The document is a script for an episode of a television show about three friends who accidentally travel through time after messing with their friend's uncle's time machine. They end up on a planet inhabited by intelligent apes. One friend's fart causes them to be captured and placed in cages. They are taken to an ape colosseum, where they fear they will have to fight. Their other friend fell out of the cage during transport and it is unknown if he survived.

1. Tourists: Episode 2 "Planet of the Grapes"
By
Travis Higdon
Copyright Travis Higdon (c)
higdont@cwu.edu

2. COLD OPEN
FADE IN:
INT. DOC’S PIZZERIA - NIGHT
In the place of where the pizza place used to be stands a
mountain of rubble from the explosion left by the time
machine. One of the things that still stands is the door
frame that leads into the parlor.
The door is motionless until an older looking man, DOC (late
50’s), opens the door. He has crazy gray hair, and glasses
that seem way to large for an average person. Right above
those glasses sit a pair of very bushy eye brows that almost
form a uni-brow.
DOC
What in the...
Doc walks through the door with an expression of shock.
Following close behind him is a young woman, JANE (early
20’s). She also wears glasses, but in more of a sexy
librarian sort of way. She has dark brown hair that is
pulled back into a ponytail.
JANE
I told you this would happen if you
left Eli in charge for the whole
weekend!
DOC
You knew they would blow up my
shop?
JANE
Well, something like this...
DOC
You need to warn me if these
incidents are gonna happen, Jane!
What if Eli is actually hurt?
The old man continues to walk deeper into the pizzeria.
DOC (CONT.)
Just... Wow, Jane.
Jane rolls her eyes and grunts a little to herself.
(CONTINUED)

3. CONTINUED: 2.
Just as the two move forward into the pizza place, about a
dozen kids swarm past the two of them. All the children
carry their weight in candy, toys and bouncy balls.
Doc and Jane stand in place and stare with confused looks on
their faces.
Once the crowd of children run past them and over the
exploded wall, an overweight straggler follows close behind.
He holds a giant, blue teddy bear three times his size. He
slowly waddles past Doc and Jane as he breathes very
heavily.
Jane and Doc give each other confused looks.
They look behind them to see the overweight child set the
teddy bear on the ground outside, then jog back into the
pizzeria. He slides past them again, grabs more prizes from
the prize center, then heads back to Jane and Doc.
JANE
(to boy)
Kid! Just get out of here!
The little boy looks up at Jane as she yells at him. He
drops his new collected prizes with eyes wide open in fear.
The boy runs away as fast as he can.
The Doc and Jane still stare at him intently. Just as the
boy is about to leave, he spots a lonely, blue bouncy ball
on the ground. He reaches down to pick it up.
JANE (CONT.)
Leave!
The young boy scurries away in a panic. Jane and Doc’s focus
is brought back to the rest of the pizzeria.
Off to the side sits a clean circle where the animatronic
once stood. Used, dirty needles and a couple used condoms
sit in its place.
JANE
Jesus, Uncle. What kind of place
are you running here?
DOC
I honestly don’t know. You know I
spend most of the time down in the
basement.
Just then, a look of revelation comes over the Docs face.
(CONTINUED)

4. CONTINUED: 3.
DOC (CONT.)
No. They couldn’t have...
The Doc jumps into a sprint as he heads toward the basement
of the pizza place.
JANE
Couldn’t have what?
Jane watches as the Doc runs away from her.
JANE (CONT.)
Uncle!
She gives another annoyed sigh as she reluctantly gives
chase to her uncle.
INT. BACK ROOM/BASEMENT
The Doc scurries down the half blow up stairs, and into the
basement. Jane still follows close behind.
The only remaining items in the basement are some tools,
random futuristic gadgets, and a tan tarp on the floor where
the time machine once sat.
When the Doc gets close enough to the tarp, he falls to his
knees.
DOC
Oh my god. It’s worse than I
thought!
MAIN TITLES:
END OF COLD OPEN
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
EXT. APE PLANET - JUNGLE - DAY
Screams of men and women fill the jungle, along with deep,
pounding sounds of horses hoofs.
Eli, Justin and Will run as fast as they can away from the
horse mounted ape. Their facial expressions are in true
terror as they scream their lungs out.
(CONTINUED)

5. CONTINUED: 4.
JUSTIN
Where the fuck are we, man?!
ELI
I have no idea!
WILL
Just keep running! I saw a crazed
look in that monkey’s eyes that
said he wanted to butt fuck me!
JUSTIN
Oh god!
The three continue to sprint at their top speeds in an
attempt to lose the ape.
Beat
The gang rounds the corner of a very large tree. Before the
ape is spotted again, the three of them stop and look at
their surroundings. Eli spots a well hidden bush in the
distance.
ELI
(points)
Over there!
All three of them race over to the luscious, green bush and
dive over it.
WILL
Ow! My ass!
ELI
Shut up, Will!
Silently, the gang sits in the dirt behind the bush as they
attempt to control their breathing.
Soon, the horse hoofs are heard rounding the massive tree to
where the boys once stood. The horse stops, then walks
slowly around.
Justin peeks through the bushes to see the grotesque ape as
it mounts the horse like a normal human would.
JUSTIN
Jesus, its nostrils are as big as
my fist.
(CONTINUED)

