Parent_Ambassador_Booklet_FINAL (1)

Parent Ambassadors:
A Parent’s Guide to Participation
Using the Strengthening Families Approach

The National Alliance of
Children’s Trust and Prevention
Funds (Alliance) holds the
unique position of serving as the
membership organization for state
children’s trust and prevention
funds. Children’s trust and
prevention funds are the backbone
of our nation’s infrastructure to
support children and their families.
The Alliance leads a national Early
Childhood Initiative (ECI), which
includes a 30-state Learning
Community of state children’s trust
and prevention funds and their
partners, including parents and
community members. Through
this national initiative, the Alliance
is focusing on strategies that
strengthen families, build protective
factors, promote individual growth,
help systems be more responsive
to families and children and
strengthen communities’ capacities
as safe and healthy environments.
The Alliance has engaged in
collaborative partnerships with
members of the ECI Learning
Community and expresses
appreciation to the Doris Duke
Charitable Foundation (DDCF)
for supporting the development of
the valuable resources resulting
from these partnerships. The
DDCF improves the quality of
people’s lives through grants
supporting the performing arts,
wildlife conservation, medical
research and the prevention of
child maltreatment, and through
preservation of the cultural and
environmental legacy of Doris
Duke’s properties.
Table of Contents
And How Are the Children?__________________________________________________ 1
WELCOME!______________________________________________________________ 2
Parental Resilience_________________________________________________________ 3
Social Connections_________________________________________________________ 4
Knowledge of Parenting and of Child Development_______________________________ 5
Concrete Support in Times of Need____________________________________________ 6
Social and Emotional Competence of Children___________________________________ 7
Community Cafés__________________________________________________________ 8
Changing the Lives of Children through Conversations that Matter______________ 8
Community Cafés Are Tools for Sharing___________________________________ 8
Welcome to the Community Café Learning Community_______________________ 9
Sample Questions for Protective Factor Conversations________________________ 9
Big Mud Puddles and Sunny Yellow Dandelions_________________________________ 10
Strengthening Families Protective Factors______________________________________ 11
Activities to Support Five Protective Factors____________________________________ 12
Parental Resilience Activities___________________________________________ 12
Social Connection Activities___________________________________________ 12
Knowledge of Child Development Activities_______________________________ 13
Concrete Support in Time of Need Activities______________________________ 14
Social and Emotional Competence in Children Activities_____________________ 14
The Goose Story__________________________________________________________ 16
Web Resources for Parents__________________________________________________ 17
Notes___________________________________________________________________ 24
Activity Materials_________________________________________________________ 25
Material Sources_____________________________________________________ 25
Resources__________________________________________________________ 25
This document is part of a series of resources that were developed as a result of the
Alliance’s partnership with states. All are available at no cost. To see the full array
of resources developed, please visit the Alliance website at www.ctfalliance.org/
collaborativeprojects. You may also contact the Alliance at info@ctfalliance.org.
ECI Learning Community ~ TENNESSEE

Parent Ambassadors: A Parent’s Guide to Participation Using the Strengthening Families Approach 1
ECI
And How Are the Children?
Among the many fabled and accomplished tribes of Africa, no tribe was considered to have
warriors more fearsome or more intelligent than the mighty Masai. It’s surprising, then, to
learn the traditional greeting passed among the Masai warriors: “Casserian Engeri,” which
means, “And how are the children?”
It is still the traditional greeting of the Masai, acknowledging the high
value the Masai placed on the children’s well-being. Even warriors with
no children of their own would always give the traditional answer, “All the
children are well.” This meant, of course, that peace and safety prevailed;
the priorities of protecting the young and the powerless were in place; that
the Masai people had not forgotten their reason for being, their proper
function and their responsibilities.
“All the children are well” means life is good. It means the daily struggles
of existence, even among poor people, include the proper care of the young
and defenseless.
I wonder how it might affect our consciousness of our own children’s
welfare if we took to greeting each other with the same daily question,
“And how are the children?”
I wonder, if we heard that greeting passed along to each other a dozen
times a day, if it would begin to make a difference in the way children are
thought of and cared for in this country.
I wonder what it would be like if every adult – parent and non-parent alike – felt an equal
weight of responsibility for the daily care and protection of all the children in our town, in our
state and in our country.
I wonder whether we could truly say without hesitation, “The children are well. Yes, all the
children are well.”
What would it be like if the President began every press conference, every public appearance
by answering the same question: “And how are the children, Mr. President?”
If every governor of every state had to answer the same question at every press conference:
“And how are the children, Governor? Are they well?”
Wouldn’t it be interesting to hear their answer?
“All the children are well”
means life is good.

