y13m07 ACCESSline August

Leslie Jordan
may be a “Show
Pony” but he defi-
nitely has more
thanonetrick.Actor
onstageandscreen,
author, playwright,
and all around
snappy dresser,
Jordan has a sharp
wit and humor to
match. Every ques-
tion has an answer
with a story, Jordan
talks about his new
show, the change
he’s seen in LGBT
equality, special roles, and why he feels no one should envy
playing a role on Star Trek. Jordan was the winner of the
A capella,
satire, comedy, and
drag are combined
with hilarious
success in the
quartet the Kinsey
Sicks. Discovered
at a Bette Midler
concert dressed
as the Andrews
sisters, the Kinsey
Sicks have twenty
years of perfor-
manceasAmerica’s
Favorite Draga-
pella Beautyshop
Quartet. Their
p e r f o r m a n c e s
include their Off-Broadway hit “DRAGAPELLA! Starring the
Kinsey Sicks” at Studio 54, and an extended run at the Las
Vegas Hilton. They have recorded six CDs and have been
featured in two feature films. In addition to making people
Suicide at Polk High School
AJ Betts is the fifth student from Southeast Polk High
school to commit suicide in the past five years.His mother
stated that AJ was outed at school a year and a half ago,
and stated that, “Everyone got a long with my son very well
untiltheyfoundouthewasgay.”Moorefurthercontributed
AJ’s suicide to his being bullied at school for being gay, half
African-American,andbecausehewasbornwithacleftlip.
Iowa DPH denying same-sex
parents accurate birth certificates
DespiteapreviousrulingfromtheIowaSupremeCourt
inthecaseGartnerv.Newton,theIowaDepartmentofPublic
Health is still refusing to immediately issue accurate birth
certificatesforallchildrenborntomarriedlesbianparents.
The Gartner case was decided unanimously in May of
this year by the Iowa Supreme Court as part of a Lambda
Legal lawsuit challenging the Iowa Department of Public
Health’s refusal to issue an accurate birth certificate to
MacKenzie, daughter of married same-sex couple Heather
When it comes to sexual health, testing for HIV and
STIs is an important part of every sexually active indi-
vidual’s life. However, testing can be difficult for people
in rural communities compared to those living in or
near larger cities. Paul Whannel talks about the impact
of HIV and STI testing for rural LGBT individuals and
communities. While Deb Peterson discusses the options
of small and large Planned Parenthood of the Heartland
Health Centers.
Paul Whannel
Advisor to Midwestern AIDS Project.
What difficulties can people run into when
looking for HIV/STI testing in rural communities?
Rural communities are a huge challenge for HIV/STI
testing among high-risk individuals, especially gay and
bi men. Many aren’t comfortable sharing information
with the medical professionals they visit, and many don’t
regularly visit medical professionals at all, particularly
younger people. As most rural communities have abso-
Page 8Page 6 Page 16 Page 21 Page 32
“Boystown”AJourneytoOz
TT page 11
What’sInside:Section 1: News & Politics
Advertising rates 3
Brown for Cedar Rapids City Council byA Geno-Stumme 4
From the Heartland by Donna RedWing 5
Remarkables by JonathanWilson 5
IowanAdvocacy byTami Haught 6
Just Sayin’ by Beau Fodor 6
Shrink Rap by LorenA Olson MD 7
Warren’sWords byWarren J.Blumenfeld 7
Northwest Iowa:My little corner of the world
by D.RaymondWetherell 8
Simple Gifts byTony Dillon-Hansen 8
Minor Details by Robert Minor 9
Looking past DOMA byAnthony Brown 10
In the Name of Religion by Rev.Irene Monroe 10
The Project of the Quad Cities 10
Transformations Iowa Meeting 10
Section 2:Fun Guide
Entertainment Picks for the Month 11
“Boystown”A Journey to Oz byA Geno-Stumme 11
Inside Out by Ellen Krug 12
PFLAG - Des Moines Chapter Meeting 12
New GOglbt Business Referral Group 12
WiredThisWay by Rachel Eliason 13
HonorYour Body,HonorYou by DaveyWavey 13
Iowa’s GayWeddings by Scott Stevens 16
Dovesland CreationsAdds Personal Flair by Geno-Stumme 16
NKOB:BoysWill be Boys 21
The Bookworm Sez byTerri Schlichenmeyer 22
Comics and Crossword Puzzle 22-23
Outstanding LeadersAdvocacyAd 24
Section 3:Community
From the Pastor’s Pen by Rev.Jonathan Page 25
PrimeTimers of Central Iowa 25
PITCH Calendar 2013 25
Warren’sWords byWarren J.Blumenfeld 26
Ask Lambda Legal By Susan Sommer 26
Business Directory 28-29
I.C. Kings: Long, Hot Summer 32
Finding and Defining Sexual Morality by JonathanWilson 32
LGBTQ Patient & Family Education and Support Groups 33
ALPHAS 34
TT LESLIE JORDAN continued page 31
TT KINSEY SICKS continued page 32
Heartland NewsLeslie Jordan:
No One Trick Pony
InterviewbyAngelaGeno-Stumme
Sexual Health in
Rural Communities
byAngelaGeno-Stumme
TT NEWS continued on page 3
TT SEXUAL HEALTH continued on page 4
The Kinsey Sicks
Interview by Angela Geno-Stumme
Leslie Jordan
The Kinsey Sicks from left to right:
Rachel, Trampolina, Trixie, and Winnie.

and Melissa Gartner. Iowa’s highest court
ruled in favor of the Gartners, stating that
theIowaDepartmentofPublicHealthwould
have to change its practice of refusing to
issueaccuratebirthcertificateslistingboth
mothers.
Instead, same-sex married couples
are being told by the Iowa Department of
Public Health that they must follow an affi-
davit process and obtain certified copies of
theirmarriagelicensebeforeaccuratebirth
certificates can be issued. These require-
mentsdonotapplytonon-gayIowafamilies.
Ottumwa’s “The Laramie
Project” to be an
independent production
Now that leaders at Ottumwa High
Schoolhavecanceledplansforafallstudent
production of “The Laramie Project”, the
school’s drama teacher has said the show
must go on. Natalie Saunders has recruited
localtheaterdirectorDaleDommer—with
manyofherstudents—toperformtheplay
atthecity’sperformingartscenter.Thenow
independent play is set for October at the
Bridge View Center.
Iowa Forum Mobilizes
Evangelicals to Politics
Founder of the American Renewal
Project David Lane spent $250,000 to
underwrite a two-day forum for 800 Iowa
evangelicals. The clergy and their wives
were treated to an all-expenses paid event
in Des Moines featuring U.S. Senators Rand
Paul of Kentucky and Ted Cruz of Texas.
Pastors were urged to mobilize and advo-
cate political action in Iowa churches, in
additiontoholdingvoterregistrationdrives
this September.
Donna Red Wing had this to say:
I can’t help but get a little nervous
whenever an anti-equality leader like David
Lanedescribeshisprogrammingasaweapon
giventohimbyGod.Italsomakesmenervous
when someone like Lane has millions of
dollars to spend, working against LGBT
Americans and against women’s rights to
reproductive health. He says that he wants
to “re-establish a Christian culture,” but it’s
unclear exactly what this would look like.
Most troubling of all, I am concerned that he
will continue to rail against the first amend-
ment, which states clearly, “Congress shall
make no law respecting an establishment
of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise
thereof…”
HELP Senate
Committee Passes ENDA
On July 10, the Senate Committee on
Health, Education, Labor and Pensions
(HELP), chaired by Sen. Harkin, passed
the Employment Non-Discrimination Act
(ENDA), a bill that would prohibit employ-
ersfromfiring,refusingtohire,ordiscrimi-
nating against those employed or seeking
employmentonthebasisoftheirperceived
oractualsexualorientationorgenderiden-
tity. Such protections are already in place
prohibiting discrimination based on race,
religion, gender, national origin, age, and
disability, and have made the United States
a better, fairer, and more equal nation. The
voteonENDAmarkedthefirsttimethatany
congressional committee has passed a bill
prohibitingdiscriminationbasedonsexual
orientation and gender identity.
Senator Harkin stated:
It is time, once and for all, to prohibit
discrimination based on sexual orientation
and gender identity. And I am proud that
the HELP Committee has taken the lead by
passing, on a bipartisan basis, the Employ-
ment Non-Discrimination Act. This bill
renews our nation’s historic commitment
to the advancement of civil rights and to the
American ideal of a meritocracy in which
people are judged on their talent, ability,
and qualifications—not by the color of
their skin, their religion, their gender, their
nationalorigin,theirage,whethertheyhave
a disability, their sexual orientation, or their
genderidentity.IamworkingtobringENDA
to a vote before the full Senate at the soonest
possible date, and I am hopeful that we can
pass it on a bipartisan basis, just as we did
in committee.
Trans PLHIV More
Likely to Avoid Treatment
Findings from a recent survey suggest
that fear of prosecution under the law may
lead trans people living with HIV (PLHIV)
to avoid testing and treatment at dispro-
portionately high rates. The National HIV
CriminalizationSurvey,releasedbytheSero
Project and the Transgender Law Center
last week, found that 58% of transgender
and third sex-identified PLHIV saw fear of
prosecution as a reason to avoid testing,
61% saw it as a reason to avoid disclosure
of one’s HIV status to sexual partners, and
48% saw it as a reason to avoid treatment.
The survey revealed some telling
attitudes towards disclosure laws, which
are laws implemented in many states
requiring people living with HIV to reveal
their HIV-positive status to others, or face
punishment.
Transgender people living with HIV
were even less likely to trust the court
system,andonly15%oftransgenderpeople
living with HIV believe that a person with
HIV would receive a fair hearing by the
criminal justice system. In addition, they
signify that disclosure laws present signifi-
cant barriers to testing and treatment for
trans and gender non-conforming people.
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SS continued from page 1
HEARTLAND NEWS
ACCESSline Page 3AUGUST 2013
Section 1: News & Politics

