Student 7 Student Example Final Draft – Rhetorical Analysis The Puzzle on Bariatric Surgery It seems as though every few years, there is a new weight loss method in America that becomes popular because it is initially effective and that current new weight loss method is bariatric surgery. Bariatric surgery is a type of weight-loss surgery that limits the amount of food that the stomach can hold and decreases the amount of food calories the body can absorb. In Samantha Murphy’s article, “The Subtle Knife” appearing in the New Scientist, her main focus is that bariatric surgery has not only physiological effects, but also psychological and cognitive effects on the body that leads to effective weight loss. Murphy’s article is effective at convincing the audience because the author undergoes bariatric surgery and shares her personal experience, presents clinical scientific data, uses subtle sarcastic humor, employs nontraditional formatting, and deploys word connotation. The New Scientist’s website states their target market is seventy percent men, and thirty percent women, that are highly educated, financially secure, environmentally friendly, influential, and community leaders. The magazine cites, “The science and technology resource for the intellectually curious.” In other words, their target readers are interested in what is current in technology and drives inquiry for their readers about how it will impact their audience’s life. Hence, these empathetic readers are interested in bariatric surgery because it has become a current, life saving, popular choice for the obese population to lose weight permanently. The Cognitive and Behavioral Psychotherapist, turned Freelance Writer for New ScientistMagazine, Samantha Murphy organizes the scientific article like a long narrative autobiographical essay with bolded subtitles to highlight two major phases of her research findings concerning bariatric surgery. Two instances of bolded subtitles are, “Keeping the weight off” and “Super normal.” Having this narrative essay format technique gives the article a refreshing change in formatting style that normally is not found in scientific, technological, or informative writing. Actually, it did not have charts and graphs to prove the clinical research stats on bariatric surgery that makes the article appear like a science report and easily intimidates readers. Instead, she combines in the body of her essay research data, quotes with attributive tags to establish credibility and to document scientific facts. The author has a tri-fold purpose in writing “The Subtle Knife.” Throughout her article she has pieces of scientific data to inform the reader. Murphy states, “In the US, where 36 per cent of the population is classified as obese, at least 200,000 people sign up to have the surgery every year, and that number keeps climbing.” In short, she is proving that weight-loss surgeries are becoming increasingly popular with obese people. .

1. Student
7
Student Example
Final Draft – Rhetorical Analysis
The Puzzle on Bariatric Surgery
It seems as though every few years, there is a new weight
loss method in America that becomes popular because it is
initially effective and that current new weight loss method is
bariatric surgery. Bariatric surgery is a type of weight-loss
surgery that limits the amount of food that the stomach can hold
and decreases the amount of food calories the body can absorb.
In Samantha Murphy’s article, “The Subtle Knife” appearing in
the New Scientist, her main focus is that bariatric surgery has
not only physiological effects, but also psychological and
cognitive effects on the body that leads to effective weight loss.
Murphy’s article is effective at convincing the audience because
the author undergoes bariatric surgery and shares her personal
experience, presents clinical scientific data, uses subtle
sarcastic humor, employs nontraditional formatting, and deploys
word connotation.
The New Scientist’s website states their target market is
seventy percent men, and thirty percent women, that are highly
educated, financially secure, environmentally friendly,
influential, and community leaders. The magazine cites, “The
science and technology resource for the intellectually curious.”
In other words, their target readers are interested in what is
current in technology and drives inquiry for their readers about
how it will impact their audience’s life. Hence, these
empathetic readers are interested in bariatric surgery because it
has become a current, life saving, popular choice for the obese
population to lose weight permanently.
The Cognitive and Behavioral Psychotherapist, turned

