Understanding the hardships of deployment. Ways to keep the romance alive during deployment/long-distance relationships

1. Sex and
Deployment
Maintaining a Healthy
Intimate Relationship During
Deployment or Long-Distance

2. Objectives
Understanding the hardships of deployment and being realistic
Ways to keep the romance alive during deployment/long-distance
Tips for re-adjusting post-deployment (in general)
Ideas for re-establishing intimacy and the sexual relationship post-
deployment/long-distance
Expected problems that can occur with attempts at re-establishing
intimacy and the sexual relationship

3. Hardships (for the separated person)
extended separation from family/friends
facing potential danger
missing milestones (birthdays, anniversaries, etc.)
acculturation issues being in other countries
a soldier can’t just quit or call in sick
limited communication during deployment
2 months before deployment they have to answer to an deployment mgr.

4. Keeping the Romance Alive
1) **First and foremost, BE REALISTIC! You are in a
relationship with a soldier who has orders from the
U.S. government. That takes priority over everything
else, including family AND sex. You have to accept that
everything else takes a back seat.
Also, if the person accepted a job elsewhere, this is a
priority and what you both agreed upon.

5. Keeping the Romance Alive, cont.
2) **Make sure that you are holding down the fort while
the soldier is deployed. He/she must focus on the
mission...not on what is happening at home. Keep your
communication as positive as possible.
The same goes for a person who has a job in a different
city, state, etc.

6. Keeping the Romance Alive, cont.
3) **Access as many military resources as possible for
support. Connect with family and friends; also connect
with other families who have a loved one who has
deployed.
Find out what support resources are available such as EAP
(Employee Assistance Programs)

7. cont.
4) Write letters to your partner (yes snail mail letters).
Talk about fond memories of the relationship.
5) Send care packages (scrapbook of events, coupons to
redeem after deployment...massage, etc.). Scavenger
hunts are also exciting.

8. cont.
6) Write down and discuss your future plans and dreams
together. Planning for the future implies that you will be
reunited and stay together. Set some goals.
7) Read relationship strengthening books and complete
workbooks while apart. Mail them to each other if possible
and talk about them (on Facetime, letters, email, etc.)
8) Schedule a Netflix movie time (different time zones).

9. cont.
9) Make sure that your communication is not just about
the kids, the home, the family. Talk about you and your
partner...positive things.

10. cont.
10) Create a favorite music collection
11) Engage in smalltalk
12) Allow time between communications
13) Express your love and appreciation (in words)

11. And finally….
14) Be cautious about sending photos/videos of nudity.
Remember, not only is the soldier on a military base, but
there will not likely be a lot of privacy.
15) Questions about infidelity? Wait until the deployed
member returns from deployment to discuss. This is a
heavy topic and should wait until it can get the attention
it needs.

12. Re-adjustment Post-deployment
Understand the stages of deployment and reuniting and be aware of the
emotional cycles of deployment. This emotional cycle may include periods of
sadness, detachment and sometimes resentment towards the military. For the
non-service member they may feel resentment towards their partner for
separating the family. Negative emotions are normal and are all part of the
cycle. Anticipating them and knowing how to work through them will help to
normalize your interactions.
**Sex may not be on the list of priorities for the soldier post-deployment!!

13. Transitions
Understand that each of you will be changed as a result of the deployment.
Some spouses may become more independent. Others however may
experience anxiety and dependency when their partner returns. Both spouses
need to understand that the experience of war is an extraordinary life event
for the service member. Leaving a war zone and returning home can be a very
difficult transition but it can be managed well with proper preparation and
mutual support. Seek professional help if needed.
**Anticipate that things will improve with time. Be patient and supportive.

14. Resources:
Additional Resources:
www.militaryonesource.com
www.militaryfamily.org
www.milspouse.org
www.fambooks.com/couples
Books
"The Five Love Languages"; "How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate," Gary Chapman, Ph.D.
"The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families," Dr. Stephen R. Covey
"Self-Matters: Creating Your Life From the Inside Out," Dr. Phillip C. McGraw
"Relationship Rescue: A Seven-Step Strategy for Reconnecting With Your Partner," Dr. Phillip C. McGraw
"The Relationship Rescue Workbook," Dr. Phillip C. McGraw