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Mike's Cookbook
aka, “bachelor cooking for lazy people”
Table o' contents
Book 1: Go-to, low effort, lazy people recipes
Lentil Soup
Brunswick Stew
Chicken Soup
Beans
Stuffed Peppers
Bread
Shortbread
Biscuits
Dok Bok Ki
Cold Spicy Noodles
Borscht
Grown up Ramen
Creme Brulee
Baby Sea Monster
Cheesecake
Book 2: Pie
Crust
Plum and Blackberry Pie
Chocolate Pie
Lentil Soup:
Stolen unabashedly from my friend Stella and altered to fit the lazy bachelor lifestyle.
Ingredient wish list:
A little butter for the bottom of the pan
a little salt
Half an onion or so
Green onions would be nice
4 or 5 tsp garam masala
¾ tsp coriander
½ tsp tumeric
red and/or black pepper to taste
1 cup lentils (whatever kind ya got)
rice
16 oz chicken broth
1 small can coconut milk (or half a normal 15/16 oz can)
16 oz water
So here's what you do... Open the fridge and see what your onion situation is. Cut up and fry whatever
onions/green onions you have in a little butter. This is a great time to incorporate whatever veggies you
are trying to get rid of. While the onions are cooking measure out the spices. Dump the spices in when
the onions are “done” and be sure to lean over to inhale all the smelly goodness you've unleashed.
Time to dump in the broth and water and coconut milk. Bring everything to a boil and add the lentils
(in whatever order you prefer). Cover and simmer for a longish time (an hour or two... better check
and see when it's done enough for you). Once you think it's about ready, throw in a little rice and give
it another 15 minutes. All done! Time to invite someone over that likes doing the dishes.
Brunswick Stew:
Pretty close to what my family used to make when I was growing up. It's a little involved but freezes
great. Do NOT make more than once a year or you will no longer qualify as a lazy cook. This recipe is
basically not possible without a food processor.
Ingredient wish list:
Two chickens
Pork roast
Beef roast (I'll leave the meat selection to you. Beef + pork should equal about 5 lbs)
3 lbs onion
3 quarts water
4 ½ lbs potato
28 oz ketchup
10 oz mustard
5 oz Worcestershire sauce
Juice from two lemons
1 cup butter
black pepper to taste
red pepper to taste
2 cans cream corn
How does this come together into something edible? Let's try this: boil all the meat together the day
before till done. Note: you need to have a BIG pot and this recipe is NOT worth the effort if you cut
down the size and make smaller batches. Allow to cool and put in the fridge overnight before you go to
bed. The next day, skim the fat off (save for something else or throw away or whatever), bone the
chickens, and at some point shred all of the meat in the food processor. Keep all that beautiful broth!
Chop the onions. Grate the potatoes using the food processor. Heat up the broth and start dumping
everything in. Keep it all simmering till dinner (or supper or whatever you call your evening meal),
enjoy the fruits of your labor, and start packing all the rest into the freezer. Be sure to get someone else
to stir things during all that simmering... far to tedious to do yourself.
Notes: don't stress about the exact measurements. Use whole can/bottle quantities where you can. This
is more about having mass quantities of slow cooked meat. Also makes good stuff for a sandwich if
cooked down or mixed with a little leftover cornbread to thicken it up.
Chicken Soup:
An original. This one is likely to keep evolving.
Ingredient wish list:
A chicken
Small can of tomato sauce
Rice
An onion
Green onion
Kale
A couple roma tomatoes
Random refrigerator veggies
salt and pepper
What to do with this pile of stuff? Let's try something like this. Find a good chicken-sized pot, put in
the chicken and add water to mostly (but not quite!) cover the chicken. Add a little salt and pepper and
boil till done. This takes awhile, so go forth and be lazy. Come back when the chicken is done, remove
the chicken, cool it off, and send it to the fridge. Cut up all the onion, tomato, random refrigerator
veggies, and kale and dump them all in. Add the tomato sauce. Simmer the veggies in the broth while
the chicken cools off enough to handle. Pull off all the meat and put it back in the pot. Once all seems
more or less done, throw in some rice and wait 15 minutes.
