Making it Work: Strategies to Manage the Crazy Makers in the Workplace

©2014 Clay & Associates Inc.
ATD – LA Chapter
September 18, 2014
Cynthia Clay

• Based in Seattle, Washington
• Virtual staff in Washington, D.C., Virginia, and
New Hampshire
• Clients include ConocoPhillips, Novartis,
Genentech, Navy Federal Credit Union, Ontario
Lottery & Gaming, Providence Health &
Services, and the US Government Accountability
Office
2

• 47.3% say they are satisfied with their jobs
(down from 61.1% in 1987)
• Since 2006, satisfaction has remained below
50%
Source: TNS Market Research survey (2012), reported by The Conference Board
4
Conclusion: employee satisfaction
has declined significantly over the
past 20 years.

60 – 80% of organizational difficulties are tied to
strained relationships.
5
Source: Daniel Dana, Managing Disagreements

85% of US employees surveyed experienced
conflict at work.
6
Source: CPP Global, Human Capital Report (2008)

76% went out of their way to avoid the colleague
with whom they were in disagreement.
7

36% of US employees deal with conflict always or
frequently.
8

Company
Team
Individual
9
Marketplace

“Chronic unresolved conflict acts as a decisive
factor in at least 50% of departures.”
Source: Daniel Dana
The Dana Measure of Financial Cost
of Organizational Conflict
10

Company
Team
Individual
• Reduced productivity
• Cost to mediate conflict
• Cost to terminate
• Unable to retain talent
• Cost to recruit replacement
• Cost to train replacement
11
Marketplace

• 62% left a job in the past, at least partially
because of a difficult relationship with a
coworker
• 30% reported a difficult coworker currently
frustrated them
• 1/5 (of 30%) stated that a difficult coworker was
their boss
Source: NetSpeed Learning Solutions survey (2008)
12

How many hours per week, on average, do US
employees spend dealing with conflict at work?
< 1 hour
1.2 hours
2.8 hours
3.5 hours
> 4 hours
13

• US: 2.8 hours each week (18 days per year)
• World: 2.1 hours each week (13 days per year)
14

In the US, an estimated 385 million working days
is spent on unproductive conflict.
15

Company
Team
Individual
16
• Lower team morale
• Reduced productivity
• Increased supervision
• Reduced management
credibility
• Less collaboration
• Missed opportunities
Marketplace

What is the annual cost in paid hours of the time
spent dealing with conflict?
$103 billion
$252 billion
$359 billion
$524 billion
17

$359 Billion
18

Company
Team
Individual
19
• Lost clients or customers
• Reduced revenue
• Reduced retention of
managers
• Cost of time spent in
conflict
• Culture of mistrust
Marketplace

Company
Team
Individual
20
• Poor reputation
• Negative social media
• Inability to compete
• Customer defections
Marketplace

Impact Percentage
Personal insults or attacks 27%
Sickness/absence 25%
Cross-department conflict 18%
Bullying 18%
People left the organization 18%
People were fired 16%
Employees were moved to
13%
different departments
Project failure 9%

• 25 – 40% of a manager’s time is
spent resolving conflict.
• Largest reducible cost in many
businesses.
• Training demonstrably increases
skills and confidence.
• ROI =10 times the cost of training.
22

Have you ever worked with a
challenging coworker (a peer)?
23

Have you ever worked
with a challenging boss?
24

1. What happens to me at work is usually
not related to my own behavior.
2. I try to be open about my thoughts
and feelings.
3. I find gossip to be a great stress
reliever.
4. I reach out to someone I may have
offended.
5. I take people at face value.
25

1. What happens to me at work is
usually not related to my own
behavior.
If you agree with this statement, you
may often feel victimized by others’
actions. We invite you to consider the
many ways your behavior may be
helping or hindering the situation.
26

Take the Questionnaire: About You
www.netspeedlearning.com
http://tinyurl.com/4rg85uz
27

Does your boss or coworker?
1. Tease you about your mistakes or weaknesses
2. Appear friendly to your face yet criticize you
often behind your back
3. Hold staff meetings infrequently or without
planning
28

4. Flatter you or act unusually sweet
5. Break commitments or not fulfill tasks you need
6. Make demands that you ignore procedures to
meet his/her needs
29

Take the Questionnaire: About Them at
www.netspeedlearning.com
http://tinyurl.com/4uofy2w
30

What unproductive behavior do
you find most annoying or most
challenging?
31

Going Head-to-Head
Attempting to meet your
needs while preventing
others from meeting
their needs
38

Compromising
Attempting to meet
your needs partially
while meeting others’
needs partially
39

Caring-for-Self
Attempting unilaterally to
meet your needs by limiting
the impact of others’ behavior
without affecting their needs
40

Coaching
With permission,
attempting to help another
solve a problem or develop
skills so the other person
gets better results
41

Collaborating
Jointly attempting to
meet fully the needs
of all parties
42

The Attacker
43
The colleague who
repeatedly expresses
anger and frustration in
the form of inappropriate
personal criticism.

