This document discusses how selling and dating are similar processes. It outlines the stages of selling/dating including prospecting, qualifying prospects, setting appointments, making proposals, closing deals, gaining repeat business and referrals. It provides examples of how to apply dating skills like building rapport and trust to selling. It also cautions about potential complications like clients becoming attracted in an unwanted way and how to handle those situations professionally.

2. Selling = Dating
The Rules are the Same
Joseph G. Scott, MAS
VP – Scott & Associates, Inc.

3. Learning to Sell/Date
• $15.5 Billion spent/yr. on Sales Training
• $932 Million spent/yr. Dating Services
• We’re better at Dating than Selling
• Let’s apply our Dating Skills to Selling

4. Why is it so hard to Sell/Date?
• “It’s not the Selling that’s difficult – It’s finding
the ones who want to Buy”
Source: Dan Scott – 1994 – Age: 8 years
• “It’s not the Dating that’s difficult – It’s finding
the ones who want to Go Out”
Source: Joe Scott – 2013 – Age: 58 years

5. My Dating Site/LinkedIn Profile

6. Bad/Inappropriate Sales Training?
• I was taught (in the 70’s) smart answers to
stupid questions, for example:
• If the objection was, “It’s too expensive!”
• I was taught to say, “If it wasn’t too expensive,
then in your opinion do you feel that you
would buy it”
• What a bunch of ****!

7. Bad/Inappropriate Sales Training?
• I learned (the hard way) that it was all about
the client, their problems and opportunities
• The first computer that I sold: It took my
client 3 weeks to get their invoices out, which
cost them $ 70,000/year
• The computer would do that in one day – He
wrote a check on-the-spot.

8. Selling/Dating Cycle
Prospecting = “Cruising”
Targeted Prospecting = Looking for Love in All the Right Places
Qualifying = Can/Will They?
Appointment(s) = Date(s)
Proposal = Proposal
Close = An Exchange of Some Sort
Repeat Business = Budding Relationship
Increased Business = “Benefits”
Referral = Blind Date
Long-Term Relationship = Marriage
Lose the Account = Divorce
Large Low/No-Margin Client = Fatal Attraction

9. Prospecting = ”Cruising”
• Can be random
• Quality may be suspect
• Low ROI
• Lots of rejection
• Transaction-oriented (One-night Stand)
• Rarely turns into a long-term relationship

10. Targeted Prospecting = Looking for
Love in All the Right Places
• A large building changed hands
• I studied their web site and found that Friday
was “Take your dog to work” day
• I called the Marketing Department
receptionist and said, “I have to work with you
guys – you must be fun people!”
• I brought our Schnauzer to the appointment

11. Learning to Sell/Date
• If you begin a relationship thinking only of
What’s In It For Me? – you’ll probably fail
• If you begin a relationship thinking only of
What Can I Do For You? – that’s the key
• The second approach is, at first, very difficult –
especially when you are new to selling and
have to pay your mortgage!
• “Desperation in the Singles Bars”
Source: The Eagles - Shoes

12. Qualifying: Can/Will They?
• At a Chamber of Commerce meeting, I sat
next to a business owner whom I didn’t know.
• He turned to the person to his left and asked,
“What Do You Do For A Living?”
• The answer was, “I sell Ad Specialties.”
• The business person said, “Please pass the
butter.”
NO DATE FOR YOU!

13. Qualifying = Can/Will They?
• Him: “Joe, WDYDFAL?”
• Me: “I help my clients attract and retain
customers and employees.” (Pick-up Line!)
• Him: “How do you do that?”
• Me: “Tell me about (yourself) a challenge or
opportunity that you face with either
customers or employees and I’ll give you some
examples.”
NOW WE’RE ON A MAN-DATE!

14. Appointment(s) = Date(s)
• When you get past the WDYDFAL phase and
get together – your place (office) or mine
(office) or neutral territory

15. Proposal = Proposal
• When you determine what is important to
them (what they want, where does it hurt,
what drives you nuts), present it in detail and
get acceptance.

16. Close = An Exchange
• I gave the business owner some examples and
the subject changed to hobbies and interests.
He told me that his son wanted to buy a drum
set. I offered to take him and his son to my
favorite music store and help select his
instrument, which I did.
• The first “exchange” of our relationship was
personal and I helped him by using my
“network”. Adding value…

17. Example: How does this work?
• Later, I gave him a call to see how his son was
doing – the son was driving him nuts because he
was playing all the time –which was great!
• He then asked me to put together a proposal to
help him promote a new product at a trade show.
• I suggested that we have a preliminary discussion
over a “four-hour real estate inspection” (golf)
• For me, golf helps determine what someone is
REALLY like (temperament, honesty, humor)

18. Repeat Business = Relationship
• Was it good for you?
• Let’s do it again!

19. Increased Business = Deepening
• You can date other people – And It’s OK, just
make sure that you don’t talk about “the
others” unless you are asked

20. Referral = A Blind Date
• I know this really nice guy/gal..
• You’d be so GREAT together!
• You’d make a CUTE couple!

21. Long-term Relationship = Marriage
• You know you can “count on the orders”
• You are getting internal and external referrals
• Celebrate your anniversaries!
DO NOT TAKE IT FOR GRANTED!

22. Lose The Account = Divorce
• Most relationships end, and customers leave,
due to a lack of interest and attention
• Hopefully, you can “still be friends”

23. Large, Low-Margin Client =
Fatal Attraction
• Don’t be seduced by “The Big One”
• The feelings = intense
• The courtship = long
• The relationship = too long
• Your “return” = low
• The “maintenance” level = high
• The cost to you = high
• You will lose other, more satisfying relationships

24. Prologue = Lessons Learned
“People buy from people they like, AND”
It’s fairly easy to get someone to like you –
and “Like” can be superficial
“Continue to buy from those they trust”
It is not easy to get someone to trust you
And trust can be lost very quickly

25. Men Selling to Women
• Please excuse the generalities:
• Similar to being on Oprah – more of a personal
interview (these are questions that I have been
asked): What is your wife’s name? How did you
meet? How long did you date before you got
engaged? When did you know that she was “the
one”? Do you have any children? What do you
do for your anniversaries? Do you like to cook?
What is your favorite kind of food? Any pets?

26. Women Selling to Men
• Please excuse the generalities (again):
• Similar to being on Letterman – more of a
“Stuff and Things” interview (these are
questions that have been asked of female
sales reps that I know): Do you play golf?
What kind of car do you drive? Where do you
go on vacation? Are you married? How about
lunch/dinner?
• It takes much more skill to navigate here!

27. Opposites = Attraction?
• No, Shared Values Do
• Opposites, Diversity of Thought & Opinions
are the “Traction” in Attraction
• The “Attractants” will not be the reason you
are together in the long-term – They will
change over time, and will become less
significant or meaningless

28. Complications!
• What do you do when a client or potential
client is attracted to you in a way that makes
you uncomfortable?
• Don’t visit in person or phone for a while – e-
mail is a perfectly acceptable means of doing
business in our industry – Plus, if anything
untoward occurs via e-mail you have a written
record