Notes: Start to finish this takes a long time (4 or 5 hours for me) with all the simmering but very little
of it is spent actually doing anything productive.
Beans!!!:
Oh I love beans! I promise I'll keep it brief, but beans are awesome. This is basically the baseline for
my diet.
Ingredient wish list:
1 lb beans (I like navy, but great northern or pinto will work fine if that's your thing)
Rice (if you have some extra liquid and want to stretch things out)
One smoked ham hock
One onion
Green onions
Kale (if you feel like it)
Liquid smoke (again, if you feel like it)
That's all it takes!
You need to start the night before. I promise, this needs fore thought but not actual effort. Sort and
soak the beans in cold water the night before. Let your beans soak overnight (maybe with a little salt).
In the morning dump the water down the drain, get the beans in your pot, and add fresh water. Heat up
on the stove and start simmering. Add some salt and pepper. Plop the smoked ham hock right down in
there. There probably isn't enough water to cover the ham hock... and that's OK. Cut up the onions and
kale and any random refrigerator veggies you choose to add and dump them in. No need to get fancy,
this will be dominated by beans and ham hock. No need to get in a hurry, you'll be letting the beans
cook most of the day so if you get lazy and don't get the onion cut up till lunch time it'll be fine. Let
the beans simmer and do their thing till afternoon/evening. If it's close to time to eat and it's more
liquid-y than you want, add some rice and let it cook. If you want additional smoke, add the liquid
smoke right at the end.
Stuffed Peppers:
I've cooked this one for about as long as I've been able to cook. Stole it from Mom, but I'm not sure if
she recognizes it as her own creation or not.
Ingredient wish list:
1+ lb ground beef (or buffalo, pork maybe?)
1 normal size (15/16 oz) can tomato sauce
1 can diced tomato
1 cup rice cooked per instructions on package (or one of those boil-in-bag things)
an onion
three – six bell peppers (depends on your desired stuffing/pepper ratio; I usually go with three)
Brown the ground beef in a pan. Cook the rice in another pan at the same time (the boil-in-bag stuff
works nice for this). Drain the fat from the meat. Add the rice and cans of tomato bits and the onion
(you've already cut it up, right?). Heat everything through. Cut the tops off the peppers and clean out
the innards, place in a caserole dish and dump in the stuffin'. Any extra just fills in in between the
peppers... or cut the peppers into little pieces and mix all together. Put in the oven at around 350
degrees for about an hour or so. Throw some cheese on top if it makes you feel good. Same goes for
any bread crumbs you may have around.
Notes: All hell is breaking loose in the kitchen while this is coming together because everything wants
to happen at the same time, but the total time is pretty minimal. You'll have that hour in the oven to
regroup :-P
Bread:
Sometimes I get bored and bake some wheat bread. Seems like a lot of work until you try it... then you
realize it's mostly waiting.
Ingredient wish list:
2 cups whole wheat flour
A little salt
One packet yeast
¾ cup warm water
A little sugar or honey (optional)
Your choice of fat (a couple tablespoons of melted butter works best)
What to do... what to do... well, let's try putting the warm water in a large bowl. Add a little sugar or
honey to help keep your yeast happy if you feel like it. Add the yeast. Set aside the bowl and measure
out the flour. Add a little salt (no need to measure, just pour a little into your hand – like a quarter tsp
or so) and mix it into the flour. Dump the flour into the water/yeast mixture. Add a little of your fat of
choice. I've been using mostly olive oil, but I honestly think butter worked best. Now would be a good
time to add a bunch of cinnamon if you want such things. You could also mix in sunflower seeds or
sesame seeds if you have some hiding in the back of the cabinet crying out to be used up. Mix all
together and start pushing everything together till it makes a ball of dough. Pick up your dough ball
and knead it over the bowl so as not to get the whole kitchen dirty. Dust the ball as required with
additional flour to keep it from sticking to your hands. Ten minutes of kneading is about all anyone
could do without going crazy, so set the dough ball down in the bowl after ten minutes of kneading and
cover with a towel. Let rise for an hour. Scoop the dough out, flatten it, and stretch it as needed to get
a shape that will roll up into the loaf you want. Roll it up, fold the ends under to hide them, and pinch
the seams a little to keep them sealed up. Set it in the pan or on the sheet you'll use to bake (a little
butter to prevent sticking goes a long way), cover with the towel again and go be lazy for another hour
or so. Stick in the oven at a little over 400 degrees (I use about 420) for around 20 minutes. All done!