lutely no form of outreach testing, high-
risk individuals must specifically seek out
testing services. That commonly provokes
anxiety even among low-risk individuals.
Too many people aren’t even ‘out’ to their
doctors, a sign that trust is lacking. People
need to understand that anxiety is normal
and that they shouldn’t feel ashamed or
demonized for seeking such services—in
fact, they should be applauded.
What difficulties do organizations
have in providing HIV/STI testing in
rural communities?
It’s nearly impossible to pull into a
small town with a mobile testing clinic—
who wants to be the
first to step up in
front of their whole
community? Being
from a small town
myself, I can say most
everyone knows each
other’s business. At least it feels that way.
Local organizations have had some
successes with partnering with colleges,
but that only reaches a certain group in
certain communities. It’d be wonderful
if we could work more closely with high
schools, but that’s quite controversial.
Most often, our best success is reaching
rural people who come to bigger metro
areas to socialize, but that isn’t a real
solution to the whole problem. This is a
barrier no one has figured out how to fix.
What suggestions do you have for
individuals looking for HIV/STI testing
in rural communities?
Be honest with your doctor or other
medical providers. They’re not there to
judge you, even if you’re feeling scared or
guilty. They’re there to help. Sometimes
you have to vocalize your concerns and
that can be difficult, whether or not you
feel you have symptoms or think you’ve
been exposed. Anyone who is sexually
active should make HIV and STI testing
part of their routine. Once a year at
minimum is a good suggestion, but some
people should be tested more often. Sure
it’s a bit of a drag to schedule that appoint-
ment and come in. But when it’s over, I can
see the relief on people’s faces. Twenty
minutesofyourtimeforthatkindofrelief?
It’s an easy choice to make.
Can you discuss what difficulties
the LGBT community may have when
looking for HIV/STI testing?
Shame and fear are the two biggest
perceived threats—so many people
coming in for a test think they’re going
to get a lecture or dirty looks. In reality,
it’s the opposite. Whenever someone
comes in asking for services, agencies in
the area consider them to be responsible
individuals looking out for their heath
and the health of their partners. Maybe
it’s been a couple of years since your last
test. We don’t say, “Why weren’t you here
earlier?” We say, “We’re glad you came in,
pat yourself on the back.” That’s when
people open up.
AsImentionedearlier,honestyisabig
part of this as well. That same shame and
fear leads people to tell counselors what
they think they want to hear. If there’s
drug use, binge drinking, unprotected sex,
or other risk factors,
we need to know it
to help make a plan
to keep you safer. I
promise, whatever you
think you need to hide,
we’ve heard it all. It’s
not going to shock us and we’re not going
to brow-beat you.
What do you hope to see in the
future, in regards to HIV/STI testing?
I hope we establish more trust in the
community so people aren’t anxious about
being tested for HIV/STDs. That means
tackling stigma and having the serious
conversations that need to be had. I hope
we find new ways to draw attention to
this issue that aren’t all doom-and-gloom
because that turns people off. I hope more
young people realize the surge in STDs in
their age group means they’re at risk and
need to seek services. I hope more rural
doctors pay attention to this issue. Most of
all, though, I hope there comes a day when
we’re not needed at all. Until then, we’re
here for you—and we’re on your side.
Deb Peterson
Planned Parenthood of the Heartland,
Creston Health Center Manager.
Finding HIV/STI testing can be
difficultforindividualsinruralcommu-
nities, what is the difference in testing
between small and large centers?
HIV/STI testing is available at all of
our health centers, in every community
we serve. Our goal is to make it as easy as
possibleforpeopletoreceivetimely,confi-
dential care that is close to home. All of our
testing is private, and our staff is trained
to be sensitive to our patients’ needs and
concerns. We also provide comprehensive
TT SEXUAL HEALTH cont’d page 33
They’re not there to judge
you, even if you’re feeling
scaredorguilty. They’rethere
to help.
SEXUAL HEALTH
Cedar Rapids has the opportunity to
haveitsfirstopenlygayCityCouncilMember
with Anthony Brown running for a seat this
fall.Brown,agraduateofJeffersonHigh,has
invested himself in many local and state
organizations, boards, and committees.
He has served on the Board of Directors
for Access Iowa and on the Initial Board of
Directors for ImpactCR. He was an Event
Coordinator for Floodstock ’08, the Affir-
mative Action Chair for the Linn County
Democratic Party, the Lead Coordinator for
previousCedarRapidsPrideFestivals,Event
Coordinator for the 2012 Festival Latino
de Cedar Rapids, and former President for
the Cedar Rapids Gay & Lesbian Resource
Center.Currently,heworksatthenon-profit
organizationDiversityFocusasCommunity
Engagement & Development Manager and
Fellow for the LGBT Community for Diver-
sity Focus.
What influenced you to run for City
Council in Cedar Rapids, Iowa?
I see the need in our Community for a
freshperspectiveandawillingnesstowork
with residents and businesses to continue
making Cedar Rapids into a vibrant and
thrivingcommunityforall.I’velivedinCedar
Rapids since ’99 and I have been involved
in activities for this community at nearly
every level (i.e. CR Pride, Festival Latino de
CedarRapids,CRBlueZonesProject,etc…).
Connecting businesses, people, organiza-
tions,andcommunitieswithinCedarRapids
andthesurroundingarea,toeachother,and
back into the community—is a passion of
mine. Overall the influences of collabora-
tion, connectivity, being a servant leader,
andcommunitybuilding,areinfluencingmy
run to serve on Cedar Rapids City Council.
IfelectedthisNovember,howdoyoufeel
about being the first openly LGBT City
CouncilMemberforCedarRapids,Iowa?
I’dfeelgreathonestly.WhileIdonotlet
one aspect of who I am define me, I see the
need to be a positive role model not only to
LGBT Youth, but to the community at large
Brown for Cedar Rapids City
Council Interview by Angela Geno-Stumme
Anthony Brown
TT BROWN cont’d page 33
AUGUST 2013ACCESSline Page 4

Untangling the
Post-DOMA Issues
On June 26th, the Supreme Court of
the United States struck down a key section
of the so-called Defense of Marriage Act
(DOMA) as unconstitutional. Now what?
What does this historical victory mean for
legally married same-gender couples in
Iowa? What does it mean for loving and
committed couples across this nation?
Clearly the ruling is an extraordinary
stepforwardinourstruggleforthefreedom
to marry but it does not grant a national
constitutional right to
marry. In states where
same-gender couples
can legally marry, the
ruling adds all of the
federal rights and
benefits of marriage to
those couples.
Let’s look at what
we can celebrate.
Bi-nationalcoupleswillhavealloftherights
of their heterosexual counterparts. For the
nearly 30,000 gay and lesbian bi-national
couples this means that there can be legal
application to bring spouses and fiancées
to the United States, ending the separa-
tion of couples whose marriages were not
recognized. To put it simply, these couples
will be able to apply for and be considered
for green cards.
ForIowans,andthoselivinginmarriage
equality states, same-gender married
couples will, for the first time, legally file
jointfederalincometaxreturns. Inthepast,
Iowans would file an Iowa State tax return
based on a ‘make-believe’ joint federal
return. Then a separate and real federal
return, indicating individual status, would
be filed. These couples will be eligible to
collect Social Security, including survivor
benefits. These married couples would,
most probably, no longer pay income tax
andemploymenttaxesonbenefits,including
health insurance, provided by an employer
to a spouse.
There are more than 1100 rights and
benefits that will now be available to legally
married same gender couples, includ-
ing: income tax, veterans’ benefits, Social
Security, Medicare, Medicaid, estate tax,
immigrationrights,bankruptcylaws,public
employeebenefits,militaryspousalbenefits
and the Family Medical
Leave Act. That is the
good news.
But it is complicat-
ed. Willthestatewhere
the marriage occurred
orthestateofresidence
be recognized for these
benefits? If you were
marriedinIowaandyou
live in Iowa, there is no question. But what
if you live in Florida, drive up to Iowa to get
married, and then go home to the Sunshine
State. Florida does not recognize marriage.
AreyoumarriedornotinFlorida? Andwhat
about the states that recognize but will not
perform same-gender marriage?
Or, what if a legally married Iowa
couple crosses the border into Nebraska
for a vacation? We joke that once you cross
that line, you are divorced for as long as
you are outside of Iowa. But what if there
is a medical emergency? What if the rights
and benefits are needed in a life and death
situation? What happens outside of Iowa?
Every same gender married couple
needs to ask these questions. We need to
call our legislators and ask for answers. We
need to make sure that the courts are well
prepared both in numbers of justices and
reflectivediversityonthebench. TheDistrict
of Columbia Circuit Court will hear many of
thecasesthatstreamoutoftheDOMAruling.
And that court is down three justices.
We need to speak with our attorneys,
our advocates and make decisions accord-
ingly. And, I think, we need to take matters
into our own hands.
Just this weekend my fiancée and I
made a decision to create the documents
we would need if we took even a day trip
to Nebraska, Missouri or Illinois. We found
that there was an app for that! We went
to mydirectives.com and in about half an
hour created the electronic documents we
would need in an emergency or end of life
situation. From medical needs to personal
needs, we were able to make our decisions
and wishes known. This particular product
is free of charge, HIPPA compliant, digital
and portable. Creating our documents was
a profound experience, forcing us to think
about, talk about and make known our
medical,emergencyandendoflifedecisions.
InIowa,wearefortunate. Ourdecisions
need to be based on the fact that we do have
all of the rights and benefits of any other
couple, as long as we stay in Iowa, as long as
we maintain the right to marry and as long
aswecontinuetoeducateourselvesaround
the shifting policies around the freedom
to marry. Maybe. We need to ask how our
familieswillberecognizedespeciallyaround
parental rights and adoption. And we need
to know what happens when we cross the
Iowa border.
For others, particularly those who live
instatesthatprohibitmarriage,itcontinues
to be challenging. The battle we won in the
highest court in the land must now be won
person-by-person, county-by-county and
state-by-state.
Thecivilrightsbattleofthe21stcentury
is not yet won. We are winning but we still
have a great deal more to do. We need to
move forward with our eyes wide open;
continue to pay attention, speak to our
policy makers, become advocates, support
ourcommunitygroups,consultwithourtax
experts and attorneys, explore medical and
end of life directives, and do everything we
can to make the most of the DOMA ruling.
And,fromtimetotimeweshouldsimplystop
for a moment and celebrate, just celebrate,
how far we have come.
Keeping the Filibuster Real
It’stimetochangethefilibusterrulesof
the United States Senate. It’s time to break
downsomeofthehurdlestoeffectivegovern-
ment. It’s time for greater accountability. A
filibuster rules change will serve all of those
laudable ends.
How so? Currently, the mere threat of
a filibuster is treated as if it were the real
thing. It takes 60 votes to get past the mere
threat. That’s a little like kowtowing to the
kidwhothreatenstoholdhisbreathuntilhe
turns blue, when you should be saying, “Go
ahead, make my day.”
To be fair, those in the majority have
been reluctant to change the rules, given the
nearcertaintythatsomedayinthefuturethat
majority will be the minority again. Under
thecurrentrulestheminorityretainsconsid-
erable power to influence legislation since
therehavebeenrareoccasionswhenamajor-
ity held a 60-vote super-majority. Looking
then to the future, the majority wants, even
inminoritystatus,toretainsomepowerand
influenceoverlegislativeaction. Thecurrent
rulesallowtheminoritytodothatandthwart
the will of the simple majority. That super-
ficially far-sighted rationale is actually near
sighted. Itactuallyinhibitsthemajorityfrom
becominganevengreatermajority(orlosing
its majority status altogether).
Why? Because the rules diminish the
accountability of the simple majority. As it
is now, the majority can always excuse their
failure to advance their agenda for gover-
nance by demonizing
and blaming the minor-
ity unless and until the
majority has a 60-vote
super-majority. That is
lesslikelytohappen,and
losing majority status
entirelyisalsolesslikely
to happen, if each side
when in the majority
can still point the accountability finger at
the minority.
So, how would changing the rules
increase accountability? Simple. It’s a
matter of giving the misguided enough rope
to hang themselves. If a simple majority can
pass legislation, the chance increases that
the adopted policies will go into effect and
either succeed or fail. If they succeed, the
likelihood increases that voters will want
more of that kind of vision and leadership
and more candidates of that majority party
will be elected. But, if the adopted policies
fail or fall short of expectations, the voters
will be able to see who was responsible for
thefailureandcanvoteaccordinglytothrow
the bums out of office.
Changing the rules doesn’t have to
eliminate the filibuster and the need for a
super-majority to cut off debate. Both could
remain. Simplyeliminatingtreatmentofthe
filibuster threat as the real thing would be a
tremendousstepinthe
rightdirection. Ifsome
senator, for the sake of
drawing attention to a
particularly misguided
legislative initiative,
wants to filibuster,
morepowertohim/her.
Have at it and televise
it. That senator can go
(no pun intended), limited only by bladder
capacity or an actual super-majority willing
to cut off further debate.
The most serious flaw in the current
rules is the treatment of a mere filibuster
threat as if it were the real thing. Its most
pernicious manifestation is the single-
senator-secret-hold on executive branch
nominees,whichistheultimateinreciprocal
back scratching.
Those who want to delay governance
decisionscandosoforprincipleorpublicity,
but they should have to work for it. If they
wanttocarrywaterforsomethingofparticu-
lar importance to them, let them carry it in
their bladders. In the final analysis, a vote
canbehad,asimplemajoritycandecide,and
thatsimplemajoritycanbeproperlyassigned
credit or blame for the outcomes.
But what if there is a
medical emergency? What
if the rights and benefits are
needed in a life and death
situation? What happens
outside of Iowa?
From the Heartland by Donna Red Wing, Executive Director One Iowa
Donna Red Wing is the Executive Director of
One Iowa. She served as Executive Director
of Grassroots Leadership, as Chief of Staff at
Interfaith Alliance, she was a member of the
Obama’s kitchen cabinet on LGBT concerns,
and was Howard Dean’s outreach liaison to
the LGBT communities. Red Wing was the
first recipient of the Walter Cronkite Award
for Faith & Freedom. Red Wing serves on
the national board of the Velvet Foundation,
which is building the national LGBT museum
in Washington, DC. Contact Donna at
OneIowa.org or donna@oneiowa.org.
Jonathan Wilson is an attorney at the
Davis Brown Law Firm in Des Moines,
and chairs the First Friday Breakfast Club
(ffbciowa.org), an educational, non-profit
corporation for gay men in Iowa who
gather on the first Friday of every month to
provide mutual support, to be educated on
community affairs, and to further educate
community opinion leaders with more
positive images of gay men.
It is the largest breakfast club in the
state of Iowa. He can be contacted at
JonathanWilson@DavisBrownLaw.com.
Remarkables by Jonathan Wilson
So, how would
changing the rules increase
accountability? Simple.
It’s a matter of giving the
misguided enough rope to
hang themselves.

