Topics of Conflict in Romantic Relationships

Running head: TOPICS OF CONFLICT IN RELATIONSHIPS
Topics of Conflict in Romantic Relationships
Brittany Weber
Illinois State University

TOPICS OF CONFLICT IN RELATIONSHIPS 2
Abstract
The proposed study investigated distinctive topics of conflict demonstrated in
romantic relationships. Undergraduate students (N = 293) completed measures of
romantic relationship development, topics of conflict, and level of intimacy
regarding their current romantic partner. This study predicts that women will
report more conflict regarding intimacy in their romantic relationships as compared
to men. Additionally, this study predicts that men will report more conflict
regarding sexual behavior in their romantic relationship as compared to women.
Independent t-tests were used to analyze the data and test these hypotheses. There
was not a significant effect for gender between frequency of conflict on sexual
behavior, t(282) = -.80, p = .43; therefore, hypothesis one was not supported.
Additionally, the analysis did not find a significant effect for gender between
frequency of conflict on intimacy, t(284) = -1.84, p = .07, so hypothesis two was not
supported as well. Future research should be done examining the amount of
communication regarding sexual behavior and issues of sex resulting in conflict in
romantically involved emerging adults. Additionally, different types of couples such
as married couples, cohabiting couples, and romantically dating emerging adults
should be compared and the topics of conflict in their romantic relationship.

Introduction
Conflict is a common occurrence in many types of relationships. Romantic
partners engage in arguments for many different reasons and learning how to solve
arguments can help couples become closer and more intimate. Gottman (1999)
discusses how previous literature concentrates on conflict management instead of
the root cause that initiates the argument. Additionally, recent research from
Rehman et al. (2011) mentions how discovering the topics of conflict between a
couple can give insight into the effect of the argument on their relationship.
Research on topics of conflict has been done on married couples and cohabiting
couples without children (Kurdek, 1994), but less research has been conducted on
emerging adults in a romantic relationship. Researchers have found that two
common themes of arguments in marriage focus around the level of intimacy and
amount of sexual behaviors present between couples (Kurdek, 1994). This study
reflects on these different topics of conflict and which gender is more likely to
report which topic while involved in a romantic relationship.
Intimacy plays a huge role in the success and duration of a romantic
relationship. Subtopics such as trust, closeness, communication, self-disclosure, and
jealousy should all be considered when evaluating the amount of intimacy. Moss and
Schwebel (1993) noted that it is possible for one person to love another without
love being returned, but intimacy and the sense of connectedness and
interdependence needs to be reciprocated. In a study done by Schmookler and
Burski (2007), “women were found to value emotional and sexual monogamy
significantly more than men did, and men were more likely to see monogamy as a

sacrifice”. Because of these gender differences, couples may argue over issues of
intimacy and infidelity. Additionally, research has found that individuals more
invested in maintaining the intimacy in the dyad are more likely to engage in
discussion and compromise while working through an argument and show more
concern for their partner (Sanderson & Karetsky, 2002). Because of this, it is
essential to include the main topic of intimacy when investigating topics of conflict.
In this study measures such as: not spending enough time together, level of
commitment, demonstrations and/or lack of affection, clinginess/possessiveness
and, trust were some topics evaluated.
Another popular topic of conflict involves the amount of sexual behaviors
present in the relationship. Research has found that, among married couples, sex is
one of the top ten problematic topics (Boisvert et al. 1995), and couples who have
been married five years or less reported that the second most problematic topic was
sexual relations (Risch, Riley, & Lawler, 2003). Although some believe that sex
should be exclusively for married couples, Sprecher, Christopher, & Cate (2006),
believe that sex is becoming more commonly accepted in close dating relationships.
Issues such as whether or not to have sex, frequency of sex, and sexual malfunctions
are examples of common topics of conflict in these relationships (Long, Cate,
Fehsenfeld, & Williams, 1996). Conflict may be different between emerging adults
and married couples because of privacy, commitment, and concerns about
contraception. Previous studies have indicated that issues regarding sex are
significant topics of conflict in romantic relationships of emerging adults (Long,
Cate, Fehsenfeld, & Williams, 1996). Measures such as: not having enough

