This document contains two sketches for short films. The first sketch is about a disastrous funeral conducted by an intoxicated priest who repeatedly insults the deceased and causes disturbances. Family members become outraged with the priest. The second sketch depicts three inexperienced police officers who attempt to negotiate with a hostage-taker by offering candy, leading to humorous interactions as they struggle with the situation.

1. 2 Sketches for Stupendous
By
Charlie Starkey
285 Warrington Road Leigh
01925 839475
Charlie.starkey@hotmail.com

2. 1
Continued
INT. LOCAL VILLAGE CHURCH - DAY
1. L.S. looking down the aisle of the church only seeing
8 family members all dressed in black suits and
dresse, they are taking their seats for the start of
the funeral.
2. M.S. and CAMERA TRACKS from the front door slowly move
back as FATHER O'NEIL enters from the aisle still
dressing himself while walking towards the altar, he
then falls over walking down the aisle but quickly
springs back up making his way to the altar.
FATHER O'NEIL
Bollocks! That killed.
3. M.S. with a slight LOW ANGLE of Father O'Neil as he
walks past the open casket and takes a quick glance.
FATHER O'NEIL
(Murmuring)
Ya'alright.
4. M.S. with a slight LOW ANGLE of Father O'Neil as he
gets behind the altar. He then reaches underneath the
altar and pulls out a small flask of whiskey and takes
a quick swig. Father O'Neil then lets out a LOUD BURP
that echoes through the church.
FATHER O'NEIL
Love the acoustics in this
church, just wanna say as
well, the Greyhound pub
last night was crazy! So
anyway we are gathered here
today to celebrate the life
of... erm... Sa-.. no err
Pe-... erm.. he looks like
a Derek so I'll go with
that. So we are gather-

3. 2
Continued
5. M.S. with slight HIGH ANGLE of DARRELL father of the
boy in the casket who stands up out of his seat
aggressively pointing at the priest.
DARRELL
Hey! His names Liam!
FATHER O'NEIL
Alright mate chill, I made
a mistake, we're all human
here, yeah!
6. M.S. with slight HIGH ANGLE Darrell slowly sits back
down in his seat eyes locked on Father O'Neil.
7. M.S. of Father O'Neil with a slight LOW ANGLE.
FATHER O'NEIL
Sorry about that
interruption we had there
folks, but we seem to
have some inconsiderate
people that don't have
respect for the dead!
8. M.S. with slight HIGH ANGLE of Darrell staring up at
altar.
9. M.S. with slight LOW ANGLE, of Father O'Neil looking
down at Darrell.
FATHER O'NEIL
Anyway we will now listen
to one of Matthew's
favourite songs in memory
of his happiness.
10. M.S. with slight HIGH ANGLE of Darrell shaking his head
after Father O'Neil fails to remember his son's name
once again.
11. M.S. with slight LOW ANGLE of Father O'Neil as he
presses the play button on a small remote control.
HEAVY DANCE MUSIC is then played loudly through the

4. 3
Continued
speakers. Father O'Neil then starts to repeatedly press
multiple buttons to try and stop the loud noise.
12. M.S to L.S as Father O'Neil runs with CAMERA PANNING
to the music player and pours holy water on the music
player, the music then stops playing.
FATHER O'NEIL
Shit! Was that the holy
water? Never mind.
13. M.S. of Father O'Neil walking back to altar with a
panning camera, he then pulls a card out from his robe
and begins to read through it.
FATHER O'NEIL
Thank you for listening,
that was Tracy Chapman Fast
Car, one of Liam's
favourite songs.
14. L.S. HIGH ANGLE of all the families looking disgusted
and annoyed with Father O'Neil.
15. M.S. with slight LOW ANGLE of Father O'Neil stood
behind the altar.
Father O'Neil
So let's move on to some
speeches and get this thing
over and done with. Darrell
since you always have
something to say why don't
you start us of?
16. M.S. with slight HIGH ANGLE as Darrell stands up
switching to a NORMAL ANGLE and makes his way to the
altar.
17. M.S. Of Father O'Neil while he lights a cigarette and
is sitting down with a shot glass and a bottle of
vodka next to the casket.

5. 4
Continued
18. M.S. with slight HIGH ANGLE off Darrell stood at
altar.
DARRELL
What the hell do you think
you're doing Father, is
this really appropriate
after all the destruction
you caused to my sons
funeral anyway?!
19. M.S. of Father O'Neil sat at the casket with the
cigarette and vodka.
FATHER O'NEIL
Can a guy not have a drink
and light a cigarette in
peace? Jesus Christ!
20. M.S. of Father O'Neil as he puts the cigarette out on
the edge of the casket purposely looking at Darrell to
make sure he doesn't see him do it and takes one last
shot before placing the bottle of vodka in the casket.
21. M.S. with slight LOW ANGLE of Darrell stood behind the
altar.
DARRELL
Well I'd like to thank
everyone for coming today
to celebrate the life of my
son Liam.
22. L.S. of audience with HIGH ANGLE, audience start to
tear up and become upset.
23. M.S. with slight LOW ANGLE of Darrell back at the altar
looking up.
DARRELL
Liam was such a handsome
smart boy that had such a
bright future, he never did

