Presented at JavaOne 2017 [CON4027], this presentation takes a practical, hands-on look at Java performance tuning. It discusses methodology (spoiler: it’s the scientific method) and how to apply it to Java SE systems (on any budget). Exploring concrete examples with tools such as the Oracle Java Mission Control feature of Oracle Java SE Advanced, VisualVM, YourKit, and JMH, the presentation focuses on ways of measuring performance, how to interpret data, ways of eliminating bottlenecks, and even how to avoid future performance regressions. A separate version will be uploaded with speaker notes.