sex/having too much sex, not enough or too much foreplay, sexual variety,
willingness to receive or engage in certain sexual behaviors, and not being pleased
sexually were some topics included in the evaluation of of conflict concerning sexual
behaviors.
Topics of conflict surrounding intimacy or sexual behaviors may differ by the
gender of the individual reporting the conflict. An existing theoretical structure such
as the Sociobiological theory may offer an insight to help explain these differences.
Sociobiologists and evolutionary psychologists strongly believe that reproductive
success is vital in intimate romantic relationships. Reproductive success can be
considered the completion of passing on one’s genes (Symons, 1979). This goal can
vary between men and women as indicated by the parental investment model
(Kenrick, 1989; Trivers, 1972). Men focus on impregnating as many women as
possible, whereas women invest mainly in each of the few infants they may produce
(Kenrick, 1987). Therefore, “implications for sexuality include greater sexual
permissiveness for men, a greater number of sexual partners, and a more casual
attitude toward sex” (e.g., Oliver & Hyde, 1993). This theory can help explain how
men’s views on sexual behavior in a romantic relationship can differ from women’s
view, consequently causing conflict on this particular topic.
The social learning theory and script theory also explain how, “women and
men are rewarded by society for behaving in ways congruent with traditional
gender role conceptualizations” (Gagnon & Simon, 1973). It is also stated, “the
strength of childhood learning of gender roles results in gendered sexual scripts”
(MacCorquodale, 1989). These scripts further a more active and wide-ranging

sexuality for men, and a more passive, monogamous sexuality for women. This can
result with men feeling that they are expected to be sexually active and exploratory,
because they need to fulfill a traditional man’s role (e.g., sexually permissive, game-
playing in love). On the other hand, women, who tend to be more guarded of their
sexuality (Cate & Lloyd, 1992), are expected to be more oriented towards the
emotional aspects of sex and practical aspects of love. Women also are expected to
feel more invested and committed in the relationship (Gagnon & Simon, 1973).
Consequently men will be more interested in sex in their relationship, because they
have learned that is what is most important in a relationship. Heyman, Hunt-
Martorano, Malik, & Smith Slep (2009) note that men’s desire for frequency of sex,
and desired number of sexual partners outweighs women’s desire. Therefore, this
desire may lead to arguments over sexual activity with their partner. Likewise,
women will feel that intimacy and emotions are more important in their
relationships and will start conflict on that topic. My first hypothesis is that men will
report more conflict regarding sexual behavior in their romantic relationship as
compared to women.
Lastly, Montgomery (2005) stated a common assumption that women,
compared to men, experience higher levels of intimacy in a relationship.
Socialization theory also declares it more socially acceptable for women to have
feelings of intimacy than it is for men (Toomey & Nelson, 2001). Because women
tend to value closeness and intimacy and men place importance on autonomy and
independence (Impett & Peplau, 2006), it could be stated that women may initiate
arguments about intimacy more often than men demonstrating a gender difference.

Women may report that men are not intimate enough while men may report that
women are too clingy or possessive. These gender differences could also lead to
disagreements in intimacy where women may complain that men are not intimate
enough while men may complain that women are overly emotional. Thus, my
second hypothesis is that women will report more conflict regarding intimacy in
their romantic relationships in comparison to men.
Hypotheses
1. Men will report more conflict regarding sexual behavior in their romantic
relationship as compared to women.
2. Women will report more conflict regarding intimacy in their romantic
relationships as compared to men.
Methods
The data for this study was collected by Rebecca Nemecek for fulfillment of her
thesis requirement and is being reanalyzed for the current project.
Participants.
Two hundred and ninety-three students participated in this study all who
were currently enrolled at Illinois State University. The sample included 168 women
and 125 men with a mean age of 19.73 years (SD = 1.43). All participants were
required to be between the ages of 18 and 25 years old and to be involved in an
existing romantic relationship for at least one month. Of the participants, 78.2%