6. CONTINUED: 5.
ELI
Shhhhh...!
Justin covers his mouth and looks down at the dirt.
The horse steps seems to get louder as the ape approaches
ever closer.
ELI (CONT.)
(whispers)
Okay. Nobody make any sudden moves.
On the far left sits Justin, who leans his head down toward
the dirt with his eyes closed. In the middle sits Eli with
his arms wrapped around his knees as he slightly rocks back
and forth. To the far right sits Will. His face is scrunched
up with a very uncomfortable expression.
Eli looks over at Will with a confused look.
ELI
(whispers)
What the hell is wrong with you?
WILL
(whispers)
I gotta fart, man!
ELI
What?
WILL
That last dive has forced something
evil to want to come out!
ELI
Don’t do it. Don’t you fucking do
it!
Will’s face turns red as he tries his hardest to hold in the
gas inside him.
WILL
(screams)
I can’t hold it, dude!
Will lets out an enormous fart that shakes the leaves of the
trees surrounding them like a soft summer breeze.
WILL
Oh, thank father!
Just as Will gets the last bit of fart out of his body, a
giant net falls on top of the three of them.
(CONTINUED)

7. CONTINUED: 6.
ELI
Fuck you, dude...
EXT. APE PLANET - DIRT ROAD
The ape rids the horse as it pulls a roofless wagon occupied
with two bamboo cages. Justin and Eli sit in one, and Will
sits in the other.
INT. ROOFLESS WAGON
Eli and Justin stare blankly at Will in the other cage.
Their expressions are of true anger and disappointment.
Will looks around at the scenery of the jungle as he
attempts to avoid eye contact with the other two.
When he does make eye contact, he gives a stupid grin
towards his friends.
WILL
So... Good news! I feel much
better.
Eli jumps up and rushes towards the bamboo bars in a furious
rage!
ELI
(reaches out)
You god damn idiot! Because of your
stupid bowels, we’re probably gonna
be killed by these apes!
Will flinches backwards in his cage.
WILL
Hey! I’m sorry! I told you I
couldn’t hold it.
JUSTIN
Take it easy, Eli. We both know how
hard it is to hold in a deep fart.
ELI
No I don’t! I have never, once, had
a fart that I couldn’t hold.
JUSTIN
Come on... Really?
(CONTINUED)

8. CONTINUED: 7.
ELI
No! And now we’re probably gonna be
butt fucked by these monkeys, and
it is all his fault!
Will looks at Eli with a sad, guilty expression.
ELI (CONT.)
It’s your fault we’re in this mess,
and it’s your fault we even got
into that stupid time machine in
the first place!
Eli uncontrollably shakes the bamboo bars. In his shaking,
he rocks the cage back and forth across the wagon.
JUSTIN
Whoa. Buddy, what are you doing?
ELI
Something I should have done awhile
ago.
Eli continues to rock their cage back and forth as it slams
into Will’s.
WILL
Dude. Stop!
Almost foaming at the mouth, Eli gives their cage an
intense, final push. On that final push, the ape that rides
the horse drives over a hole in the dirt road.
Eli and Justin’s cage hit Will’s with extreme force, and at
the same time the pothole forces Will’s cage to fly up in
the air.
Will is sent into the air and off the wagon as the the horse
gallops around a cliff side.
Eli’s expression turns from rage to concern as he sees Will
fly away from the wagon.
ELI
Oh my god! Will!
The cage and Will tumble down the steep cliff.
Justin and Eli look over the edge as their friend rolls
toward his certain death.

9. 8.
INT. BACK ROOM/BASEMENT - NIGHT
FADE IN:
Jane comes up behind the Doc as she breathes heavily.
JANE
Oh no...
DOC
I know... They popped Vanessa!
The Doc turns back around to face Jane with a deflated blow
up sex doll carefully held in his arms. Tears run down his
face.
JANE
Um... Aren’t you more concerned
that the time machine is gone?
DOC
The what?
Doc turns to look at the tan tarp as it flaps a little bit
in the wind.
DOC
Oh. That is a problem.
Beat
DOC (CONT.)
Do you think she still has time?
Jane turns into an angry state as she grabs the deflated
doll and throws it to the side!
JANE
Forget the doll! We’ve got a
serious issue here.
DOC
(turns head)
Vanessa!
JANE
Listen, Doc! I’m assuming Eli
didn’t mean to do this on his own,
so I’m guessing Tweedledee and
Tweedledum also had something to do
with this.
Jane walks over to the tan tarp and lifts it up to peek
under.
(CONTINUED)

