this presentation provide effective tips to overcome marital discord

1. Dr.sonia kapur
psychologist

2. Marriage is the process by which
two people make their relationship
public, official, and permanent. It is
the joining of two people in a bond
that putatively lasts until death. It
is a relationship where trust is built
over time as committed couples set
aside their own interests for the
good of their partner and develop
skills for keeping the relationship
positive and open.

4.  Discord in marriage suggests poor
understanding of each other, different
viewpoints in perception of things and
situations around, attitudinal dissimilarities,
behavioural differences and various forms of
incompatibilities such as good, life-styles,
clothing preferences, likes/dislikes and
orientation to life.
 Most problems in marriage centre around
respect for each other money, freedom,
space and issues regarding child-rearing.
Some times traditions also come into play to
make matters difficult.

5. Men and women are often confused about
their roles as partners in marriage. The man
sees his role in marriage as primarily, a
provider. The woman sees his role as a
provider, protector, loner, friend etc. The
man sees the role of his wife as a companion
for his mother, while she sees her role as a
companion to her husband. So, pleasing him
is more important than pleasing his mother.
He views keeping his mother happy, as her
main function.

6.  One expectation of the educated wife is a
certain degree of independence. This may
not be forthcoming from the partner and his
family. Another source of conflict is
participation in decision making, about
money, children, holidaying etc. If this does
not happen, it could lead to discord.
 The conflict comes when a woman is
expected to be smart, independent, work
and contribute to the household, but does
not the right to have her opinions, disagree
on certain issues or be assertive about her
rights etc.

7.  Exaggerated notions of love/togetherness
generally results in choking interactions
between the couple. For example –
Everything should lead one together. So
compel to go for shopping, or insist that the
wife come and watch him play cards or golf,
or travel together always. Demanding that
the wife be a perfect hostess, cook, mother,
etc. The wife expecting that her husband be
a chivalrous man and a good father, be an
ace tennis player etc.

8.  Space is a matter of respect for any
individual’s right for privacy and freedom to
be oneself and do what prefers to. All this of
course within the parameters of the marital
relationship.
 The right to engage in things one enjoys or
cherishes is one aspect. The freedom to be
exclusive in terms of a letter, phone call,
diary writing etc. all involve respect the
other person as an entity. This secrecy is not
to be interpreted as involving any wrong
doing.

9.  This is fundamental to any person’s well being.
So, the right to learn to paint, sing, visit one’s
friends/relatives should all be granted as a
matter of good will in any partnership. Eg. Play
tennis with buddies or visit the mall with
friends.
 Being over critical and fault finding – This is
going to sour the best of marriages. It destroys
the self-esteem of any person. It is humiliating
and insulting at all times. Here, the key is let go,
often. Also learn to criticize the act or the
statement, not the individual.

10.  Money problem- Most couples argue over bills, debt,
spending, and other financial issues. How you decide
to deal with money problems in your marriage will
determine whether those problems has a negative or
positive effect on your marriage.
 Children-Discipline, diet, and other parenting issues
can be sources of disagreement between couples. A
child is the number one stressor in a marriage and
can accentuate differences in beliefs on issues like
how to discipline, who is responsible for most of the
child care or what educational options to choose.
 Sex- Frequency, quantity, quality, and infidelity are
all common sources of stress and disharmony in a
marriage.

11.  Time apart. Time apart and a lack of quality
time together serves to get people out of
sync with each other.
 Household Responsibilities. - Many couples
argue over equitable distribution of
household work, and how to do it. Instead of
sitting down and dividing household chores
fairly they quibble over who did or didn’t do
what.
 Friends - Not all friends are helpful to
relationships some of them are toxic. Be sure
you know the difference between a friend
who will enhance your relationship and one
who will break it down.

12.  Family In-laws, siblings, children and step-
children can all create stress within a marriage.
When coping with negative issues because of
family step gently. Our spouse should come first
but there are times you have to be willing to
take a backseat and bite your tongue.
 Personality conflicts Is your personality ruining
your marriage? There are personality traits that
can doom a marriage to failure. Are you a
conflict avoider? Do you like to “one-up your
spouse? Do you bend over backwards to please
your spouse, neglecting your needs in the
process? If you answered yes to any of these,
your need to work on changes these negative
personality traits.

13.  When husbands and wives are unable to navigate
their disagreements, they fall into fairly
predictable patterns of behavior, as suggested by
the four stages of marital conflict. It’s
important to recognize that all of these stages
are dysfunctional. The stage of negotiating and
compromising can appear to be positive, but it
will fall apart without commitment and a mature
understanding of the difficulties and distractions
that must be overcome.
 When marriage communication breaks down,
feelings are hurt, emotions run high, and
solutions seem out of reach. When marital
conflict and children live in the same home, the
damage is multiplied.

14. 1st satge
•Have it
your
way
2nd stage
•Have it
my way
3rd stage
•Have it
our
way
4th stage
•Have it
anyway
you
want

15. 1. Have It Your Way. Couples who are newly married
and haven’t learned how to successfully resolve their
differences tend to try to settle things by avoiding
confrontation. They give in to each other without ever
discussing the heart of the problem. If you find
yourself giving in whenever you have an argument
with your husband, eventually you will find that you
are tired of this pattern and will begin shifting your
attitude toward the next stage.
 2. Have It My Way. After couples have exhausted
themselves by ignoring their own needs, they often
turn the opposite way and begin demanding that their
needs are now met. A wife who has kept her opinions
to herself may suddenly realize that this has
contributed to her misery and may start voicing her
thoughts and attitudes at every opportunity. But
unfortunately, this stage doesn’t work either as
husband and wife begin butting heads.

16. . Have It Our Way. The third phase involves compromising
and negotiating with each other. At first, the couple may be
enthusiastic at their newfound communication style, but
eventually the eagerness fades. About this time in a
marriage, couples are facing more time demands and
stresses from their parenting responsibilities, financial
concerns and hectic schedules. Between an ineffective
conflict resolution style and the growing pressures of life,
couples may start to doubt their compatibility during this
stage.
4. Have It Any Way You Want. This stage marks a sense of
resignation. Couples in this stage are exhausted over the
unending conflicts and might even feel hopeless that all the
unresolved issues will ever be worked out. If you find
yourself in this stage, you need expert marriage guidance.

19.  over the course of a
relationship that can last
as many as seven or eight
decades, a lot happens.
Personalities change,
bodies age, and romantic
love waxes and wanes.
And no marriage is free of
conflict. What enables a
couple to endure is how
they handle that conflict.
So how do you manage the
problems that inevitably
arise? And how can
you keep the spark alive?

20. Marriages don’t have to end
up this way because of
conflict. With effective
communication and conflict
resolution skills, couples
can work through their
problems, rather than
avoiding or forcing the
issues. If you recognize any
of these negative stages in
your own marriage, start
learning better ways to
communicate with your
husband. If you’re unsure of
where to start, check out a
few books at the library,
read articles online or talk
with successful couples you
know. If conflict continues
to go unresolved, consider
visiting a marriage therapist
to help teach you effective
strategies.

22.  1.The husband and wife are two
separate individuals.
 2.They come from different
homes/background.
 3.They have their own identities.
 4.No one can possess the other.
 5.Each has to ensure the physical,
psychological/social well-being of
the other.
 6.There should be mutual respect.
 7.All differences should be resolved
through communication.
 8.Happiness in togetherness is
important.