Now is the time to cut off a piece and drizzle a little honey on it.
Shortbread:
This one goes together pretty fast. Nice to have if you're stuck bringing a desert, but really don't want
to give up hours of being lazy.
Ingredient wish list:
½ cup butter
¼ cup granulated white sugar
1 egg yolk
1 ¼ cup flour
Cream the butter and sugar together (a pain!). Work in the egg yolk. Now the flour. Knead a bit till it
turns into something resembling dough... and then stop! No need to over do it. Spread out in the
bottom of a pie pan. Depending on your equipment you might need something to keep it from sticking.
For me, the butter in the shortbread is generally enough to keep sticking at bay. Prick all over with a
fork. Stick in a 325 degree oven for 35 minutes. Don't worry so much about the time, just keep an eye
on it. It'll give you a subtle little bit of browning when it's ready. You'll have to get it wrong and over
cook it at least once to figure out what's right for you. Take it out of the oven and flip the pan over.
Smack it a few times and hopefully your shortbread will fall free.
Notes: If you want to take this one step further, melt a little bittersweet chocolate and dip the bottom of
your shortbread pieces in. Cool on waxed paper in the fridge.
Biscuits:
Another stolen from Mom... she knows about this one :P
Ingredient wish list:
2 ¼ cups self rising flour
1/3 cup butter
1 cup buttermilk
This one is pretty self explanatory. Mix together. Makes a crazy-sticky dough. Roll out without
making too much of a mess. Cut out the biscuits and bake at 400 degrees for about 10 to 12 minutes.
Don't run away while they're cooking, keep an eye on them. You have some honey on hand, right?
Notes: You could make drop biscuits with this, but cut biscuits are totally worth the extra 30 seconds
of effort. Be sure you drop the whole 79 cents it takes to have an actual biscuit cutter on hand. If you
don't like keeping self rising flour on hand (like me) check the side of the flour sack – it tells you how
much baking powder to add. Come to think of it, so does the baking powder can. Between the flour
sack, the baking powder can, and the internet I think you can figure out how to turn your all purpose
flour into self rising flour.
Dok Bok Ki:
Started cooking this one after moving to the Seattle area and noticing there's a bunch of mysterious
stuff at the grocery store without labels in English. The BEST explanation of how to make this is found
at eatyourkimchi.com somewhere in the archives.
Ingredient wish list:
2 cups water
green onions
2 tablespoons red pepper paste (the stuff in the red tub)
red pepper powder
½ teaspoon salt
black pepper
1 tablespoon soy sauce
1 teaspoon sugar
rice cakes
fish cakes
Boil the water and add in the red pepper paste. It seems like the red pepper paste should just dissolve
on its own, but it doesn't! Keep stirring and mashing and whatever it takes to make it break apart. Cut
up and add the green onions (let's go for big enough pieces that it's not a giant pain to eat with
chopsticks). Time to dump in everything else except the rice cakes and fish cakes. If you want it
soupy, then add the rice cakes and fish cakes and cook... maybe 3 or 4 minutes. The rice cakes will feel
soft but not completely floppy soft. Want it thicker? Boil a little while before adding the rice cakes
and fish cakes.
Notes: Sadly I don't have a good source of fish cakes, so more often than not I'll make mine with just
the rice cakes. You'll note that there's no quantities on the pepper – you know your limits better than I
and to the uninitiated this could be insanely hot.
Cold Spicy Noodles:
Simple, quick, and most of the ingredients last nearly forever in the cupboard. This is a fantastic recipe
for helping to create the illusion that you know how to cook.