20 Years,
Coming Full Circle
This article is going to be more on the
personalside—thismonthonAugust23rd
I
willberecognizingthe20th
yearIhavebeen
diagnosed with HIV. I never imagined on
August 23, 1993 that I would still be alive
in 2013. I knew very little about HIV and
yet was suddenly immersed in something
that I never believed would happen to me,
like everyone else HIV/AIDS was some-
thing that happened to other people. I
was unaware of criminalization laws and
certainly didn’t think they would have any
impact on my life.
Having led the efforts to modernize
Iowa’s HIV specific law for the last year, I
still didn’t realize my personal experience
with the law. I started advocating for
change because the law is ineffective and
further stigmatizes PLWHA and discour-
ages testing and treatment.
Iwasremindedofmypersonalexperi-
ence when I visited a friend who was in the
adult mental health floor at the University
of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics. Roger, my
late husband, was admitted to the ward
17 years ago after having a mental break
down. Walking down the hall and past the
room he was in was like being slammed
against a brick wall, which shocked me I
wasn’t ready for those feelings to come
flooding back.
Roger was admitted 3 months after
we were married, I talked him into staying
in Iowa rather than
moving back to Texas,
knowing we would get
better medical treat-
ments here. What I
didn’t realize was the
internal struggle he
was having. I hadn’t
told my family that I
was diagnosed HIV+
and Roger had AIDS
with a t-cell count of 12. Roger feared that
once they found out about our diagnosis
that myfamilywouldtalkmeintocharging
himofcriminaltransmissionandhewould
spend the rest of his life in prison.
The thought of calling the police and
charging Roger under 709C never entered
my mind, I never would have charged him,
nor would my family have asked me. One, I
wasn’t sure about the law, and two, I never
blamed Roger for being infected with HIV.
I took responsibility that I had put myself
at risk for HIV, by not protecting myself,
I acquired HIV, Roger did not transmit it.
We hadn’t had the conversation before we
engaged in sex and didn’t use protection.
The 2 things needed to protect oneself.
But walking down
the hallway in the
hospital, it finally hit
me; I am also fighting
for Roger to modern-
ize the law, not just
all the other Iowans
who have been so
negatively impacted
by it. It always amazes
me what triggers a
memory, the hallway certainly was for me.
I now have even more reason to fight to get
this bad law modernized.
Originally, put on the books with good
intentions, we now know that the law is
having the opposite effect keeping people
from being tested and treated, fearing the
stigma and discrimination PLWHA face
daily.
Iowan Advocacy by Tami Haught
Tami Haught has been living with HIV
for almost 20 years. She is the CHAIN
Community Organizer, President for
PITCH, and new member of the SERO
Project Board of Directors. Tami started
speaking out about her HIV status when
her son started school hoping that
providing education and facts would
make life easier for her son, by fighting
the stigma, discrimination, isolation,
and criminalization people living with
HIV/AIDS face daily. Contact info: tami.
haught2012@gmail.com website:
www.pitchiowa.com
We hadn’t had the
conversation before we
engaged in sex and didn’t
use protection. The 2
things needed to protect
oneself.
Latin Equality in the
LGBT Community
On a lighter note, last month, June,
brought my first Mexican Couple to be
married in Iowa with a wedding party
of 40 from Acapulco. The wedding party
took over the entire Valley West Inn. They
did a full Spa Day at Sahar’s, a bachelor
party at the Garden, then after a wedding
morning Brunch (with Creme Cupcake
& Desserts doughnuts), had a fairytale
ceremony in the Des Moines’s Art Center
Rose Garden and partied the night away
with 150 guests (and a Mariachi band)
at The Capitol Room, filling themselves
on some of the best Iowa-infused cuisine
and wines I have ever tasted from Taste-
to-Go catering, and the cake from Cache
was to die for!
“After being together with my partner
(now husband) since December 7, 2001,
we both felt it was time to make a formal
commitment to each other. When we
started our journey back on August 30,
2012,wehadanideaonwhatwewantedto
do for our ceremony,
which was to infuse
AmericanandMexican
traditions into our
wedding ceremony
and reception. Our
first excursion on
August 30, 2012, to
Des Moines, Iowa, was
filled with meeting
many vendors and
beginning the initial
planning process of
the two day wedding.
With every vendor we
met, there was an instant connection. We
made two more excursions prior to the
wedding, one in late March and one over
Memorial weekend. Every time we visited,
the vendors always made us feel very
comfortable and accepted
and they would even go
beyond expectations to
help us with questions that
had nothing to do with the
services they were going to
provide for our wedding.
When our wedding finally
arrived, every one of those
vendors, together, helped
create a beautiful, memo-
rable, and high quality
ceremony and reception.
Enrique and I are finally
married, after being together for 11 ½
years, and we are very grateful to all of
our vendors, but also to the city of Des
Moines, Iowa, for helping Enrique and I
be able to have some of the same rights
that heterosexual married couples have.
“Jeffrey and I knew that we wanted
to be married years ago; our original
plan was to do it in Mexico City where gay
marriage is legal on a Federal Level. Every
gay couple has the same rights across the
country, not like in the United States where
thewordequalityisnot
completely embraced
by some segments of
our society. However
due to the violence
in Mexico at the time
of our decision and
concerns about the
safety of our guests,
it made us look more
closer to home in the
state of Iowa (the only
Midwest state where
gay marriage was
legalized at the time
when we were looking for a place to get
married), and the capital and city of Des
Moineswasourfirstchoice.Whatasurprise
we had when we visited the vendors that
made possible to have my dream wedding.
They were open-minded and I felt very
welcomed and comfortable with the hospi-
tality wherever we went and talked about
the reason of our trip. After eleven plus
years together, it was important for us to
seal our commitment of love and trust that
we had built to each other in the presence
of God, our friends, family, and guests. As
a gay Latino man I wanted to show the
Latin community that we gay Latinos are
just like everyone else; we are people that
have the right to love and share our life
with the person we love and share the rest
of our lives with. Thankfully the people of
Minnesota voted for the right thing to do
and now Jeffrey and I will have some (not
all) of the rights the heterosexual married
couples have.”
~Jeffrey and Enrique.
These Grooms, and more importantly
the family and their community they
brought to Iowa, left a lasting impression
on me. During the toasts, things got very
emotional and quite serious with talk of
immigration reform, fear of retribution
and homophobia in Mexico, and of course,
Latino equality in the LGBT community,
which to be honest, I was somewhat igno-
rant about. And as I am already planning
another couple’s nuptials, this time from
Cancun, you can be assured I’ll be working
on my Spanish so I can feel more a part
of their wedding, instead of just being the
planner. They made me feel like family
and that’s what I try to do in return for
my Brides and Grooms, because in this
industry... that is what it’s all about.
“As a gay Latino man I
wanted to show the Latin
community that we gay
Latinosarejustlikeevery-
one else; we are people
that have the right to love
and share our life with the
person we love and share
the rest of our lives with.”
Just Sayin’ by Beau Fodor
Beau Fodor is the owner of
PANACHE, an Iowa event and
wedding planner who focuses
specifically on weddings for the
LGBT community. He can be reached
at his blog www.panachepoints.com.
Photo courtesy of Toby Schuh
Photography.
Enrique and Jeffrey’s wedding party.
Courtesy of Maxheim Photography.
MaxheimPhoto.com