2 Parent Ambassadors: A Parent’s Guide to Participation Using the Strengthening Families Approach
WELCOME!
Being a parent in today’s world
is a big job. Trying to balance the
demands of work, keep the home
running and keep your children
safe, happy and healthy may leave
you feeling like there is no time for
anything else.
Families come in all shapes and
sizes with different customs,
cultures and beliefs. However,
research has shown us that all
families need five protective factors
to be strong and resilient. These
protective factors are what most
families want to build.
1 Parental resilience – Parents can overcome hard times and rebound.
2 Social connections – Parents have friends.
3 Knowledge of child development – Parents know how children grow and learn.
4 Concrete support in time of need – Parents know where to turn for help.
5 Social and emotional competence of children – Children learn to talk about and handle
feelings
The five protective factors are described in the following pages. There are tips and ideas on
how to share with other parents, child care providers, faith-based organizations, community
centers and other organizations where parents meet and get to know one another.
Spreading the word about how to have strong and stable families, build a supportive
community and keep our children healthy and safe is an exciting adventure with many fun
activities and new friends!
Let’s get started!

ECI
Parental Resilience
Parents who can take it in stride when everyday life is stressful and can cope with the
occasional crisis are said to be resilient. Everyone has had a hard day or days in a row when it
just seemed that nothing was going right.
H The car breaks down on the way to work.
H A family member is very ill.
H The school calls and says your child is acting badly toward others.
H The water heater is leaking.
H Etc., etc., etc.,
All parents have inner strengths or other resources that serve as a foundation of resiliency
when times are hard. Most parents can make it through those times of stress, but everyone
needs help from time to time. When parents take care in these stressful times, their children
learn a model of coping behavior.
There are families that have a history of abuse or neglect, physical or mental health problems
and other stresses such as financial trouble, unemployment and even homelessness. These are
times when parents need to seek help through friendships with others, their children’s teachers
and community resources.
Using the word “courage” instead of resilience during stressful times or a crisis helps parents
see a way to survive and regain their ability to keep on going. Below are a few questions that
parents can use with each other to talk about how to be resilient.
H What are your dreams for yourself and your family?
H What helps you cope with everyday life?
H What kinds of frustrations do you deal with during the day?
H How are you able to meet your children’s needs when you are dealing with stress?
H What are your goals for your family or children in the next week or month?
The first step in dealing with stress or crisis is to identify what is worrying a parent the most.
Parents can empower each other to seek help and take action to fight stress and build both
resilience and hope. Below are a few ideas to share with others.
H Get regular exercise, listen to your favorite music, meditate or pray.
H Plan ahead if possible so that resources will be in place when needed—such as
temporary child care. Build a small savings to take care of minor repairs.
H Use family, friends, faith-based communities and other community agencies such as the
YMCA to increase strength.
H Look for programs that offer family-to-family help and find a mentor willing to listen.
Between peaks there
are always valleys. How
you manage your valley
determines how soon you
reach your next peak.
~ Spencer Johnson, M.D.
Parental
Resilience
Knowledgeof ChildDevelopment
Concrete
Support in
Times of Need

Social Connections
Most parents need people they can call on once in a while when they need someone to listen,
give some advice, or just when feeling a little “down.” Often family helps out, but everyone
needs a friend or group to do fun things with, swap stories about their children or just have a
cup of coffee with occasionally.
Finding out about and building on parents’ current or possible social connections, interests and
abilities is a great way to partner with parents. Sometimes parents have a hard time finding
and keeping social connections for a variety of reasons. Encouraging one another to talk about
goals for social connections is a start. Ask some basic questions.
H Who can you call for advice or just to talk?
H How often do you see them?
H Do you have family members or friends nearby who can help you out once in a while?
H Do you belong to a church, temple, mosque, women’s group or men’s group?
H Do you have a child in a local pre-school, school or Head Start program?
Talking with parents about their strengths and challenges is making social connections
through culture and language, establishing a comfort level in groups of people. Being a new
person in the neighborhood is a good way to show parents how to make those critical social
connections. Maybe you have the means to provide transportation to church, community
centers or other resources.
H Talk about the benefits of getting out with others for fun or joining a group to learn a
new skill.
H Think about what you can provide to parents to help them get out for an evening.
H Lunchtime meetings may be possible for some parents who work.
H Suggest “mommy” blogs or other Internet sites that encourage social connections.
Having someone that supports
your parenting is one of the
most valuable treasures a
parent can own.
“Family support is not just our work, not just an approach
for people out there. It’s about giving support and
accepting with gratitude the affectionate support others
stand ready to bestow.”
~ Ethel Seiderman
Social
Connections
e
in
Need
Socialand EmotionalCompetenceof Children