10. CONTINUED: 9.
JANE (CONT.)
If we don’t find a way to get those
three idiots back to our time and
reality, then they could mess up
the entire universe!
Doc stands back up onto his feet with a pondering look on
his face.
DOC
You’re right, Jane. We need to go
after them.
JANE
Yes!
DOC
Then maybe we can fix the time line
so that Vanessa never got involved
in this mess!
JANE
(rolls eyes)
Oh my god...
DOC
We will make this right, Jane!
JANE
How? It’s not like you have another
time machine lying around here for
us to find them.
DOC
Oh I have something better!
The Doc reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a
miniature device the size of his hand.
DOC (CONT.)
This little beauty will help us
travel in time and space.
JANE
Great! But we still don’t know
exactly where and when the three
stooges landed.
DOC
Oh. No problem. This doodad’s got
an app that can track the other
time machine.
An intense, but sad look comes over the Doc’s face.
(CONTINUED)

11. CONTINUED: 10.
DOC (CONT.)
It’s how I found Amanda again all
those years ago...
JANE
Who’s Amanda?
DOC
Don’t worry about her! ... and her
perfect plastic nipples... God I
miss you, Amanda.
JANE
Uh...
DOC
Oh. Sorry. Just grab my shoulder
and we’ll be on our way!
Jane walks next to her uncle and lays her hand on his
shoulder.
The Doc messes with a few buttons on the second time machine
before he presses the final button.
DOC (CONT.)
Here we go!
The Doc presses the final button. Him and Jane vanish in
another giant explosion, just as large as when the first
time machine left.
INT. ROOFLESS WAGON - DAY
Eli and Justin continue to gaze down at the deep ravine
where they just saw Will fall. Their eyes and mouths are
wide open with shock.
ELI
I can’t believe that just
happened...
JUSTIN
This... This is horrible.
ELI
I know. I just lost control! I
don’t know what happened.
JUSTIN
No. It’s worse. He had the last of
the weed!
(CONTINUED)

12. CONTINUED: 11.
ELI
Son of a bitch! I’m gonna kill him!
A confused and pondered look comes across Eli’s expression.
ELI (CONT.)
Oh. Wait.
Justin moves himself to the other side of the cage as he
notices something in the distance.
JUSTIN
Uh oh. We might have bigger
problems.
Eli joins Justin on the other side of the cage.
EXT. APE COLOSSEUM MARKET
The wagon approaches closer to, what seems to be, a giant
Colosseum. Made from sticks and mud from parts of the
forest, the Colosseum stands over twenty feet high.
The wagon continues on the road towards the massive
structure at a steady pace. Just in front of the Colosseum
is a market filled with other monkey’s of all species. They
look as if they are shopping like a human would.
APE MARKET SELLER
Fresh human heads here! Fresh human
heads for the best price around.
Your fesses will be excellent for
throwing after eating one of these!
The wagon passes by the market seller as Eli and Justin’s
expressions are in terror.
EXT. APE COLOSSEUM ENTRANCE
The wagon finally comes to halt when the horse riding ape
stops in front of the main gates.
Two baboon guards stand at the gate. The ape jumps off the
horse and stands next to it. The baboon guards walk over to
him.
APE
Got three fresh meats for ya.
(CONTINUED)

13. CONTINUED: 12.
BABOON 1
Oh yeah? Let’s see what you got.
The ape and the one baboon walk back towards the wagon.
INT. ROOFLESS WAGON
Eli and Justin see the two walk towards them. They
immediately duck down and sit on the floor of their cage.
JUSTIN
Fuck, man! What are we gonna do?
ELI
I don’t know! I don’t know!
EXT. ROOFLESS WAGON
The two monkey’s reach the wagon. They both peak over the
wagon’s edge to see what’s inside.
BABOON 1
I only see two humans here.
APE
Ah! The other one must have
escaped.
BABOON 1
Don’t worry. Two will be enough.
Although, I don’t remember any
other humans having bloodshot red
eyes before.
APE
It must be a new human thing.
The baboon takes a couple sniffs towards the wagon.
BABOON 1
And is it a new human thing to
smell like wolf pussy, too?
APE
Disgusting creatures...
beat
BABOON 1
Well, they seem fit enough for me.
You may enter.