Dr. Olson,
One year ago my husband told me he’d
contracted an STD from his male lover.
Honesty about his bisexuality has made our
sex life the best since our early marriage.
I found his ex-lover’s
numberinhiscellphone
a few days ago under
a different name. Am I
foolingmyselfintothinkingwecanhaveany
trust? Guess I’m not worth it. I don’t want
to be lied to anymore. How can I make him
come to terms with his sexuality?
Feeling Betrayed
Dear Feeling Betrayed,
First, my heart goes out to you and all
the men and women who find themselves
having an unfaithful spouse, whether gay/
bi/straight.
It is my belief that the damage to your
relationship is not because of what has
happened sexually; it is from the under-
mining of the trust that was there before.
Liesarethetrueinfidelityinarelationship.
It is clear that even though things had
improvedsincehearingthenewsayearago,
you still don’t trust him. Going through his
cell phone is pretty clear evidence for that.
After being betrayed once, you are trying
to protect yourself from being hurt again.
After his confession, what was his commit-
ment to you?
All relationships have rules, and they
are not the same for every couple. Some
heterosexualcoupleshave“open”relation-
ships as well as gay/bi couples. The rules
must be negotiated early in a relationship.
Those rules can be changed and rene-
gotiated; however, they must not be rene-
gotiated unilaterally as they were in your
case. Simply agreeing
for a “non-monoga-
mous” relationship is
not enough. The rules
alsomuststatethedegreeofhonestyabout
extra-marital/spousal relationships. For
example, will it be “Don’t ask, don’t tell?” or
will it require full disclosure. YOU must be
the one to establish what your own limits
are within your own values.
Your husband’s behavior has nothing
to do with your value as a person nor does
it imply that he does not love you. Many
men who have sex with men are not just
living a heterosexual life in response to
social pressures; many do love their wives
and children, and don’t want to let go of
any of that.
Yetwearedrivenbyinnerfeelingsthat
are not always rational. We operate from
rationalthinkingonlyabout1%ofthetime,
even though we believe that we are always
doingso.Yourhusband’srationalmindmay
havemadeacommitmenttoyouthathehas
found difficult to keep.
You must let go of the idea that you can
“makehimcometotermswithhissexuality.”
That is something over which you have no
control. But you must come to terms with
yourresponsetothisandyoudohavesome
control over that. Are you willing to share
your husband sexually even if his primary
loyalty always remains with you?
Iwouldencourageyounottoask“why”
questions. For one thing, he probably can’t
tellyouwhy.Also,questionsthatbeginwith,
“Why….” typically push the other person
into a defensive position and may induce
more lying as a way to defend himself.
Simply tell him the fact: “I know it is wrong
but I was looking through your cell phone
because I find it difficult to trust you, and
I found your lovers phone number with a
differentname.”Youhavesimplystatedthe
facts. Then let him respond—or not. But
you must be honest with him if you expect
honesty in return.
One final note: Given the uncertainty
of this situation, if you continue to have sex
with your husband, you must insist that
he use a condom. He certainly owes you
that. I am convinced that the drive that has
pushed him to sex with a man has not gone
away. Chances are good that this lover was
not his only sexual contact. You should also
be tested for all STDs on a regular basis.
Perhaps to improve your level of trust, the
two of you might go together to get tested
and receive some safe sex counseling.
Your situation isn’t hopeless, but it is
difficult, and it will continue to be so for
quite some time. Trust, once damaged, is
difficult to restore, but it is possible. It will
require honesty on both your parts and
behavior that is confined to the rules that
you have established together.
I have lived your life from your
husband’s point of view, but I have been
blessed that my former wife has moved on
and has come to understand my struggle. I
have also come to understand how much I
hurt her. Fortunately, through developing
this understanding of each other, we have
come to a point of forgiveness.
Shrink Rap by Loren A Olson MD
Loren A. Olson MD is a board certified
psychiatrist in the clinical practice of
psychiatry for over 35 years. Dr. Olson has
conducted research on mature gay and
bisexual men for his book, Finally Out:
Letting Go of Living Straight, a Psychiatrist’s
Own Story. He has presented on this subject
at conferences across the United States and
Internationally. His blog, MagneticFire.
com, has a strong following among mature
gay and bisexual men. He established Prime
Timers of Central Iowa, a social organization
for mature gay/bisexual men. For more
information go to FinallyOutBook.com or
contact him on Facebook.com.
Liesarethetrueinfidelity
in a relationship.
Sexist Iowa Court Ruling
Reinstates Blame on
Woman for Being Too
Irresistible
I thought I had heard of most of
the attempted and manifested means
of patriarchal control and domination
over women’s bodies and minds, until
news hit of a court ruling in my former
home state of Iowa, handed down first
last December, and then on appeal, rein-
stated July 12, 2013. The state’s Supreme
Court, composed entirely of men, voted
unanimously each time that dentist,
James Knight, was acting within his legal
rights to terminate Melissa Nelson, a ten-
year member of his staff, to preserve his
marriage. During the trials, Knight never
charged Nelson with conducting herself
improperlyorunprofessionallyinanyway.
He never charged that she flirted or acted
in a sexually suggestive manner, though on
occasion she exchanged some non-sexual
personal text messages. Nelson stated that
she regarded her 53-year old employer as
a “father figure.”
Knight’s wife came across the texts,
and, afterwards, the couple went to their
pastor for advice, who then approved
of their decision to dismiss Nelson. The
“justices” ruled in December and reiter-
ated again that bosses can fire employees
they view as an “irresistible attraction.”
Such terminations fall within legal bounds
according to the author of the decision,
“Justice” Edward Mansfield, since they are
motivated by feelings and emotions rather
than on the basis of gender.
To paraphrase the Bard, discrimina-
tion by any other name would still stink.
Fundamentally, the Iowa Supreme Court
is placing responsibility on women for the
libidinous drives of their male employers.
This blatantly falls under the category of
“blaming the victim,” just as accusing a
woman for a man raping her because she
was dressed attractively.
“Sexism” I define
as the overarching
system of advantages
bestowed on males.
It is prejudice and
discrimination based
on sex, especially
against femalesandintersex people,andis
founded on a patriarchal structure of male
dominance promoted through individual/
interpersonal, institutional, and social/
cultural systems.
Throughouthistory,examplesabound
of male domination over the rights and
lives of women. Men have denied women
the vote and their reproductive freedoms
until women fought back and demanded
the rights of political enfranchisement
and legal access to contraception and
abortion; strictly enforced gender-based
social roles mandated without choice that
women’s only option was to remain in the
home to undertake cleaning and childcare
duties; women were and continue by far
to be the primary targets of harassment,
abuse, physical assault, and rape by men;
women were locked out of most profes-
sions; rules required that women teachers
relinquish their jobs after marriage; in
fact, the institution of marriage itself was
structured on a foundation of male domi-
nance with men serving as the so-called
“head of the household” and taking on sole
ownership of all property thereby with-
holding these rights from women. In other
words, women have been constructed as
second-class and even third-class citizens,
as targets, but through it all, women as
a group have challenged the inequities
and have pushed back
against patriarchal
constraints.
I often hear men
and even some women
claim that sexism is a
thing of the past, that
women have achieved the equality that
was once denied them, that we live in a
systemofmeritocracywhereone’ssuccess
in life is based solely on merit, work ethic,
motivation, and abilities, rather than on
our social identities or the stations of life
to which we are born.
Though females stand as the numeri-
cal majority in the United States and
many countries throughout the world,
we must not confuse majority in terms
of numbers with dominance in terms of
social power. For example, though black
Africans numbered as the vast majority
under the corrupt apartheid system in
South Africa, white South Africans held
the social power to invoke and maintain,
for many years, their oppressive control.
While women’s annual salaries have
grown over the past decades, and while
many studies indicate that women have
fared somewhat better during the current
economic recession, reports indicate that
women continue to make substantially
less than their male counterparts when
performing similar jobs. For example,
the U.S. Department of Labor found that
women overall make approximately 77
cents compared to $1.00 by white men.
Looking at women of color, the findings
are even lower: Asian American women,
74 cents; African American women, 67
cents; and Latinas, 56 cents.
Though many women and men are
fully aware of the continuing existence
of sexism, male privilege and domination,
and they are working tirelessly for its
eradication, many others, however, fail to
perceive its harmful effects on themselves
and others. This apparent invisibility of
Warren’s Words by Warren J. Blumenfeld
Warren J. Blumenfeld is author of
Warren’s Words: Smart Commentary on
Social Justice (Purple Press); editor of
Homophobia: How We All Pay the Price
(Beacon Press), and co-editor of Readings
for Diversity and Social Justice (Routledge)
and Investigating Christian Privilege and
Religious Oppression in the United States
(Sense). www.warrenblumenfeld.com
“Sexism” I define as
the overarching system of
advantages bestowed on
males.
TT WARREN’S WORDS cont’d page 27

