Rick Warren, Purpose Driven Life: Section 20

Restoring Broken
Fellowship
Section 20
pages 152-159

Sunday 10 October 2010

What is the
correct biblical
way to restore a
broken
relationship?


Would you try to restore
relationships with the following
people differently?
Your pastor
Your best friend
A person in church whom
you accidentally offended
A Non-Christian work
colleague

Devise a process of relationship
restoration for the following:
A pastor who has had an
argument with one of his
congregation


A husband and wife who
say that they are no
longer in love and want to
separate


Two friends at work - one
of whom is a non-
Christian - they are now
not talking with one
another


Two students at Bible
college who ‘hate’ one
another


Relationships
are always
worth restoring


God wants us to value relationships and work at
maintaining them
If you've gotten anything at all out of following
Christ, if his love has made any difference in your
life, if being in a community of the Spirit means
anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care—
then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each
other, be deep-spirited friends
Php 2:1-2 TM


Broken relationships are therefore a disgraceful
testimony to non-Christians. Paul was
embarrassed by the breakdown in relationships
at Corinth - in fact they were taking one
another to court to settle disputes - he could
not understand their immaturity in getting along
with one another.
1 Cor 6:5 - I say this to shame you. Is it possible
that there is nobody among you wise enough to
judge a dispute between believers?
1 Cor 1:10


I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord
Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another
so that there may be no divisions among you and
that you may be perfectly united in mind and
thought.
1 Cor 1:10
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be
called sons of God.
Matt 5:9


Such people are rare -
it is hard work!
Yet it is a great skill to
develop - resolving
(not avoiding) conﬂict is
important.
In fact Jesus (the prince
of peace) did not avoid
conﬂict - often he
caused it


Do you know how to act
when conﬂict is taking
place:
Create? Avoid? Resolve?
Does the Holy Spirit guide
you - or do you just
blunder in regardless of his
leading?
Do you always give in or
back down?


How to restore a
relationship
7 biblical steps
Remember: there are more
ways than one to skin a cat!


Talk to God before talking
to the other person
Maybe God will change
your heart.
Let Him know how you
feel before you tell
anyone else, which might
be gossip.
Maybe your expectations
are wrong and can only
be met by God

Always take the initiative

Whether you are the offender or offended -
God expects you to act ﬁrst.
"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the
altar and there remember that your brother has
something against you, leave your gift there in
front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to
your brother; then come and offer your gift.
Matt 5:23-24


Always take the initiative -
dont procrastinate
Do it face to face if at all
possible - choose the
right (best) time and right
place
“In conﬂict, time
heals nothing; it
causes hurt to fester”
Warren p.155


Sympathise with their feelings
Ears more than mouth -
listen to how they feel,
Each of you should look not
only to your own interests,
but also to the interests of
others.
Php 2:4
Look out for = Gk. skopos
= telescope, microscope =
to pay close attention

Focus on their feelings at
ﬁrst - not facts - let them
unload, it might not be logical,
hurt does distort our feelings
A man's wisdom gives him
patience; it is to his glory to
overlook an offense.
Prov 19:11
In effect you say “I value our
relationship”


Each of us should please his
neighbor for his good, to
build him up.
Rom 15:2
Each one of us needs to
look after the good of the
people around us, asking
ourselves, "How can I help?"
Rom 15:2 TM


3For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is
written: "The insults of those who insult you have
fallen on me."
Rom 15:3
That's exactly what Jesus did. He didn't make it
easy for himself by avoiding people's troubles, but
waded right in and helped out. "I took on the
troubles of the troubled,"
Rom 15:2 TM


Confess your part in the
conﬂict

Admit your own mistakes
You hypocrite, ﬁrst take the plank out of your own
eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the
speck from your brother's eye.
Matt 7:5
Maybe ask someone else what they think -
allow God to search your heart and mind


Humbly admitting
your mistakes defuses
anger and disarms an
attack
Don’t make excuses
or shift the blame -
accept responsibility
and ask for
forgiveness


Attack the problem not the
person

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a
harsh word stirs up anger.
Prov. 15:1
Fix the problem - don’t apportion blame
Choose words wisely
Watch how you say things - not just
what you say


The wise in heart are called discerning, and
pleasant words promote instruction. Prov 16:21
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of
your mouths, but only what is helpful for
building others up according to their needs, that
it may beneﬁt those who listen. Eph 4:29


Cooperate as much as possible
If it is possible, as far as it
depends on you, live at peace
with everyone. Rom 12:18
The price of peace = loss of
pride, loss of...
"You're blessed when you can
show people how to cooperate
instead of compete or ﬁght.
That's when you discover who
you really are, and your place in
God's family. Matt 5:9

Emphasise reconciliation
not resolution
Don’t expect to agree about everything - focus
on the relationship then the problem loses its
signiﬁcance
Disagree without being disagreeable
Don’t give up on ﬁnding a solution - just do it
in a good way
Turn away from evil and do good.Search for
peace, and work to maintain it. 1 Pet 3:11

Point to Ponder
Relationships are always worth restoring


Verse to remember
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live
at peace with everyone.
Rom 12:18


Question to consider
Who do I need to restore a broken
relationship with today?


Rick Warren, Purpose Driven Life: Section 20

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Rick Warren, Purpose Driven Life: Section 20