were Caucasian, 11.6% were African-American, 6.5% were Hispanic/Latino, 1.4%
was Asian-American, and 2.4% were other ethnicities. Similarly, 205 (70%) of the
participants were from intact families, 17.7% were from divorced families, 9.9%
were from single-parent families, and 2.4% were from other types of family
arrangements. The shortest dating relationship endured for one month and the
longest relationship persisted for seven years. Participants reported being involved
in their current relationship for an average of 18.16 months (SD = 16.83). Three
participants (1%) stated that they were casually dating their partner, 4.5% claimed
to be more than casually dating, 13.8% reported being between casual and serious,
24.1% were fairly seriously dating their partner, and 56.6% were seriously dating.
Measures
Demographics. Researchers asked participants to complete a demographic
questionnaire including information such as age, gender, ethnic background, and
family composition.
Topics of Conflict. A survey was created for the original study to determine
what types of issues emerging adults involved in romantic relationships argue about
the most. Some items were borrowed from Spainer’s Dyadic Adjustment Scale
(Spainer, 1976) and Locke and Wallace’s (1959) Marital Adjustment Test.
Additionally, some items were chosen from Welsh and Dickson’s (2005) Partner
Issues Checklist. A list of 79 topics was presented to the participants, and they were
asked to report whether or not they had argued about each topic over the past 2-3
months. Participants were also asked to indicate on a 5-point Likert-type scale how
often they argue about a particular topic with their dating partner. Before data

analysis, 13 items were summed to create an intimacy scale. Sample items include
level of commitment, demonstrations of affection, intimacy, lack of romantic
gestures, and trust amongst other measures. Additionally, 16 items were summed to
create a sexual behavior scale. Sample items for this included not having enough sex,
not enough foreplay, willingness to perform oral sex, sexual incompatibility, and not
being pleased sexually amongst other measures.
Procedure
Data collection occurred in large group testing sessions. The sessions began
by participants first reading and signing an informed consent form. After signing,
thereby agreeing to participate, participant completed the demographic
questionnaire. Next, participants were instructed to complete the Topics of Conflict
Questionnaire. Upon completion of the study, each participant was given a written
debriefing statement. All participants received extra credit towards a psychology
course, regardless if they completed the questionnaires, as compensation for their
time and effort.
Results
The data found that men’s scores had an average of 11.30 (SD = 9.31) for
intimacy and women had an average score of 9.33 (SD = 8.61). Additionally, men
reported conflict regarding sexual behaviors with an average of 4.2 (SD = 8.10)
and women reported an average of 3.5 (SD = 6.36) (See Table 1).
Hypothesis one stated that men would report more conflict regarding sexual
behavior in their romantic relationship as compared to women. An independent
samples t-test was used to analyze the data and test this hypothesis. There was

not a significant difference between men and women for frequency of conflict on
sexual behavior , t(282) = -.08, p = .43.
Hypothesis two stated that women would report more conflict regarding
intimacy in their romantic relationships as compared to men. An independent
samples t-test was used to analyze the data and test this hypothesis. The analysis
did not find a significant difference between women and men for frequency of
conflict on intimacy, t(284) = -1.84, p = .07. Therefore, hypothesis one and
hypothesis two were not supported.
Discussion
Previous research on conflict in romantic relationships has focused mainly
on conflict management and conflict resolution skills, but there is a lack of
literature on the initial event or argument that causes the conflict. Because of
this, the Topics of Conflict questionnaire (Reese-Weber, 2013) was developed to
shed some insight, and improve research regarding conflict in emerging adult
romantic relationships. It was expected in this study that men would report
more conflict regarding topics of sexual behavior, and that women would report
more conflict about topics involving intimacy in their relationship. Results found
that there were no significant gender differences in topics of conflict.
As discussed earlier, previous research suggests that men tend to place a
higher value on sex than women do as evident by their desire for frequent sex
(Heyman et al., 2009). Also, men’s increased and more aggressive sexual
advances could support why there is conflict in romantic relationships regarding
this topic in particular (Impett & Pepleau, 2006). Because of this, it was