A question posed to me at recent
meetingofchurchdeaconswastoexamine
where one finds “God” in one’s life. My
response is simple and perhaps a shared
response via music. In
my time, I have studied
music theory and
composition at univer-
sity. I have written
music and performed
music. I enjoy a great
many different styles
of music as a listener
of the various tunes belting from both
recorded and, especially, live perfor-
mances.
Aside from a meal, can you think of
anything that will bring disparate and
politicallydividedpeopletocommonareas
or common venues? One could argue that
sports business brings in a ton of money
for athletes and the marketers trying to
sell the game far beyond an average (or
starring artist) can manage. Yet, sports-
minded people invigorate the prejudices
and egos of home teams and favorite
players. Yes, many of these have or made
their talents be worthy of grandeur; they
are still inciting a sense of competition
among the population.
I cannot discount the interest in
having good competition among people
nor that of sports in general (I partake
in many amateur sports competitions).
Yet, athletes, and the money surround-
ing some sports, can cause a rise above
simple team love into forceful persuasion
of beliefs. Many referees can attest to
this. Even with music, a good performer
will find followers and people willing to
pay good money to watch a performance.
Some will debate the
talent of a particular
performer or writer,
but when crowds
come to see this
performer(s), ticket
holders (whether
paid or free) come
with a common inter-
esttohearwhatthatperformercandeliver.
American football Super Bowl can
be an exhilarating event if you are one of
the athletes or if your team is one that is
playing. Even among team fans, it could be
arguedthatthereisasenseofcomradeship
that is revealed that is above petty politics
or some other gross discrimination for at
least the length of the game.
With music, many people of different
stripes share an interest in a style of music
and a performer. With exception of musi-
cians that have gone “openly” politically,
audiences go to watch a performance of
some piece that became their soul, their
song, their passion or their release. A
musician brings people together, not just
because they enjoy a melody but because
the song became a part of them.
Interestingly, sports teams replay
Queen’s “We Are the Champions” because
we, as fans, want to hear and to ultimately
see that music revealed in our teams. Note,
however, that Queen gave the fan a verse
to sing about love of team. Trumpets and
drums are used to summon a call to arms.
Even, political campaigns play songs with
themes of better times because the orator,
especially of lower skill, wants you to have
the feeling that what he or she is saying
is going to make you feel “better”. These
happen because music invokes common
passions and inspires.
Music can bring people of divergent
opinions of all sorts together in a venue
without a need to be competing with each
other. There might be the occasional
impromptu fashion debates or etiquette
quarrels. When people come to watch a
musician, there is an interest in what that
musician delivers to our hearts through
performance of the pieces. That is because
in that moment of music enjoyment, the
competition of the world is quieted for a
moment.
We may lead “lives of quiet despera-
tion”, but music allows us to live in a
moment fully when we find that one song,
that one melody, or that one harmony
that fills our hearts with all that we were
missing. Yet, unlike Thoreau, we do not
need to let the music go to the grave with
us nor do we need to lose the uncanny
companionship that we gain from mutual
music interests.
Just as diverse as opinions about
politics can be, so also can our passions
about music be. Yet, no one would draw a
gun over how someone tickles the piano
or beats a drum. Even traffic can have a
sense of beautiful orchestration when we
allow ourselves to be with the world and
our senses. Electronic themes over riffs
(acoustic or electronic) can be an escape
for anyone willing to hear what is being
played. What we can learn from music
is more than notes on a page, melodies,
rhythms, or tempos, but we can even learn
how we as humans have mutual interests
in different ways from different paths.
There are aspects in our lives that
showcase competition among human
beings along with community like sports.
There are also forms in our lives that show
us how things are connected to each other
with or without competition. Music is one
of those forms, especially considering
Homophobic Slurs &
Housing Discrimination
WhenIfirstdecidedIwouldliketowrite
for ACCESSline I thought that the hardest
part would be finding something worth
mentioning. As I started doing research for
thecolumnIquicklyreal-
ized the amazing wealth
ofnewsandinformation
out there that has an
impact, not just on the
LGBT community, but
for those of us in Iowa
as well.
A study was done
by Dr. Monica Stephens
and her students at
Humboldt State Univer-
sity in California called,
“The Geography of Hate.” The use of homo-
phobicslursontwitterwasstudiedtodeter-
mine those areas of the country most likely
to use such hate speech.
As you might expect the South and Mid-
Atlantic lead the country in use of such hate
speech. A bit more surprising though is the
citizens of Iowa are also very likely to use
the words tracked. Interestingly enough if
you visit their website you can zoom in on
a more local level and you’ll find that such
hate speech is spread throughout the state.
It is not limited to the cities or even the less
than progressive areas like northwest Iowa
where I make my home.
I do not claim to have an explanation
for this trend. What I do know however is
that while we are enjoying a great deal of
improvement in terms of equality there is a
great deal yet to be done, especially on the
publicrelationsfront. LGBTorganizationsin
Iowa are doing a great job in this regard but
we can not forget there’s still work left to do.
And discrimination in housing came
to my attention as another area with work
still to do. A study
was put out by the
United States Depart-
ment of Housing and
Urban Development
concerning discrimi-
nation against same
sex couples. Without
going into too great
of detail, the results
showed that across
the country discrimi-
nation exists. Perhaps
more shockingly, though is that in states like
Iowa, where housing discrimination based
on sexual orientation and gender identity is
prohibited, discrimination was even worse.
To test this result, I contacted everyone
who had posted about a rental situation on
Craigslist over the past three days. These
included businesses and individuals from
every major city in Iowa as well as a great
manyfromruralareas. Inmyemailmessage
Irepresentedmyselfasonehalfofasamesex
marriage and explained that I was looking
for housing in their respective area. Out of
the approximately 150 postings I contacted
I received a ten percent response and of that
tenpercent,sixweretosaythattheproperty
was no longer available.
Admittedly my experiment could not
havebeenfurtherfromscientific. Iemployed
a shot-gun approach but, even with that
being the case, I think the lack of response
could well be indicative of a very serious
problemfacingtheLGBTcommunity. Iwould
encourage everyone to be well aware of the
protections provided to them by both the
State of Iowa and their local area. If we as
a community stand idly by while landlords
discriminateagainstusnothingisevergoing
to change.
However…just so nobody thinks I am
anything less than an eternal optimist, I’d
like to remind you that not only is 2013 an
anniversaryyearfortheLGBTequalitymove-
mentbutitisactuallyaseriesofanniversaries
which led us to where we are today.
In 1973 the American Psychiatric Asso-
ciation removed homosexuality from the
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental
Disorders. It was also in 1973 that the
American Bar Association passed a resolu-
tion recommending the repeal of state laws
against sodomy. This is something the State
of Iowa did in 1978 although the last laws
were not repealed until a Supreme Court
ruling in 2003. It was also in 2003 that
Massachusettsbecamethefirststatetoallow
samesexmarriages. Asoflastmonththirteen
states,theDistrictofColumbiaandfiveNative
American Tribes extend that same right.
I know sometimes it can be dishearten-
ingwhenacourtsomeplacerulesagainstthe
LGBT community or a legislature makes yet
another effort to intrude into our bedrooms.
Despite that though if you stop and think
aboutwherewewerejustfortyyearsagoand
howfarwe’vecometoday,itiseasytorealize
that the fight for LGBT equality has been
gaining momentum and it is only a matter of
time before it is a reality rather than an idea.
I’d like to close with the story of Ohio
men John Arthur and his longtime partner
Jim Obergefell. The two had been dating
for nearly twenty years when Obergefell
was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease.
AlthoughfightingtheterminalillnessArthur
and Obergefell, in the company of friends,
travelledfromOhiotoMarylandonaspecially
equippedplansothattheycouldspendwhat
timeObergefellhasleftmarried. Itishearten-
ing to think that because of the efforts of the
LGBTcommunitythiscoupleandpeoplelike
them can have their love recognized legally.
We’ve got a ways to go but this kind of story
shouldremindeveryoneouttherethatthings
can and are getting better.
NorthwestIowa:MylittlecorneroftheworldbyD.RaymondWetherell
Perhaps more shock-
ingly though is that in
states like Iowa, where
housing discrimination
based on sexual orienta-
tion and gender identity is
prohibited, discrimination
was even worse.
The author after a decade and a half
away for college, work and the military
moved him back to the rural northwest
Iowa community where he was born and
raised. Originally slated to write about
military issues he now pretty much writes
about whatever catches his interest. Please
feel free to contact him with questions,
comments or story suggestions at
nwiowan@gmail.com.
TT DILLON-HANSEN cont’d page 9
SimpleGiftsbyTonyDillon-Hansen
We may lead “lives of
quiet desperation”, but
music allows us to live in
a moment fully when we
find that one song…
Tony E Dillon-Hansen is a web developer,
organizer, researcher, writer, martial artist,
and vocalist from Des Moines. For more
information go to tigersnapdragons.com.

some of the best music in the world often
combines a theme (point) and counter-
point in artful detail. An argument without
punches.Theconfluenceoftheme,counter
patterns,randomnessandcompetitioncan
be found in music, and the good writer
leaves some of the work for listener to
interpret how that applies to you.
Good artists let you do some of the
interpreting, to make the song yours, and
thus, the theme can resonate with people
ofdifferentsocialorpoliticalbackgrounds.
In this world of polarized communities,
is it not nice to see a conductor on the
podium who can show how all of this can
work together with a whisk of the baton
or how a soloist can move an entire crowd
to tears with slow ballad? Certain politi-
cians would do well to realize how trivial
differences are.
Theworldisconnected,andmusiccan
showcase that connection. Maybe, that is a
simplegift,andperhaps,thatisanexample
of how one might find God, which we can
always cherish.
Now, What Will the
Celebration Over ENDA
Look Like?
What a relief it was to hear that the US
Supreme Court had overturned Section 3
of the “Defense of Marriage Act” that was
signed into law by centrist Democrat Bill
Clinton in 1996. No longer can the federal
government define
marriage as exclu-
sively heterosexual.
Now it’s back to
the states, for this
Courtisfornothingifit
isn’t states’ rights. The
President can decide
if federal marriage
benefits are defined
by the definition of marriage in the state
one lives or the state one is married in,
but the battle for full marriage equal-
ity depends upon politics at those state
levels and some long, drawn-out court
cases that must begin soon with same-
sex couples suing for recognition in their
non-accepting home states.
One legal hurdle is gone, and the
celebrations all around the nation were
exuberant, maybe overly. There should be
relief that on the way to full human rights
the law has taken this turn even as the
right-wing flails in reaction and there’s
so much more to do.
The push for marriage all began with
the hope embedded in Hawaii’s surprising
legalization of marriage equality in 1993.
Since then, the majority of the resources
of the LGBT community and its allies have
been focused upon marriage equality.
In addition to this lengthy court case,
thirteen states have since changed their
laws with one or two more following soon.
The concentration of resources on
marriage equality isn’t surprising because
for those in LGBT communities who are
privileged not to have
to worry about their
jobs and wealth—
those who control
the most resources—
this is the cause that
touches most imme-
diately upon their
self-interest.
But in the 29
states where someone can be fired for
beinggayandthe34forbeingtransgender,
those not so privileged experience more
life or death issues. The more basic issues
of jobs, careers, and income loom large.
As Harvard professor and author of A
Queer History of the United States, Michael
Bronski told Salon.com: “All of these prob-
ably white, probably upper-middle-class
people who’ve been fighting for marriage
because it’s a good fight, will they be as
willing to give $500 a year to Lambda
[Legal] to fight trans youth harassed by
police? We’re dealing with how people’s
politics come out of their experiences.
“A white middle-class couple living in
the suburbs of Illinois may not have much
desire to think about transgender youth,
possibly of color, living in New York City
or San Francisco. Isn’t that the job of the
national organizations to convince people
that this is as important as the issue of
same-sex marriage?”
Journalist-filmmaker David France,
known for his documentary chronicling
activism during the AIDS crisis, How
to Survive a Plague, was even more
concerned: “This is a deeply conservative
victory and, yes, a too expensive one, given
what our leaders have let slide in recent
years. Marriage won’t stop the runaway
HIV epidemic among our young. It won’t
stop religious hatred, sexual assaults,
reparative therapy crimes, bullying,
Mormons, Boy Scouts or popes.
“Although I am myself gay-married,
and while I do enjoy being endorsed by
a SCOTUS majority, even a slim one, I’ve
been utterly dumbstruck watching every
resource at the community’s disposal
channeled into this one optional and
limited middle-class goal.
“We used to be revolutionaries. We
once were outlaws. And now: betrothed?
If we settle for this, we let the whole
world down.”
Forthosenotprivileged,newsthatthe
federal Employment Non-Discrimination
Act had obtained its fiftieth U.S. Senate
sponsor and was approved by the Senate
Health, Education, Labor and Pensions
Committee by a 15-7 bipartisan vote on
July 10, could have raised the hope of some
economic security.
But even FOX and CNN gave no cover-
age to the furthest ENDA had advanced
in the seventeen years since it was first
introduced to Congress. And one wonders
how many in the LGBT community even
know ENDA is a cause.
Even in the former slave state of
Missouri, the state’s senate ended its
session for the first time passing the
Missouri Nondiscrimination Act. The
fight for this first step by Missouri’s LGBT
politicaladvocacygroup,PROMO,hasbeen
long and grueling, but it hasn’t received
anything like the amount of attention and
financial support that has left Missouri to
promote the marriage cause.
It’s not unusual for those in any
demographic who have risen in a class
system above overt discrimination to
forget what it’s still like for the majority.
It’s not unusual for them even to deny the
discrimination others experience, refuse
to believe that much discrimination still
exists, or blame those who experience it
as bringing it on themselves. Just think
Clarence Thomas.
But times like these are also tests
as to whether any community of people
actually exists. Is the category being used
to lump people together a fiction? Or is
economic class what really and primarily
dividesAmericansfrom one another when
it comes down to it?
The pursuit of marriage equality
without the same effort invested toward
ending workplace and accommodation
discrimination confirms the claims of
many activists that there really is nothing
we can call the LGBT community. There
are the elite and the rest, different genera-
tions, L’s, G’s, B’s, T’s and others, as well
as many other divisions whose identities
are based upon their personal interests.
EventheearliestversionsofENDAdid
not include provisions to protect trans-
gender people. It was added in 2007, but
Barney Frank then believed transgender
people should be sacrificed to make its
passage more successful, thereby riling
many activists.
Socio-economic class is the major
divider in Capitalist America. So we’ll
see how it plays out in the so-called LGBT
community. But for those who really want
permanent equality for all, it can’t be a
barrier.
“People shouldn’t consider them-
selves progressive just because they
support their own rights,” said veteran
LGBT activist Allen Roskoff. “I’m tired of
people saying they’re progressive because
they just support their own rights more
than equity for all.”
Minor Details by Robert Minor
Robert N. Minor, Ph.D.,
Professor Emeritus of Religious Studies at
the University of Kansas, is author of When
Religion Is an Addiction;
Scared Straight: Why It’s So Hard to
Accept Gay People and Why It’s So
Hard to Be Human and Gay & Healthy
in a Sick Society. Contact him at
www.FairnessProject.org.
But in the 29 states
where someone can be fired
for being gay and the 34 for
being transgender, those
not so privileged experience
more life or death issues
DILLON-HANSEN