14. 13.
EXT. APE COLOSSEUM ENTRANCE
The ape and the baboon walk back towards the front of the
wagon. The ape straddles himself back onto the horse. The
one baboon nods at the other, and the two of them walk over
to two crank devices on opposite sides of the gate. The
baboons crank the handles towards their chests, and the gate
slowly lifts up.
beat
Once the gate is fully open the ape rides the horse inside,
along with the wagon.
END OF ACT ONE
INT. COLOSSEUM PRISON CELL - NIGHT
ACT TWO
Justin and Eli are tossed into a dirty, mold covered cell.
JUSTIN
Believe it, or not. This is not the
worse thing I’ve been thrown into.
The two boys stand up and look back towards the cell door as
it slides closed by the ape that captured them.
APE
Enjoy your time now, humans. The
fights are about to begin.
ELI
The fights?
The ape gives Eli a sinister grin as he walks away.
JUSTIN
Are we gonna be fighting? I can’t
fight, dude! Remember when I got my
ass kicked by Jessica Thompson in
the fourth grade? Bitch still
haunts my dreams.
ELI
Just take it easy. There’s gotta be
some way out of here.
Eli looks around the cell for any cracks or openings. He
walks over to the back wall and rests his right ear on it.
He taps his knuckle on the wall at the same time.
(CONTINUED)

15. CONTINUED: 14.
Justin walks over to the back corner of the cell and sits
down with his legs crossed. A sad expression washes over his
face.
He turns his head and looks up at Eli as he curiously runs
his head along the wall.
JUSTIN
Forget it, man. We’re just gonna
have to let death take us now.
ELI
No. There’s got to be something
here.
JUSTIN
Maybe we can just pretend to be
dead, and they’ll toss our bodies
in the dump.
MYSTERIOUS VOICE (O.S.)
That won’t work.
Eli and Justin curiously turn their heads toward to source
of the sound. From the cell next to them approaches another
monkey, BUBBLES, that walks out of the shadows.
BUBBLES
Tried that escape plan before, and
it went terrible wrong. They shoved
a ten inch bamboo stick up my ass
as punishment.
ELI
Oh, Jesus. I’m sorry.
BUBBLES
I’m not! I just pretended like I
hated it so they would keep the
stick here for my next punishment.
Bubbles pulls out the bamboo stick from behind his back, and
gives the boy’s a wink.
Justin and Eli show a look of disgust.
JUSTIN
Okay... Well, good talk there,
uh...
BUBBLES
Bubbles is the name!
(CONTINUED)

16. CONTINUED: 15.
JUSTIN
Right. Bubbles. But we’re kind of
doing our own thing over here,
so...
BUBBLES
Oh. I see. Well, it sounded to me
like you were trying to find a way
out of here.
Eli walks away from the wall and closer to the monkey’s cell
where he stands in front of it.
ELI
What if we are?
BUBBLES
Well, I might be able to help.
ELI
And what would you want in return?
BUBBLES
Oh. Nothing really. Just need some
help smoking my little friend here.
Bubbles walks over to a nearby wall, bends down and pulls a
rock out to reveal a small hole. He reaches inside and pulls
out a thick, four inch long joint. Bubbles walks back over
to the boy’s cell to show them.
BUBBLES (CONT.)
What’dya say?
Justin and Eli both look at each other and then back at the
monkey.
JUSTIN & ELI
Hell yes.
beat
The three of them sit side by side to each others cells.
Smoke fogs up most of the cells. Eli takes a big hit of the
joint, then coughs uncontrollably.
BUBBLES
Ha! Pussy.
ELI
Fuck you, monkey.
Bubbles gives an obnoxious monkey laugh.
(CONTINUED)

17. CONTINUED: 16.
JUSTIN
So, Bubbles. What’s this escape
plan you got?
BUBBLES
Oh, You’ll see. You’ll just have to
trust me.
Eli and Justin exchange looks of concern with each other.
FADE OUT IN SMOKE:
INT. COLOSSEUM PRISON HALLWAY - DAY
An Orangutan guard paces up and down the hallway. He turns
his head back and forth to glance into the individual cells
as he swings around a baton made of bamboo.
BUBBLES (O.S.)
Oh, sweet Ape Lords! Guards, help!
The Orangutan looks forward in a shocked and confused
expression.
He swings his way over to where the sound originated.
INT. BUBBLES COLOSSEUM CELL
The guard reaches Bubbles’ cell where the monkey runs around
in circles with the bamboo stick shoved up his ass. Bubbles
screams in pain!
Eli and Justin sit on the ground in their cell’s quietly as
they watch.
BUBBLES
(to the guard)
Please, help! I can’t get it out!
ORANGUTAN GUARD
Dammit, Bubbles. I thought we took
that stick away from you.
Fumbling through his keys, the guard finds the right one and
opens up the cell.
Just as the guard enters through the doorway, Bubbles turns
his ass towards the guard and charges backwards at him.
Eli and Justin stand up and run towards the front of their
cell.

