Soft Hard Principle-Based Participants are friends. Participants are enemies. Participants are problem-solvers. The goal is agreement. The goal is victory. The goal is a wise outcome reached efficiently. Be soft on the people and the Be hard on the problem and the Be soft on the people, hard on the problem. people. problem.Accept one-sided losses to reach Demand one-sided gains as the price Invent options for mutual gain. agreement. of agreement.Search for the single answer: the Search for the single answer: the Develop multiple options to choose one they will accept. one you will accept. from; decide later. Insist on agreement. Insist on your position. Insist on using objective criteria.
Communication :MisunderstandingExampleyes can not be mistaken…oh yes it can!!!!• yes >> I hear you .• Yes >>yes calm down we ‘ll talk tomorrow• Yes >>I’ll have to go• Yes >> I’ll make it happen.But what about other clues here comes body language.
Body Language• But be aware of yourself as well.• Many of the signals sent do not require a deep study of psychology ..it need awareness and readiness to do something regarding the signals .• The more signal you interpret the stronger your position is .
Examples• Laying: avoid eyes ,look downwards touch face around the mouth .• Evaluating :head on one side ,hand to chin.• Negative :head supported heavily with hands indicates boredom or detachment .• Aggressive :hands on hips .• emphasize your size :Hands on the back pushing shoulders up and chest out .
Talk , make interests come alive• Its your job to make them know how important the thing is to you …you should not hope for much relief if you describe headache as a stomach to your doctor.• Its good while talking about your interests to : – shows openness : ” correct me if Im wrong” – Acknowledge their interests: People listen better if they fell that you have understood them.
Options•Generate a variety of possibilities beforedeciding what to do.•In this step time is for parties to to generatealternative candidate solutions.•A Brainstorming to create a mutual gain Win-Win agreement.
Criteria•Insist that the result be based on some objectivestandard.•The final step is to use mutually agreed andobjective criteria ”fair standard ” for evaluatingthe candidate solutions.•Should apply to both sides
What if• What if he don’t want to play ?• Started attacking you : – Never defend :sit back and relax, let them let off steam – Recast: as attack on problem• Attacking your ideas: – dont defend!. – dont ask for acceptance – ask whats wrong with it – turn sides: ask for advice, "what would you do if you were in my side?“..statements generates resistance ,whereas questions generate answer .