2. Freelance Writer for New ScientistMagazine, Samantha Murphy
organizes the scientific article like a long narrative
autobiographical essay with bolded subtitles to highlight two
major phases of her research findings concerning bariatric
surgery. Two instances of bolded subtitles are, “Keeping the
weight off” and “Super normal.” Having this narrative essay
format technique gives the article a refreshing change in
formatting style that normally is not found in scientific,
technological, or informative writing. Actually, it did not have
charts and graphs to prove the clinical research stats on
bariatric surgery that makes the article appear like a science
report and easily intimidates readers. Instead, she combines in
the body of her essay research data, quotes with attributive tags
to establish credibility and to document scientific facts.
The author has a tri-fold purpose in writing “The Subtle
Knife.” Throughout her article she has pieces of scientific data
to inform the reader. Murphy states, “In the US, where 36 per
cent of the population is classified as obese, at least 200,000
people sign up to have the surgery every year, and that number
keeps climbing.” In short, she is proving that weight-loss
surgeries are becoming increasingly popular with obese people.
Another of Murphy’s objectives is to illustrate parts of the
documentation that substantiates her criticisms about bariatric
surgery. Murphy uses research in her article from the Journal
of Clinical Neuroscience, “MRI scans revealed that those
reporting cognitive problems had 24 percent less volume in the
thalamus, a small area of the brain associated with memory,
attention, concentration and sensory information about taste.”
To put it another way, patients after bariatric surgery are
permanently losing some cognitive brain function that would
help them differentiate between recalling what things they did
from one day versus remembering what they did on another day.
On the other hand, most of Murphy’s rhetorical
techniques are used to persuade the reader toward the benefits
of surgical weight-loss. To take a case in point, Murphy in her
document acknowledges the info from the International Journal

3. of Obesity, “Some researchers are beginning to wonder whether
these changes point to a ‘knifeless solution’ that makes use of
these hormonal fluctuations to combat obesity at the
neurological level.” In other words, my understanding is that if
the weight-loss solution is really a function of increasing
appetite control hormones in the body, then patients would not
opt to have invasive surgeries to control their obesity. Instead,
the patient could take a pill with body hormones that suppresses
the patient’s appetite and increases the likelihood of weight-
loss.
The article’s presentation of important cognitive clinical
findings helps showcase the academic credibility of the author
and is efficient in building trust with the reader. Plus,
Murphy’s account throughout the article detailing of her
personal experience physiologically and psychological by
undergoing bariatric surgery has mass empathetic appeal for her
audience. She establishes credibility by reporting her findings
and supporting them with well researched clinical findings. She
entertains by using wit and humor to report on the serious issue
of obesity and surgical weight loss. The document’s positive
effectiveness in using the author’s personal experience helps the
reader identify with the vulnerability and the fragileness of an
obese person’s superficial body stigma of being morbidly obese.
Moreover, she uses subtle sarcasm from the beginning to
the end of the article to establish incongruity between what
might be expected from weight-loss surgery versus what
actually occurs. One instance of subtle sarcasm Murphy uses is,
“I had got off lucky.” That is she could have suffered
detrimental side effects other than the simpler ones she
experienced. In this manner, the author highlights the double
edged knife of bariatric surgery and makes the reader aware of
the positives and negatives of the surgical procedure. The use
of sarcasm in the article works positively to drive major points
across to the intended audience.
The author uses strategically placed rhetorical questions
all over the article to purposely persuade and to invoke the

4. reader’s critical thinking skills to focus on important areas that
need to be considered, and leads the audience to her obvious
answers. Some examples are, “Might the switch be
psychological?”, “Are certain populations more susceptible to
the positive effects of bariatric surgery?”, and “Is one kind of
surgery more likely to lead to cognitive decline than the
others?” To further stress her concern with a negative outcome
of weight-loss surgery, her very last sentence is a rhetorical
question, “Why are people reporting neurological problems after
weight-loss surgery?” The use of strategically placing
rhetorical questions throughout the document was effective, but
confusing because it made the reader second guess their
comprehension of the information presented and it gave the
audience the implication that there was suppose to be another
understanding of the material.
Furthermore, Murphy uses descriptive words in her
publication to draw empathy from her audience and to create a
feeling of desperateness and longing that she and other bariatric
surgery patients experience. For instance she states, “Finally,
the day I had been waiting for arrived and I mixed a glass of my
favourite peach iced tea. Anticipating its tart sweetness, I took
a big swig of the drink, holding it in my mouth to savour the
flavor. My euphoria turned to horror. It tasted like fish.” In
short, the long awaited anticipation of drinking something she
recalled as having a pleasantly sweet taste, now had a repugnant
taste, and it was not a side effect she had expected. The use of
descriptive word connotations was effective in creating
familiarity and bridging to the emotional vulnerability of the
intended audience and creating greater corroboration for
weight-loss surgery.
Murphy’s conclusive findings on bariatric surgery is that
she agrees that it is a life saving surgery for the obese that helps
to stave off diabetes, high blood pressure and sleep apnea, and
that indirectly through metabolic hormones it has not only
physiological effects, but also psychological and cognitive
effects on the body that leads to effective weight loss. She is