Ingredients wish list:
Buckwheat noodles
5 tablespoons red pepper paste
Honey (or a little sugar if you're out, brown would be nice)
2 ½ tablespoons vinegar (I've been using malt vinegar)
1 teaspoon sesame oil
2 teaspoons sesame seeds
Nori (dried, roasted seaweed – you know, the stuff around your sushi rolls)
Cucumber
Let's make the sauce first. Mix the red pepper paste, honey, vinegar, sesame oil, and sesame seeds in a
bowl. It should be sorta like a thick syrup. As is the sauce is likely a little too thick. Now is the time
to give it a taste. Decide if it needs some water or more vinegar or whatever and adjust till the
consistency is right for you. Now the sauce can go to the fridge and hang out for awhile. Cook the
noodles. Drain and rinse in cold water until they too are cold. If you haven't already cut up the
cucumber, the noodles can hang out in the fridge as well in a bowl. Slice up the cucumber (not round
cross sections, go lengthwise and make little strips/sticks – something you could conceivably pick up
with chopsticks). Cut a little bit of nori into small strips with scissors. Retrieve your noodles and
sauce. Drain any additional water that's come out of the noodles. Put the noodles in a bowl, cover with
a bit of sauce, and add cucumber and nori on top. Sit back and enjoy the cold yet nuclear hot goodness
you've slaved over for all of about 20 minutes.
Notes:
Even better if you soft boil and egg or two at the same time the noodles are cooking... or maybe wait a
few minutes to start the eggs so they're still nice and warm when you're ready to serve. Slice up the
eggs with an extra sharp knife and put on top with the cucumber and nori.
Borscht:
Not quite sure if my borscht really qualifies as borscht, but it's a very beet-y soup none the less so that's
what I call it.
Ingredients wish list:
One beet
half an onion
random refrigerator veggies (don't go wild, just a little)
butter or oil for the pan
16 ounces beef stock
a little salt
a little black pepper
sour cream
Slice up half an onion and a small amount of whatever veggies you've been keeping in refrigerator
purgatory. Fry them in the bottom of a two quart sauce pan. While the onion and other stuff starts
frying slowly, peel and cut up your beet. Whatever the beet touches turns red. It WILL look like you
killed someone. Cut up into little pieces about the size of big wooden matchsticks. Dump the cut up
beet into your pan and move everything around. Cover and keep on low. Let the beet soften up a bit
and release its juices. Add the beef stock and then add water till you have the right amount of liquid.
Simmer for a longish time (a couple hours would be nice). Serve with a nice healthy sized blob of sour
cream on top.
Notes: If you're not too fast with a knife you might want to cut up the beet ahead of time.
Grown up ramen:
It seems odd, but there's an entire swath of the country surrounding the place I grew up where ramen is
purely a terrible but cheap dish that comes only in chicken or beef flavor. Let's not continue punishing
ourselves...
Ingredient wish list:
1 package spicy Shin ramen
1 egg
green onions if you have some
a little baby bok choy
Boil the ramen till it just loosens up and ceases to be a noodle brick (maybe two minutes). Crack an
egg into the center, reduce heat to low (or off, or remove from heat entirely... each will bring the egg to
a little bit different stage of “doneness”), cover, and let sit for about 10 minutes. Add some green onion
and baby bok choy if you have either. Now you've got spicy ramen with REAL veggies and a soft
cooked egg in the middle!
Creme Brulee:
Another one worth having waiting in the wings. It's simple, easy, and is mostly waiting for the darned
thing to get done in the oven. No need to add a bunch of fruit or chocolate or other flavors... this is
better simple and if you're adding to it, you don't get what crème brulee is about.
