Practicing line editing to highlight pacing, atmosphere, and tone

2. 1. Collect your outline in the style that works for you: Excel
spreadsheets, color-coded Post-it notes, one written
paragraph scene or chapter, etc.
2. Include everything that happens “on stage” in the book, in the
order that it happens. Don’t try to explain backstory,
motivations, or personality. If a chapter is narrative backstory,
write that. (“The narrator explains how her parents met.”)
3. It’s also helpful to use the outline to note the timeline,
mentioning when each scene happens in relation to the
others.

3. “Write without fear. Edit without mercy.”
- Unknown

5. “Whether it’s two sentences that convey the same information,
two paragraphs that convey the same personality trait, or two
characters who fill the same role in the plot, repetition can rob
your writing of its power.”
Renni Browne and Dave King, Self Editing for Fiction Writers

6. His words hit her so fiercely that it stopped her body from
moving forward and she had to clutch the fence next to
her so as to not fall to the ground. It felt like someone had
kicked the breath out of her body. She slammed her right
hand against her chest and gasped. Tears formed
instantly.

8. “She was disgusted by what she’d seen on that phone. She felt
betrayed by his affair. But she also knew him to be a kind,
generous man who’d supported her through some of the worst
days of her life.”

9. “She was disgusted by what she’d seen on that phone. She felt
betrayed by his affair. But she also knew him to be a kind,
generous man who’d supported her through some of the worst
days of her life.”
OR
“Her eyes filled with tears and the words on the screen blurred.
So this was where he was going every Tuesday, while she sat
home believing that he was off coaching the kids? While she
washed the sweat out of his clothes, thinking he’d earned it
doing something noble, something generous? Something that
made her more like the man she remembered?”

11. • She felt angry.
• He sighed in disappointment.
• She was incredulous.
OR
• “How dare he?”
• He sighed.
• She did a double take.

12.  Brevity
 Pacing
 Context

16. Fraser took three photos from the rucksack and gave them to
Scott. “Here, look at these.”
“What about them?”
“Keep the woman's face firmly imprinted on your mind. Do you
know her?”
“No, I don't think so.”
“You have find out from your man who this woman is.”
“Why?”
“No can tell, classified.”
“Here we go again,” Scott said. “You lot wanting me to spy on
my boss. Didn't you get the message last year? No deal, especially
after your shit tricks.”
“If it wasn't for me, my friend, you wouldn't be alive today to do
the spying. Never forget that.”

17. Fraser pulled a rucksack from an adjacent table, took out two photos, and gave them
to Scott. “Here, look at these.”
Scott pointedly pushed the rucksack aside before he spread the pictures on the table.
One was a timed and dated image of Gravchenko getting into a limousine, and the next of
him getting out of what appeared to be the vehicle. On both occasions, a youngish woman
–late twenties, Scott guessed – accompanied him. Scott didn't recognize her, but there was
no point in letting Fraser know this.
“What about them?” He kept his voice neutral.
“Keep the woman's face firmly imprinted on your mind, such as it is.” Fraser pointed
at the photo. Scott glanced at it again, then feigned a shrug. “Do you know her?” Fraser
pressed.
“No, I don't think so.”
“Too bad. Because all you have to do is find out from your man who this woman is,
and your other little problem can disappear.”
Now Scott was interested. “Why her?”
“No can tell, classified.” Fraser smirked, and Scott felt himself losing his cool. This
spook knew just how to push his buttons.
“Here we go again,” he snapped. “You want me to spy on my boss agin? Didn't you get
the message last year? No deal, especially after your shit tricks.”
“If it wasn't for me, my friend, you wouldn't be alive today to do the spying. Never
forget that.” Fraser leaned back with a wicked smile.

19. “He considered the letter in his hand, silent and still for a full
minute.
He’d known Cassie was unhappy, but never conceived of her
doing something like this. And yet now she wanted a
conversation to discuss her betrayal. His hand shook with what
he belatedly recognized as fury, and he decided that she would
have to wait. He was not the type to rush into such a thing.
After taking a shower, Dave brushed his teeth and attempted
shaving. He stopped two nasty nicks later, though, and
staunched the bleeding with little slivers of tissue. As he
slammed out the front door and made his way to his car, Dave
ruminated over the morning’s events.”

20. “The letter trembled in his hand. Faithless, treacherous Cassie.
She wanted to talk? Well, he would make her wait. Then she
could rot in hell.
He stormed up the stairs to get ready, and thirty minutes later
strode out his front door. The two slivers of tissue stuck to his
face to catch the blood from razor nicks were the only sign of
how he felt.”

21. LAST Class!! June 8, 2024
1:00pm – 4:00pm
bethjusino@gmail.com