ECI
Knowledge of Parenting
and of Child Development
Who knows a child best—their likes and dislikes, the things that interest them and the things
they can do really well? Parents do! But no parent is an expert in everything about their child’s
development and the best ways to help their children manage social and emotional behaviors.
Research links healthy child development to effective parenting. When parents provide safe
boundaries, affection, good listening skills and consistent rules and expectations, children
thrive. Successful parenting helps children succeed in school, feel loved, get along with others
and have a sense of belonging. Parenting skills must change as children grow and mature.
Parents must also be able to adjust to each child’s individual needs and unique circumstances.
Knowledge of parenting and child development changes over time. For example, laying
children to sleep on their stomachs is now known to contribute to SIDS (sudden infant death
syndrome) when it was standard practice a number of years ago. Parents need the latest
information on health and safety practices, what is taking place in a child’s social world,
learning expectations in school and many other aspects of a child’s life. All parents have
questions about raising their children and they need answers and support from someone they
trust. Another way to think about this is, “Parenting is part natural and part learned.”
To help parents feel comfortable about the questions they have raising their children, here
are some conversation starters. Remember, parents need to focus on their own hopes as well
as goals for their children. They need help in identifying and building on their strengths in
parenting and acknowledgement of their parenting efforts and the frustrations of parenting.
H Talk about what your child does best and what you like about your child.
H Tell me what you like about being the parent of an infant, preschooler, etc.
H What are some of the things that you find hard about being a parent?
H What works best for your child when he/she is sad, angry or frustrated?
H How have you seen other parents handle the same kinds of behaviors?
H Tell me about the things that worry you about your child.
H How do you encourage your child to explore his/her surroundings, try new things and
do things on his/her own?
There are no cookie-cutter families. All families have a set of values, cultural norms and
beliefs that need to be respected and acknowledged. Parents can help one another find many
resources to answer questions about child development and many tips to reduce stress in the
child’s life. Striking a balance between reducing a child’s stress while protecting the child
from harm will promote their coping skills and resilience.

Concrete Supports in Times of Need
Families have basic needs such as housing, food, clothing, etc. They may also
need help with child care, physical and mental health. Most parents are unlikely to
use words like “concrete supports.” Instead they may think of a goal being, “My
family can access services when they need them.”
Parents may not always know about community resources that can help meet their basic needs
or how to find essential services. Sometimes language or cultural differences make it difficult
for parents to know where to turn for the help they need. Parents welcome information
from other parents about services they used in times of stress or in crisis. It may be contact
information or even helping another parent make the first calls and appointments depending
on what individual parents say they need.
H Parents may not be aware of services that could help. You can let them know about all
available resources, so they may select what is best for their needs.
H Parents are more likely to use culturally appropriate services. If you can link them with
services where their language is spoken or their culture is observed, parents may feel
more comfortable and get a greater benefit.
H Parents who have a lot of needs may get overwhelmed with all the different paperwork
and requirements that agencies use. Parents who know about these requirements can
help talk others through the process so that parents will feel more comfortable using the
resource.
Working with parents to identify their most critical basic needs and local concrete supports
keeps the focus on family-driven solutions. Here are some ideas about how to partner with
parents to find the best resources to support parent needs.
H Identify from the parents’ perspective their most immediate need, such as staying in
their house, keeping a job or paying the heating bill.
H Look at steps the parents have taken to deal with the problem and assess how it is or is
not working.
H Talk about current connections such as community or other local resources, faith-based
communities, pre-school or school relationships and pediatricians to name a few.
H Explore the parents’ ability to find ways to access services such as transportation,
encouragement, phone calls and other personal help.
Concrete
Support in
Times of Need

ECI
Social and Emotional Competence
of Children
Parents today have a lot on their plates. Juggling the demands of work, home and other
responsibilities leaves many parents feeling like they do not have nearly enough time with
their children. But even small acts of kindness, protection and caring—a hug, a smile, or
loving words—make a big difference to children. Research shows that just as children’s brains
and bodies develop so do their emotions and their ability to express themselves.
Parents may choose to communicate the importance of social and emotional competence in
terms of the desired outcomes: “My children feel loved, believe they matter and can get along
with others.” Below are some ways to talk with parents about this important part of their
children’s lives.
H When you spend time with your child what do you like to do together?
H What does your child do when he/she is sad, angry or tired?
H What are your child’s greatest gifts and talents?
H How do you encourage these talents?
H What do you do when your child does something great?
H What routines do you keep in caring for your young child?
Parenting is a two-way street. As children grow and develop the ability to interact with the
family and others in a positive manner, it is easier for parents to respond in the same way.
When a child has problems or needs due to age, disability or other factors, then the parent
may need additional support. Parents can share resources to promote healthy social and
emotional development with one another. Here are some websites that provide practical tips
for managing behaviors as well as fun activities for families. These websites also include chat
sessions.
Center on the Social & Emotional Foundations for Early Learning, http://csefel.vanderbilt.
edu/ provides a lot of good materials and has a special site for parents. The site also has links
to a lot of free materials helpful to parents including Spanish versions. The website www.
challengingbehavior.org has an email sign-up for a newsletter for parents interested in getting
practical tips on managing behaviors and routines.
The website www.parentsknowkidsgrow.org is sponsored by the Department of Human
Services and is designed to be a resource for parents looking for information on raising their
children. This site also has an email sign-up for a newsletter and many links to resources.
Social and emotional skills
are the most important
developmental skills that
young children learn during
their first years of life.
Social
Connections
Concrete
Support in
Times of Need