18. 17.
INT. COLOSSEUM PRISON HALLWAY
ORANGUTAN GUARD (CONT.)
What the...
Bubbles sprints backwards as he aims the bamboo stick in his
ass right at the guards stomach.
The stick penetrates into the Orangutan and sticks out
through his back. Blood shoots out everywhere.
BUBBLES
Oh, yeah. That’s the sweet spot
I’ve been looking for!
Bubbles continues to push the guard back until they both
slam into the cell bars on the other side and fall to the
ground.
Justin and Eli continue to stand at the front of their cell,
completely shocked.
ELI
Well, that was the most fucked up
thing I’ve ever seen in my life.
JUSTIN
No doubt.
BUBBLES
See. I told you I had a plan!
The Orangutan guard lays underneath Bubbles, completely
dead. Blood seeps out of the corner of his mouth.
Bubbles eyes gaze behind him. He reaches down for the keys
to the cells in the Orangutan’s palm and pulls them up.
BUBBLES (CONT.)
Got the keys!
The monkey then places himself in a squatting stance, grips
the bamboo stick that is still in his ass and slowly lifts
himself up. His expression is that of pleasure and pain.
The bamboo stick is clean as whistle when Bubbles gets
completely off it.
He turns around and looks back down at the dead guard.
BUBBLES
I can stick anything up my ass,
Hank. You should have known better.
(CONTINUED)

19. CONTINUED: 18.
Bubbles turns back around and swings over to the boys’ cell.
ELI
Really, really messed up plan,
Bubbles. But I gotta admit that it
worked.
BUBBLES
As my species say, "always rely on
your ass".
JUSTIN
Also, really messed up...
Bubbles puts the key into the lock and unlocks the door.
JUSTIN (CONT.)
Hey, Bubbles. What was in that
joint, man? Cus’ I’m feeling kind
of weird, and seeing some stuff I
don’t usually see.
BUBBLES
Funny you should ask!
The monkey slides the cell door open to let the two out.
Just as Bubbles is about to answer Justin’s question, a
spear rams into the right side of Bubbles’ ribs! The spear
sends the monkey flying to the side.
ELI
Oh, shit!
Eli and Justin look down the hallway to see a gang of silver
back gorilla’s that wear protective body armor. They charge
straight towards them.
ELI (CONT.)
Let’s get out of here!
The two dude’s jump into a sprint away from the gorilla’s.
Up ahead, Justin see’s Bubbles on the ground moaning in
pain, but alive. He stops and kneels down next to him.
JUSTIN
We’re gonna get you out of here,
buddy! Just hold on. Help me out
here, Eli!
(CONTINUED)

20. CONTINUED: 19.
BUBBLES
(softly)
No. It’s too late for me. Save
yourselves.
JUSTIN
Don’t do this, Bubbles!
BUBBLES
I just want you to know one thing.
Come closer.
Justin leans in closer to Bubble’s face.
BUBBLES (CONT.)
The secret ingredient in that
joint... was my poop.
Bubbles gargles blood in his mouth for a second, then turns
his head away from Justin and stares blankly ahead,
completely dead.
JUSTIN
What? Ah! Fucking gross, dude!
Eli stands a couple feet away as he runs in place.
ELI
Yeah. That’s fucking sick, but we
can worry about that later. Right
now, we gotta go!
Justin gets up from the ground. Him and Eli sprint away as
fast as they can. Bubbles still lays there dead.
Once the two are out of sight, the gang of gorilla’s run
past Bubbles, as well.
beat
Bubbles empties his bowls all over the floor. The shit is
combined with a bundle of sticks, a flashlight, a can of
beer and two live gerbils. The gerbils scurry away in a
hurry.
INT. MAIN COLOSSEUM HALLWAY
Eli and Justin run for their lives as giant gorilla’s follow
close behind. The apes scream and holler viciously at them.
(CONTINUED)

21. CONTINUED: 20.
JUSTIN
We’re screwed, man! Where are we
even going?
ELI
(shouts)
You think I know? Just keep
running!
The two continue to sprint down a long, rounding corridor.
Just up ahead the two see another gang of gorilla’s running
towards them from the front.
Both guy’s stop dead in their tracks.
JUSTIN
What now?
The two of them look back to see the first gorilla gang
still run towards them. They look forward again to see the
second gang approach closer and closer.
Justin and Eli look around the hallway for any other escape.
Eli looks behind them to see a giant unlocked door that
reaches ten feet high.
ELI
Through here!
JUSTIN
Oh. I don’t know about this.
ELI
Just help me push it open!
The both of them push onto the large door with all their
strength. The door cracks open from the middle as sunlight
shines into the corridor.
The two keep at it until the crack in the door is large
enough for both of them to fit through it.
Justin shoves himself through the crack in the door first.
Eli follows after him.
INT. GLADIATOR ARENA
A bright, blinding light from the sun shines down on Eli and
Justin’s faces. They cover and squint their eyes in pain.
Once their eye’s adjust to the sunlight, the two of them
look around with their eye’s and mouth’s wide open.
(CONTINUED)

