A Psychoeducation for Teachers Skill-Building Guide

1. Making Your Point Without Saying a Word
Psychoeducation for Teachers

2.  Communication is the process of sending and receiving
messages that enables us to share our knowledge, skills,
attitudes, and feelings. Although primarily we communicate with
words and spoken language, communication consists of two
main dimensions –verbal and nonverbal. Verbal communication
uses speech; the nonverbal dimension of communication is
defined as communication without words. The nonverbal
dimension of communication qualifies and gives deeper meaning
to our verbal messages, providing essential information beyond
the content of what we say. Nonverbal communication includes
behaviors such as gestures, facial expression, eye contact,
posture (bodily attitude), vocal characteristics (e.g., tone of
voice), and breathing, as well as less apparent nonverbal
messages sent through our physical appearance (e.g., the way
we dress), and even the physical space between people or
between people and objects in the environment. A well-trained
speaker can enormously add depth, meaning, and persuasive
power to any verbal message through simple nonverbal cues and
signals.

3.  No matter how hard we try, it is impossible not to communicate. Both
what we say (words) and what we do not say (our silence and pauses)
send a message to the other person or people. Words and silence both
have message value, and they are constantly influencing other people as
well as other people are constantly influencing us. Most specifically,
teachers and parents greatly improve the impact of their communicative
messages by learning to use and manipulate all four paths of
communication:
o Path 1: Verbal communication or words and spoken language.
o Path 2: Nonverbal communication such as body language and messages
without words.
o Path 3: Para-verbal communication or the way we speak, loudness of
speaking, pauses and keeping silent, and interruptions in the
conversation.
o Path 4: Extra-verbal communication like using time and place, the
context in which the message is sent, our orientation towards the
listener (e.g., how alike or distant our attitudes and feelings are), and the
use of other senses such as olfactory (smelling) and tactile (touching).

4.  Nonverbal communication, commonly called body language,
seems so powerful that researchers and practitioners in the field
agree that many more feelings and intentions are communicated
nonverbally than verbally. Depending on the author, from 7-to-
37 percent is communicated through words, while as high as 82-
to-93 percent is sent nonverbally (for example, see Nitsche,
2006; O’Connor and Seymour, 2002). This reinforces the notion
that, whether we are speaking or not, we are constantly
communicating and sending messages. In school, approximately
75 percent of the classroom management is considered
nonverbal (e.g., teacher frowning or eye gaze) (Balzer, 1969). In
the classroom or at home, how we express something seems to
carry more message value and weight than the words we say.
This being true, to influence students toward positive behavior, it
is not as important what we say, but rather how we say it.

5.  Before we can improve any behavior, we need
to understand fully the behavior. Depending
on the sensory channel used (visual, auditory,
or tactile), there are different types of
nonverbal communication

6.  Universal facial expressions for happiness,
sadness, anger, or fear. The face is the
primary source of information for inferring
feelings. We probably communicate more and
unintentionally by our facial expression than
by any other mean.
 Physiological responses such as blushing,
shaking, sweating, blinking, flaring of
nostrils, swallowing, trembling chin, or
breathing heavily.

7.  Gestures are deliberate movements and signals that we send. Common
universal gestures include waving, pointing, and a handshake.
Cognitively, gestures operate to clarify, contradict, or replace verbal
messages. Ekman and Friesen (1969) identified five types of universal
gestures:
1. Emblems are body movements that have direct translations to words
and directly replace words, e.g., OK and the V for victory or peace.
2. Illustrators accent, emphasize, or reinforce words and help in shaping
the meaning of words; for example, opening our arms to illustrate the
sentence, “That rat was huge!”
3. Affect Displays show emotion. Our feelings are shown through face
and body motions; for example, smiling, grimacing, smirking, or
pouting. A clenched fist is an example of a body motion.
4. Regulators control the flow of a conversation or turn taking; for
example, holding the index finger up to signify, “It’s my turn to talk”
or “Hold one second; let me finish.”
5. Adaptors help relieve tension and are a way of adjusting to the
situation; for example, twisting the hair, foot tapping, biting
fingernails, or tapping a pen.