Community Cafés
Changing the Lives of Children through Conversations that Matter
Our Beliefs:
H Social change is possible one conversation at a time.
H All children, therefore their families, have an inalienable right to the five protective
factors.
Our Values:
H Courage, Community, Health, Freedom, Compassion
Our Knowledge Base:
H Cafés are a series of guided conversations that provide the stepping stool we utilize to
reach for higher heights. This stool has three legs of support:
1 The Five Protective Factors Necessary for Children and Families to Thrive
2 Leadership that Begins with Self and Transforms Communities
3 Parent Partnership that Impacts Practice, Programs and Policy
Community Cafés Are Tools for Sharing
Community Cafés are a series of guided conversations based on the Strengthening
Families Protective Factors Framework leadership development and parent partnership.
These conversations are hosted by parent leaders who use the World Café technique to
increase community wisdom, build parent voice and facilitate action to improve the lives of
children. It is a process designed, planned and implemented by parents, working with their
community partners. Typical community partners include early child care and education sites,
neighborhood centers, community-based family resource centers, schools, immigrant and
refugee agencies, faith-based organizations, health departments or any system or agency that
touches the lives of families and children.
HWhat could a group of people
in a community with a shared
intention of strengthening
families accomplish?
HWhat else would happen if
multiple groups shared what
they would want to learn and are
learning with each other?
HWhat questions will communities
grapple with?
HWhat power would be created
in learning this together?

ECI
Following is an excerpt from website www.thecommunitycafe.com. It is designed to help
parents who want to come together and share their thoughts and ideas for the benefit of their
children. The site is in Spanish as well as English.
Welcome to the Community Café Learning Community
The Community Café approach sparks leadership to develop relationships necessary to
strengthen families. The newest research says there are five critical protective factors a child
needs to thrive. Strengthening families, to those using this approach, means working together
to build these five protective factors. This involves creating stronger partnerships with parents
and communities. Meaningful conversations are the mechanism we use to develop these
relationships. This approach is being practiced in neighborhoods, early learning and child care
settings, tribal centers, schools, faith-based organizations and social service systems all across
the country. In the neighborhood, Community Cafés are typically parent-hosted gatherings
where participants contribute to guided conversations relevant to their own community.
This site offers tools, resources, contacts, a blog link to share your café stories – an
opportunity to share your thinking and network with others. We are so glad you are here! We
hope this site can be of service and an opportunity for you to contribute to the learning.
For more information on hosting a Community Café and a host orientation guide in both
English and Spanish go to www.ctfalliance.org.
Sample Questions for Protective Factor Conversations
H Do you have someone in your family, neighborhood and/or community that you can
count on?
H What in your family history or culture makes it difficult or easy to ask for help?
H Think about a challenging time in your family. What made you feel proud of your
family in that situation?
H How does your family bounce back from difficult times?
H What parts of parenting have come naturally to you?
H What parts of parenting have surprised you? What has challenged you to learn more?
H Describe a time when your family or your child
had a need that you could not meet. How did that
feel? How do you think it affected your child?
H What are the resources and skills that aid you
whenever your family’s basic needs are not
being met?

Big Mud Puddles
and Sunny Yellow Dandelions
When I look at a patch of dandelions,
I see a bunch of weeds that are going to take over my yard.
My kids see flowers for Mom and flowing white fluff you can
wish on.
When I look at an old drunk and he smiles at me,
I see a smelly, dirty person who probably wants money and
I look away.
My kids see someone smiling at them and they smile back.
When I hear music I love, I know I can’t carry a tune and
don’t have much rhythm so I sit self-consciously and listen.
My kids feel the beat and move to it. They sing out the words.
If they don’t know them, they make up their own.
When I feel wind on my face, I brace myself against it.
I feel it messing up my hair and pulling me back when I walk.
My kids close their eyes, spread their arms and fly with it,
Until they fall to the ground laughing.
When I pray, I say thee and thou and grant me this, give me that.
My kids say, “Hi God! Thanks for my toys and my friends.
Please keep the bad dreams away tonight.”
When I see a mud puddle I step around it.
I see muddy shoes and dirty carpets.
My kids sit in it. They see dams to build, rivers to cross,
and worms to play with.
I wonder if we are given kids to teach or to learn from?
No wonder God loves the little children! Enjoy the little things in life,
for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.
I wish you Big Mud Puddles and Sunny Yellow Dandelions!
~ Author Unknown

ECI
Strengthening Families
Protective Factors
COURAGE
Parental Resilience: I will continue to have courage during stress or after a crisis.
COMMUNITY
Social Connections: I have people who know me, friends and at least one person who
supports my parenting.
PARENTING
Knowledge of Parenting and Child Development: Children have the freedom to grow and
thrive when parents are curious and responsive to what their child needs.
COMPASSION
Social and Emotional Competence of Children: My child feels loved, a sense of belonging
and can get along with others.
HEALTH and WELL-BEING
Concrete Support in Times of Need: My family has access to basic needs.
For more information and ideas, visit www.ParentsKnowKidsGrow.org/strengtheningfamilies

