Value Proposition canvas- Customer needs and pains
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Why NOT Do A Startup
1. Why NOTTo Do a Startup ā¦ because You Will FAIL, Loser. Dave McClure 500startups.com International Startup Festival Montreal ā July 2011 @DaveMcClure
2. #1: Yer a WANTrepreneur. Youāre in this for all the Wrong reasons: You think itās āSo Fucking Coolā to do a startup You want to make LOTS of Money. You have Teh AwesomeTechnology Solution. The Right Reasons: You Live in Fear. You Canāt Get Laid. Something has been PISSING you off FOREVER. YOU ARE PASSIONATEABOUT [SOLVING] A [CUSTOMER] PROBLEM
3. #2: You are a FAT and LAZY SLOB Youāve worked at Microsoft for >5 yrs. You Drive a Nice Car & Itās Paid For. You Live in a Big House. You Donāt Worry About Paying Bills. You Want to Kiss The KidsGoodnight. You Your Spouse > Your Startup. tip: Doing a Startup is a Lesson in Pain & Sacrifice.
4. #3: You Have a BUSINESS PLAN,But No Product and No Customers. Bullshit Revenue Projection -----> (up & to the right) See: āStartup Metrics for Piratesā
5. #4: Your Idea SUCKS(and even your Mom thinks so) You Donāt Have a Working Prototype. Worse: Have Prototype, But No One Uses It. It Sucks a Lot More than the Competition. See: āLean Startup (Ries) & Customer Development (Blank)ā
6. #5: You Have Teh Awesome SOLUTIONā¦to a PROBLEM that does not exist. See: āYour Solution Is Not My Problemā
7. #6: Youāre a LOSER, not a LEADER. You Procrastinate. A Lot. Youāre not Charismatic. You Get Beaten [Up] Regularly. Your Vision is usually Wrong. Youāre Scared of Change. When Other People Tell You That Youāre Wrong, You Believe Them. ā¦and youāre Uglytoo, bitch. Watch: āKick-Assā or āGleeā
8. #7: Your Pitch Sucks & You Wonāt Raise Money (or SuperAngelsCollude to Screw You Over) 50 slides in your deck Technical Jargon Demo FAIL Clueless Investors EVIL Investors See: āHow To Pitch a VCā
9. #8: Your Team Sucks, and You Have No Idea How to Hire (or Fire). No Technical Founders / Coders No Design / UX / Usability No Internet Mktg (Search, Social) No Mobileexpertise No Enterprise Sales / Biz Dev No Recruiter, or They Suckā¦ Bad.
10. #9: CoFounders& Employees =Whiners. You WILL miss a payroll. Someone WILL eat last slice of pizza. There WILL be Office Politics. People WILL discover and compare salary & stock options. Someone WILL sueyer ass: Sexual Harassment Wrongful Termination Unhappy Customer Jealous Competitor
11. #10: You Canāt Sell or Market 4 Shit. You Donāt Know Marketing. You Think Marketing = TechCrunch. You Donāt Know What SEO stands for. You Think SEM = SEO. You Donāt Know or Use Social Platforms (Facebook, Twitter, YouTube). Youāve never built Facebook or iPhone App, or a Social Game. Youāve never sent an email campaign, written a blog post, or run an affiliate marketing campaign. See: āStartup-Marketing.com (Ellis)ā
12. #11: Youād Rather Change the Channel Than Change The World. Wouldnāt you rather watch GLEE or Monday Night Football? Sure you would, Loser. Just relaaaaaxxxxxx. Fuck. That. Noise.