How to handle confrontation and mediation as an RA at UE. Residence Life Policies.

1. ROOMMATE MEDIATION AND
CONFRONTATION

2. DEALING WITH ROOMMATE CONFLICT:
INITIAL CONTACT
Steps to follow if a resident comes to you with a roommate situation:
1. Really listen to what they have to say.
2. Find out if they have talked to their roommate.
• If they have talked - find out what they said and how their roommate responded.
• If they have not - find out why.
3. Coach them on how to approach their roommate.
• Encourage them to carefully select a time and place to talk to their roommate (a
confidential, neutral, setting with limited distractions or interruptions).
• Have them use “I statements” - I felt blank when you blank. Could you please blank.
• Have them use open-ended questions.
4. If needed, role-play with them and pretend you are their roommate.
5. Ask them to check back with you after they have talked with their roommate.
6. If you don’t hear back from them, follow-up.
• If they say they did not talk to their roommate, it is time to make a decision if you want
to strongly encourage mediation.
7. Keep your supervisor informed about the roommate conflicts on your floor.
• If parents get involved and call your supervisor.

3. THE MEDIATION
• Mediation is a great way to resolve conflict. It allows each side to share
their perspective, listen to the other perspective, engage in dialogue,
respect the rights and thoughts of others, and brainstorm possible
solutions before arriving at a resolution.

4. FORMAT FOR A MEDIATION
• Before beginning the mediation, share this with the people involved so
they understand what will be happening.
1. One person will go at a time. The other person must listen to the speaker
without interrupting.
2. The second person will have a chance to clarify the issues that the first
person brought to the meeting.
3. Repeat steps 1 & 2 for the second person.
4. The roommates will work to come up with an agreement on the issues.
5. The roommates will talk about what to do if one of them does not follow the
agreement.
6. Put everything into writing.

5. YOUR ROLE AS A MEDIATOR
1. Remain neutral.
2. Make sure the roommates are not interrupting each other.
3. Set the tone by remaining calm yourself.
4. Facilitate conversation - try not to give them the answers.
5. Encourage reasonable suggestions for the agreement.
6. Make sure everyone is comfortable with the agreement that was suggested.
7. Make sure the agreement is specific.
8. Keep notes about what happened to be able to share with your supervisor.
9. Offer to follow up with the roommates in a few weeks to see how the
agreement is going.

6. THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF THE
MEDIATOR
• To encourage a frank and full exploration of issues between parties, the mediator
has a duty to maintain confidentiality for all verbal or written information relating
to the subject matter of a dispute between the parties mediation to the extent
permitted by the law. The mediator must also explain confidentiality and its limits
to the parties in the introduction to the mediation.
• In the following situations, the mediator must break confidentiality:
• If there is reasonable cause to believe the situation involves child abuse or neglect.
• If it is apparent that physical harm could occur to either party or a third person.
• If information is shared regarding a potential Title IX violation.
• Disclose that you will need to share information about the mediation with your
supervisor. Inform your RC when you are going to do a mediation between two
parties, and when the situation has been resolved. As with all issues of
confidentiality, speak to your RC if you have questions or need guidance.

7. RESOURCES FOR RAS, ROOMMATES,
AND PARENTS
• All of the following resources can be found at
evansville.edu/residencelife/roommate
• Getting to Know Your Roommate
• Roommate’s Bill of Rights and Responsibilities
• Art of Compromise

8. A.C.E. EVERY
CONFRONTATION IN 3 EASY
STEPS

9. A = ASSESSMENT
• Before confronting residents about behavior you must assess the
situation. Ask yourself the following things.
• What do you hear?
• What do you see?
• What do you smell?
• What do you know?

10. C = CONFRONTATION
1. Foremost in all confrontations remember to
be respectful.
2. Call for back up if necessary.
3. Do not ever enter into a situation where you
cannot exit the room if you need to.
4. Get control of the room.
5. Speak directly to the resident(s) of the
room.
6. Tailor your delivery to the person(s) you are
confronting.
7. Be prepared to explain what regulation was
broken, but don’t argue policy at that time.
8. Confront behavior, not values.
9. Approach each confrontation guilt free.
10. State your request in a firm, friendly, and
specific manner.
11. Never touch or physically intimidate anyone
you are confronting.
12. If someone needs to be escorted out of the
building, get another RA to help you if
possible.
13. Stand behind the policies of the University
14. Be consistent in your confrontations.
15. Act in a timely manner.
16. Be proactive in you approach to
confrontations.
17. Be empathetic; really try to understand
where the student is coming from.
18. Show respect for the students and they will
be ore likely to show respect back to you,

11. E = EVALUATE
• While the actual confrontation may be over, your role is not. You need
to reflect on the experience, document the situation, and follow up as
appropriate.
• Ask yourself if you would have done anything differently, what you learned,
and what the resident learned.
• Documentation - it is very likely that you will need to document the interaction
in an incident report. Take the time to carefully describe the course of events
in your report.
• Follow Up - you might need to follow up with students involved the next day
or within the week. Discuss appropriate follow up with your RC/HR before you
talk with the student/s.

12. CONFRONTATION TIPS

13. CONFRONTATION TIPS
Keep these tips in mind to help make confronting inappropriate behavior a little bit
easier:
1. Understand the resident’s physical and mental condition. While this does not serve as
an excuse for the behavior, it can help you mend the relationship in the coming
days.
2. Avoid saying, “I am just doing my job.” This diminishes the importance of the other
aspects of the RA job.
3. Remain calm regardless of what is said by the resident in the “heat of the moment.”
4. Do not use threats or make accusations. You don’t know how your supervisor will
handle the situation.
5. Address the behavior being demonstrated at the moment rather than past
interactions. Avoid opinions, generalizations, value judgment and labeling.
6. Address the behavior in a positive and constructive manner. Do not lecture residents
about their behavior.
7. Work on rebuilding the relationship after the situation and again the next few
days. You can’t control residents’ actions, but you can control how you react to
them. Being a sincere and clear communicator is a critical tool for you to create a