Activities to Support
Five Protective Factors
Resources to Overcome
Hard Times and Rebound
H What do I dream for me and my
family?
H What gives me hope or strength
during hard times?
H What can I do to help me cope
with everyday life?
H Is there another parent I can
encourage?
My Social Community
H Friends who support me:
H Friends who have children and
can support my parenting:
H Who can I talk to when I am
having a bad day?
H How do my friends support me?
H How do I support my friends?
H Places in the community where I
feel connected:
H Groups I belong to:
H Gifts I bring to a group:
Parental Resilience Activities
Parental resiliency means having the ability to cope and bounce back from all types of
challenges.
Materials needed: Happy/Sad Balls
H Think about a time in your life when things were stressful and you didn’t know what
to do. (Examples: Unable able to pay the bills, parenting issues, job stress, relationship
issues, etc). How did you cope? (Some possible answers: Talked with family, turned to
friends, went to church, sought counseling, etc.) How did it feel when you were able to
cope with this stress? What do you think would have happened if you had not been able
to cope with this stress?
H Demonstrate this concept by using the happy/sad balls. Give the balls to the parent. Ask
them to “bounce” the balls at the same time. One ball will not bounce -- the other will
bounce high. Being able to bounce back from stressful situations is Parental Resiliency.
H There are many families that are experiencing stress, they may also have limited coping
skills, they may feel physically or emotionally isolated, they may not have access to
extended family, etc. This is important because families who are unable to cope and
bounce back from stress are at a higher risk for child abuse and neglect.
Social Connection Activities
Social connections means having friends, family members, neighbors and others in the
community who provide emotional support and concrete assistance.
Materials needed: Energy Ball
H Demonstrate this concept by using the energy ball. Hold the ball and cover one of the
metal strips with your thumb and ask the parent to cover the other metal strip with their
thumb. When a connection between the two metal strips has been made the energy
ball will light up and create a sound. When the connection is broken the ball will
stop lighting up. Having a support system that keeps the “energy flowing” is Social
Connection.

ECI
Knowledge of Child Development Activities
Knowledge of child development means parent’s know their child best; however no parent has
all the answers to keep up with the different developmental stages each child goes through.
Conversation starters for parents to explore their strengths, needs, hopes and goals for their
children are listed below.
In order to explore… Ask the parents…
The parents view of his/her child’s strengths What does your child do best?
What do you like best about your child?
How the parent views his/her own role What do you like about being a parent of an infant (or preschooler, or
teenager)?
What are some of the things that you find challenging as a parent?
How the parent observes and interprets the child’s
behavior
What kinds of things make your child happy?
What kinds of things make your child frustrated, sad, or angry?
What does your child do when happy? Frustrated? Sad? Angry?
Why do you think your child (cries, eats slowly, says “no”, breaks rules)?
Way the parent is currently responding to the child’s
needs and behaviors
How the parent encourages positive behavior through
praise and modeling
What works best for your child when he/she is sad, angry or frustrated?
How have you let your child know what you expect?
What happens when she/he does what you asked?
Whether the parent can identify alternative solutions
for addressing behaviors
Community, cultural and ethnic expectations and
practices about parenting
How have you seen other parents handle this? What would your parents have
done in this situation?
What teaching (discipline) methods work best for you?
How does your child respond?
How the parent understands the child’s development
Any personal concern that the child’s behavior
appears to be outside the normal range
How do you think your child compares to other children his/her age?
Are there things that worry you about your child?
Have others expressed concern about your child’s behavior?
How the parent encourages healthy development How do you respond to your baby’s attempts to communication?
How do you encourage your child to explore his/her surroundings, try new
things or do things on his/her own?
What works in encouraging your child to be more independent and
competent?
www.childwelfare.gov/preventing

Concrete Support in Times of Need Activities
Concrete support in times of need occurs when families can access services when they need
them.
Materials needed: Balloons
Demonstrate this concept by asking the parent or parents to write down stressors they may
experience or have experienced. Make sure you have at least six to eight stressors identified.
Some examples: unable to pay child care bill, flat tire on the way to work, water heater
leaking, car runs out of gas on way to pick up child. Blow up a balloon for each “stressor”
the parent or parents identify. If you have more than one parent present, ask for a volunteer
to hold the balloons. As you read each stressor, hand a balloon to the volunteer so that when
you are finished they are holding all the balloons. The volunteer may have trouble holding and
juggling all the balloons and this demonstrates the importance of having support during times
of need or when you are experiencing stress. This activity may also be used to demonstrate the
importance of Social Connections.
H All families go through times of need. (Example: birth of a child, new job, moving, loss
of job, death in family, etc.)
Social and Emotional Competence in Children Activities
Materials needed: On Monday When It Rained by Cherryl Kachenmeister
Have each parent reflect for a moment and think about their own social-emotional
development.
H Think about a satisfying relationship in your life. Name three things that make it
satisfying.
H Think about the messages you received about relationships from your family and culture
as you were growing up. Try to put those messages into words and write them down.
H Think about yourself as a child. Do you behave in your relationships with children the
same way important adults behaved with you when you were a child?
H Think of one adult, other than your parents, that you had a special relationship with
when you were a child. What did that adult do to encourage/sustain the relationship with
you? What made the relationship special?
My Family’s Health
and Well-Being
H Skills and resources I could use
(e.g. transportation):
H Skills and resources I could
share (e.g. household repairs):
H Community resources that I
know about:
H What I know well enough to
teach:
H Ways my family can handle
problems:

ECI
Talking Points: Relationships are most important!
H Building relationships, and thus social-emotional development, essentially begins at
birth. Ask: When does it end? Age 5? Age 18? (Not really…it never ends! Do we ever
stop having/building relationships?)
H Consider the difference between interactions and relationships. Discuss these two. Ask:
What makes a relationship?
H One of the major elements of social-emotional wellness in infancy is forming close and
secure relationships. From these relationships, infants learn whether or not to feel safe;
they learn how to experience, express and control emotions; and they know if it is okay
to explore their environment for learning.
H Families have the most continuous and emotionally charged relationship with a child.
Infants and toddlers learn what people expect of them and what they can expect of other
people through early relationship experiences with parents and caregivers.
H As infants grow into toddlers and preschoolers, they learn and develop in the context
of relationships that are responsive, consistent and nurturing. Children with the most
challenging behaviors especially need these relationships, and yet their behaviors often
prevent them from benefiting from those relationships.
H Children’s relationships with adults may influence their behaviors that lead to friendship
skills with peers.
H If a strong, positive relationship is built with each child, it will be easier to address
challenging behaviors when they arise.
H Ways to build relationships with children:
H Pay attention to each child as an individual
H Joke and laugh with children
H Know what the child’s interests are and talk to the child about them
H Respect each child’s approach to situations and people
H Ask each child to tell you what makes them happy and sad and respect their feelings
H Show children that you are happy they are there
H Listen to children when they speak to you and respond appropriately to their
questions
H Respect cultural, linguistic and religious beliefs
H Smile and be genuine
H Respond to children consistently
My Child Feels Loved
H How do I express my feelings to
my child?
H How do I show my child I am
listening to their questions?
H How does my family express
love?
H What does my family do for fun?

The Goose Story
Next fall, when you see Geese headed South for the winter flying along in V formation, you
might consider what science has discovered as to why they fly that way.
As each bird flaps its wings, it creates an uplift for the bird immediately following. By flying
in V formation the whole flock adds at least 71% greater flying range than if each bird flew on
its own.
People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they are
going more quickly and easily because they are traveling on the thrust of one another.
When a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to go it
alone and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird in
front.
If we have as much sense as a goose, we will stay in formation with those who are headed
the same way we are.
When the lead goose gets tired, it rotates back in the V formation and another goose flies
point.
It is sensible to take turns doing demanding jobs with people or with geese flying south.
Geese honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep up their speed.
What do we say when we “honk from behind”?
Finally, and this is important, when a goose gets sick, or is wounded by gunshots and falls
out of formation, two other geese fall out with that goose and follow it down to lend help and
protection. They stay with the fallen goose until it is able to fly, or until it dies. Only then do
they launch out on their own, or with another formation to catch up with their group.
If we have the sense of a goose, we will stand by each other like that.
~ Author Unknown

ECI
Web Resources for Parents
Where To Go for What You’ll Find
Parent Resilience Courage: I will continue to have courage during stress or after a crisis.
Parents Know Kids Grow
www.parentsknowkidsgrow.org
Serves Tennessee’s parents, grandparents and others concerned about raising children by
providing resources and information about children’s safety, well-being and learning.
Keep Your Family Strong
www.keepyourfamilystrong.org
Information on the Love Is Not Enough Campaign in Illinois.
Healthy Children
www.HealthyChildren.org
Website parents and health care professionals can turn to in confidence. Offers advice, tools
and up to the minute services on health issues.
Special Quest
www.specialquestlibrary.org
Materials and resources that support the inclusion of young children with disabilities birth-
to-5 and their families in early care and education settings.
One Tough Job
www.onetoughjob.org
Current, reliable and practical information on a variety of parenting topics, related to raising
children from infancy through adolescence.
Parent Dish
www.parentdish.com
Articles and information for parents.
Sesame Street
www.sesamestreet.org/grief
When Families Grieve resource guide. Resources for families who have a parent who will be
or has been deployed overseas in the military and for families who have lost a parent.
Hello Grief
www.hellogrief.org
Great resource for families who have lost a loved one.
Military One Source
www.miltaryonesource.com
Specifically for military members and their families. Resources for deployment, homecoming
and changes. Also provides access to 24/7 hotlines for families.
Prevent Child Abuse Tennessee
www.pcat.org
Resources for parents that include parent leadership, healthy families and parent help line.
State of Tennessee
www.tennesseeanytime.org/gov/family-resources/
Information on job training, mortgage and financial assistance, energy and transportation
and health insurance and health care.
Super Duper Publications
www.superduperinc.com/search/topicsearch.
aspx?id=16
Fun learning materials for kids with special needs.
Active Parenting
www.activeparenting.com
Resources and education programs for parents and teachers.
Kids Health
www.kidshealth.org
Practical parenting information and news.
Divorce Care
www.divorcecare.org
Find help and healing for the hurt of separation and divorce.
Divorce Care for Kids
www.DC4K.org
Help children heal from the pain of divorce.
US Dept. of Housing & Urban Development
http://www.hud.gov/local/tn/homeless/shelters.cfm
Organizations in Tennessee that offer shelter and emergency housing to the homeless.
TennHelp
http://www.tennhelp.com/
Helps find organizations and agencies across Tennessee that can help you and your family.
CJ Foundation for SIDS
www.cjsids.org
Resources and support for families who have suffered a loss.