6. 5
Continued
anything wrong and this
should never have happen-
24. M.S. of Father O'Neil sat back in his chair snoring
very loudly filling the church with his loud
disturbing snoring.
25. M.S. with slight LOW ANGLE of Darrell looking annoyed
behind the altar.
DARRELL
Father! Right I've had it!
26. M.S. to L.S. of Darrel running to Father O'Neil next to
the open casket with CAMERA PANNING.
27. C.U of Darrel and Father O'Neil faces close together.
DARRELL
I've had enough of your
shit today.
28. C.U of Father O'Neil's face as he wakes up.
29. M.S. of Father O'Neil being held by Darrell by the
collar, Father O'Neil then vomits all over Darrell and
inside the open casket.
30. M.S. HIGH ANGLE shot of Darrell falling to the floor
covered in vomit.
31. M.S. of Father O'Neil stood up looking at the camera.
32. L.S. of the audience which is meant to be POV shot for
Father O'Neil, audience looking back at camera looking
disgusted.
33. M.S of Father O'Neil in front of the casket.
FATEHR O'NEIL

7. 6
Continued
Oh dear...
34. L.S. of Father O'Neil stumbling and eventually falling
unconscious into the casket.
FADE OUT
FADE IN
EXT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT
1. L.S of warehouse surrounded by police cars with POLICE
SIRENS in the background.
INT. Warehouse
2. OVER SHOULDER shot of COP 1 aiming gun at MASKED MAN
holding WOMAN hostage at gun point.
3. OVER SHOULDER shot of Masked Man Looking at Cop 1, Cop
2 and Cop 3.
4. M.S. of Cop 1, 2 and 3.
COP 1 (MALE)
Let her go!
5. M.S. of Masked Man holding Woman hostage.
MASKED MAN
No!
6. C.U of Cop 1's gun being lowered.
7. M.S of Cop 1 looking at Masked man, other 2 Cops still
aiming.
COP 1 (MALE)
Pretty please let her go,
it's our first day give us
a break.
8. M.S. of Masked Man still in hostage position.
MASKED MAN
I'm not letting her go!

8. 7
Continued
9. C.U of Cop 1's face, blank
expression.
10. C.U of Cop 2 then reaching in to pocket.
11. M.S. of Cop 2 then sliding a packet of Skittles on the
floor.
COP 2 (FEMALE)
What about if I gave you
these?
12. C.U of masked man's face.
MASKED MAN
Are you crazy?!
13. M.S. of Cop 3 and the other two cops.
14. C.U. of Cop 3 reaching in to pocket an pulling out a
packet of Minstrels.
15. M.S. of Cop 3 sliding the packet across the floor to
the Masked man.
16. M.S. shot of Masked man looking at the packet on the
floor.
MASKED MAN
Well Minstrels are my
favourite.
17. C.U. shot of Masked Man reaching for the Minstrels of
the floor.
18. M.S. of the three Cops aiming at the Masked Man.
COP 1 (MALE)
Now hand her over !
19. C.U. of Masked Man putting the Minstrels in his
pocket.
MASKED MAN

9. 8
Continued
No, not just for a packet
of Minstrels
20. M.S. of Cop 3 lowering gun.
Cop 3 (MALE)
You sick fuck!
21. M.S of Cop 3 running at the Masked Man in SLOW MOTION
with CAMERA TRACKING.
22. M.S. of Cop 2 grabbing Cop 3 by the arm, holding him
back.
23. C.U. of Cop 2 holding Cop 3.
COP 2 (FEMALE)
Stand your ground! It's
what he wants!
24. C.U of Cop 1 holding gun at Masked Man.
COP 1 (MALE)
You'll pay for what you've
done.
25. M.S. of Cop 3 falling to the ground in tears holding
his head in his hands.
COP 3 (MALE)
Those were for my lunch
break!
26. M.S of Cop 2 placing his hand on Cop 3's shoulder.
COP 2 (FEMALE)
Hey come on we'll get
through this alright, we'll
get back to the station
we'll get you some
Maltesers or something.

10. 9
Continued
27. M.S of Cop 3 slowly standing up and walking to the
window of the warehouse.
28. C.U SIDE shot of the face of Cop 3.
COP 3 (MALE)
I can't do it! I can't
fucking do it anymore! What
is my life!
29. M.S. of Masked Man and Woman looking very confused at
the situation.
30. M.S. of Cop 1 and 2 both walking to Cop 3 to calm him
down.
31. C.U SIDE shot of Cop 3 looking at the window.
COP 3 (MALE)
You can't replace Minstrels
with Maltesers you just
can't!
32. M.S of Cop 1 and 2 stood beside Cop 3, Cop 1 places
hand on Cop 3's shoulder.
COP 1 (MALE)
What about a Kit Kat?
33. OVER SHOULDER shot of Cop 1 as Cop 3 slowly turns to
him with a motionless blank expression.
34. M.S. of Cop 2 looking the other way where the Masked
Man was stood.
COP 2 (FEMALE)
Hey, where'd he go?
35. L.S. of all the Cops, Cop 1 and 2 turn around to see
that the Masked Man is missing.
FADE OUT