predicted that men would report more arguments on this topic, but it was not
supported. These findings could potentially be explained because participants
were romantically dating emerging adults and not married couples. There seems
to be a lack of communication regarding sexual activity in emerging adult
romantic relationships, because they may not have a good sense of security and
comfort that is provided in marital couples (Hook, Gerstein, Detterich, & Gridley,
2003). This could imply that couples do not discuss sexual behaviors because of
their level of comfort, which in turn could cause both genders to report very low
frequencies of conflict occurring in their romantic relationships related to issues
of sex. Future research should be conducted examining the amount of
communication regarding sexual behavior and issues of sex resulting in conflict
in romantically involved emerging adults.
Hypothesis two predicted that women would report more frequent
arguments about issues of intimacy than men, however the results did not
support this. There was also not a significant effect comparing gender. This
hypothesis was based off of the socialization theory stating that it is more
socially acceptable for women to display intimacy as compared to men;
therefore, women would be more likely to report topics of conflict regarding this
issue. One explanation that could help justify these results is if by chance, the
women participants were the initiators of the arguments and did not want to
seem to be “at blame”, so they reported less conflict on issues regarding
intimacy. ***** (biased reporting)

Some limitations of this study need to be addressed. First, all of the data was
self-reported and no actual events of conflict were observed. There is possibility
that we received inaccurate information, because only one of the partners of the
relationship participated; consequently, events were reported or recalled
incorrectly and possibly biased. Research using the dyad together might find a
different pattern of common topics of conflict regarding intimacy and conflict.
Also, by comparing answers of both individuals in the couple, the new results
may give a better insight into the underlying problems that cause conflict. Some
issues that have been found in previous research include stress and self-esteem
problems, self-confidence, and communication skills (Eğeci & Gençöz, 2006).
Knowing the dyad’s core issues could potentially help improve relationship
satisfaction or help in therapy. Eğeci & Gençöz (2006) believe that, “ineffective
communication skills tend to intensify a conflict situation; partners should be
able to talk about what caused the conflict and be able to express their point of
views”. Secondly, our study included a participant pool of only undergraduate
college students, and college students do not represent all young adults. It would
be interesting to include a more diverse emerging adult sample, with individuals
attending a community college or even non-college students in future research.
With a new participant sample, maybe the study would provide more
generalized results. Additionally, it would be appealing to compare our
participant sample to married couples and cohabitating couples. As stated
earlier and in past research, married couples have better communication skills
with each other, as well as a better sense of security and comfort (Hook,

Gerstein, Detterich, & Gridley, 2003), where they can discuss issues they may
have with the levels of intimacy and sexual behaviors present in their
relationships. Future research should be done to compare different types of
couples such as married, cohabiting, and romantically dating emerging adults,
and the topics of conflict in their romantic relationship.
The creation of the Topics of Conflict questionnaire was extremely helpful in
assessing this data. This questionnaire specifically targets the topics that are
most frequently argued about in relationships and will be beneficial to future
researchers. Given that previous research on romantic relationship conflict
tends to focus on conflict management, it is important to discover the root cause
that initiates the argument since discovering these topics of conflict can give
insight into the effect of the argument on their relationship (Rehman et al.,
2011). Our study adds to literature in the sense that we focused on the topics of
conflict, primarily intimacy and sexual behaviors, which initiate arguments
instead of just conflict resolution skills.
Additionally, given our large sample size, we received a somewhat accurate
portrayal based on reports of what types of conflict are commonly argued about.
This study provides additional data to existing literature by adding a
questionnaire that targets the main topic that causes conflict. Given the recent
divorce rate being at 50%, this data could provide a substantial amount of
information in therapy settings by helping determine the fundamental issues
that turn into conflict. This study could also contribute to relationship
satisfaction, which could help determine if a couple is heading in the right

direction as a unit. Schneewind & Gerhard, 2002 believe that if partners lack the
skills to resolve their problems, then new problems will accumulate, old ones
will escalate, and relationship satisfaction will diminish. In order to work on
one’s skills to resolve conflict in a relationship, it is crucial to know the core
problems that are turning into conflict, in the first place.
I hope the reanalysis of this data with a focus primarily on topics of conflict
concerning intimacy and sexual behaviors will encourage methodological
advances in this area of relationship development.

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Table 1
Means, Standard Deviations, and t-test for Reports of Conflict by Gender
Male Female
Mean (SD) Mean (SD) t-test (df)
Intimacy 11.29 (9.32) 9.33 (8.61) -1.84 (284)
Sexual Behaviors 4.21 (8.10) 3.53 (6.36) -.80 (282)

Topics of Conflict in Romantic Relationships

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