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1;
About the ban on use mobile telephone during the driving of the car.
It is forbidden being some states, but the other states are not same.
I check the regulations about car and decide how do I regulate mobile telephone during the driving of
the car.
You make it a guideline and should tell it to employees.

2;
I think that the intention that we should do an action to prevent an accident like U.S.A comes.
At first author shows an example, and author can say that author want you to do what concretely.
If I say forcibly, I wanted the data which how did it turn out by the result.

3;
It is written about a mobile telephone by this article.
The main contents are to use the mobile telephone in the inside of car.
There is the reason why you must not use a mobile telephone for when you drive a car.
Using a cell phone causes driver distraction.
As a result, this leads to an accident.

4;
I did not understand a thing called blackberry 7250.
Because I did not understand an overseas mobile telephone, I wanted explanation
Twenty five ~ fifty percent of cause of the accident is carelessness of the driver.
I did not understand whether the all was a thing caused by a mobile telephone.

5.
It is easy for me to understand the content because the content of each paragraph has divided.
And it is easy for me to read only the paragraph's topic sentence.
The reason is that reader can understand the content in short time.
In addition, to decide the range of the law clearly.
Because the reader can deal at once.


6.
The writer is explaining the law, but do not textual quotation. So, the writer
should put out the original or the link. That way the reader can understand the
content in detail.
Moreover, the writer should color up to an important sentence. That way the reader can understand an
important sentence at once.

7.
You should put a concrete example.
Application that cannot be talked over the telephone while it is driving and hands-free headset is
necessary to put URL concerning it.
A paragraph is too long.
You should shorten it if you use 'step'. I think that I should improve the above.
8.
If I improve this article, at first I increase paragraphs and shorten it.
And I attach a link about application that cannot be talked over the telephone while i
t is driving and hands-free headset.
And I let a lot of images.
The reason is be cause it makes it the paragraph that it is easy to read to a reader.

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Peer4

  • 1. 1; About the ban on use mobile telephone during the driving of the car. It is forbidden being some states, but the other states are not same. I check the regulations about car and decide how do I regulate mobile telephone during the driving of the car. You make it a guideline and should tell it to employees. 2; I think that the intention that we should do an action to prevent an accident like U.S.A comes. At first author shows an example, and author can say that author want you to do what concretely. If I say forcibly, I wanted the data which how did it turn out by the result. 3; It is written about a mobile telephone by this article. The main contents are to use the mobile telephone in the inside of car. There is the reason why you must not use a mobile telephone for when you drive a car. Using a cell phone causes driver distraction. As a result, this leads to an accident. 4; I did not understand a thing called blackberry 7250. Because I did not understand an overseas mobile telephone, I wanted explanation Twenty five ~ fifty percent of cause of the accident is carelessness of the driver. I did not understand whether the all was a thing caused by a mobile telephone. 5. It is easy for me to understand the content because the content of each paragraph has divided. And it is easy for me to read only the paragraph's topic sentence. The reason is that reader can understand the content in short time. In addition, to decide the range of the law clearly. Because the reader can deal at once. 6. The writer is explaining the law, but do not textual quotation. So, the writer should put out the original or the link. That way the reader can understand the content in detail. Moreover, the writer should color up to an important sentence. That way the reader can understand an important sentence at once. 7. You should put a concrete example. Application that cannot be talked over the telephone while it is driving and hands-free headset is necessary to put URL concerning it. A paragraph is too long. You should shorten it if you use 'step'. I think that I should improve the above.
  • 2. 8. If I improve this article, at first I increase paragraphs and shorten it. And I attach a link about application that cannot be talked over the telephone while i t is driving and hands-free headset. And I let a lot of images. The reason is be cause it makes it the paragraph that it is easy to read to a reader.