This document parodies the typical structure and content of press releases. It includes a fake headline, subheadline, and quotes from "Julian" who encourages the reader to listen to him instead of reading. The following paragraphs contain exaggerated buzzwords and phrases often found in press releases like "innovative," "revolutionary," and claims of being a "leading developer." The document mocks the poor writing and lack of substance sometimes found in press releases. It concludes with a silly "presentation checklist" and credits for "Julian Dasgupta."

1. A really, really, really brief How(-not-)to on
Press Releases

3. This is probably me

4. This is probably me
(or maybe I’m standing here)

5. Press releases. Seriously?

11. ?

16. There’s totally a headline right here.
Booyah.
Yes, I’m a sub-headline, why thank you.
Berlin, April 10 - Julian proudly announces that you should
be listening to him instead of reading this text. Really, you
should. You’ll be distracted otherwise.
In case I didn’t make myself clear in the previous
paragraph, you might want to pay attention to the
charming fellow talking.
“Congrats, you’ve made it to the third paragraph of this
super-excellent mock-up”, said Julian. “l’ll be thrilled to see
you fail at the exam that will follow this presentation.”
About Julian
Julian’s from Berlin and probably still is talking as you’re
reading this.
BLAH
“BLAH”
BLAHing since...

17. innovative! revolutionary!
one-of-a-kind [stuff]!
iconic brand!
a leading developer and publisher of
exciting thrill ride!
passionate!

18. push the envelope

20. Fun fact: They never did.

21. innovative! revolutionary!
one-of-a-kind [stuff]!
iconic brand!
a leading developer and publisher of
exciting thrill ride!
passionate!

25. innovative! revolutionary!
one-of-a-kind [stuff]!
iconic brand!
a leading developer and publisher of
exciting thrill ride!
passionate!

27. “ ... reap the rewards of our
diversification strategy, related to an
uptake in monetization and a stern
implementation of an all-hands
approach and our two-way dialogue
with our valued customers…”

28. I forgot to ‘shop’ in some
tumbleweed here for
dramatic purpose, so feel
free to use your imagination.

32. journos = TEH STUPID ?

33. “Because everyone else is doing it…”

34. Because everyone else is doing it: ancient
idiom ruining stuff ever since its inception in
5302 B.C.
(Source: Probably not Wikipedia)

36. Just don’t.

37. Be imaginative

38. Be meaningful
YOU

39. Be a good writer
(Or, well, know one.)

40. Have someone proofread
(Preferably: not your mom)

41. Do research

42. Presentation Checklist
● Lots of colourful, pretty pictures
● Photo of a kitten
● Not Godwin’ed anything
● Fancy pie charts
● Don’t swear
● Checklist slide
● Tip your hat to the audience for
having the courage to sit through
all this. (Possibly apologize for
speaking too fast and taking too
long.) Julian Dasgupta
@spunior
fb/spunior