8.  Posture and the way we move (kinesics) can also convey meaning, and
influence the way others perceive us; for example, authority,
submission, or withdrawal. Posture includes the pose, stance, and
bearing of the way we sit, slouch, stand, lean, bend, hold, and move our
body in space. For example, a slouched posture may signal that the
person lacks confidence. If during a conversation a person’s torso leans
forward it signals closeness and rapport; if the person’s torso leans back
it signals distance from what is being said. A closed or crunched body
position can mean disapproval, defensiveness, or a lack of interest. In a
group setting, we tend to adopt a similar pose to those in the group that
we agree with.
 Vocal communication or paralinguistic, including factors such as tone of
voice, loudness, voice inflection, and pitch. Our paralanguage, or the
way we say words, may include vocalizations such as hissing, shushing,
and whistling, as well as speech modifications such as quality of voice or
hesitations and speed in talking. Examples of paralanguage are
laughing, crying, whispering, snoring, sucking, sneezing, and sighing.
Loud voices are perceived as aggressive or overbearing, but if the voice
is too soft it may be perceived as timid or polite.

9.  Vocal intonation includes rhythm, pitch, intensity, nasality, and slurring.
 Projection, variety, timing, and rate of speech all influence how others perceive us,
and give clues to our self-confidence and enthusiasm with the topic.
 Eye gaze; for example, looking, staring, and blinking. When we take interest in
something or someone, our blinking rate decreases and our pupils dilate. The size
of the pupils is considered a reliable predictor of a person’s attitude towards
people and events in the environment; that is, wide opened to see things that are
pleasant and agreeable, and close down noticeably at the sight of disagreeable
people, objects, or events. We also tend to look longer and more often (eye
contact) at those we like or trust. Chances are that teachers look more often at
students they like than at students they do not like. Low eye contact may signal
lack of confidence, however, excessive eye contact may signal nonverbal
aggression. Eyes behavior may serve as a major decision factor in interpreting the
other person’s spoken words.
 Touch ; for example, finger pressure, grip, and hugs. Touching is very common in
many greeting rituals; for example, shaking hands or cheek kissing. In the positive
side, touching can give encouragement, express tenderness, and show emotional
support; in the negative side, touching can slap, punch, or punish (spanking).

10.  Proxemics is communicating with others by virtue of relative positioning
of our bodies. The first person to use this term was anthropologist
Edward T. Hall to explain the manipulation of space to send messages
from one person to another. Proxemics describes the changing space
that separates people during a conversation or an interaction. The
amount of distance we need when interacting and how much space we
perceive as belonging to us; that is, the distance which we feel
comfortable interacting with others or having others approaching us, is
influenced by factors such as social norms, situational factors,
personality characteristics, and level of familiarity.
 Hall distinguished between three key zones:
1. Intimate Space goes from touching the other person to a separation of
ten inches. This intimate space is reserved to our close friends and
family.
2. Casual or Personal space goes from eighteen inches to four feet. In this
key zone, informal conversation with our friends takes place.
3. Social or Consultative space goes from four to twelve feet. This key
zone belongs to formal transactions in public and for addressing
groups of people.

11.  After Hall, a fourth zone was identified, labeled
the Public Space Zone. This is the outermost
zone of our individual space, extending from
twelve feet to as far as the eye can see. In this
zone, all speech becomes formal, and the
speaker lectures more than talk.
 When we interact with someone pleasant, we
reduce the space between us and the other
person, but, if we interact with someone we
dislike, we increase space. This adding or taking
away space between two individuals can give us
clues to make inferences about their attitudes at
that given moment.

12.  Our appearance or choice of clothing,
hairstyle, and jewelry does communicate. It
identifies our gender, age, socioeconomic
class, status, role, group membership, mood,
and physical environment (temperature and
season).

13.  In summary, spoken language is accented and punctuated
by body movements and gestures while facial expression
and voice reveal feelings and inner states. The validity and
reliability of any verbal message is checked with nonverbal
actions; if there is a mismatch between the verbal and the
nonverbal message, the listener will use the nonverbal
message to grasp the true meaning of the message.
Therefore, when we are unsure about words and/or trust
the speaker less, we pay more attention to what we see
and hear than to the speaker’s words. We can often clarify
and reduce misunderstandings by developing the ability to
notice and comment on the nonverbal behavior that we
see. In addition, the more we understand the importance
and dominance of nonverbal language, the more
persuasive in our communication we can become.