5. aware that bariatric surgery has some negative cognitive side
effects, regardless she advocates that it is worth the exchange of
having the health benefits of an improved life expectancy,
better cognitive functions, and a general overall better everyday
life.
The importance for the larger picture is that the author’s
article helps the reader empathize with the obese population in
their struggle for their finding a viable life saving option for
obtaining permanent weight-loss because a growing number of
obese people are dying from obesity and bariatric surgery is
their last resort. Moreover, obesity also entails many dangerous
metabolic health concerns like high blood pressure, heart
disease, diabetes, and kidney failure. Furthermore, obesity and
weight lose surgery carries with it the social stigma that obese
people are lazy and want an easy way to lose weight. On the
contrary, these obese patients have to do a lot of work in order
to meet the three mandatory guidelines set by the United States
Health Insurance companies prior to being considered for any
weight loss surgery by their physicians. The three mandatory
health insurance guidelines are, the patient must have a BMI
(Body Mass Index) of thirty-five or above, have at least three of
the metabolic diseases mentioned earlier, and have followed for
a year a healthy life style change eating and exercise program.
The article is effective in achieving the empathy of the
reader by using the author’s anecdotal evidence of undergoing
bariatric surgery and giving a vulnerable face to the
emotionless, cold, and hard data behind bariatric surgery. Also,
the document is convincing in its effectiveness by presenting
the analytical credibility of the author and connecting it to the
clinical scientific evidence. In addition, the workability of the
paper’s nontraditional formatting and the use of subtle humor,
along with the application of descriptive word connotations
were successful in invoking an entertaining appeal to continue
reading the article by its audience and gain continued support
for bariatric surgery as a means for permanent weight- loss.

6. Work Cited
Murphy, Samantha. "The Subtle Knife." New Scientist 2865
(2012): 42-45. Academic Search Premier. Web. 25 Jun. 2013.
Print.
Student 1
Paying Student Athletes: Is it worth it?
College is incredibly expensive, and it can even prevent an
individual’s dream of someday attending their university of
choice. With college tuition, room and board, and the various
other fees involved in attending school nowadays, students and
concerned families around the country wonder what else could
possibly happen to make prices increase. One of the leading
disputes occurring at the moment is whether or not universities
should compensate student athletes. People believe this
particular situation cannot necessarily benefit non-student
athletes because it could potentially lead to an even larger
increase in college fees for the average person. Furthermore, if
student athletes do receive compensation, then they would lose
the title and true meaning of being an “amateur athlete.”
Nonetheless, there is still a substantial number of people who
believe student athletes should be paid. In order to find out

7. more about this topic, I studied Anthony J. Miller’s article
“NCAA Division I Athletics: Amateurism and Exploitation”,
which was posted in The Sport Journal on January 1, 2011.
Miller’s message focuses on two major terms, amateurism and
exploitation, and how each differentiates with the other. Also,
he tells how it has an effect on the average student athlete.
Miller uses a combination of credible author theories, specific
terms, and real life examples in order to relay his message to his
audience.
Miller’s article attempts to discover universities motives to
exploit student athletes. Miller states the definition of
“exploitation” used by A. Wertheimer, Senior Research Scholar
at the Department of Bioethics, as “an individual gaining
something by taking an unfair advantage of another individual.”
On the other side of the argument, “amateurism” is simply
defined as not receiving compensation in exchange of athletic or
physical performance. According to Miller, the NCAA
envisions its student athletes to be strictly students and not
employees to their school in any way. In the article, Miller’s
purpose is to distinguish between what it means to be exploited
or remain amateur. He also explains how the two terms coexist
and fit in with the current issue. Miller’s use of specific
terminology offers readers a sense of credibility, especially
when referring to Wertheimer.
Miller begins his article by briefly explaining how
intercollegiate athletics came to be what it is today. Ultimately,
Miller uses logical and historical facts detailing back to the
beginning of the NCAA and how they have handled and treated
student athletes in the past. Miller states that intercollegiate
athletics began as student-run organizations and basically
generated no profit for the individuals partaking in the events.
As a result, the NCAA formed and college athletics practically
transformed into a “multi-billion dollar industry” (Miller).
Miller relates past to present in this excerpt and focuses on the
many differences that have formed over the years.
Miller refers to noteworthy authors and their take on how the

