This document provides tips for writing political memoirs. It suggests ex-politicians get started early to capitalize on interest while memories are fresh. Memoirs by high-profile figures like ex-PMs will likely find larger audiences. However, the document cautions against self-justification and attempts to rewrite history. Instead, it advises including revealing anecdotes and stories that show unsparing honesty and transparency rather than trying to appear central to all successes. Boring genealogical details or policy submissions should be avoided in favor of more sensational revelations.

1. Writing memoirs – The “How To” Guide
After September 7, it is likely that lots of current Labor high-flyers from Kevin Rudd
down will have lots of spare time on their hands and may need to top up the
superannuation.
Writing your own history is an increasingly popular hobby for ex-politicians although
overflowing remainder bins suggest that the reading public is not all that
overwhelmed.
While there is always the hope by the author that a political memoir will be a nice
little, or even big, earner most are driven by George Orwell’s dictum, “He who
controls the past controls the future. He who controls the present controls the past.”
So in the interests of helping the fallen mighty, here are a few tips.
Firstly, and most importantly, get in early. Book writing next year is likely to be
frenetic.
The higher your profile, the more likely you are to find a publisher and readers. Ex
PM John Howard’s memoirs Lazarus Rising (2010) eclipsed sales of ex PM Bob
Hawke’s The Hawke Memoirs (1994) by mid 2011 of 75,000 copies with the
paperback at that time yet to come.
Naturally, since most politicians are more or less human, they like to cement their
place in history and justify their own self-image as a person of principle, integrity, far-
sightedness, fairness, decency and all-round niceness.
You want your book to be hailed for its introspective insight, its documentary
accuracy, its unsparing honesty and its transparent self-effacement and modesty.
Ex Labor Leader Mark Latham noted in his tome that “Parliament House’s culture is
full of small talk and smear” and then proved it by writing a 400-page book full of
small talk and smear. If you want a legacy of statespersonship, you must try and rise
above that.
Ex PM’s have a natural advantage since they can write stuff like, “I told the US
President in no uncertain terms that Australia would…” and “I got no joy from
sacking Fred as a Minister but his treachery forced my hand.”
If you are a complete nobody who wasn’t even noticed when you were there, don’t
think that in retirement anybody will want to read your ramblings unless they are
actually interesting and, above all, revealing.
Thus, “It was around 3am the next morning that I came across the PM and the
Treasurer in the pool at the US Embassy naked and drunk fighting and screaming
abuse at each other. I managed to separate them and the PM ‘thanked” me by
throwing up all over me” is interesting.

2. “On July 17, I and my school group enjoyed a nice afternoon tea at the Canadian
High Commission” is not interesting.
“Crossing the floor over the rural subsidies issue got me into hot water with the
leadership” has the potential to be interesting if some lurid detail is added but “I was
thanked for my 286-page submission on the canola oil industry to the party’s
Agriculture Policy sub-committee…” is not interesting even if you quote large slabs
of it. In fact, it will be even less interesting.
Readers can see straight through whimpering self-justifications so avoid stuff like,
“Although rebuffed by the party room, I was genuinely touched by the reaction of
people in the street who praised me for my courage, bravery and adherence to
traditional values…” and “I am certain that had the party adopted my policy, we
would have avoided the crisis only weeks later when…” and “I was not drunk that
evening but had been taking medication and was tired and stressed from overwork…”
Be careful about trying to appear central to everything, especially the successes.
Avoid writing, “The PM, eyes brimming with tears of gratitude, said later that my
advice had turned the tide…” and “The National Executive unanimously adopted this
proposal which I had floated only days earlier when I…”.
Don’t try and kid everybody that you disagreed with everything that that later went
pear-shaped so avoid – unless you have documentary evidence – self-serving rubbish
like, “I quietly but firmly let the leadership know that the course they were following
was fraught with disaster…” and “It is generally acknowledged now – far too late, I
might add – that I had been right when I…”.
Be careful of the petty such as, “Just why he became a Minister ahead of me when
everybody knew that he was a lying, lazy shit remains a mystery…”.
It’s very boring in your memoirs to include stuff like, “My great-great-grandfather
came to Australia in 1869 seeking a better life. I have always been inspired by his
example…” but interesting if you can write, “In 1992, declassified files proved that
my great uncle had been an active Nazi spy but what I can reveal now is that he was
actually Jewish…”.
Oscar Wilde once wrote, “I never travel without my diary. One should always have
something sensational to read on the train.” If Oscar wouldn’t like your memoirs,
then don’t bother.