14.  With careful observation, we can detect emotions and even thoughts from
nonverbal signs. However, to infer meanings accurately from nonverbal cues, we
need to analyze gestures and other nonverbal signals as a group. A single gesture
viewed in isolation can mean any number of things, or may mean nothing at all.
Body language can have multiple meanings, so, to infer feelings and thoughts
accurately from nonverbal behavior, we need to look for groups of signals and
behaviors that emphasize and reinforce a common theme. Body language is most
significant when it appears in clusters, so we need to look for things that happen
at the same time or synchronized. To summarize, to interpret body language
accurately, we need to pay attention to both clusters and synchronization.
 It is also important that we stay open to alternative meanings of the behavior, and
that we place our interpretation of the behavior within the context in which the
body language is used. For example, a troubled student can move closer to you to
communicate nonverbally that he wants to connect with you emotionally, or an
angry child moves closer to you to emphasize his anger towards you by invading
your personal space. Keep in mind that the real meaning of any message derives
from observing and analyzing the totality or complete pattern of the
communication, and this can only be done by including both the verbal and the
nonverbal.

15.  A wrinkled nose, lowered eyelids and eyebrows, and a raised
upper lip is the facial cluster for disgust; raised eyebrows, eyes
wide open, and an open mouth is the facial cluster for surprise.
 Clenching on fists that seem ready to strike, lowering and
spreading the body for support and stability, and redness of
face: getting ready to attack.
 Hiding the mouth with one hand, touching nose, avoiding eye
contact, and the pace of blinking picks up: not telling the truth.
 Short breaths, patting the back of the neck, clenching hands, and
wringing hands: frustration body language.
 Leaning forward, the head tilted slightly forward, looking at the
speaker without taking the gaze away and less blinking, the
eyebrows brought together, and the body largely still: attentive
body language. Nodding shows agreement with what the speaker
says and encourages the speaker to tell more. Tilting the head
may signal interest.

16.  Drumming the table or desk, tapping the feet,
clicking a ball point pen, holding the head in the
hands, doodling, looking at the ceiling, and
staring blankly: boredom cluster.
 Sweating, the face pales, dilated pupils, not
looking at the other person, a trembling lip,
thinning of the lips, voice tremors, a visible high
pulse that can be seen on the neck or movement
in legs, gasping and holding the breath,
fidgeting, and tension in muscles (e.g., clenched
hands or arms and jerky movements): fear and
nervousness.

17.  Being able to predict behavior and therefore
responding quickly enough so that we remain in
the sphere of influence rather than moving into
controlling and power is the art of managing
behavior (Nitsche, 2006). The most persuasive
communication takes place when we (a)
accurately read the nonverbal signals the child is
sending us, and (b) adjust our own nonverbal
cues to reinforce our verbal message, so that our
verbal and nonverbal language work in synchrony
to influence the child’s beliefs and feelings.

18.  The tone of your voice can convey a wealth of information,
ranging from enthusiasm to disinterest and anger. Pay attention
to how the tone of your voice influences how children respond to
you, and start using a tone of voice that emphasizes and
reinforces the ideas that you want to communicate. For example,
if you are trying to motivate students, show your enthusiasm in
the subject by using an animated tone of voice.
 Use a low pitch of voice. A lower pitch is associated with strength
and maturity; high pitch is associated with tenseness,
helplessness, and nervousness.
 To defuse anger or tension use a lower volume of voice. A loud
volume can be perceived as aggressive, reinforcing the child’s
angry feelings.
 To communicate understanding and emotional connection use
sounds that convey meaning (e.g., ahhh, umm, ohhh) matched
with congruent eye and facial expression. These sounds of
understanding and interest in the conversation indicate to the
child that you are paying attention.

19.  To get the student’s attention, rather than raising
the voice or yelling, look at the child in the eye,
lower the voice, and drop the pitch.
 Teachers should use a variety of vocal inflections
to present information, and a variety of speech
patterns to emphasize important points or to ask
questions. Change your rate of speech for
emphasis, using inflection and moderate changes
in pitch and volume to maintain children’s
attention (Miller, 2005).

