It's unreasonable to think that two people can bond together in marriage and never have a disagreement. Fights are normal. The question isn't whether we fight, but how do we fight. Even boxing matches have rules. Establish rules for the fight and you'll usually have a successful marriage.
3. Love Your Partner
1 Corinthians 13:4โ8 (NET) 4 Love is
patient, love is kind, it is not
envious. Love does not brag, it is not
puffed up. 5 It is not rude, it is not
self-serving, it is not easily angered
or resentful. 6 It is not glad about
injustice, but rejoices in the truth. 7
It bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.8
Love never ends.
4. Love is:
โข Love is patient
โ Long suffering; the capacity to be
wronged and not to retaliate
โข Love is kind
โ Act kindly or merciful
5. Love is not (does not):
โข Love is not envious โ (lit. to boil) to show strong
resentment, to be jealous; it is not envious of their
possessions, talents or control of others.
โข Love does not brag โ praise oneself excessively, boast
(Windbag โ use of Intellectual pride in rhetoric)
โข Love is not puffed up โ inflated, conceited, arrogant,
haughty; overestimation of self
โข Love is not rude โ to disgrace, embarrass, shame
โข Love is not self serving โ not insistent on own way
โข Love is not easily angered โ irritated, distressed
โข Love is not resentful โ keep a mental record of wrongs
โข Love is not glad about injustice
6. Love does:
โข But, Love rejoices in the truth โ not false gossip
or slander
โข Love bears all things โ (lit. cover; used for a roof)
puts up with annoyance, difficulties
โข Love believes all things - all that it can with a
good conscience believe to the credit of another
โข Love hopes for all things
โข Love endures all things โ remains steadfast in the
face of unpleasant circumstances; no personal
retaliation
โข Love never ends โ Eternal
7. Rules for fighting based on love
1. Be patient with your partner
โ Listen carefully before you answer, avoid
thinking about what youโre going to say,
before hearing what he/she is saying.
โ Donโt try to read his/her mind or interpret
motives. Give him/her a chance to explain.
2. Be kind
โ Itโs better to be kind than to be right.
โ Talk within the context of โfeelingโ, not โIโm
rightโ.
8. Rules for fighting (cont.)
3. Focus on the present issue
โ Do not bring up issues from the past
unless they are relevant to the present
issue.
โ Avoid generalization: Eliminate โyou
neverโฆโ or โyou alwaysโฆโ from your
vocabulary
โ To bring up the past is to keep a list of
previous wrongs
9. Rules for fighting (cont.)
4. Donโt be rude
โ Never belittle your partner with name calling
or put downs, especially in front of others
โ Ask yourself, โAm I tearing him/her down to
make myself look bigโ (note: arrogance, self-
serving, etc.)
โ Donโt talk down to your partner. Avoid parent
to child statement, โYou shouldโฆโ or You
shouldnโt โฆโ Avoid โyouโ statements.
10. Rules for fighting (cont.)
5. Donโt let anger get control of your emotions.
โ It maybe best to admit your having problems
with your feelings and ask to take a break.
โ Try to have it resolved before bed (maybe not the
issue, but at least the anger).
Proverbs 15:18 A quick-tempered person stirs
up dissension, but one who is slow to anger
calms a quarrel.
Proverbs 29:11 A fool lets fly with all his
temper, but a wise person keeps it back.
11. Rules for fighting (cont.)
6. Donโt argue to โwinโ!
Discuss to โresolveโ. If one of you is in
it to win, you both loose. If you reach
a resolution, you both win.
12. Rules for fighting (cont.)
7. Donโt lie. Rejoice in truth.
Truth may hurt, but itโs better than
walking in the darkness of lies.
13. Rules for fighting (cont.)
8. Donโt let the issue out from under your
own roof,
unless itโs with agreement of both
persons and for the purpose of resolving
the issue.
Donโt make personality assassinations of
your partner with friends (Find a referee,
not a team).
15. Rules for fighting (cont.)
10. Donโt stop hoping the issue can be
resolved.
โ Know the hot topics. There maybe some
areas that you can just accept disagreement
and live with it.
โ Be committed to your partner even if the
issue cannot be resolved. Love endures all
things. Your partner is more important than
the issue.
16. Love Never Fails
Fail: This term had two relevant metaphorical
usages:
(1) it was used of an actor being hissed off the
stage and
(2) (2) it was used of a flower that dropped its
petals because of inclement conditions (cf.
James 1:11; I Pet. 1:24). Godโs love never
gives up!
โ Utley, R. J. D. (2002).