Ingredients wish list:
4 egg yolks
1 teaspoon vanilla
white granulated sugar
2 cups cream
a little salt
Beat the egg yolks a little. Work in the sugar and salt. Slowly heat the cream in a saucepan and
remove from heat before it boils. Slowly the the cream into the egg mixture. Add the vanilla and mix
in. Pour into ramekins and place in some kind of baking pan/dish that will hold water. Add water to
the baking pan about halfway up the ramekins. Bake 50-60 minutes at 350. Remove from the oven
and from the water bath and let cool a bit. Now for the fun part! Sprinkle some granulated sugar on
top and break out the blowtorch! The little crème brulee torches are probably the most practical way to
go, but a plumbers' torch adjusted way down works fine too. Use the torch to caramelize the sugar.
Pretty sure I've seen instructions for caramelizing the sugar under the broiler, but the thought of
skipping an opportunity to use a torch in the kitchen is too sad to contemplate.
Notes: You can caramelize the sugar ahead of time and stick these in the fridge, but it's nice to wait till
desert time to do it. If nothing else you get a chance to escape to the kitchen and play with fire.
Baby Sea Monster:
The store near my apartment stocks two pound bricks of baby octopus. When I'm tired of cooking
normal stuff I break out the baby sea monster to break the monotony.
Ingredients wish list:
Frozen brick of pre-cleaned baby sea monsters
Cooking oil
Salt and black pepper
Thaw your brick of little monsters just enough to break it into ½ pound chunks. Thaw one of the
chunks and put the rest back in the freeze. Put the little cephalopods in a ziplock bag with some oil and
a little salt and a little pepper (some of your favorite vinegar might be a nice addition too). Send them
back into the fridge for awhile (like in the morning when you'll be grilling these in the evening).
Skewer and cook on a hot grill. The “authorities” generally say to cook 3 minutes, turn, and cook 3
more minutes. My grill must not be as hot as theirs – around 4 ½ minutes and 4 ½ minutes works
about right for me.
Notes: At the same time I'll usually cut up some bell pepper and/or onion, wrap in foil with
oil/salt/pepper, and cook off to the side on the grill. By the time I'm done with monster eating, the
veggies are done. Some folks advocate dunking the octopus in boiling water for about a minute right
before marinating in oil, but I've never tried it.
Cheesecake:
Only included because cheesecake is the pie of the cake world. Fewer and fewer people make their
own, so you look like a hero when you pull this off.
Ingredients wish list:
Shortbread
2 ½ pounds cream cheese
1 ½ cups sugar
6 eggs
2 egg yolks
½ cup heavy cream
a little salt (like an 1/8 teaspoon)
1 teaspoon vanilla
Make shortbread per my shortbread recipe and bake in the bottom of a 10 inch springform pan. In a
large bowl, combine cream cheese, sugar, eggs, and egg yolks and mix thoroughly. Add the heavy
cream and mix only enough to blend. Pour the filling over the already made crust and bake for 10
minutes at 475. Reduce temperature to 200 degrees and continue to bake for an hour. Turn oven off
and bake for another hour. Remove from oven and chill overnight.
Notes: Cheesecake likes good process control. You need to bake till the center temperature is 150 and
try not to go over 160. So your first attempts will need an oven thermometer stuck into it to work out
the exact baking times. Your thermometer may also point to the need to let some of the heat out of the
oven at the break points in baking temperature. Also, I've got dark pans so the only way to keep the
edges from burning was to wrap the sides with foil and set the whole works on top of an overturned
shiny aluminum pie pan. Use whatever non-stick spray or goo you prefer, but it's likely the edges won't
come out perfect anyways. Don't worry, it still tastes good.
Pie crust:
My pie crust took awhile to work out because I had something specific in mind – I wanted a very thin
crust that was still strong enough to remove a piece of pie from the pan without turning the whole thing
into cobbler thus allowing people to eat it without a fork if they choose. This recipe generally breaks
the “rules”for pie crust, but it seems that what I want is very different from what the experts tell you
you should.