20.  According to Miller (2005), in the classroom, nonverbal effectiveness is
characterized by showing enthusiasm, varying the facial expression, using
gesturing for emphasis, moving towards the students, maintaining eye contact,
displaying positive head nods, and speaking with a clear voice and varied
intonation. Successful teaching uses positive nonverbal communication in the
teaching methodology.
 Nod to emphasize a point. Nodding or shaking the head while we talk encourages
the listener to agree with us.
 Emphasize your point using your voice (words and intonation) synchronized with
your body. The key to emphasis is exaggeration; exaggerate by doing things
bigger; for example, moving your arms faster. For big emphasis, make big
movements, like an exaggerated arm movement (e.g., wide sweep), nodding or
shaking the head, moving fast from one point to another, and creating contrast.
For example, not moving and then moving suddenly. For a more subtle emphasis,
do smaller movements, e.g., a finger movement or slightly inclining the head.
 Make good eye contact, avoiding staring. Too much eye contact can be seemed as
confrontational or intimidating. The nonverbal literature recommends using
intervals of eye contact lasting from four to five seconds.

21.  If you are a teacher, you can develop an individual connection with every
student by simply using eye contact. Make eye contact with each student
individually and gently force yourself into each child’s mind. Validate
each child’s presence in your classroom by visually letting each student
know that you are aware that he or she is there. Teacher or parent, our
eyes can be powerful persuasive weapons if we know how to use them.
With our eyes, we can “speak” volumes to children projecting
acceptance, understanding, security, trust, and tolerance. With our eyes
and tone of voice, we can also guide children toward confidence,
calmness, and self-control.
 Be aware that, when you are reprimanding a child, if the child moves his
gaze away from you, you had made your point. Stop reprimanding at
that precise moment and do not force the issue. You can increase your
persuasive power by noticing and commenting on the child’s nonverbal
behavior; for example, you would say, “I can see that you are listening to
me and that you agree with what I am saying.”

22.  Let children have the last word, but you have the last nonverbal signal.
Nitsche (2006) provides the following example:
o Teacher: Susie and Eve! Please stop talking!
o Susie: We didn’t say anything!
 The teacher remains silent. Then she stretches out a hand, palm down,
towards the two girls. While doing this, the teacher looks away and
continues teaching. When one person refuses to talk, there is no place
for a confrontation.
 In a group setting, we tend to adapt similar poses to those in the group
that we agree with. This is why counselors often adopt a posture similar
to the client’s posture, to help the client self-disclose.
 An open body and arm position, leaning forward, a relaxed posture, and
touching gently increases a perceived liking in an interaction. Known as
the Mehrabian’s Immediacy Principle, this immediacy body cluster is
recommended when we are attempting to persuade a child.

23.  When we are dealing with troubled feelings (e.g., anger) and acting-out
behaviors, we can use the acceptance cluster: place one hand to your
chest (touching heart), move closer to the child, and gently touch the
child in one arm or shoulder. Other acceptance and approval gestures
that we can use are smiling, nodding the head, winking, gently
squeezing the child’s hand, and a pat on the back.
 When our arms are curved and moving slowly, we offer support; with
rounder arms, we are symbolically embracing the child.
 To project confidence, use the following nonverbal cluster: maintain eye
contact, keep the eye blinking to a minimum, make sure that you sit up
straight, gently touch the child, and touch the fingertips of your hands
together to form a steeple.
 When dealing with students’ angry feelings, use your voice and body
language to communicate that you are emotionally centered and calm,
even when you feel annoyed, and to show yourself to the child as non-
confrontational. Use a controlled, gentle tone of voice to present a sense
of confidence and assurance, and assume a nonthreatening physical
posture.