8. two terms connect, thus creating much credibility for his own
article. To begin the main idea of his article, Miller focuses on
a variety of arguments set forth by A. Wertheimer. Miller
choses an argument that focuses on the effects of exploiting
student athletes and how it may harm themselves as people.
The specific phrase stated by Wertheimer is that “student-
athletes (B) are being exploited by schools (A) because A is
profiting thousands, sometimes millions, from B’s efforts while
B is receiving nothing of lasting significance.”
In short, Miller intends to pull an audience in a way that would
make people feel sympathetic for the athletes and the athletes’
futures. This is a prime example of using emotional strains in
order to reach out to an audience without trying to manipulate
them. This is a crucial point used in the article that really drags
Later in the text, Miller describes “mutually advantageous
exploitation” (Miller). Miller defines mutually advantageous
exploitation as meaning what one person gains from the other,
the other person gains as well. This scenario dictates that both
individuals end up in a much more favorable position than they
were in before the event took place. Miller then goes on to give
a brief occurrence of a talented high school male athlete from a
low income family who got signed to a university with not only
a great basketball program, but was also a prominent academic
institution. Miller summarizes the success story of this
individual by saying that he participated in the school’s
basketball program and led his school to a couple of Final Four
appearances in the NCAA Tournament as well as win a national
championship. The student athlete then went on to be selected
in the NBA Draft and receive several multi-million dollar
contracts. In this case, no harm has been done in terms of
exploitation. Miller uses the strategy of real life accounts and
examples to strengthen his argument and make his audience
follow what he is saying. This tactic is a way to get the
audience more involved and know what is really going on.
Miller’s article reflects the culture of a university’s ability to
recruit and sign student athletes. In addition to college culture,

9. this issue also relates to the average student who is not an
athlete. Most importantly, the text relates to the imperative
feature of what it truly means to be a student athlete. Student
athletes should always be considered amateurs in what they do.
After all, they should be attending school in order to obtain a
quality education.
To summarize, Miller’s article regarding compensation of
student athletes begins with how the NCAA came to this
standstill issue in the first place. He then describes the various
types of amateurism and exploitation, which both terms have a
deep impact on an individual’s beliefs regarding the issue.
These two terms make up the bulk of the article and are used to
describe every type of college student and what it means to be
considered amateur or exploited. To conclude his article, Miller
recaps all of the ethical questions and problems that result from
this issue and that are being discussed today. Miller composed
a professional opinionated essay using specific terminology and
author accounts in order to fully back up his argument.
Work Cited
Miller, Anthony W. "NCAA Division I Athletics: Amateurism
and Exploitation." The Sport Journal. 1 Jan. 2011. HighBeam
Research. Web. 26 Jun. 2013.
Some Students Need to Fail
May 10, 2012
Blog post by Melissa Nicolas, interim Associate Dean of
Academic Services at Drew University
The Chronicle of Higher Education
I remember how bad I felt when I assigned my first F. The night
before I turned in my grades, I could barely sleep; I kept tossing
and turning, worrying about the student who was about to fail. I
thought this failure was going to ruin this kid’s future; he was
doomed, I was certain, to a life of meaningless jobs for sub-

