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Joel Young - Negotiation Skills


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Notes from training on negotiation skills.

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Joel Young - Negotiation Skills

  1. 1. Negotiation – Vero 2013© Joel Young (2012) acknowledgements to M. Rosenburg’s&D.Riddell for inspiration.To sustainably achieve goals as a team we must stay onthe same page and avoid pretend agreements that resultin resentment. This workshop teaches the skills ofassertiveness and negotiation as well as theory onperceived power. This facilitates ownership, andmutuality, and avoids resentment.Agenda:Personal Power and Perceived Powero Power is as power is perceivedo Why do I say yes/no?Ownershipo Pretend agreementso Resentment CheckWhat is Yes and Noo What’s the ‘need’ behind the ‘no’?o If I say yes do I mean it?A good negotiator aims for mutual needmeeting(bi-winning) not just ‘winning’!Negotiation AwarenessWrite down some thoughts, feelings, and needs that activatewhen you think of negotiation.I think_____________________________________________I feel______________________________________________I need_____________________________________________Our memories, associations, echos, welds and beliefs all cometogether to determine how well we assert ourselves. If wedon’t dismantle our defaults we are destined to disaster, thatis, unless we had a perfect upbringing!.Q. What did my parents (or caregiver) teach me aboutnegotiation?Mum ______________________________________________Dad _______________________________________________Who held the power!?_______________________________Why? _____________________________________________Notes:
  2. 2. Negotiation – Vero 2013© Joel Young (2012) acknowledgements to M. Rosenburg’s&D.Riddell for inspiration.Step 1 = Awareness of self and otherPut my judgments/strategy aside.What are my needs and feelings?What are their needs and feelings?Step 2 = Expressing my need and Empathising with theirsWhen I notice:I feel:I have a need for:Step 3 = Brainstorm (traditional negotiations)I would like…Would you consider…Spinning Spanner of Death – (being addicted to our strategy)Psychodynamics kick in on difficult conversations with difficultpeople (that includes us sometimes).e.g. Deep Hurts, Family Mottos, Outdated Beliefs.Q. What are my vulnerabilities? ___________________Q. What is my default spanner? ___________________BoundariesNegotiation has to take place inside healthy boundaries.Fundamentals like;My feelings are my feelings.My needs are my needs.My actions are my actions.Boundaries tell us what is ours and what isn’t.Q.Are you aware of your own boundaries?Without boundaries we take responsibility for what isn’tours.Assertiveness is about protecting our boundaries ornegotiating boundary lines. Without assertiveness peopledon’t know what our boundaries are.“…their response is THEIR RESPONSIBILITY”.Overstep and Pushback exercise.Asserting my boundary felt ____________________.Being pushed back on felt ______________________.Without true negotiation we don’t agree on where theboundaries are. This is called a pretend agreement.Notes:“What bruises do I have thatinfluence my negotiations?”
  3. 3. Negotiation – Vero 2013© Joel Young (2012) acknowledgements to M. Rosenburg’s&D.Riddell for inspiration.Pretend AgreementsI am in pretend agreement with ____________________.Because I feel ________________ .I find it difficult to be honest with them because _____________________________________________________________.Pretend agreements breed resentment which results indistanced relationships.Taking time to think things over isdifferent. Pretending you are thinking things over is also apretend agreement.Keys to negotiating more win/wins in my life:Change in thinking:*___________________________________________*___________________________________________*___________________________________________Change in action/technique:*___________________________________________*___________________________________________*___________________________________________*___________________________________________Recommended Finders with Anna SanfordCounselling/Coaching with Joel/otherRelate – Christopher DefibaughSchool of Living WisdomBoundaries Face to Face – Town and Cloudsend______________________________Notes:Notes:Notes:Notes:Notes:Notes:“My responsibility is to speak the truth inlove and their response is theirresponsibility.”
  4. 4. Negotiation – Vero 2013© Joel Young (2012) acknowledgements to M. Rosenburg’s&D.Riddell for inspiration.Common FeelingscuriousfuriouscalmuncomfortablestresseddepressedoverwhelmedtenderafraidreluctantimpatienthurtunhappyashameddisappointmentsadpuzzledtroubledshockedtiredanxiousirritatedvulnerablesurprisedboredembarrassedconcernedangryannoyedscepticaltornworriedconfusedfrustratedupsetenviousnervousdiscouragedsuspiciousscaredgrumpythrilledcomfortableinspiredrelievedhappycontentthankfuloptimisticdelightedexcitedgratefulhopefulintriguedCommon NeedsCONNECTIONacceptanceaffectionappreciationbelongingcooperationcommunicationclosenesscommunitycompanionshipcompassionconsiderationconsistencyempathyinclusionintimacylovemutualitynurturingrespect/self-respectsafetysecuritystabilitysupportto know and beknownto see and be seento understand andbe understoodtrustwarmthHONESTYauthenticityintegritypresencePLAYjoyhumourPEACEbeautycommunioneaseequalityharmonyinspirationorderPHYSICAL WELLBEINGairfoodmovement/exerciserest/sleepsexual expressionsafetysheltertouchwaterMEANINGawarenesscelebration of lifechallengeclaritycompetenceconsciousnesscontributioncreativitydiscoveryefficacyeffectivenessgrowthhopelearningmourningparticipationpurposeself-expressionstimulationto matterunderstandingAUTONOMYchoicefreedomindependencespacespontaneity
  5. 5. Negotiation– Vero 2013© Joel Young (2013)