22. CONTINUED: 21.
JUSTIN
Oh I knew I had a bad feeling about
this.
The two boy’s stand alone at the floor of the outdoor
fighting arena. They are surrounded by a massive crowd of
apes of every species. The monkey’s cheer in the stands
wildly and uncontrollably.
With fear on their faces, the two back up slowly back to the
entrance doors of the arena. They turn their body’s toward
the door just as slow.
Before they have a chance to escape, the silver back
gorilla’s swarm through the door, spears and weapons in
hand. Their expressions are filled with anger.
ELI
This is seriously not how I thought
I would die.
The gorilla’s scream a war cry and charge at the young men!
Just as the gorilla’s are about to slaughter Justin and Eli
a familiar voice is heard from the kings balcony.
WILL (O.S)
Stop!
The gorilla forces stop to a halt. They drop their weapons
to the ground, bow their heads and rest on their knees.
Confused, Eli and Justin turn back around towards the
balcony.
END OF ACT TWO
INT. KINGS BALCONY
ACT THREE
Will sits comfortably in a golden throne. His arm is raised
in the air as human servants wave large feathers to the
sides of him and feed him luscious grapes. He stares down at
his friends as he wears a silk, silver gown and a bedazzled
crown. a giant smirk runs across his face.
Another Orangutan, LINUS, approaches next to Will. He holds
a writing utensil and a clip board of sorts.
(CONTINUED)

23. CONTINUED: 22.
LINUS
My Lord. Do you not wish to kill
the runaway prisoners? The
punishment for their actions is at
least a beheading.
Will turns his gaze up at the Orangutan with a look of
anger. His arm still holds in the air.
WILL
Come closer, Linus.
Linus bends down closer to Will. He shakes in fear.
Will stares him in the eye for a couple seconds, then slaps
Linus as hard as he can across the face!
The Orangutan falls quickly to the floor as he holds his
hand up to his face in pain.
Will stands up from his throne, puts his arm down and turns
towards Linus.
WILL (CONT.)
Biiiiiiitch! Are you the all
powerful lord?
LINUS
(quivering)
No. My Lord.
WILL
Then shut the fuck up!
Will turns back around to face the arena. Linus crawls
himself away.
WILL (CONT.)
Now I am flustered and upset! Where
are my skanks?!
From the back of the balcony run out insanely beautiful
blond, and brunette women in gold bikini’s that bounce
towards Will.
Will sits back down in his chair as the ladies kneel down at
the sides of the throne. Their hands run up and down his
body.
WILL
Much better.

24. 23.
The, so called, Lord stares back down at Justin and Eli in
the arena and gives them a huge smile. He then pelvic
thrusts himself in his chair and flashes up all ten fingers
three time in a row.
INT. GLADIATOR ARENA
Eli and Justin continue to stare up at Will in sheer
amazement and shock.
JUSTIN
I... I have no words.
INT. KINGS BALCONY
Will stands up from his throne. He raises both his arms in
the air as he walks toward the edge of the balcony.
WILL
(loudly)
Calm yourselves, my children.
He keeps his arms raised in the air until every monkey in
the stadium is quiet.
Just before Will lowers his arms to his side, a ball of shit
fly’s in front of him, followed by the laughter of a monkey.
Will gives a confused expression, then shrugs it off.
He rests his hands down and lays them on the banister in
front of him.
WILL (CONT.)
My children! The humans you see
before you have committed the worst
of all crimes!
The monkeys in the stands whisper and gossip to one another.
WILL
These two are traders! They...
ELI (O.S.)
Will! I’m sorry!
The crowd gasps as the words leave Eli’s mouth.

25. 24.
EXT. COLOSSEUM STANDS
A random monkey stands up from the crowd, filled with rage.
MONKEY 1
Prisoner’s shan’t speak to the lord
is such a manner!
Another monkey stands up a few seats behind the first
monkey.
MONKEY 2
Stop talking like that, Carl!
Everyone knows you’re from the
south part of the jungle.
The whole stadium goes into an uproar of laughter. They jump
up and down in their seats.
MONKEY 1
You want to see how we do things in
south bungalow, Harry?!
MONKEY 2
Bring it on, Human licker!
The first monkey jumps up at the second monkey in a frenzy
and tackles him to the ground. The two wrestle around,
screaming. The crowd jumps up and down in their seats even
harder, and scream louder.
INT. KINGS BALCONY
Will raises his arms back up into the air.
WILL
My children! I wish to hear this
mother fucker out.
The crowds die down and sit quietly. Will lowers his arms
again.
INT. GLADIATOR ARENA
The stadium is filled with silence as all eye’s stare down
at Eli and Justin.
ELI
I’m sorry, Will. Things got out of
control. I didn’t want to push you
off that wagon.
(CONTINUED)

26. CONTINUED: 25.
JUSTIN
(shouts)
It’s true! He told me!
Eli turns to Justin with a confused expression.
ELI
(to Justin)
Shut up, dude.
He focuses his gaze back on Will in the balcony.
ELI (CONT.)
You know we would have tried to
find you if we could. I’m just glad
you’re still alive!
INT. KINGS BALCONY
Will stares down at Eli with a look of empathy and sadness.
INT. GLADIATOR ARENA
Justin steps forward with a proud look on his face.
JUSTIN
We missed you, bro! We smoked a
joint that another prisoner monkey
hand made. He put his own poop in
it! You would have loved it.
ELI
Come on, buddy. Let’s get you down
from there, get back to the time
machine and try and find our way
home.
JUSTIN
The monkey was also super obsessed
with his asshole!
ELI
Yeah. Okay, Justin. We can tell him
about all that later.