10. minimum wage because his first-year writing teacher failed him.
I equated his failing with my failure: He failed by not doing the
work, and I failed him on an existential level because I was not
able to keep him from failing.
As my mentors at the time explained to me, it did indeed get
easier to give Fs. One of the reasons was linguistic; I stopped
saying I was "giving" grades and instead switched to the
language of "recording what the student earned." In this case,
semantics did make a difference, but, truthfully, in the 15 years
since I "recorded" that first F, I have never felt good about it.
Contrary to what many students believe, giving — ahem,
recording — failures is not fun. Teachers do not celebrate when
students fail; and many, myself included, often bend over
backward to find ways to allow students to pass. We listen to
their stories, their excuses, their reasons, and we give an
extension or some extra credit. We work hard — sometimes
harder than the students themselves — to help them pass.
I never really questioned this practice until I stepped into the
dean’s role in academic services. At my institution, the dean of
academic services oversees the granting of incompletes, leaves
of absence and withdrawals (both voluntary and required), and
any and all academic issues students may be having. In practical
terms, this means that almost every student who is struggling
academically sooner or later comes to my attention. While my
role is to counsel students about academic issues, inevitably
their personal lives — mental, social, physical, emotional -- are
wrapped up in their academic issues, so I hear stories that range
from the tragic to the sad to the more mundane.
As dean, I spend much of my day listening to tales about dying
grandparents, sick siblings, financial struggles, drug and
alcohol addiction, family troubles, roommate troubles,
classroom troubles — the list is endless. In many ways, I am
still the softie I was 15 years ago; I often believe students'

11. stories — even the most fantastical ones — until they give me a
reason to doubt them. I have learned, though, how to balance
my (perhaps) naïve sense of trust with the realities of needing
documentation. It does take some skill to express sympathy in
one breath and in the very next breath ask for a copy of an
obituary. Where I have noticed the biggest shift in my thinking,
however, has been with the issue of giving Fs.
Perhaps because the students I talk to every day are not “my”
students (i.e., I am not their teacher, and I don’t actually have
to assign a grade), I now have a broadened perspective on the
importance of — and even the educational value of — failing.
At the end of the semester, for instance, I often get e-mails from
professors saying something like, "Sally hasn’t been to class
since spring break, has missed her midterm and her final and
hasn’t responded to my e-mails. What should I do?” I have to
restrain myself from simply writing back: “FAIL HER.” As the
dean and not Sally’s teacher, I am able to see Sally’s situation
as cut-and-dried: she has disappeared and stopped doing the
work. She has chosen, for whatever reason, not to complete the
course and the consequence of her decision is an F.
I’m sure at this point some of my readers are thinking that I am
being too quick to judge Sally, that there must be extenuating
circumstances that need to be taken into consideration. About
50 percent of the time, those readers are correct: something has
happened in Sally’s life that has caused her to disappear from
the classroom. Sometimes that situation is the common one of a
first-year student not sure how to handle the sudden freedom of
college and deciding to spend too much time on the social. But
there are other scenarios, too: Sally has been very ill; Sally has
lost a parent; Sally has a learning disability but thought she
could handle college without accommodations; Sally is anxious,
depressed, addicted, or a combination of all three.
I always reach out to students when I hear they are in trouble.

12. Some respond but most don’t. If Sally does come to see me, I
patiently listen as she tells her story. Sometimes, I might cry
right along with her. There are indeed days when I have to close
my door to grieve over what I have just heard, weeping for the
complicated and overwhelming lives some of our students lead.
But even in these worst cases, when Sally’s story breaks me, I
still think Sally should fail.
If Sally’s circumstances have indeed been difficult — and they
often are — I will look for ways to get her back on track. I
might help her get an appointment with the counseling center or
walk her down to register with our disability coordinator. I will
explain the academic support services we have on campus and
show her how to register for those. I will help her think about
ways summer courses or interim courses might allow her to
catch up on her requirements so she can still graduate in four
years. In other words, I will do whatever I can to help Sally
except advocate for her to get a passing grade she did not earn
Sally should fail because she did not complete the work; she did
not learn what the course proposed to teach; she was not
educated. If the university allows Sally to pass, we will be
failing her in a much more serious way: we will be failing her
as an institution that is deeply committed to learning, failing
her as mentors, failing her as human beings. If we do not let
Sally fail, she will not learn that adults need to take
responsibility for their actions, even when the chips are down,
even when the world seems like it is coming to an end. She will
not learn that sometimes, for reasons beyond our control, even
the best of us fail. If we do not allow her to fail, she will not
have the chance to learn resilience. She will not learn to ask for
help or recognize the importance of communication. If we don’t
allow Sally to fail, she will not learn that adult life is hard and
often unfair and that success is defined in that critical moment
between giving up or staying the course.

