The document recounts the author's struggles with narcissistic personality disorder, stemming from childhood experiences of being catered to, which led to temporary happiness but eventual loss of control following the death of their parents. As the head of Vogue, the author felt detested by peers due to their exploitative behavior, ultimately leading to a realization of the pain caused to others. After therapy, the author began to accept their condition and found a sense of happiness in managing their disorder.

1. When I was growing up, my parents and friends always attended to my needs and desires.

2. Later on, I felt that I received a sense of temporary happiness from this ailment.

3. Yet when my parents died, I felt that I could no longer function. I felt that I had little control in my life.

4. I felt as if this ailment had total control over me and my self-esteem.

5. By the time I started to work for vogue, I could tell people detested me. They called me obnoxious and heartless…..

6. Later on, I felt cursed for hurting so many people.

7. Even though I was the head of Vogue, I couldn’t resist constant attention and admiration from the more inferior peers.

8. Later on, I felt a sense of joy in admiring myself

9. I always exploited other people often in order to gain my desires. I could care less for their misfortunes.

10. Later on, I would feel sad about all the people that I hurt.

11. After constant complaints from my peers, I finally go to a psychiatrist.

12. Little did I realize, the amount of stress I felt from having this….

13. After going, my psychiatrist tells me that I have clear signs of narcissistic personality disorder.

14. I felt like I was in constant fear of hurting someone.

15. It is a type of personality disorder where a person feels love for him/herself and does only things for him/herself.

16. I started to feel jealous of people without this…… curse

17. The doctor requested that I receive constant therapy from him…..

18. It lasted for several months.

19. After a while, i felt a sense of happiness

20. I could accept it as part of my life