Ingredients wish list:
These are the basic proportions I use for a small/medium single crust pie – scale up and down as you
feel necessary and double for a two crust pie
1 cup all purpose flour
½ teaspoon salt
¼ cup butter
3 tablespoons ice water
1 egg yolk
Time to break out the pastry cutter! Mix the flour and salt in a large bowl. Cut in the butter. I know
you want to stop! Keep going till the butter is separated into little tiny chunks coated with flour. The
books usually say they should be about the size of rice grains, but they'll really be whatever size they
happen to be when you give up. I'm convinced no one has actually made it to “rice grains”. Add one
tablespoon of ice water to a small bowl and add the egg yolk to the tablespoon of ice water. Beat just
enough to mix thoroughly. Add half the mixture to the flour/butter and toss around with a fork. Throw
out the rest of the egg yolk/ice water mix if you're only making a single crust. Add the rest of the ice
water slowly while tossing with a fork to at least make an effort at evenly mixing things. Having a
hard quantity of ice water for a pie crust is kinda silly – if its dry you might need a little more and you
probably won't know the difference the first time through. Just add however much ice water feels right
to you. Start forming this mess into a ball. I know it's dry – that's OK. Some of it will fall back in the
bowl; we can work it back in later. Start working/kneading the ball just till it turns into something
resembling dough. Keep working in the dry bits that were crumbling off the ball of not-quite-pastry
crud earlier. Now we just need to flour a good sized cutting board or a pastry cloth or whatever you've
got, plop down the ball of dough, and roll it out nice and thin and a little bigger than your pie pan. If
you need a precooked pie shell, work the pastry down into the pie pan, trim, and prick all over with a
fork. Bake at 425 for 15 to 18 minutes. Don't take the time too literally. You better keep an eye on it.
Lots of books will tell you to line the pie crust with parchment or foil and fill with beans to prevent
bubbles, but I find it to interfere with actually getting the crust properly done all over. Look in on your
creation every so often and if you see a bubble forming, wield your fork, get in there, and reclaim the
glory that should be your un-bubbled up pie crust!
Notes: Pie crust is always a compromise. In order to make this one thin and durable enough to
actually keep the pie together you lose on other fronts. It WILL shrink – if you don't like that, make
something else. Usually, this recipe is just barely enough for a “normal” 9 inch pie when you deduct
the ragged edges you cut off – it might be more practical to ratio things up just a bit to give yourself a
little more dough to work with.
Plum pie:
Awesome stuff!!! Not too many people make plum pie. What a shame.
Ingredients wish list:
½ cup sugar (or maybe a little less)
¼ cup flour
¼ teaspoon cinnamon
¼ teaspoon ginger
a little nutmeg
about 2 pounds plums all sliced up (leave the skins on ém!)
9 inch double crust
Combine sugar, flour, cinnamon and ginger in a large bowl. Add plums and toss. There's probably a
little sugar/flour/spice mixture that just doesn't really want to combine – toss some of it in the bottom
of the pie crust. Place your plums in the pie and dump any remaining sugar/flour/spice on top. Run a
damp finger around the edge of the pie crust and slap the top crust on there. You are going to need
vents in that upper pie crust... and it is NOT worth the effort to cut little shapes out. Just stick the end
of a knife in there and tear little openings. Once you eat it, it looks the same no matter what shape
vents you cut out. Bake at 425 for 15 minutes, reduce to 375 and continue baking for an hour.
Notes: Always meant to add few little pieces of butter to the pie filling before sealing the whole thing
up, but never seem to remember to try it. You could go heavy on the cinnamon. The nutmeg isn't super
important, it just seemed to balance out the ginger. You could do without the ginger too and it wouldn't
ruin things. The really nice thing about plum pie is that it doesn't care if your plums are ripe. If they're
not quite ready to eat, don't worry. It'll still turn out the same.
My blackberry pie is basically the same recipe. Sub out the plums for blackberries and you'll be close
enough.
Chocolate pie:
Another pie that probably doesn't get enough play time. Put away the pumpkin and the apple and try
this instead.