13. I do not enjoy watching students fail any more than I did 15
years ago, but now I see failures as part and parcel of the total
experience of a college education. Like so much in life, failure
and success are just different ends of the same spectrum.
Learning to navigate that spectrum with integrity, grace,
humility, and a little grit, is one of the most important skills
colleges can teach.
Rhetorical Analysis Outline
(See Bb for a sample student RA essay of “My Culture at the
Crossroads” that follows this outline )
I. Identify publication/author and summarize piece
II. Explain the context of the issue(s)—what’s the bigger social
issue addressed?
III. Identify author’s call to write, address author’s credibility
& relationship to rhetorical situation
IV. Analyze relationship to ONE audience (main audience)
V. Analyze relationship to another audience (secondary
audience)
VI. Address author’s language use, tone,
denotation/connotation, figures of speech, etc… and how this
affects message/audience
VII. Evaluate the rhetorical effectiveness of the piece. Based on
your analysis, was it effective or not? Anything left out of the
argument that should have been considered? Any weaknesses in
the article? Explain…
Rhetorical Précis Method of Summary
How to write a rhetorical précis:
The word précis is French for “precise” or “exact.” A rhetorical
précis is a highly structured summary designed to explain the
rhetorical structure and purpose of an argument.
The short version of a précis has five elements:
[1] Bibliographic citation (either MLA or APA style)—we’ll use

14. MLA[2] A sentence with a rhetorically active verb that both
puts the article into some context—the type of journal or book
in which it appears—and describes what the writer is doing with
the text (“suggests that,” “argues that,” “implies that,” “urges
that,” “claims that,” etc.)
[3] An explanation of how the writer develops, structures, and
supports the argument. This is usually done by comparing and
contrasting, illustrating, defining, or putting the article into
context
[4] An explanation of the writer’s purpose, followed by an “in
order to” clause, which explains the intended effect on the
audience
[5] A description of the intended audience
Note that the précis form is not evaluative, but analytic—i.e.
your readers don’t care if you liked it or not or agree with it or
not—rather, we want your analysis of the text: what’s the
argument, how does the writer make the argument, why is she
making it, and for whom is she making it?
Here’s a sample précis—you don’t need to add [bracketed
numbers] in yours; I do it here so you can see the “map” of the
précis:
[1] Kitwana, Bakari. “Walking the Tight Rope: The Art and
Reality of Tupac Shakur.” Tough Love: The Life and Death of
Tupac Shakur. Ed. Michael Datcher and Kwame Alexander.
Alexandria, VA: Alexander Publishing Group, 1996: 31-33.
[2] In this essay, part of a collection designed to reflect on and
celebrate Tupac Shakur’s life and career, Kitwana argues that
Shakur and his music are misunderstood by many of his fans
and critics. [3] Kitwana reviews some of Shakur’s musical
releases, showing how they were both a part of, and a response
to, changes in the rap-music industry in the 1980’s and 1990’s.
[4] Because Shakur was a controversial artist, Kitwana puts rap
music in its cultural and economic contexts in order to make
distinctions between entertainment and the realities of black
culture. [5]Tough Love contains critical commentary, poetry,
and personal responses to Shakur’s life and career, and is aimed

15. toward an academic audience of music and cultural critics.
Reflection on the précis: these are very difficult to write. In the
article on Tupac Shakur, the writer was making a very subtle
and complex argument, which is hard to summarize in one
sentence or so. For example, the section on describing the
writer’s purpose [4] could’ve written many different ways. The
writer could’ve chosen to emphasize his argument that we can’t
understand Shakur’s music unless we understand the inequities
and injustices that many cultures experience in a global
economy. Or the writer could’ve written that Kitwana was being
critical of the rap-music industry, in which he participates as
the political editor of The Source: The Magazine of Hip-Hop
Music, Culture, and Politics and the author of The Rap on
Gangsta Rap: Who Run It? Gangsta Rap and Visions of Black
Violence.