Concrete Support Health and Well-Being: My family has access to basic needs.
Healthy Children
Website parents and health care professionals can turn to in confidence. They offer advice,
tools and up to the minute services on health issues.
Special Quest
One Tough Job
www.onetoughjob.org
Parent Dish
www.parentdish.com
Sesame Street
or has been deployed in the military and for families who have lost a parent.
Hello Grief
www.hellogrief.org
Military One Source
and changes. Also provides access to 24/7 hotline for families.
www.pcat.org
aspx?id=1
State of Tennessee
www.tennesseeanytime.org/gov/family-resources/
Information on job training, mortgage and financial assistance, energy and transportation
and health insurance and health care.
Epilepsy Foundation
www.epilepsyfoundation.org
Information and resources on epilepsy.
Divorce Care
www.divorcecare.org
www.DC4K.org
US Dept. of Housing & Urban Development
http://www.hud.gov/local/tn/homeless/shelters.cfm
Organizations in Tennessee that offer shelter and emergency housing to the homeless.
TennHelp
http://www.tennhelp.com/
Helps find organizations and agencies across Tennessee that can help you and your family.
Tennessee’s Early Intervention System
www.Tn.Gov/education/teis
Voluntary educational program for families with children birth-to-2 with disabilities or
developmental delays.

ECI
Social Connections Community: I have people who know and support me.
Healthy Children
Website parents and health care professionals can turn to in confidence. They will offer
advice, tools and up to the minute services on health issues.
Special Quest
One Tough Job
www.onetoughjob.org
Parent Dish
www.parentdish.com
Sesame Street
or has been deployed and for families who have lost a parent.
Hello Grief
www.hellogrief.org
Military One Source
www.pcat.org
Autism Speaks
www.autismspeaks.org
Lots of resources and information about Autism Spectrum Disorders.
The Parenting Network
www.theparentingnetwork.org/about_parenting.htm
Parent help line with information and tips on child-rearing.
iVillage Parenting
http://parenting.ivillage.com/
Parenting news and information prenatal through teen years.
Pathways Awareness
www.pathwaysawareness.org
Information on monthly milestones and about the importance of early detection.
Kids Health
www.kidshealth.org
Divorce Care
www.divorcecare.org
www.DC4K.org
www.cjsids.org
Voluntary educational program for families with children birth-to-2 with disabilities or
developmental delays.

Social and Emotional Competence
of Children
Compassion: My child feels loved, a sense of belonging and can get
along with others.
Healthy Children
Special Quest
Materials and resources that supports the inclusion of young children with disabilities birth-
One Tough Job
www.onetoughjob.org
Parent Dish
www.parentdish.com
Sesame Street
Hello Grief
www.hellogrief.org
Military One Source
Prevent Child Abuse Tennesse
www.pcat.org
Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for
Early Learning
www.vanderbilt.edu/csefel
Resources for families, teachers and caregivers, to support the social-emotional
development of children.
Challenging Behavior
www.challengingbehavior.org
Social-emotional intervention strategies for young children.
Learning Props
www.learningprops.com
School and home learning activities. Also, may order the Menu for Successful Parent and
Family involvement book.
Bright Futures for Families
www.brightfuturesforfamilies.org/materials.shtml
Resources for families and providers including Talking Cards.
Autism Speaks
Lots of resources and information about Autism Spectrum Disorders
aspx?id=16
Fun learning materials for kids with special needs
Better Brains for Babies
www.bbbgeorgia.org
Information and resources on brain development for parents and teachers.
Pathways Awareness
Information about monthly milestones and the importance of early detection.
Kids Health
www.kidshealth.org

