I created the first draft script

1. Death Birthday
Written By
Jack Bevens

2. Characters:
Rachel – Main Role
John – Rachel’s close friend
Holly – John’s Girlfriend
Richard – John’s best mate
Jenny – Rachel’s another close
mate
Ben – The stranger/murderer

3. Fade in.
Scene One
Ext – Garden the House – Day
Five teenagers are sitting around the table in celebration of
Rachel’s 21st birthday. They are drinking alcohol, smoking and
chatting. The couples come to Rachel.
Holly: That is the greatest party ever!
Rachel: Aw! Thank you, Holly! Thank you for coming!
Holly: No problem.
John: Hey Rachel, here’s your present.
(John hands Rachel the present)
Rachel: Aw thank you.
(Rachel opens the present - the present is a DVD)
Rachel: Ah! Thank you, I really want to watch it. I will watch
it tonight after the party.
John: You’re welcome.
Holly: I’m glad you like it.
(Richard comes over to Rachel)
Richard: Hey Rachel, who is she? (Pointing at Jenny)
(Jenny is smiling and chatting with Holly)
Rachel: Oh, that’s Jenny, we’ve been friends since school.
Richard: Oh, She’s so beautiful.
Rachel: Indeed, why don’t you talk her?
Richard: What? Um… no… not yet I need a drink first.
(Richard gets a drink, Rachel chuckles and Jenny comes over to
Rachel)
Jenny: Hey Rachel.

4. Rachel: Hey! Do you know him?
Jenny: Erm I don’t think so.
Rachel: This is Richard, he’s my friend from college.
Richard: Hey Jenny.
Jenny: Hey Richard.
(Richard and Jenny shake hands)
Richard: You are the prettiest girl I have ever met.
Jenny: Oh! (Blushing) Thank you.
(Richard smiles)
Holly: Oi! Where’s your birthday cake?
Rachel: I thought you had it?
Holly: John! (Tapping John’s shoulder) Did we have a cake?
John: Er yeah, in the car boot.
Holly: Well go and get it.
John: (Sighing) Fine!
Holly: Good boy! What a charming boy! (giggles)
Scene Two
Ext – Front the house – Day
John walks towards his car and he opens the boot. The stranger
stands behind him. John picks up the cake, the stranger puts
his hand on John’s mouth to stop him from screaming. The
stranger stabs him in the back and John falls on the ground
and dies. The stranger looks at the gate.
Scene Three
Ext – Garden the house – Day
Four teenagers continue celebrate. Richard and Jenny talking.
Richard: So, how are you?

5. Jenny: I’m great thanks, I’m just enjoying the party. What
about you?
Richard: Me too, I love the party, I feel great.
Jenny: (giggles) good. (drinking alcohol)
Richard: So, I just wondered… if you feel… well only if you…
erm… fancy going on a… date with me?
Jenny: Oh, erm (chuckles) well I will think about it.
Richard: That’s fine, you know, there is no pressure.
(Jenny smile at Richard)
Rachel: Hey Holly, why didn’t John come back?
Holly: You’re right. Hey Richard!
Richard: What?
Holly: Can you go and check on John because he’s been there so
long.
Richard: Alright, I’ll be back, Jenny.
Holly: Thank you, Richard. (At Rachel) Anyway, what are you
doing after the party?
Scene Four
Ext – Front the House – Day
Richard walks towards the car and looks around the area of the
car.
Richard: John! Where are you?!
Richard sees the blood on the ground by the car boot. Richard
looks terrified.
Richard: Oh, my god.
Richard turns around, the stranger stands front of Richard.
The stranger stabs Richard’s neck, he falls to the ground and
starts crawling. The stranger stabs his back and he lays down
to die.
Scene Five
Ext – Garden the House

6. Three girls sitting around the table and chatting.
Holly: Seriously? Why are they talking so long to come back?
It only takes two minutes to get the cake out.
Rachel: I think they’re talking. You know what men are like
talking about football and sex.
Jenny: Yeah I agree with her.
Holly: Oh, men! I’ve been with him for so long now, for two
years, and he still charming to me.
Rachel: Yeah because you’re so bossy with him.
(Rachel and Jenny laughing)
Holly: Oi! That is not funny. He is so respectful and a real
gentleman.
Jenny: You are lucky to have him. I need a relationship.
Rachel: what about Richard?
Jenny: I just met him for a few minutes and I don’t want to be
rushed.
Rachel: Yeah I understand, it takes the time to get to know
each other.
Jenny: Yeah, that’s right.
Holly: I guess I better check on them.
Rachel: Alright.
Holly walks towards the gate and the stranger suddenly stabs
her. Rachel and Jenny scream. Holly falls on the grass and
dies. Jenny tries to escape but the stranger blocks the exit.
Rachel throws a bottle at the stranger.
Jenny holds the chair up towards the stranger and Rachel picks
up a bottle and smashes it on the stranger’s head. The
stranger collapses on the grass. Rachel and Jenny froze, too
scared to move.
Rachel pulls the strangers hood off, they are shocked that
they know him, he’s called Ben.
Rachel: Oh, my god that’s Ben!

7. (Jenny whimpering)
Rachel: (Whispering) Why has he done this?
Jenny tries to get the knife but suddenly Ben wakes up. He
grabs Jenny leg and pulls her onto the grass. Jenny screams
and Rachel goes to the table to look for weapons. Ben grabs
the knife and stabs Jenny’s back and neck, she dies.
(Rachel crying)
Rachel: No! Jenny!
Ben goes to Rachel and strangles her with his hands. They fall
on the grass and are fighting. Rachel tries to reach the knife
in Jenny’s neck. Ben continues to strangle her and she keeps
reaching for the knife. Finally, she grabs the knife and stabs
Ben’s chest. Rachel pushes Ben over. Ben lays down on the
grass and holds his chest. Rachel stands up and walks toward
Ben. Ben and Rachel panting.
Rachel: Ben, why did you do it?
Ben: I wanted revenge…
Rachel: Why did you want revenge?
Ben: cos… (Panting) your life is so perfect… you took my life
from me!
Rachel: It’s not my fault, you are the one who has been
bullying me!
Ben: Yeah… yeah… I enjoyed bullying you because… you are the
one who has been showing off your friendships with my ex-
girlfriends! I’ve got no-one! You stole my friends! You Bitch!
Rachel: Nah, you know what? They don’t like you because you
are a rapist! You are disgusting!
(Ben angry and grunting)
Ben: Yeah… I hope you will all be happy when I’m gone. Dying
is better than having to go and face court…
Rachel: You’re bastard.
Rachel punching his face and Ben laughing.
Ben: Happy fucking birthday…

8. Ben close his eyes and die. Rachel falling on grass and
breaking down in tears. Rachel looking her friends are die and
sobbing.
Fade out.
Try to make the dialogue more informal. Try to use as little
as possible.
Change the structure to introduce the idea of Ben earlier, so
that we don’t explain later on.
Maybe hide the first killing.
Think of character count.