27. 26.
INT. KINGS BALCONY
Will’s lips start to quiver. He smiles with pure joy.
WILL
I have made my decision! These men
will be set free.
EXT. COLOSSEUM STANDS
The apes and monkeys all bare a look of disgust and
disapproval. They shout back and forth to one another.
MONKEY 2
Fuck that! Unleash "The Mammoth"!
MONKEY 1
Yeah! I came here for some death!
INT. KINGS BALCONY
WILL
Children, Please! I have made my
final decision. What your Lord says
goes.
LINUS (O.S.)
No true lord would choose mercy!
Will turns around to see the Orangutan, Linus, march onto
the balcony with three silver back gorilla guards behind
him.
LINUS (CONT.)
You are no Lord. Guards! Seize him!
WILL
Uh, oh.
Will frantically searches around the balcony for an escape
route. To the side, hangs long, golden silk sheets that
stretch all the way down to the ground.
Will sprints toward the sheets and jumps to grab them. He
slides down the silk gold ever so smoothly.
WILL (CONT.)
So long, bitches! Fuck yo shit!
Linus and the guards run to the edge of the balcony. One of
the gorilla guards pulls out a sharp, metal sword from its
sheath and instantly cuts the top part of the sheet off.
(CONTINUED)

28. CONTINUED: 27.
WILL
Oh, fuck.
INT. GLADIATOR ARENA
Will free falls down to the ground with nothing to hang
onto. Will crashes on his back and hits the ground with a
large thud!
WILL
(looks up)
Ha! Fuckers! Wasn’t even that far
away from the ground.
Will walks himself toward Eli and Justin with a small limp
in his step. He grabs his back right leg in pain.
WILL
Ow. My ass.
Justin and Eli witness the whole event. They jog over to
Will.
ELI
Will!
The two of them reach Will and they all group hug.
WILL
Ah, I missed you guys!
JUSTIN
Missed you too, bud.
The three break away from the hug.
WILL
What was this about an ass obsessed
monkey? like, more than a usual
monkey?
JUSTIN
Oh, It’s a good story...
ELI
(interrupts)
... Hold on. How in the hell did
you become a lord?
WILL
It’s a complicated story. When I
reached the bottom of that cliff
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)

29. CONTINUED: 28.
WILL (cont’d)
side, I rolled into a local
village. And apparently they have a
prophecy that a hairless god will
show himself before them rolling
down a hill.
ELI
What?
WILL
I know. Weird, right?
Will takes a deep breath of air, puts his hands to his hips
and looks around the stadium in silence.
beat
WILL (CONT.)
Hey. You guys still have that poop
weed?
ELI
Dude! What happened after that?
WILL
Oh. Uh... they announced me their
god and took me here. That’s...
that’s about it. Fucked a shit ton
of white slave girls though too!
Did you guys see how many times I
was flashing my fingers at you?
JUSTIN
Yeah. Nice!
ELI
I’m jealous!
A small whisper of a word illuminates from the crowd. It
gets louder and louder.
ELI (CONT.)
Do you guy’s hear that?
CROWD (O.S.)
Mammoth! Mammoth! Mammoth!
The crowds whisper turns into screams as the monkeys cheer
Mammoth.
(CONTINUED)

30. CONTINUED: 29.
WILL
Oh, no.
JUSTIN
What?
WILL
They’re sending out the mammoth. We
gotta get out of here, now!
ELI
I like you’re thinking!
JUSTIN
What’s the mammoth?
WILL
You don’t wanna find out. Follow
me. I know a secret entrance that
leads in and out of here. My human
skanks showed me it!
ELI
You’re not gonna stop bragging
about that, are you?
Will gives Eli a sly smirk as he darts off towards the
secret entrance. Justin and Eli follow after.
beat
The gang almost reaches the entrance when a loud, creaky
door opens slowly nearby. All of them stop and stare to see
what might come out.
The crowd cheers insanely as a massive shadowed figure
emerges from the door. The more the creature walks into the
sunlight, however, the smaller the shadow becomes. The
creature enters completely in the sunlight. Out of the
shadows emerges a tiny Capuchin monkey. He wears metal body
armor, and has a mean look on his face.
ELI
That’s mammoth?
WILL
(trembles)
Yes.
JUSTIN
He doesn’t look so tough. Look how
cute he is in his tiny little
armor!
(CONTINUED)

