It's unreasonable to think that two people can bond together in marriage and never have a disagreement. Fights are normal. The question isn't whether we fight, but how do we fight. Even boxing matches have rules. Establish rules for the fight and you'll usually have a successful marriage.

1. Fighting Fair in Marriage
I Corinthians 13:4-8

2. Video

3. Love Your Partner
1 Corinthians 13:4–8 (NET) 4 Love is
patient, love is kind, it is not
envious. Love does not brag, it is not
puffed up. 5 It is not rude, it is not
self-serving, it is not easily angered
or resentful. 6 It is not glad about
injustice, but rejoices in the truth. 7
It bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.8
Love never ends.

4. Love is:
• Love is patient
– Long suffering; the capacity to be
wronged and not to retaliate
• Love is kind
– Act kindly or merciful

5. Love is not (does not):
• Love is not envious – (lit. to boil) to show strong
resentment, to be jealous; it is not envious of their
possessions, talents or control of others.
• Love does not brag – praise oneself excessively, boast
(Windbag – use of Intellectual pride in rhetoric)
• Love is not puffed up – inflated, conceited, arrogant,
haughty; overestimation of self
• Love is not rude – to disgrace, embarrass, shame
• Love is not self serving – not insistent on own way
• Love is not easily angered – irritated, distressed
• Love is not resentful – keep a mental record of wrongs
• Love is not glad about injustice

6. Love does:
• But, Love rejoices in the truth – not false gossip
or slander
• Love bears all things – (lit. cover; used for a roof)
puts up with annoyance, difficulties
• Love believes all things - all that it can with a
good conscience believe to the credit of another
• Love hopes for all things
• Love endures all things – remains steadfast in the
face of unpleasant circumstances; no personal
retaliation
• Love never ends – Eternal

7. Rules for fighting based on love
1. Be patient with your partner
– Listen carefully before you answer, avoid
thinking about what you’re going to say,
before hearing what he/she is saying.
– Don’t try to read his/her mind or interpret
motives. Give him/her a chance to explain.
2. Be kind
– It’s better to be kind than to be right.
– Talk within the context of “feeling”, not “I’m
right”.

8. Rules for fighting (cont.)
3. Focus on the present issue
– Do not bring up issues from the past
unless they are relevant to the present
issue.
– Avoid generalization: Eliminate “you
never…” or “you always…” from your
vocabulary
– To bring up the past is to keep a list of
previous wrongs

9. Rules for fighting (cont.)
4. Don’t be rude
– Never belittle your partner with name calling
or put downs, especially in front of others
– Ask yourself, “Am I tearing him/her down to
make myself look big” (note: arrogance, self-
serving, etc.)
– Don’t talk down to your partner. Avoid parent
to child statement, “You should…” or You
shouldn’t …” Avoid “you” statements.

10. Rules for fighting (cont.)
5. Don’t let anger get control of your emotions.
– It maybe best to admit your having problems
with your feelings and ask to take a break.
– Try to have it resolved before bed (maybe not the
issue, but at least the anger).
Proverbs 15:18 A quick-tempered person stirs
up dissension, but one who is slow to anger
calms a quarrel.
Proverbs 29:11 A fool lets fly with all his
temper, but a wise person keeps it back.

11. Rules for fighting (cont.)
6. Don’t argue to “win”!
Discuss to “resolve”. If one of you is in
it to win, you both loose. If you reach
a resolution, you both win.

12. Rules for fighting (cont.)
7. Don’t lie. Rejoice in truth.
Truth may hurt, but it’s better than
walking in the darkness of lies.

13. Rules for fighting (cont.)
8. Don’t let the issue out from under your
own roof,
unless it’s with agreement of both
persons and for the purpose of resolving
the issue.
Don’t make personality assassinations of
your partner with friends (Find a referee,
not a team).

14. Rules for fighting (cont.)
9. Don’t stop trusting in your partner.

15. Rules for fighting (cont.)
10. Don’t stop hoping the issue can be
resolved.
– Know the hot topics. There maybe some
areas that you can just accept disagreement
and live with it.
– Be committed to your partner even if the
issue cannot be resolved. Love endures all
things. Your partner is more important than
the issue.

16. Love Never Fails
Fail: This term had two relevant metaphorical
usages:
(1) it was used of an actor being hissed off the
stage and
(2) (2) it was used of a flower that dropped its
petals because of inclement conditions (cf.
James 1:11; I Pet. 1:24). God’s love never
gives up!
– Utley, R. J. D. (2002).

17. Love Never Fails
Though others may want to hiss you off
stage,
God won’t.

18. Love Never Fails
Though inclement conditions may make
it seem that you, like the damaged
flower will fall,
God keeps you on the branch.

19. Love Never Fails
Don’t hiss your partner off stage!
Don’t let the flower of your life fall!
Fight Fair!