The number of elderly homes in Malaysia is increasing as traditional family values decline. Experts cite factors like lack of filial piety, time constraints of children's busy lives, and lack of skills in caring for elderly parents as contributing to this rise. However, some seniors choose elderly homes for dignity and affordability rather than being a burden on their children. While family upbringing and close family bonds can discourage abandoning parents, many feel both parents and children share blame for failing to prioritize caring for the elderly.

1. Old folks’ homes: It’s all
about priorities
Homes for the elderly are mushrooming everywhere,
particularly in urban landscapes. The decline of
Eastern family values and change in priorities are
seen as factors influencing this trend
By R. S. Kamini
FILIAL piety is fast becoming a thing of the past.
A quick Internet search on old folks’ homes will easily
generate hundreds of search results complete with
addresses, contact details and route maps, feeding

2. proof that the number of homes for the elderly are on
the rise.
A recent article by The Star states that at least 10
elderly Malaysians end up in homes on average per
week.
Welfare Department director-general Norani Hashim
was quoted as saying that an average of 536 elderly
persons were placed in registered centres each year
between 2009 and 2012 and that the actual number
could be higher as not all private homes were
registered with the department.
The Statistics Department states that senior citizens
(above the age of 60) account for about 9% (2.6
million) of the total Malaysian population as of last
December.
The consensus was that work stress, time, space and
lack of skills had all contributed to this trend.
Universiti Putra Malaysia’s Institute of Gerontology
director Professor Dr. Tengku Aizan Hamid says if
children are abandoning their parents at homes or
hospitals, it’s probably because they lack the skills to
care for the elderly.
“It’s a huge decision-making process. Most children
want to care for their parents but they just do not
know how to. It’s a big dilemma that almost all urban
families go through,” says Tengku Aizan, adding that
the issue cannot be analysed from one angle.

3. She says family environment and values play a huge
role when it comes to such decision-making.
“It all depends on how close-knit the family is and
what sort of values they hold on to,” says Tengku
Aizan, adding that children who are taught about
respect, filial piety and the importance of family
institutions are less likely to abandon their parents.
National Council of Senior Citizens Organisations
(NASCOM) vice-president Azlan Hussain has similar
views.
While he agrees that value-based upbringing does
make a difference, he attributes the increase in old
folks’ homes to matters of dignity and affordability.
“The group of senior citizens that we have today are
most likely educated and have the money to support
themselves, so they choose to go to a home where
they can be in like-minded company. It’s not their
children’s fault in this sense. At times, it’s a matter of
dignity and the elderly choose not to be seen as a
burden,” says Azlan.
He says the group that has just moved into the
retirement age also look for supplementary and
recreational activities. Their children do not have the
luxury of time and money to provide for these as they
have their own families and commitments to tend to.
“Naturally, those who can afford it will consider
retirement homes or centres that will help them fulfil

4. their needs, and private homes are mushrooming
around the country to meet that need. Some provide
nursing care because those in their 70s will need it,”
says Azlan.
He says NASCOM is working with local governments
to provide space for day-care or community centres
for the elderly in condominiums and flats so that
children do not have to send their folks away and the
elderly will have some place to go to while their
children are away at work.
Homes for the elderly, however, are singing a
different song.
Reverend Teo How Ken of Rumah Charis says
children today are selfish and irresponsible.
“They look for an easy way out. So sending their
parents to homes seems like a viable solution. They
cite money, time and space as factors that deter them
from caring for their parents.
Rumah Charis has seen all sorts of cases since its
establishment in 1988, he adds.
“We only care for the destitute above 60. Most of
them are referred to us by the Welfare Department or
the public,” says Teo.
Similarly, the Little Sisters of the Poor, an
establishment which has been around since the
1970s, says the Eastern family values are fast
diminishing.

5. “We only have six sisters and a couple of
administrators helping to care for the residents. We
are understaffed and tired because it is not easy to
care for the elderly.
“Many have no relatives but there are some whose
children or relatives do not even visit or bother to
claim their bodies even upon death,” says sister-in-
charge Sister Agnes Cecilia, adding that the home
caps its enrollment at 70 people at any one time to
ensure that all are taken care of properly.
Malaysians in general say the lack of emphasis on
family values have contributed to this scenario.
Trainer Billy Fong, who has directed and staged a
number of international plays on filial piety, says
parents have to instil the right values into their
children, besides stressing the importance of family
institution.
“Children who grow up in such environment will not
make hasty decisions to abandon their parents.
“Even for those with huge commitments, they will
weigh other righteous options before sending their
parents to a home,” says Fong, adding that it’s a
collective responsibility of parents, children and the
society to support Eastern family values.
Senior project management consultant Sunil
Hasmukharay says it’s all about priorities and time
management.

6. “Children today are embarrassed to be associated
with their parents. How many of us would take time
off to hang out with our parents and attend functions
with them? It’s all about priorities.
“Parents today are so materialistic that they teach
their children to be successful but forget to educate
them on caring for the elderly and respecting them.
“I blame both the parents and children but, at the end
of the day, we have to remember that our parents
have worked hard and sacrificed a lot to bring us up.
“The least we could do is to care for them in their old
age,” says Sunil, who coordinates a public initiative
called Honour Our Parents Everyday (HOPE) with a
local interfaith NGO.
If this trend continues, he adds, the country will be full
of old folks’ homes instead of family homes.
Our parents are not going to be around for long and
we often forget that what goes around comes around.
As Mother Teresa rightly puts it: “The poverty of being
unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest
poverty. We must start in our own homes to remedy
this kind of poverty.”