“WethePeople
oftheUnitedStates”
The above phrase comes from the
opening line of the Preamble of the United
States Constitution, signed in 1781. That is
232 years ago. It is not: We the Straight, We
the Gay, We the White, We the Black, We the
Rich, or We the Poor. It is “We the People.”
DOMA and Prop 8 Rulings from the
United States Supreme Court, to me, only
strengthen the power of that phrase for me,
as it should for us all. We have lived so long
as a nation, and also as a community, that
only looks at the differences that divide. We
never strive for a middle ground any more.
We need to fix that. It is up to us, the “We” of
the United States to build upon this platform
andcontinuetomakeourcommunitiesgreat.
Here’s another saying:
“As Iowa goes, so goes the Nation.”
Now it took 4 years, but the Nation has
replicated the equality that Iowans have
enjoyed, to an extent. No longer will married
spouses of the same gender have to “lie” to
the Federal Govern-
ment about the legal-
ity of their marriage.
The more than 1,100
benefits/privileges of
marriage available at
the Federal level will
actually be enjoyed by
all married couples in the United States.
I’m going to catch myself here, because
everyone (yes, everyone who has fought for
civil marriage equality) always stands upon
oursoapboxandpreachesabouttheprivileges
and benefits of marriage… but no one ever
talksabouttheresponsibilityofmarriage.It’s
not always rainbows, butterflies, and reruns
of the Notebook. Most of the marriage vows
that I’ve ever heard/read include the words
“forricherorpoorer,insicknessandinhealth,
forbetterorworse,tilldeathdouspart.”Now
ifthatdoesn’timplymarriageisresponsibility,
I’m not sure what does.
So while on Wednesday we had shows
of spontaneous love in the form of marriage
proposals,Iwanttoconveythatspontaneityis
fabulous, yet please accept the responsibility
that sharing your life with someone entails.
What starting a family and caring for others
brings into your life.
Side note–do you know that states
that have marriage equality have 20%
lowerdivorceratesthan
states that do not allow
marriage equality? In
fact, Iowa has the 2nd
lowest divorce rate in
the country, per 2010
censusinfo.Anotherplus
to being an Iowan!
Hopefully we can look back on Wednes-
day’srulings,justlikewecanlookbackatthe
Loving v. Virgina Ruling some 46 years ago
(it also happened in June of that year) which
struckdownthebanoninterracialmarriage,
and just go “Huh? We really banned that? We
banned love and commitment? Really?”
My last thought–The second part of the
Preamble, “In order to form a more perfect
Union”alsoapplieshere,solet’sre-writethis
as a closing:
“WethePeopleoftheseUnitedStates,in
ordertoformamoreperfectUnion,dohereby
grantthefullbenefit,privilege,andresponsi-
bilitiesin,nomattergender,sex,race,religion,
stateofresidence,creed,orpoliticalaffiliation,
fullRecognitionofallMarriedSpousesacross
this Great Nation.”
Get my point?
Matthew Shepard and
Trayvon Martin: Bigotry
knows no boundaries
The nation is once again divided along
thefaultlineofrace.Inaperceived2013post-
racial society, however, William Faulkner’s
prophetic quote “the past is never dead. It’s
not even past” of the last century have come
back to haunt us in this century.
Faulkner’s quote haunts us because of
the recent verdict of the George Zimmer-
man trial.
The story, as you well know by now, of
howGeorgeZimmerman,avolunteerneigh-
borhoodwatchmenofaFloridacommunity,
was acquitted of all charges—murder and
manslaughter—related to Trayvon Martin.
Zimmerman’s actions resulted in the fatal
shooting of Martin, a 17-year unarmed
black teenager. Martin was perceived to be
asuspectbecausehewaswearingthesigna-
ture piece of clothing that some associate
with violent young black males—a hoodie.
And he was not only wearing it but also
“walkingwhileblack”inagatedcommunity.
WithnooneofAfricandescent—maleor
female—servingonthejury,thenationsadly,
once again, has shown to be neither color-
blind with an all-white jury nor post-racial
with one. And the notion that an all-white
female jury would render a fairer outcome
than an all-white male jury assumes racial
bias is gender-specific.
Just as racial bias isn’t gender-specific;
it is also not race-specific. Zimmerman is
of a mixed ethnic descent (mother’s Peru-
vian, and father’s Jewish) who identifies as
Hispanic.
Thequestionmany
are still asking, even
after the verdict, is
whether Zimmerman
wasmotivatedbyracism
because he, too, is a
person of color; there-
fore, was Zimmer-
man racially profiling
Trayvon?
Racial, gender,
gender-expression, and
all the other biases float freely through
society—landingonall.Justbecauseyou’rea
personofcolororamemberofanoppressed
group doesn’t mean you don’t buy into
stereotypesandracialandculturalattitudes.
These themes inform our judgments and
actions toward others as well as your own
group.(Caseinpoint:SupremeCourtJustice
Clarence Thomas.)
As a matter-of-fact, the bombardment
of stereotypes has proven to have both
subtleandunintendedconsequencestoward
people of different races, ethnicities, sexual
orientation,classandreligions,tonamejusta
few.It’snotjustregularpeoplewhosuccumb.
Geraldo Rivera, a renowned Latino, stated
thatTrayvonwearingahoodiewas“asmuch
responsible” for his death as Zimmerman’s
pistol. Of course, Rivera later recanted.
A young man has become the symbol
of the horrific result of such stereotyping,
and is fast becoming the symbol for a move-
ment. Just as Matthew
Shepard’s death galva-
nizedanation,Trayvon
Martin’s death is doing
the same.
In 1998 both
James Byrd Jr., and
MatthewShepardwere
victims of bias-moti-
vated crimes. Byrd, an
African American was
murdered by three
white supremacists
thatchainedhimtothebackoftheirpick-up
truckathisanklesanddraggedalongathree
mileasphaltroaduntilhewasdismembered.
Shepardwastortured,tetheredtoafenceand
left to die because he was gay.
The Matthew Shepard and James Byrd
Hate Crimes Prevention Act, also known as
the Matthew Shepard Act, was passed. The
measure expanded the federal hate-crimes
lawtoincludecrimesmotivatedbyavictim’s
actualorperceivedrace,gender,genderiden-
tity, and sexual orientation,
to just name a few.
With Florida’s Stand
Your Ground permitting
Zimmermantowalkwithout
charges, the Shepard-Byrd
statute not only reminds
us of how bias-motivated
crimes links gays and
blacks together but that it’s
the best hope for Trayvon
Martin and his family
seeking justice.
Rev. Irene Monroe is a graduate from
Wellesley College and Union Theological
Seminary at Columbia University, and
she has served as a pastor at an African-
American church before coming to Harvard
Divinity School for her doctorate as Ford
Fellow. She is a syndicated queer religion
columnist who tries to inform the public
of the role religion plays in discrimination
against lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender
and queer people. Her website is
irenemonroe.com.
In the Name of Religion
by Rev. Irene Monroe
Just because you’re
a person of color or a
memberofanoppressed
groupdoesn’tmeanyou
don’t buy into stereo-
types and racial and
cultural attitudes.
The Project of the Quad Cities
Founded in 1986, The Project of the Quad Cities is a non-profit HIV/STI/AIDS
Service Organization that provides support to persons living with HIV/STI/AIDS
as well as their families and friends in Iowa and Illinois. www.apqc4life.org
Symptom Management Group—Every Wednesday from 1-2:30 pm
Life Skills Group—Every other Wednesday from 10-11:30 am
Coffee Hour—10-11:30 am on Wednesdays when the Life Skills Group does
not meet; A relaxed and casual atmosphere
Groups meet at our Moline office. We also offer free HIV testing Monday through
Thursday from 9 am to 4 pm.
For more information call Susie or Mollie at 309-762-5433
Transformations meets every
Wednesday at 7 PM, the second Saturday
of each month at 1 PM, One Iowa, 419 SW
8th St, Des Moines, IA 50309. Transfor-
mations Iowa is a Transgender support
group.Itisopentoallrangesofthegender
spectrum,maletofemale,femaletomale,
crossdressers,dragqueens,genderqueer,
questioning,aswellasfriends,significant
others and allies. For more information
email sophia.transformations@gmail.
com or call 515-288-4019 x200.
TransformationsIowaMeeting
Looking past DOMA
by Anthony Brown
It’s not always
rainbows, butterflies,
and reruns of the
Notebook.
Anthony is the LGBT Fellow and Manager
of Community Engagement & Development
for Diversity Focus, based in Cedar Rapids,
IA. He is also a community advocate and
volunteer, a collaborator, connector,
and a do-er. To contact Anthony go to
BrownForCR.org