24.  Standing tall will help the adult achieve dominance, but for closeness
and self-disclosure invite the child to sit, and then you both sit. With a
younger child, bend, so that you talk with the child at eye level.
 Move forward to speak confidentially. Moving closer sends the message
that we are interested in what the child has to say, that we feel
comfortable, and that we are giving the child our full attention.
 To communicate that we are listening and paying attention to the child
use nonverbal behaviors such as smiling, maintaining eye contact,
nodding the head, and leaning the torso forward combined with minimal
verbal encouragers such as “I see…” “I follow you…” and “uh-huh.”
 Our nonverbal behaviors tell children what we expect from them. Our
positive expectations bring positive achievements; negative expectations
bring low self-confidence and failure. Make sure that your nonverbal
behavior conveys positive expectations. Nonverbal behaviors associated
with positive expectations are touching, proximity, forward body lean,
eye contact, more gestures, approving head nods, and positive facial
expressions (Miller, 2005).

25.  To bond with a child, gently invade his personal space. When we invade
the child’s personal space, the child expects to hear something personal.
Personalize the interaction by standing next to the child and praising
him verbally, or with a touch on the shoulder or a pat on the back for a
job well done. Remember that, the less the child knows and likes you,
the less your influence will be. As a remote and distant adult, our
influence is limited, but as a friend, there is no limit to how much we can
accomplish. The key to influence and persuade children is to move a
little closer to the child, in physical space as well as in feeling and
thought.
 Touching during a conversation creates a bonding effect and strongly
influences the other person (Gueguen and Fischer-Lokou, 2003). The
authors recommend that we use sympathetic touching such as a brief
touching on the back, shoulder, or arm. Closer forms of sympathetic
touching are putting the arm around the child, hugging the child as he
cries, and touching the child’s arm for a longer period.

26.  People in rapport tend to mirror and match each other in posture and
gesture. The key to rapport is to adopt an overall physiological and
mental state that is similar to the other person. Therefore, to develop
rapport and increase your persuasive power, you can use the exchanged
matching technique; that is, synchronize your nonverbal behavior with
the child’s nonverbal behavior but without directly copying the child. For
example, if the child crosses her arms, you cross your legs; if the child
frowns, you look pensive; if she talks fast, you move fast; if she
scratches, you rub your arm. Once the nonverbal behaviors are
synchronized, make a change in your nonverbal behavior (e.g.,
coughing) to check if the child follows you with a compatible behavior
(sound). This is called pacing and leading in the neuro-linguistic
literature (Vaknin, 2008; O’Connor and Seymour, 2002), and is telling
you that the child is receptive to your persuasion. When you are at the
leading level, shift your physiology and attitude (i.e., breathing pace,
facial expression, and body language) to change your behavior in the
direction you want the child to behave. For example, with a loud and
agitated child, you start moving slower and talking lower to shift the
child, slow her down, and calm the child.

27.  To summarize, the four steps to improve
relationships and our persuasive power, are:
o Step 1: Mirroring the child by matching her
posture, word choice, voice, or breathing.
o Step 2: Establishing rapport using mirroring.
o Step 3: Pacing, or moving along with the child
for a while at the same speed.
o Step 4: Leading the child to a mental state
and attitude where the child mirrors and
matches our behavior (Nitsche, 2006).

28.  With matching behaviors, we find ways to be alike.
Other matching behaviors that we can use are:
o Matching arm movements with small hand
movements
o Matching body movements with head movements
o Matching the distribution of the body weight; for
example, resting on the same arm
o Matching the posture
o Adopting the same sitting position
o Matching our breathing by breathing in unison
o Voice matching (tonality, speed, volume, and rhythm)
o In addition, we can mirror a child who is fidgeting by
swaying our body (Vaknin, 2008; O’Connor and
Seymour, 2002).

29.  Here is another way of using mirroring, pacing, and leading to persuade
a child. Observe if the child is standing or sitting in a closed body
position (i.e., arms and/or legs crossed). This is a signal that the child is
not yet susceptible to persuasion. Shifting the child from a closed body
position to an open body position significantly increases the chance of
persuading the child. There are two ways of doing this:
o Example 1: Give the child something to hold or have the child use his
arms; for example, holding a book, sharpening pencils, or erasing the
board.
o Example 2: Adopt a closed body position similar to the child’s body
position. Then, spend some time building rapport; for example, talk
about any topic of interest to the child. After a few minutes, open your
body, unfolding your arms followed by your legs, and see if the child is
following you. Do this naturally and gradually. For example, you open
your arms to grab a book. If the child remains in a closed body position,
you return to a closed body position and continue developing rapport
before you try again.