The Whiner
That coworker who complains
without taking responsibility
for improving conditions that
surround him/her.
44

The Scene Stealer
45
The peer who sets
about building her
reputation at your
expense.

The Drive-by Boss
46
A leader who ignores some of
her key management
responsibilities and doesn’t
meet the needs of employees
or the organization.

The Manipulator
The coworker who attempts to
influence your attitude or
behavior through deception or
secrecy.
47

The Clueless Colleague
A coworker who is insensitive
to her negative impact on the
work environment.
48

The Faux-Smart Boss
The boss who has unrealistic
confidence in his own ideas
and skills, often
accompanied by a lack of
confidence in his employees.
49

The Slacker
The coworker whose poor
performance damages
your performance.
50

The Bully
A colleague who uses
unreasonable demands and
inappropriate threats to get
her way.
51

Which of these nine
challenging coworkers have
you experienced personally?
Which one of these nine
challenging coworkers is the
most difficult for you?
52

The Manipulator
The coworker who attempts to
influence your attitude or
behavior through deception or
secrecy.
Open Communicator

• Offers unusual favors, gifts
or flattery
• Appeals to your sense of guilt
• Deceives you
• Presents only positive reasons
(no negatives)
55

• Misrepresents or excludes data
• Whispers in your ear
• Asks a leading question or
pretends to ask for input
• Tells stories that are inconsistent
56

• They fear the consequences of telling the truth.
• They have learned to exercise power indirectly.
• It’s a coping strategy used when people feel
powerless.
• You have probably manipulated
others, too.
• You have a right to take care
of yourself.
• Manipulators usually have
many strengths.
57

How might you “take responsibility”
for this situation?
58

• Be responsible for your own
experience. Be aware of your
own hooks.
• Do your homework.
• Become someone who can’t be
manipulated.
• Communicate and set
ground rules.
59

How would you “extend respect” in this situation?
60

• Avoid rescuing behavior.
• Use good listening and questioning skills to
encourage openness.
• Pay attention to your gut/intuition.
61

Collaborating
of all parties
62

Role Play

What did I do to
respond effectively
to the attempt to
manipulate me?

• Call her on a lie without calling her a liar.
• Don’t do what she wants unless you want to.
• Allow her to vent when you refuse.
• Acknowledge her praise.
• Probe to uncover her needs.
• Use statements like, “I need more information”
or “I need to hear the opposing view.”
• Jointly come up with alternatives.

• Don’t strike back or give in
• Don’t embarrass the manipulator in front of
others
• Don’t resort to manipulating yourself
• Don’t placate or feel guilty for not complying
• Move to Compromising
• Try Caring-for-Self (e.g. avoid the person)
66

The Attacker
67
The colleague who
repeatedly expresses
anger and frustration in
the form of inappropriate
personal criticism.
Constructive Critic

When Maggie was presenting a proposal to the
sales support team, her coworker, Ernesto, sighed
repeatedly. At one point, she saw him roll his eyes
and mumble something out of the corner of his
mouth to his buddy, Tom.
Maggie felt uncomfortable but she was uncertain
how to respond. At the end of her presentation,
Ernesto said under his breath, “Is she serious?”
68

1. What clues tell you this may be an attacker?
2. What needs might the attacker have?
3. What helpful assumptions could you make?
4. What Principles and Practices seem most
relevant in this situation?
69

• Look at your own contribution
• Communicate to prevent
attacks
• Anticipate frustrations
(model handling them)
• Respect your own needs
70

• Network to get to know people
• Get input from others before making decisions
• Seek shared solutions
• Show compassion and empathy
• Acknowledge good results to build self-esteem
71

Which strategy makes
the most sense with an
attacker?
72

Collaborating
of all parties
73

How would you collaborate with the attacker in this
scenario?
What actions might you take?
74

• Breathe
• Allow venting; don’t rebut
• Paraphrase neutrally
• Acknowledge his caring about the issue
• Apologize for mistakes
• Ask to explain your point of view
• Request to meet privately
• Ask if he is upset with you
75

Put your business card in the
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of Peer Power
76

• Six modules (customizable)
• Face-to-face and virtual classroom
• Based on adult learning principles
• Interactive and collaborative
• Practical skill-building
• Blended with podcasts and online assessments
77

“It’s more important than
ever to supply your
workers with new tools,
training, and techniques to
help maintain a positive
and engaging work
environment that leads to
higher productivity and
strong business results.”
78

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