ECI
Anger Management
http://www.angriesout.com/index.htm#couples
Anger management tips and techniques to decrease anger for parents and children.
Public Broadcasting Service
http://www.pbs.org/parents/arthur/activities/
development.html?cat=development
Activities for social and emotional development for parents and teachers.
Knowledge of Child Development Parenting: I know about child development.
Healthy Children
Special Quest
Materials and resources that supports the inclusion of young children with disabilities birth-
to-5 and their families in early care and education settings
One Tough Job
www.onetoughjob.org
Parent Dish
www.parentdish.com
Sesame Street
Hello Grief
www.hellogrief.org
Military One Source
www.pcat.org
Washington Learning Systems
www.walearning.com
Bi-lingual activities for supporting literacy.
Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for
Early Learning
www.vanderbilt.edu/csefel
Resources for families, teachers and caregivers, to support the social-emotional
development of children.
Challenging Behavior
www.challengingbehavior.org
Social-emotional intervention strategies for young children.
Center for Disease Control and Prevention
www.cdc.gov/actearly
Developmental milestones from birth to age 5.
Parenting
www.parenting.com
Free subscription to Baby Talk magazine packed with information on pregnancy, childbirth
and the early years.
Learning Props
www.learningprops.com
School and home learning activities. Also, may order the Menu for Successful Parent and
Family involvement book.
Bright Futures for Families
www.brightfuturesforfamilies.org/materials.shtml
Resources for families and providers including Talking Cards.
East Tennessee Children’s Hospital
www.etch.com/safekids.cfm
Provides information and resources to prevent accidental injury.

Pages Inc.
www.parentpagesnews.com
Supporting children and the adults who teach them, inspire them and love them. Includes
ParentPages Newsletter.
Language Lizard
www.languagelizard.com
Carry’s Bilingual and Multicultural children’s products in more than 40 different languages.
Potty MD
www.pottymd.com
Your source for information, solutions and products to help with all potty problems in
children from potty training, to bedwetting and everything in between. You can also purchase
the Potty Monkey.
Autism Speaks
Lots of resources and information about Autism Spectrum Disorders.
Get Ready to Read
www.getreadytoread.org
National Program to build the early literacy skills of preschool children. Resources for
parents and teachers.
aspx?id=16
iVillage Parenting
http://parenting.ivillage.com/
Parenting news and information prenatal through teen years.
Active Parenting
www.activeparenting.com
Resources and education programs for parents and teachers.
Better Brains for Babies
www.bbbgeorgia.org
Information and resources on brain development for parents and teachers.
Pathways Awareness
Information about monthly milestones and the importance of early detection.
www.pbs.org/parents/special/backtoschool.html
Resources for parents about getting your children ready to start school.
US Dept. of Agriculture
www.mypyramid.gov/preschoolers/index.html
Resources and information to help preschoolers eat well, be active and be healthy.
Kids Health
www.kidshealth.org
Healthy Child
http://www.healthychild.net
Resources and information on health and safety issues for children.
Anger Management
http://www.angriesout.com/index.htm#couples
Anger management tips and techniques to decrease anger for parents and children.
Keeping Babies Safe
http://www.keepingbabiessafe.org/
Educates and informs parents on how to keep babies safe from preventable injuries
associated with unsafe cribs, dangerous infant products and unsafe sleep environments.
http://www.pbs.org/parents/arthur/activities/
development.html?cat=development
Activities for social and emotional development for parents and teachers.
Center for Effective Parenting
http://www.parenting-ed.org/
Helpful handouts for both parents and teachers.
www.cjsids.org

ECI
Pull-Ups
www.pull-ups.com
Free potty training success DVD.
Voluntary educational program for families with children birth through two years of age with
disabilities or developmental delays.
Zero to Three
www.zerotothree.org
Resources for parents and professionals to promote the health and development of infants
and toddlers.
International Reading Association
www.reading.org
Resources to help parents as they support their children as readers.
Association for Library Service to Children http://
www.ala.org/ala/mgrps/divs/alsc/audiencemenus/
parents.cfm
Resources for parents and caregivers to support literacy development.

Notes

ECI
Activity Materials
Materials you will need for the activities found in this booklet:
H Parent Resilience: Happy/Sad Balls
H Social Connections: Energy Ball
H Social and Emotional Competence of Children: On Monday When It Rained by
Cherryl Kachenmeister ISBN# 978-0618111244
H Concrete Support: Balloons
Material Sources
H Happy/Sad Balls: www.arborsci.com/prod-Happy_Unhappy_Balls___Happy_Sad_
Balls-362.aspx
H Energy Balls: www.stevespanglerscience.com/product/1406
H On Monday When It Rained by Cherryl Kachenmeister: local bookstores or online
book dealers
Resources
The following resources were used in the development of this parent booklet and the toolkit.
H www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/surveys/PreventionGuide.com
H csefel.vanderbilt.edu/
H www.ctfallaince.org/
H www.thecommunitycafe.com

Martha Reeder, Director
Early Childhood Initiative
martha.reeder@ctfalliance.org
www.ctfalliance.org/collaborativeprojects
ECIEarly Childhood Initiative
CHILDREN
FIRST
Jeanne Brooks
jeanne.brooks@tn.gov
www.tn.gov/youth/services/cap.htm
www.signalcenters.org
Heather Hicks
Heather_Hicks@signalcenters.org
Sonua Bohannon
Sonua_Bohannon@signalcenters.org
Judy Smith
Judy_Smith@SignalCenters.org
www.tnccrr.org

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