30.  Children mirror behavior all the time; that is, what children
see teachers and parents doing, children do. For example,
when the teacher is lively, the class is lively, when the
teacher is reflexive and calm, the class is reflexive and
calm, when the teacher is talkative, the class talks a lot.
The volume of the teacher’s voice determines the volume
of the class’ voice. The softer the teacher speaks, the
softer the class speaks. As long as your class is behaving
according to your instructional goals, the mirroring is fine,
but if students are too talkative when they are supposed to
be reading silently, ask yourself, “Is my class mirroring my
behavior?” and make changes in your behavior to match
the results you want. For example, during reading time,
whisper and move slowly (Nitsche, 2006). Always keep in
mind that the adult, teacher or parent, sets the tone; the
child mirrors the adult.

31.  Use proximity control to discourage disruptive behaviors.
Schoolteachers can tailor classroom circulation to prevent
behavior problems before they happen. Circulation of the
classroom should be unpredictable so that the teacher does not
follow the same route every time. Teachers can also pair
proximity with praise; for example, stopping at the child’s desk
and saying something like, “Thank you Ashley for working so
hard and staying on task” (Lampi, Fenty, and Beaunae, 2005).
 Long and Newman (1996) identify five levels of proximity control
in the classroom:
o Level 1: Orienting our body towards the child
o Level 2: Walking towards the child
o Level 3: Putting one’s hand on the student’s desk
o Level 4: Touching or removing the object that is distracting the
child
o Level 5: Putting one’s hand gently on the student’s shoulder or
arm

32.  When we repeatedly and systematically give
the same nonverbal signal in connection to
an event, a concept, or an idea, the nonverbal
signal and the concept become connected or
anchored with one another. The anchor is the
nonverbal signal or stimulus that always
triggers the same reaction, and can take
many forms.

33.  posture
 movements
 gestures
 facial expressions
 touch
 sounds
 voice
 rules
 symbols
 traditions
 ceremonies
 contracts
 rituals (daily, weekly,
or monthly)
 a place where an
activity takes place or
is explained (e.g.,
time out area or story
time)

34.  Anchors are part of the classroom-structured
routines. The reaction can be either an action (can be
observed), or it can take the form of change of inner
state (a change in attitude or mood). That is, the
anchor results in a change of mental or emotional
state, creating a positive expectation (e.g., “It’s story
time!”) The positive expectation is an automatic
reaction that we create without using words (Nitsche,
2006). We know that we created an effective anchor
when we use the anchor and, as a result, we need to
use fewer words (or no words at all) to create the
desired mental or emotional state in the child. In
other words, an effective anchor is a reflex, the more
we use the anchor, the faster it works.

35.  From Nitsche, we get the following examples of anchors:
o Placing a hand on the back of the chair and looking
directly at the child who is talking. The nonverbal message
here is, “This is a warning. Stop talking.”
o Sitting down on a chair to signal to children to sit down
too.
o A freeze posture.
o Knocking three times on the chalkboard or table (“Quiet”
or “Pay attention to this”).
o Saying “Ready-Steady-Go!”
o Counting down from five to one to stop a behavior or to
start a new behavior.
o Using slowly or lively music to set the mood.
o Clapping.

36. o Dropping an object, like a book or a key chain, loudly to the floor
to get children’s attention.
o Using a whistle or an alarm clock.
o Saying 1-2-3-Zap! In addition, freezing your posture. The
students freeze into statues. A few seconds later, you continue
teaching or giving directions.
o Turning a light on and off three times; “Quiet down” or “Move
back to your seats.”
o Drawing a big eye on the chalkboard and pointing at it (“Look” or
“Pay attention to this”). You can also use a picture.
o Holding a hand up in the air and slowly moving the thumb and
forefinger toward each other (“Quiet”).
o Using the hand to signal stop, or holding up the hand and saying
“Stop!”
o Pointing at your own eyes (“Look!”) or ear (“Listen”).