TheyellowbrickroadoflifebroughtMark
Ortega and Danny MacArthur together to
co-writethepopsingle“Boystown”.Released
this past year, “Boystown” is not just about
one neighborhood, but all neighborhoods
and experiences that bring people ‘home’.
An upbeat, dance/pop/electronic song that
makesyouwanttomove,italsogiveslisteners
apositiverushofacceptance.MarkandDanny
took the time to talk about their passion for
music, role models, collaborating, and how
theirexperiencesinspiredtheirnewestsingle.
Tell me about your musical back-
ground?
Mark:Musicismylife’spassion.Fromthe
moment in second grade, when I sat down at
thepiano—Icouldplay
everything my older
brotherwaspracticing.
During grade school I
was classically trained
on the piano, in college
I studied jazz and pop
writingandbeganvoice
training.
DannyMacArthur:
I personally have been
writing and producing since 1998. I’ve been
in the electronic pop group Crush 333 since
1992.Ihadahitdancesingleonthebillboard
charts called Skin Party—ages ago—and
beenchasingthecreativitydragoneversince.
Connecting and communicating with people
through art and music is my only voice.
Who are your role models and why?
Mark: If you are speaking musically,
Madonnahastobemyultimaterolemodeland
inspiration. Her style and messages through
the years always remain relevant. Her music
takesmeonajourney.AlsoLGBTQartistslike
AnyBellandPetShopBoysarerolemodelsto
me. They have never been afraid to embrace
their queerness and it shows in their music.
Danny MacArthur: Everyone is or has
been a role model at one time, when they get
thechancetotellyoutheirproudeststory—so
everyone!
How did your collaboration come
about?
Danny MacArthur: We were cross town
rivals…who knew!
Mark: Danny Macarthur and I first met
years ago at Club Ripples in Long Beach, CA.
A band mate of mine, Paula Flowers, and I
decidedtogotoRipplesforaSundayFunday.
She saw Danny walking up the stairs and
immediately wanted to meet him. He has
this eccentric “rock star” aura about him. As
it turned out, he was a producer, singer and
songwriter who was developing local artists
in L.A.. He has one of the most amazing rock
voices. I reached out to him to work on my
vocal performances as he is a great vocal
teacher as well.
I approached him on an original song
called“Take Me Now”andthe chemistrywas
instant.Hehasthisknack
for taking my song ideas
andbringingittoanother
level—he is my musical
muse.
Tell me about
Chicago’s Boystown
and what makes it
unique.
Danny MacArthur: I
hadheardsomuchabout
Chicago Boystown for so long that when I
finallymadeit,itwaslikehome,butnohome
Ihadeverknown.Waitaminute,that’ssleep-
lessinSeattle!ButIdidfeelthatway—it’sone
of the best for sure!
Mark: Even though the song is about all
of the famous gayborhoods here and abroad,
Chicago’s Boystown is perhaps my favorite.
Boystown in Lakeview was the first to be
officially recognized by a major city council...
even before L.A. and surprisingly before San
FranciscoandNewYork.That’samazingwhen
you think about that. How did the Midwest
beat NYC and West Hollywood to be officially
recognizedfirst?Anddon’ttellL.A.,butIthink
the guys here in Chicago are better looking
overall.
Tellmeaboutthecoverfor“Boystown”.
Mark:Thecityscapesketchonthesingle
cover art of “Boystown” was hand sketched
by one of my LGBT co-workers, James Mae,
and somehow digitally recreated. Look at it.
Our Picks for August
8/9, The Blazing Saddle, Des Moines, Iowa,
A Weekend with the Collin Boys-
I Mean Girls, TheBlazingSaddle.com
8/9-25, Bell Tower Theater, Dubuque,
Iowa, Motherhood: The Musical,
BellTowerTheater.net
8/10, Waterloo, Iowa, McElroy Auditorium,
Brawlers vs. DCDC, CVDerbyDivas.com
8/10, Decorah Fish Hatchery, Decorah, Iowa,
United Way of Winneshiek County
5K/8K Run/Walk, UnitedWayWinnco.org
8/17, The Hull Avenue Tavern, Des Moines, Iowa,
BurlyCon!, BurlyCon.org
8/17, McKennan Park, Sioux Falls, South
Dakota, Sioux Falls Pride, Facebook.com/
SiouxFallsPride
8/17, Blazing Saddle, Des Moines, Iowa,
End of Reign Party & Scavenger Hunt,
TheBlazingSaddle.com
8/17, Belle’s Basix, Cedar Rapids, Iowa,
Presentation of Candidates Show,
Facebook.com/BellesBasix
8/18, Legion Arts CSPS, Cedar Rapids, Iowa,
The Kinsey Sicks, LegionArts.org
8/24, Downtown, Waterloo, Iowa, Cedar Valley
Pridefest 2013, CedarValleyPride.com
8/31-9/15, Sleepy Hollow Sports Park, Pleasant Hill,
Iowa, Des Moines Renaissance Faire,
DMRenFaire.com
8/24, Englert Theatre, Iowa City, Iowa,
Shelter Our Community,
IowaCityCommunityTheatre.com
...and September
9/1, Garden, Des Moines, Iowa,
Leslie Jordan: Show Pony, GRDN.com
9/6, Waterloo Community Playhouse, Waterloo,
Iowa, Leading Ladies, WCPBHCT.org
9/7, Broad View Wildflower Seed Garden,
Grinnell, Iowa, Wildflower Tour,
BroadViewWildflowerSeed.com
9/6-29, Des Moines Playhouse, Des Moines, Iowa,
Fiddler on the Roof, DMPlayhouse.com
ACCESSline’s fun guide
TT BOYSTOWN cont’d page 31
Bringing another
experience or adventure
that we may have all shared
to glorious Technicolor
Fabulousness is likely in the
forecast!
“Boystown” A Journey to Oz
Interview by Angela Geno-Stumme
Mark Ortega. Courtesy of Mystic Images Photography.

Reflections on 100 Dates
First published in ACCESSline’s March
2010, vol. 24, no. 3 Issue.
Since coming out as transgendered,
one of the things people say to me goes
like this: “Oh, you must feel like a teenager
again, starting all over with a new life.” I
have to admit that some of this is true: I
do feel like a teenager again (even to the
point of taking acne medicine), but this
is not necessarily a good thing. One of
the negatives is that I’m learning things
all over. Like dating. Like being alone.
Like wondering if I’m
cute enough to attract
someone other than
the guy left after last
call.
I’ve probably gone
on100datesofonesort
or another since 2004.
And just to be sure that
all of my bases are covered, I have dated
both men and women. One would think
that this “doubles my chances” for a happy
relationship. In reality, it just means more
chances for me to meet people who abso-
lutely will not provide me with a happy
relationship. I can report that I’ve not
disappointed myself in that regard. I had
never thought finding a quality, durable
relationship would be so difficult. Of
course, maybe it’s just me, Princess Ellen.
So as a 53 year old teenager, let me
report on some lessons learned on the
21st century dating front.
Myfirstpost-marriagedatewaswitha
bisexual woman who posted an attractive
picture on Match.com. She was extremely
witty in her on-line profile and it made me
think, “I’ve got to meet this person.” We set
up a meeting at a restaurant. I walked into
the place and the host pointed to a woman
sitting at a table. I replied, “Oh, no, that
could not be her, she looks nothing like
the woman online.” (And she didn’t!) As I
saidthis,thewomanroseandwavedtome.
It was too late for me to run out the door.
Lesson No. 1: Never reveal yourself
until you check out the date. And always
make sure you have an escape route.
Then there was the man I met last
Thanksgiving at a very fancy restaurant
in Minneapolis. Now, this guy had sent
a picture of him on a beach, with the
camera some distance away. By this time,
I had learned from Lesson No. 1, so it did
not surprise me that in real life, this guy
(whom we will call Charlie) was not of
Richard Gere quality.
Prior to meeting, Charlie had told me
that he had divorced his wife in Califor-
nia and had recently relocated for a new
job and fresh start. That was important
since I do not date married people nor
do I date people in
long-term relation-
ships. After ordering
drinks,IaskedCharlie
how long he had
been divorced. With
a sheepish smile he
said, “We’re techni-
cally not divorced,
just separated.” I then asked for how long.
He replied, “Two weeks, only she doesn’t
know it yet.” I spent the rest of the meal
wondering how I could order a couple
bottles of wine to go since he was picking
up the tab.
Lesson No. 2: The word “married” is
just an adjective for some people.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve had
some promising dates with some very
decent people. There was the first man I
dated. What a class act; he brought flowers
everytimehemetoneofmyfemalefriends.
When I broke it off, he told me, “You will
never find another man as good as me.”
He was right.
Lesson No. 3: Sometimes the good
ones get away through Ellen’s fault—all
her own.
One day, I ran into a woman visiting
from Minneapolis. She described herself
as being straight as a teen; then a lesbian
in her 20s; she then married a man and
became mother to two children in her 30s;
later she returned to being a lesbian in her
40s. By the time I met her at almost 50,
she seemed open to dating transgenders.
Throw in that she was a therapist, and I
figured that both of us had a real chance
at happiness. I mean really, if it couldn’t
work with this woman, what hope did I
have? We dated for seven months until
my skirt wearing became a deal breaker.
Lesson No. 4: Just because someone
has a history that’s as screwed up as your
own, it does not mean the two of you are
perfect for each other.
I came across only one person whom I
would call just plain mean. He stood me up
on the first date. After sitting in my lobby
waiting with no call from him, I said “the
hell with you.” Five days later, he emailed
with an excuse that sounded marginally
plausible. Over the course of the next six
months, he regularly emailed saying how
he regretted his mistake. Finally, I gave in
and agreed to meet for a drink. On the day
of the date, he called three times to say
how much he looked forward to finally
meeting. I got to the bar early and received
his text, “I’m on my way.” You guessed it;
he never showed. After forty-five minutes
of waiting, I left him a voicemail, “You are
an *sshole. You really need to get some
therapy.”
Lesson No. 5: God, Ellen, you can be
so stupid sometimes.
If you haven’t figured it out by now,
I’m a bit of a slow teenage learner and I’m
having trouble getting down some of the
current rules of dating. I’ve only recently
understood that the phrase, “For sure,” as
in, “For sure I want to see you again,” really
means, “Maybe, and only if something
better doesn’t come along.” And one thing
I may never get is this texting stuff from
potential dates. I mean, really, why don’t
you just call? Or email? Doesn’t it take
more brain power just to come up with
those damned abbreviations?
For the moment, I’ve called a time out
to dating. I need to get all of my body on
the same female page. I’m probably going
to be off the dating rolls for a year. But,
when I come back, watch out. With what
I’ve learned about how men and women
date, I’ll be ready for anything… or if need
be, more lessons.
Andanother100dates.(OrsoIthink!)
Inside Out by Ellen Krug
Ellie Krug is a columnist and the author
of Getting to Ellen: A Memoir about Love,
Honesty and Gender Change. She resides in
Minneapolis and welcomes your comments
at ellenkrugwriter@gmail.com. Visit her
blog at www.gettingtoellen.com.
Therewasthefirstman
I dated. What a class act;
he brought flowers every
time he met one of my
female friends.
The Des Moines Chapter of Parents
& Friends of Lesbians & Gays (PFLAG)
will meet at 6:30 pm at the Unitarian
Universalist Church, 1800 Bell Avenue
Des Moines, IA 50315 on the third
Tuesday of every month.
The meeting begins with a short
business meeting followed by an educa-
tional presentation, and a social and
support session. All are welcome!
Made up of parents, families,
friends, and straight allies uniting with
lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender
(LGBT) people, PFLAG is committed to
advancing equality through its mission
of support, education and advocacy.
PFLAG-DesMoinesChapterMeeting
GOglbt is starting a new group
of GLBT business owners or business
professionals to meet twice monthly
to support each other’s businesses by
providing referrals.
They will meet every other Thurs-
dayfrom7:30am-8:30amataTBDWells
Fargosponsoredlocation.Refreshments
will be provided. Once they secure the
locationthemeetingswillstart.Member-
shipFeeis$50.00andwillincludeabusi-
ness listing on the GOglbt.com website.
To sign up to be a part of
this group please call Tom Luke
at 402-650-2917, or email him
at tom@lukedirectmarketing.com.
NewGOglbtBusinessReferralGroup
The Fun Guide

