alex what did he mean by not disturbing me when he messed everything up. I heard the girls laughing trills. "For real, he is ill!" "The sick can be cured." Insisted Alex. "Will hill him." He slurred. Of course, I own them my very life. If it weren't for them –- that’s it, finito. Kissing her on the lips and winking at me Alex continued bugging me: “Is this right?” For like ten minutes I was staring in the infinity in the emptiness
 Then I yelled: "Why are you sucking her? Get away from her, let her lay there quietly." Only to hear some nonsensical mumbling. "But I want you to work on the position, is this position right?" drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 64 of 71 64
  • 65. "Right, just fuck off of her." Meanwhile Kuz, I noticed, was taking off his pants. He said: “Let him go fuck himself. Motherfucker is gonna fuck us up today, if he doesn’t want it, so fuck it.” Now I thought I knew what they wanted from me. I saw Alex’s naked butt as he laid on the stage, banging the girl and his ass wiggled. I started sketching their nude asses. My consciousness was still in the process of transforming. I thought of how interesting were their drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 65 of 71 65
  • 66. poses. Lorenzo came up to me and took the brushes from my hands placing all in my field easel he closed up. "Listen, J-man, you’re being a fucking buzzkill. Go draw some vases, fuck off to another studio. You don’t want it. For free?" I didn't understand him what did he mean. He explained: "What do you see Alex is doing right now?" "He is fucking his girlfriend." I said. Lorenzo continued: drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 66 of 71 66
  • 67. "Whose girlfriend? What we have here is a scientist, from the med school who is helping us in our artistic quests, to understand the core of anatomy not only from the outside but from the inside. I recommend you, in order to comprehend, as you must know, you can only know the truth from the inside, experiencing the inside, to understand the outside. That’s drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 67 of 71 67
  • 68. why I seize the brushes. Here is another glass of wine. Drink!" I looked at him as a doctor listening to his drunken bullshit. "The most important thing for you is to understand from the inside. See, you can’t understand it from the outside, it’s not how things are done." "Yes knowing the internal anatomy helps, take a muscle, body doesn’t exist without muscles." I agreed. "Hell yeah, yeah
 ha ha
that’s what I am going about. Look how Alex is working how he is learning." I looked at the bare ass's motions back and forth, at the girl who was lifting her legs and actively moving her hips. Alex jumped off, wiped up his cock with the drapery, he also wiped out the girl. “Who is next?” Kuz was kissing her from one side, when Lorenzo said: "He worked very hard today, he must learn from the inside. You see, because he just can’t break through the inside." drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 68 of 71 68
  • 69. When Kuz was mounting her, Lorenzo spanked him loudly: "You can wait, the man needs the muse, get it? Understanding the Muse comes only from the inside.." They all bust into laughter. Lorenzo nearly helped my cock inside the girl cheering on: "Just do it, little one, everything is gonna be great. Honey, turn him back into a soldier that we've lost." drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 69 of 71 69
  • 70. "The man is gone, the man known yesterday is not the man you meet, forever, around the corner, in London or in the street..." chanted Nick appearing from nowhere. He continued slurring his poems. Hearing the noise I didn’t know what’s going on as I kissed her breasts. "Feel the forms." I heard the racket near by as I was buzzing off the wine and licking the girl's body. On the other side Lorenzo had joined in groping her breasts. To be more at ease I moved her body closer to the stage’s edge. I was on top. I didn't hear any sounds of music, the entry door was covered with the draperies as the orgy just steamed up for the whole night. I woke up on the stage from loud knocking. The art students asked me what happened to the busted still life set. I exhaled my dragon breath to hear no more questions. Took my coat and left the building. Walking the street I met Alex. "Your face is not yet blushed, your eyes are a bit foggy, can’t say anything after the sleepless night. Like Cures Like." drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 70 of 71 70
  • 71. He grinned getting money out of his pocket. "Let us get some treatment." We walked to the known spot for aching heads gathering. drunken-muse-140921153806-phpapp02.docPage 71 of 71 71