37.  Nitsche (2006) warns teachers that we keep our anchors
“clean” by making sure that we do not use the same
anchor for different purposes. For example, if we use a
specific hand anchor to signal silence, then we do not use
the same hand anchor to elicit a different behavior or
mood. When we sit down to signal children to sit down, we
always use the same anchor chair placed in the same spot
in the room (e.g., in front of the room). Alternatively, if we
put a green hat to signal story time, we do not use the
same green hat for any other activity. We also prevent
“contaminating” our anchors by keeping the activities
apart; for example, when we use the hand anchor to
achieve silence, we are silent ourselves, and we wait until
there is absolute silence in the classroom to continue
talking or teaching.

38.  If you are confused about the nonverbal signals
that you see in the child, do not be afraid to ask
questions. To clarify a nonverbal message, we
can repeat back our interpretation of the
student’s message, so that the child confirms or
clarifies. For example, you can ask, “So what you
are saying is _____. Am I right?”
 Before rushing to a conclusion, verify your
interpretation with the child, e.g., “I get the
feeling that you are uncomfortable with _____.
Would you like to add something?”

39.  Look for mixed messages and incongruence between the verbal
and the nonverbal message; that is, words that do not match the
nonverbal signals. For example, the child says he feels fine while
frowning and staring at the ground. When this happens, you can
gently confront the child, e.g., “Your behavior is telling me that
you are feeling upset.” Bring the nonverbal behavior to the
child’s attention, and together, explore these incongruities to
help the child develop self-awareness.
 Analyze the nonverbal behavior in context; for example, “You
started talking loudly and very fast when I asked you about
_____. I get the impression that you feel strongly about this
issue” or “You are pulling your hair and you sound unsure. Do
you feel nervous about this test?” Do not assume your
interpretation is correct until you ask the child.

40. 1. Balzer, A. L. (1969). Nonverbal and verbal behaviors of biology teachers. The
American Biology Teacher, Vol. 31, No. 4, pp. 226-229.
2. Ekman, P., & Friesen, W. V. (1969). The repertoire of nonverbal behavior:
Categories, origins, usage, and coding. Semiotica, 1, pp. 49-98.
3. Guegen, N., and Fischer-Lokou, J. (2003). Tactile contact and spontaneous help:
An evaluation in a natural setting. Journal of Social Psychology, 143(6), 785-787.
4. Lampi, A. R., Fenty, N. S., & Beaunae, C. (2005). Making the three ps easier:
Praise, proximity, and precorrection. Beyond Behavior, 15(1), pp. 8-12.
5. Long, N. J., Morse, W. G., and Newman, R. G. (1996). Conflict in the classroom:
The education of at-risk and troubled students, Edition 5. Austin, Texas: Pro-Ed.
6. Miller, P. W. (2005). Body language: An illustrated introduction for teachers.
Munster, Indiana-www.pwmilleronline.com
7. Nitsche, P. (2006). Talk less. Teach more! Nonverbal classroom management.
Group strategies that work. Butler, PA: Pearls of Learning Press.
8. O’Connor, J., & Seymour, J. (2002). Introducing NLP: Psychological skills for
understanding and influencing people. Hammersmith, London: Harper Element.
9. Vaknin, S. (2008). The big book of NLP techniques: 200+ patterns. Methods &
strategies of neuro linguistic programming-www.booksurge.com

41.  Which each passing day, more and more
teachers in both general and special
education settings realize that those
communication skills already known by
helping professionals in therapeutic settings
are the same communication skills that we
can use to deal with our most challenging
students

42.  FACEBOOK PAGES AND
GROUPS
 PSYCHOEDUCATION FOR
TEACHERS (Page)
 https://www.facebook.com
/psychoeducationalteacher
 FREE OR CHEAP TEACHING
RESOURCES (Page)
 https://www.facebook.com
/freeresourcesforteachers/
 WE TEACH THE WORLD
(Group)
 https://facebook.com/grou
ps/222247571474300
 BOOKS IN CHILD GUIDANCE
 THE PSYCHOEDUCATIONAL
TEACHER
 https://www.amazon.com/
author/thepsychoeducation
alteacher/

43. Ways of Talking and Interacting with Students that Crack the Behavior Code
To preview this book on Amazon, visit my Author Page (Books in Child Guidance)
Watch Your Language!