Safe Sext
Those lovely little math geeks over at
MITareatitagain.InthepastIhavewritten
about how a group of math students used
Facebookdatatodetermineamathematical
algorithmtofigurewhowasgayorstraight.
And it works, well enough for targeted
advertising to out gay men.
What have they done now? They have
created a visual map
of your relationships
based on your emails.
Why? Because this is
one of the primary
things that the NSA is
doing. MIT wants to
show you just what
the government and
private corporations
mean when they say
“metadata” and exactly how invasive their
spying really is.
The argument is that metadata, which
doesnotincludeyournameoranyidentify-
ing information, isn’t really an invasion of
privacy after all. When TechCrunch writer
Gregory Ferenstein entered his companies
data into MIT’s voluntary (and private)
databasetwothingsbecamequicklyappar-
ent. He could easily identify the teams
and team leaders. He could also tell which
relationships were hidden, in this case the
email address of sources that didn’t want
to be identified. “Big nodes with few link-
ages,” he says, “points to relationships best
kept hidden.”
In a case of life imitating art, the graph
resemblancesthenowinfamouschartfrom
the L word, a visual three dimensional
graph of who is connected to who. Except
for two not so small differences. It’s not
who you have had sex with, but all your
contacts.Alsothereisnohiding.Eventhose
relationships you don’t claim are on there.
MITisusingemail“metadata”consist-
ingofthefrom,toandCclinesatthetopand
the timestamp. The NSA has the potential
to include phone contacts, social media
contacts and web based data to its map.
In another only tangentially related
piece of news, the same Techcrunch
writer wondered briefly is fitness data
recorded on smart watches could be used
totrackmaritalinfidel-
ity. Sexual activity has
a unique biometric
signature on such
graphs, so assum-
ing your spouse has
access to the data and
you wear your watch
while having sex, it’s
possible.Whichinturn
implies that the NSA
also knows when you are having sex.
A quick disclaimer: I don’t approve of
marital infidelity, sharing data or wearing
watches while having sex. But that’s just
me. Open marriages, shared data plans
and even watch wearing are valid lifestyle
choices.
All of this talk about sensitive data
makes me think it’s time to talk about
safe sext. Exchanging flirtatious messages
and private pictures have become part
of America’s sexual culture but there are
hazards that everyone needs to be aware
of. Like sex, the only truly safe sext is no
sext, but one hundred percent abstinence
is unlikely and frankly, no fun.
So how do you sext safely? The good
bloggersatLifehackerhavesomeexcellent
suggestions (How to practice safe sext).
The first step to safer sexting is to limit the
amount of identifying data in the picture.
Be careful of showing identifying features,
like your face, in the picture. They can also
be cropped or edited out using photo soft-
ware. You can use photoshop or a similar
program to blur out faces, but you should
beawarethatsimilarsoftware may be able
to remove the blur.
Another piece of data that most non-
geeks are unaware of is EXIF data. This is
metadata that includes location, time the
picture was taken and information about
the device. Each operating system and
device has specific ways of removing EXIF
data, so do some research on your phone,
computer or device. Many phones have
automaticsyncingandbackupfeatures.You
may delete something off your phone only
to find it on your apple or google account
later (Usually while scrolling through
pictures with your grandma).
You should also send and store any
risque pictures safely. IM and texting are
the most convenient ways to contact a
lovedone,buttheleastsecure.Socialmedia
sites like Facebook are notoriously unsafe.
Separateappsanddevicesoftenstaylogged
in to your account, meaning that your kids
could be using your ipad and unwittingly
seeing the photos you are sending from
your phone. Besides the pictures stay on
Facebook’s servers and could accidentally
be made public later through a change in
Facebook’s privacy settings (which I am
sure would never happen).
Third party apps like Dropbox are
moresecure.Risquepicturescanbestored
in hidden files on your home computer or
put in a vault. A vault is an app for your
mobilephonethatlocksdesignatedphotos
and files behind a password. Racy text
messages stay on your phone and your
carriers servers. Google hangouts allows
youtocreateaprivatechatsessionandeven
disable the history so there is no record.
It takes two to tango and the best safe
sext advice is worthless if your partner
doesn’t care. In the twenty first century
computer security is just another aspect
ofrelationshipsthatneedstobediscussed.
If those racy pictures are for his/her eyes
only, make sure they know that. If you are
worriedthattheywillbesearchableonhis/
her phone, say so.
Just how concerned about safe sext
should you be? That depends on a lot of
factors, most of them personal. Sexting
between consenting adults is usually
harmless. If one or both of the participants
are minors, it can be a felony offense. Non-
consensualsexting,sendingracymessages
or pictures to anyone who has not asked
Wired This Way by Rachel Eliason
Like sex, the only
truly safe sext is no
sext, but one hundred
percent abstinence is
unlikely and frankly,
no fun.
Rachel Eliason is a forty two year old
Transsexual woman. She was given her
first computer, a Commodore Vic-20 when
she was twelve and she has been fascinated
by technology ever since. In the thirty years
since that first computer she has watched
in awe as the Internet has transformed
the LGBT community. In addition to her
column, Rachel has published a collection
of short stories, Tales the Wind Told Me
and is currently working on her debut
novel, Run, Clarissa, Run. Rachel can
be found all over the web, including on
Facebook, Twitter, Google+ and Goodreads.
Difference Between
Sugar and Added Sugar!
If you look at the nutrition informa-
tionforabananaandaservingofStarburst
candies, you might be surprised to notice
a few similarities–including the amount
of sugar. Both foods have about 28 grams
of sugar.
Of course, there’s
a difference: A banana
has naturally occur-
ring sugar while
the candies have
added sugar. What’s
the difference? And is one for of sugar
healthier than the other?
All sugars are a form of carbohydrate.
According to Calorie Count:
Naturally occurring sugars include
lactose in milk, fructose in fruit, honey
and vegetables and maltose in beer. Added
sugars originate from corn, beets, grapes,
and sugar cane, which are processed
before being added to foods. The body
cannot tell the difference between natu-
rally occurring and added sugars because
they are identical chemically.
Sugar is sugar, and we know that
all of us get way too much of it. In fact,
the average American eats 130 pounds
of sugar per year. But the story doesn’t
end there.
In our above example of a banana
versus Starburst candies, no one would
argue that the candy is a healthier choice.
That’s because the banana comes loaded
with essential nutrients that our bodies
need. The candies, on the other hand,
don’t.
Here’s the deal:
Many foods that
contain naturally
occurring sugar also
contain some really
great stuff–so you need to pay attention
to other things like vitamins, minerals and
fibertoget a morecompletepicture.Foods
with added sugar are often nutritionally
devoid. Think donuts, cake and soda.
And it’s worth noting that a nutrition
label doesn’t distinguish between natu-
rally occurring sugar and added sugar.
You’ll have to read the ingredients care-
fully to see if sugar is added. If ingredients
like barley malt, high fructose corn syrup,
brown sugar, maltose, molasses, etc., are
listed, then you’ll know there is added
sugar in the food product.
Having said that, it’s still wise to
minimize all forms of sugar. Naturally
occurring sugar is still sugar, and there are
plenty of ways to get nutrients without the
sweet stuff–added or otherwise.
Why Do We Drink
Cow’s Milk?
Maybe we should just cut out the
middleman and go right to the source!
A year ago, I took a trip to Thailand.
It was a beautiful country full of amazing
sights, friendly people and delicious but
interesting food. From chicken feet to red
ants with their eggs to duck mouths, much
of the Thai food we encountered seemed
quite adventurous.
So when I asked for a glass of milk, I
was surprised by the response. Many of
the Thai waiters and waitresses seemed
repulsed by my request. This caused a
good deal of introspection on my part,
and–after careful consideration–I realized
that it’s actually really strange that we
drink the breast milk of cows. And more-
over, why don’t we drink the mammary
gland secretions from other animals like
horses or even humans?
Milk is weird. Of course, just because
milk is weird, it doesn’t mean that it’s
unhealthy or that we shouldn’t drink it.
So let’s dig deeper.
In a recent paper published in the
Journal of the American Medical Associa-
tion Pediatrics, Harvard professor David
Ludwig questions the role of milk in our
diets. Indeed, the government recom-
mends three servings of milk per day to
promote a healthy lifestyle–but is that
Sugar is sugar, and we
knowthatallofusgetway
too much of it.
HonorYourBody,HonorYoubyDaveyWavey
Davey Wavey is an AFPA certified
personal trainer shares his passion for
and knowledge of fitness, exercise, health
and nutrition with the world. For more
information go to DaveyWaveyFitness.com.
TT WIRED continued page 23
TT HONOR continued page 23
The Fun Guide

The Fun Guide

Ownedandoperatedbytwoexceptional
female artists, Dovesland Creations works
to create distinct jewelry with LGBT flair.
Beccie Lyons and Robin Baumgarn special-
ize in creating unique, handcrafted jewelry
and accessories. Their pieces reflect their
personalitiesfromBohemian/HippietoGoth/
Steam Punk. The two talk about the creation
of Dovesland Creations, their work within
the LGBT community, local drag celebrities,
andtheirrelationshipswiththeir customers.
Rebecca Lyon began Dovesland
Creations 10 years ago. Rebecca, how has
it changed in the past 10 years?
Beccie: I started out making gifts for
friendsandthenafriendofmine,Yvette,who
runs a couture line out of California told me
what I was making for presents was good
enoughqualitytobefoundinretailstores.So
Ibegansellingpiecesatlocalcraftfestivalson
myowninKentucky.Aroundtwoyearsago,I
began talking to Robin about moving to Iowa
and teaming up. Now, we sell our jewelry at
festivals around the state and in Minnesota.
Through our Facebook page, we sell jewelry
all over the country and in Canada. We’ve
also been in contact with stores locally and
in Florida about carrying our products. It’s
veryexcitingbutwestillhavealongwaytogo.
Anotherby-productIhadn’tinitiallyenvi-
sioned has been the ability to use jewelry to
raisemoneyforvariouscharitiesandgroups.
Robin and I both like giving back where we
can, but we don’t always have the monetary
means to make donations, so we donate our
time and talent. Recently, we worked with a
groupoffourthgradegirlswhowantedtobuy
their school anti-bullying t-shirts as a legacy
project.Weworkedwiththemonhowtomake
bracelets, necklaces and key chains that they
sold as a fundraiser to earn the money for
theshirts.Theexperiencetouchedbothofus
because it wasn’t just about making jewelry
andhavingfun,eventhoughitwas.Welistened
to the girls’ stories of how each of them had
TT DOVESLAND cont’d page 21
First, don’t wait until
the last minute to apply
for your marriage license—
you will find yourself in a
wedding with no marriage
license!
Simple Steps to get Your
Iowa Marriage License
When I started researching all of the
legal requirements to get married in Iowa,
I had a flashback of taking my driver’s test
after the 16th time and thinking, “This is
hard!” Now that DOMA is gone people are
trying to figure out how to get married in
Iowa and what is required to do that. Here
are some quick tips for getting married in
Iowa. First, don’t wait until the last minute
to apply for your marriage license—you
will find yourself in a wedding with no
marriage license! However, the best part
is your application can be used within 6
months of application.
1) You need to wait three business
days between the day you apply for a
marriage license and the day you get
married.
2) You need to pay $35.00 for the
application.
3) When you go to the courthouse you
need a witness that is 18 or over and don’t
forget your driver’s license!
4) You can apply for an application
through the mail, but you need it nota-
rized.
5) Don’t try to have the three day
waiting period waived, that is only for use
in medical emergencies and odds are you
won’t be approved.
6) I always recommend contacting
the courthouse before you mail your
information.
Follow these simple steps and within
6-months and you can focus on running
down the aisle and not waiting in the
recorder’s office.
Iowa’s Gay Weddings
by Scott Stevens
Scott Stevens owner/operator of Iowa’s
Gay Wedding Planner.com
Dovesland Creations
Adds Personal Flair
Robin Baumgarn and Beccie Lyons at Iowa
City Pride 2012.
The Fun Guide

The Fun Guide

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