A short comedy script, written by Matt Haley, featured on the Six-Page Scripts podcast

1. DISORGANIZED CRIME
A Super Shorty
By
Matt Haley

2. EXT. A BACK ROAD DEEP IN THE WILDERNESS - DAY
The trunk pops open on a car. A well dressed man, VINNY and
his female partner TONY (30’s), are dressed in nice suits
standing behind the car.
VINNY
So you’ll let your dog drink out of
your kids pool?
TONY
Yeah, I don’t care. He drinks out
of the toliet, the pool. If he’s
thirsty, he’s gonna get it anywhere
he can.
VINNY
What about the chlorine. That can’t
be good for dogs?
TONY
He doesn’t even notice. My kids are
constantly playing in there. It’s
flavour town as far as that mutt is
concerned.
VINNY
Mmmmm, the broth of mortals.
TONY
Exactly. It’s hotdog water as far
as he’s concerned.
VINNY
Dogs shouldn’t be drinking hot dog
water either.
TONY
What do you know? You can’t even
keep your succulent alive.
VINNY
I’m not known for keeping things
alive. Quite the opposite acually.
It’s part of my charm.
Vinny grabs a can of gasoline out of the trunk.
TONY
So are you sure we got the right
guy? The Boss said...
Vinny starts pouring the gasoline on the car.

3. 2.
VINNY
(Whining)
The Boss said! The Boss said!
(Regular voice)
You sound like a invalid.
This is the guy. White Honda in the
parking lot of The Plan B.
TONY
I’m just saying, it’s a popular
club. Lots of white Hondas parked
out front.
VINNY
Yeah?
TONY
Especially on wing Wednesday. When
Candy is working the day shift.
VINNY
What’s your point?
TONY
I remember the big man saying it
was a white coupe. This is a sedan.
VINNY
What’s the difference? This is the
guy.
Whip pan to the drivers seat. Where a BEATEN MAN (30), is
handcuffed to the wheel.
BEATEN MAN
I’m not the guy!
TONY
I don’t think he’s the guy.
VINNY
Why? Because he says so?
TONY
Sounds convinicing enough.
VINNY
If I listened to the desperate
pleas of every guy I wacked. I’d be
collecting unemployment and living
with my Grandma.
TONY
You still live with your Grandma.
2.

4. 3.
VINNY
Yeah, but I contribute.
TONY
The boss isn’t going to like it if
we screw up again.
VINNY
What are you worried about? Nothing
will happen. He’s your cousin.
TONY
Second cousin... through marriage.
And it was a brutal divorce.
VINNY
Whatever. Let’s torch this bozo
anyway.
TONY
It baffles me that’d you’d be
willing to incinerate a man to
death so easily, but a puppy
drinking bath water is
incomprehensable.
VINNY
I like dogs. I don’t even know this
jerk.
TONY
Okay fine. Let’s just get this over
with.
VINNY
Now your talking.
Vinny searches his pockets for a lighter.
VINNY (CONT'D)
You got a light?
TONY
No. I don’t smoke.
Vinny turns to the Beaten Man.
VINNY
Hey mister, you got a light?
BEATEN MAN
If I did, will you let me go?
3.

5. 4.
VINNY
Probably not.
The Beaten Man takes a moment to think about it.
BEATEN MAN
Then no. I don’t have one.
TONY
You didn’t bring a lighter?
VINNY
No.
TONY
So... what are we going to do?
VINNY
Just leave him.
TONY
You want to leave him now?
VINNY
Yeah.
(Beat)
I don’t think he’s the guy. Let’s
go get some wings. I’m starving.
THE END
4.