1. Running head: CONVERSATIONS WITH STRANGERS ALWAYS HAPPEN
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Conversations with Strangers Always Happen
Brianna Laniawe
San Diego State University

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Conversations with strangers happen every day whether people want them to or not.
When a person goes to a store, they might be greeted by employees asking them if they need
help or they will engage in a short friendly conversation with the cashier as they purchase their
items. On the other hand, that person may work for a store where they are forced to interact with
customers and sometimes new coworkers. Either way, a person cannot avoid interactions with
strangers. So, how do people engage in these conversations? A couple ways would be to start off
by saying hello or by a question. While it may be comfortable for some, others may find it very
painful. That is why people have developed multiple ways to start a conversation depending on
what information they want to obtain.
Americans do not enjoy silence. It is quickly understood as being awkward or
uncomfortable, so people will say almost anything to release the invisible tension they feel is
building in the air. This American view point of silence can be understood worldwide and
Carbaugh (2010) brings up the fact that American’s “Talk all the time” ( p. xxii). People may be
waiting in line at the grocery store and someone nearby will say “Wow, the lines are long” or
“They need more people ringing” and so on. All which are obvious comments that don’t need to
be made, but act as a gateway to a conversation with anyone and a way to cut the silence.
There are many ways to interrupt the silence that American’s fear. One way is by starting
a conversation with the word “Hello.” Most people will respond with a similar greeting which
may allow a conversation to start. Unfortunately, as Carbaugh (2010) has found out, “Americans
are friendly, but are superficial” (p. 40). This makes sense since there is an expected rehearsal of
lines for two people meeting to exchange. It starts off with a greeting and is followed by asking
how the person is doing which is expected to be answered in a positive manner even if they are
not doing well. While it has come to be the expected norm, it also plays into the fact that

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Americans want to be aware of their surroundings including what type of people are in it. If a
person were to not “correctly” engage in the short meeting conversation, questions would arise.
It would make them wonder multiple things like if the person was from another area or if the
person was sane, American’s look for both vocal and visual clues.
Sometimes, starting a conversation with a hello is too casual. A greeting can easily be
ignored; however, a question is harder to avoid. One question would be to ask someone, “What’s
Wrong?” Most people are aware if there is trouble by “facial expression, posture, tears, eye
contact (or its lack)” (Bell, 2008, p.150). This can be as simple as a customer in a store having a
puzzled look on their face with scrunched eyebrows while one side of their mouth is raised or a
child with their eyebrows raised and looking around frantically. In addition, both allow for the
question to be asked leading to an explanation like how the item they were looking for is not on
the shelf or how they have lost their parents. Furthermore, it gives the person asking the question
more awareness of their surroundings. However, not everyone will go up to a stranger.
Starting any type of conversation with another person that is unfamiliar can be a daunting
task. There is this assumption and maybe expectation that the person will be instantly judged.
This is not far off based and Carol Goman explains that
“The moment that stranger sees you, his or her brain makes a thousand computations:
Are you someone to approach or to avoid? Are you friend or foe? Do you have status and
authority? Are you trustworthy, competent, likable, confident? And these computations
are made at lightning speed – making major decision about one another in the first seven
second of meeting” (2011).
The expectation that a person will be judged leads people to try and make a good first impressing
which can give some people anxiety. On the other hand, some people can start a conversation

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with someone else without giving it a second thought. That is because that person knows that
there are no prior obligations, it’s a fresh new start, and some have nothing to lose. This can be
witnessed when a person tries to hit on or flirt with another person. Pick up lines are one of many
ways to start a conversation with a stranger.
Other strategies to engaging in a conversation with a stranger include greetings,
questions, or relating the person to something or someone else. Greeting range from friendly
greeting such as saying “hello” or “hi” to rude greetings such as “Hey you!?” or “Hey, I was
talking to you!” Then there are questions such as “Do you need help?” or “How can I help you?”
which can be started in various places like stores. In addition, there are other questions like “is
this yours?” which forces the stranger to acknowledge you because they will mostly turn in order
to see if the belonging you are speaking of is in fact theirs. Finally, people can start a
conversation with another stranger by explaining that they look like someone they know. It could
start off as asking if they know or are related to someone or asking if they realized that they look
exactly like someone else. Both allow a new conversation to start even if they person is off base.
Furthermore, if the person is uncomfortable meeting a new person, all of these strategies engage
both sides by making the other contribute by either responding or answering the question.
Overall, there are many challenges that can arise when meeting a stranger. People may
want to know about people they are not familiar with in some cases in order to protect
themselves. This may be comfortable for some people who see is as a new start while others find
it terrifying because they assume that they will be judged. This is why people have developed
multiple strategies to handling the silence that haunts Americans. They overcome it by asking
question, saying a greeting, or relating one thing to another. So while people may not want to
speak with a stranger, sometimes it cannot be avoided.

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References
Bell, E. (2008). Theories of Performance. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications, Inc.
Carbaugh, D. (2010). Cultures in Conversation. New York, NY: Routledge.
Goman, C. (2011, February 13). Seven Seconds to Make a First Impression. Forbes. Retrieved
from http://www.forbes.com/sites/carolkinseygoman/2011/02/13/seven-seconds-to-make
a-first-impression/

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References
Bell, E. (2008). Theories of Performance. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications, Inc.
Carbaugh, D. (2010). Cultures in Conversation. New York, NY: Routledge.
Goman, C. (2011, February 13). Seven Seconds to Make a First Impression. Forbes. Retrieved
from http://www.forbes.com/sites/carolkinseygoman/2011/02/13/seven-seconds-to-make
a-first-impression/