31. CONTINUED: 30.
The small monkey swings itself closer to the boys with a
look of evil on its face. Justin walks toward the monkey
too.
WILL
Justin! No!
The Capuchin and Justin meet. The monkey stops and stands
firmly on the ground. His gaze glares up at Justin.
Justin kneels down with love in his expression. His eyes
meet the Capuchin’s.
JUSTIN
You’re not so bad, huh, little guy?
Mammoth is such a scary name for a
cute little thing like you.
The monkey doesn’t say a word. He stares up at Justin
emotionless.
Justin’s loving smile turns into a frown.
JUSTIN (CONT.)
Uh, oh.
Justin turns his head back around to face Eli and Will.
JUSTIN
(shouts)
Guys! I think I see the evil. It’s
in his eyes!
Justin slowly turns his head back around to face the monkey.
Right when he looks at the Capuchin again, the small primate
jumps up onto Justin’s face!
Justin screams in fear as the monkey repetitively bites and
smacks Justin on the head and face. Justin swings his head
back and forth to get the monkey off as he sprints back
towards his friends.
ELI
Oh, shit!
JUSTIN
I was so wrong! This is the meanest
little thing ever!
WILL
I told you!
(CONTINUED)

32. CONTINUED: 31.
Justin finally rips the monkey off his face. He extends his
arms out and holds it by its arms and shoulders as the
creature chomps at anything nearby, and attempts to free
itself.
JUSTIN
Mother fucker!
Justin drops the little monkey down to his foot and punts
him away.
Accidentally, Justin kicks it at a lit torch that stands on
the side of the arena. The monkey falls to the ground,
unconscious.
The lit torch topples over to the side. Its flame makes
contact with one of the other golden silk sheets that hang
from the King’s balcony.
The sheet catches fire in an uproar! Its huge flames meets
with the wood stands. The whole Colosseum is ready to burst
into flames.
JUSTIN (CONT.)
Whoops...
The crowd of monkeys scream in anger and fear! All of them
jump down from the stands and rush the floor.
ELI
Let’s get the hell out of here!
The three of them reach the secret entrance that leads out
of the Colosseum. Will pulls out a key from his pocket and
unlocks the small gate.
Will holds the gate open as he pushes Eli and Justin
through. Will climbs in after them and closes the gate. Just
as he seals the gate shut again, monkeys slam into it
ferociously. Will is able to seal the gate shut, however.
INT. SEWER DRAIN
The three dude’s run as fast as they can through the dark,
damp sewer.
Eli looks behind them to see if there are any monkey’s in
pursuit of them. Right when he turns his head, an explosion
of fire bursts into the sewers. The primates rush in through
the exploded secret entrance hole.
(CONTINUED)

33. CONTINUED: 32.
ELI (CONT.)
They’re in the sewer!
JUSTIN
What are we gonna do?!
A rumbling beneath the ground shakes the guys as they
continue to run.
WILL
What the hell was that?
The three of them look up at the sewer ceiling to see the
structure crack and crumble. The boy’s sprint as fast a
possible to avoid the debris.
With the angry monkeys still hot on their trail, parts of
the ceiling fall on top of them.
Piece, by piece, the ceiling collapses on the monkey’s. A
giant part of the structure crumbles down in the front of
the apes. Their way forward is blocked.
The boy’s turn their heads around to see the structure
collapse and separate them from the monkey horde.
EXT. APE PLANET - SEWER DRAIN - DAY
The three guy’s crawl their way out of a sewer drain. All
around them are high, green bushes that block their view.
Eli pops his head out of the drain first.
ELI
This was the secret entrance?! I
just swam through more shit than
anyone should ever have to in their
lives!
Will Pops out next.
WILL
Stop complaining, dude. You’re not
dead, so that’s something to feel
good about.
Lastly exits Justin. Tiny bite and scratch marks fill up his
face, along with missing patches of hair.
JUSTIN
Hey, guys. I’m pretty sure all that
sewage junk will not be good for
the open wounds on my face.
(CONTINUED)

34. CONTINUED: 33.
The three of them stand up and look around at their
surroundings.
beat
WILL
Now what?
ELI
We try and find where our time
machine is.
The guy’s walk forward together as they brush the large
bushes to the side.
beat
EXT. APE PLANET - OPEN FIELD
They reach the end of the bush garden and pop out in an open
field.
They all stand in place and look around with puzzled looks
on their faces. Will turns his head around to see that their
time machine sits a few feet away from them.
WILL
(pointing)
Oh, look! It’s right here.
The time machine they arrived in sits exactly where they
left it. Graffiti marks written with brown colored paint
cover the machine. Pictures of dicks and stick figures of
monkey’s killing humans are placed all over it.
JUSTIN
Well, that’s awfully convenient.
All three walk towards the time machine with a cool,
confident swagger.
ELI
I really hope this next time jump
brings us back home. I could really
go for one of Doc’s pizza’s right
now.
WILL
Yeah. Me too. I’ve missed like
three episodes of "Family Times".
(CONTINUED)

35. CONTINUED: 34.
JUSTIN
You are way too obsessed with
sitcoms, dude.
The gang continues to walk farther away, back towards the
time machine. Up in a nearby tree is a blown up sex doll
with a blond wig that stares down.
Credits:
END OF EPISODE 2