research paper conducted for an Interpersonal Communications class.

1. Differences in Deception between Homosexual and Heterosexual Intimate Relationships
Erika Ferrell
University of Kentucky
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2. Deception can be a tricky thing to deal with in relationships. More specifically, deception
can even ruin intimate relationships. There are multiple types of deception that can be used.
Some people use nonverbal deception and some use verbal deception. Deception is often used
to relay a message or achieve a desired goal in intimate relationships (Burdon, 1996). In the
current studies, forms of verbal deception were researched. With as many forms of deception
that exist, many forms of intimate relationships exist. I chose to explore the differences in
deception between heterosexual and homosexual intimate couples.
There are many different reasons why people engage in deception. Some reasons people
feel the need to use deception may be more important than another person’s. In some instances,
deception from one partner made lead to forms of jealousy in another.
After researching separate articles, one common theme existed: heterosexuals tend to
use deception more often than homosexuals. In particular, heterosexual males use deception
more than both homosexual and heterosexual females. There were many reasons as to why this
hypothesis was common among many researchers.
In most studies, deception was found to be motivated primarily by an attempt to benefit
the deceiver (Burdon, 1996). This means that the main cause of deception, by both homosexual
and heterosexual males and females, is for personal gain and benefit. Burdon (1996) continued
to explain that most people deceive based on “a situation that resembles an earlier one in which
deception was used” (p. 79). Gay and lesbian men and women and straight men and women
usually feel more comfortable using deception when they have already used it before. For
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3. example, if someone cheated and used deception to cover the act up they will feel as if they can
get away with the same use of deception to cheat again.
Burdon (1996) also pointed out that “men engaged in deceptive behavior more than
women…and heterosexuals are more likely to engage in deceptive behavior with their partners
than are homosexuals” (p.80). This is true for both heterosexual and homosexual couples.
Research shows that this finding may be true because of the nature of homosexual relationships.
What this means is, that men and women engaging in homosexual relationships have less
traditional roles than those men and women engaging in heterosexual relationships, which may
lead to why homosexuals use less deception in relationships. Gay men and lesbian women do not
feel the need to fit any sort of social norm, and may result in leading non-monogamous
relationships, or being open about behavior that straight men and women may feel the need to
deceive their partner about. In homosexual intimate relationships, having a drink with a former
lover or being the object of a flirtatious former intimate may not be viewed by the partners to be
as important or threatening as such occurrences would be in a traditional relationships (Burdon,
1996).
Whereas there are many differences between homosexual and heterosexual couples,
there are just as many (if not more) similarities. Wagner (2006) feels that “there may be more
similarities than differences between homosexual and heterosexual relationships” (p.6).
Although Wagner (2006) feels there are many similarities between the two separate
relationships, such as the reasons for starting, continuing, and ending relationships, the
researcher also believes that “conflict resolution may be more effective among homosexual
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4. partners” (p.6). The fact that research has shown that homosexual couples are better at conflict
resolution may lead to a possible reason why homosexual couples deceive less than heterosexual
couples. Homosexual couples are able to discuss differences and be more open with each other,
thus leading to fewer reasons to use deception. Gay and lesbian partners tend to begin
discussing their problems with a more positive attitude than do heterosexual couples, and they
develop more possible solutions and compromises in the course of the discussion (Wagner,
1996). Since heterosexual couples tend to compromise less and disagree on possible solutions,
one could only see how this can lead to the use of deception.
Sexual jealousy is one of the main reasons that stem from men and women deceiving
their partners. Sexual exclusivity is much more important to heterosexual men and women than
to gay men and lesbians (Harris, 2002). In general, people often see jealousy as an undesirable
emotion. In a study conducted by Barelds and Disjkstra (2006), “lesbian women experienced less
jealousy than heterosexual women” (p. 191). Given that gay men and lesbian women are
experiencing less jealousy than straight men and women, there should be a smaller number of
reasons to use deception. Many gay men have non-monogamous relationships and relatively
permissive attitudes towards extra-dyadic sex (Barelds, 2006). When a couple is open about
having sex with multiple partners there are fewer motives for deception.
Lastly, commitment within a relationship leads to various depths of needs to use
deception. Research has shown that heterosexual couples tend to be more committed to their
partner than homosexual couples. There are many reasons for this. One in particular is that
homosexuals are less likely to have the social support of friends, family, or church for enduring
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5. relationships (Duffy, 1986). When one does not have a good support system for their
relationship, he/she will become less satisfied and less committed to his/her partner. Being less
satisfied and less committed to a relationship doesn’t lead to a need for deception since the
person in the relationship isn’t as concerned for the emotional well-being of their partner.
There are many limitations when it comes to discussing the differences in deception
between homosexual and heterosexual couples. Age plays a big factor in deception. Research
should be done to compare the deception used in different age groups of homosexual and
heterosexual intimate relationships. The length of a relationship is another big factor that plays a
part in deception. Couples that have been together for a longer time may not deceive one
another as much as a couple that is new, or vice versa.
In conclusion, the previous stated hypothesis that heterosexual couples use deception
more often than homosexual couples has been supported by previous research. Overall, the
differences for deception are different, but none the less, heterosexual men and women spend
more time deceiving one another. This would lead one to wonder as to why the national divorce
rate is so high.
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6. Works Cited
Burdon, W. M. (1996). Deception in Intimate Relationships: A Comparison of heterosexuals and
homosexuals/bisexuals. Journal of Homosexuality, 32(1), 17-77.
Barelds, Dick, & DijkstraPieternel (2006). Reactive, Anxious and Possessive Forms of Jealousy and
Their Relation to Relationship Quality Among Heterosexuals and Homosexuals. Journal of
Homosexuality, 51(3), 183-198.
Duffy, S. M., & Rusbult, C. E. (1986). Satisfaction and Commitment in Homosexual and
Heterosexual Relationships. Journal of Homosexuality, 12(2), 1-23.
Harris, C. R. (2002). Sexual and Romantic Jealousy in Heterosexual and Homosexual Adults.
Psychological Science, 13(1), 7-12.
Wagner, C. G. (2006). Homosexual Relationships. Futurist, 40(3), 6.
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