Ingredients wish list:
1 cup heavy cream
3 eggs
¾ cup sugar
2 tablespoons water
8 ounces bittersweet chocolate (melted)
1 tablespoon vanilla
1 stick (8 tablespoons) unsalted butter – cut up and bring to room temperature
1 baked pie shell
You are going to have fun cobbling together a way to cook this. You'll need one mixing bowl for the
cream and you will also need a large metal mixing bowl along with a 2 quart sauce pan to use as a
double boiler when cooking the eggs. Whip the cream (medium/high speed) using an electric mixer till
you get stiff peaks (takes 2 or 3 minutes). Now put your whipped cream in the refrigerator. Combine
the eggs, sugar, and water in the large metal mixing bowl and start mixing over a sauce pan of
simmering/slightly boiling water. Continuously beat the egg mixture while it's cooking. If ever there
was a handy time to sprout a third arm, this would be it. You also need to be measuring the temperature
of the eggy stuff while it's cooking. Cook and beat the mixture till you get to 160 degrees (takes about
10 minutes). Once you hit 160 degrees, remove the mixing bowl from the sauce and continue beating
for another 8 minutes or so to let it cool off a bit. Add the melted chocolate to the cooked egg mixture
and beat till incorporated. Now do the same with the butter. Once all is combined, take the whipped
cream out of the refrigerator and fold it in until there are no white streaks and the whole mixture is
uniform. Pour this into the pie shell and stick it in the refrigerator. Make the day before and allow to
chill overnight.
Notes: I've always thought this would also make a nice coffee pie with instant espresso and maybe a
little cocoa instead of the chocolate, but haven't worked out the details.

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Mike's cookbook

  • 1. Mike's Cookbook aka, “bachelor cooking for lazy people”
  • 2. Table o' contents Book 1: Go-to, low effort, lazy people recipes Lentil Soup Brunswick Stew Chicken Soup Beans Stuffed Peppers Bread Shortbread Biscuits Dok Bok Ki Cold Spicy Noodles Borscht Grown up Ramen Creme Brulee Baby Sea Monster Cheesecake Book 2: Pie Crust Plum and Blackberry Pie Chocolate Pie
  • 3. Lentil Soup: Stolen unabashedly from my friend Stella and altered to fit the lazy bachelor lifestyle. Ingredient wish list: A little butter for the bottom of the pan a little salt Half an onion or so Green onions would be nice 4 or 5 tsp garam masala ¾ tsp coriander ½ tsp tumeric red and/or black pepper to taste 1 cup lentils (whatever kind ya got) rice 16 oz chicken broth 1 small can coconut milk (or half a normal 15/16 oz can) 16 oz water So here's what you do... Open the fridge and see what your onion situation is. Cut up and fry whatever onions/green onions you have in a little butter. This is a great time to incorporate whatever veggies you are trying to get rid of. While the onions are cooking measure out the spices. Dump the spices in when the onions are “done” and be sure to lean over to inhale all the smelly goodness you've unleashed. Time to dump in the broth and water and coconut milk. Bring everything to a boil and add the lentils (in whatever order you prefer). Cover and simmer for a longish time (an hour or two... better check and see when it's done enough for you). Once you think it's about ready, throw in a little rice and give it another 15 minutes. All done! Time to invite someone over that likes doing the dishes.
  • 4. Brunswick Stew: Pretty close to what my family used to make when I was growing up. It's a little involved but freezes great. Do NOT make more than once a year or you will no longer qualify as a lazy cook. This recipe is basically not possible without a food processor. Ingredient wish list: Two chickens Pork roast Beef roast (I'll leave the meat selection to you. Beef + pork should equal about 5 lbs) 3 lbs onion 3 quarts water 4 ½ lbs potato 28 oz ketchup 10 oz mustard 5 oz Worcestershire sauce Juice from two lemons 1 cup butter black pepper to taste red pepper to taste 2 cans cream corn How does this come together into something edible? Let's try this: boil all the meat together the day before till done. Note: you need to have a BIG pot and this recipe is NOT worth the effort if you cut down the size and make smaller batches. Allow to cool and put in the fridge overnight before you go to bed. The next day, skim the fat off (save for something else or throw away or whatever), bone the chickens, and at some point shred all of the meat in the food processor. Keep all that beautiful broth! Chop the onions. Grate the potatoes using the food processor. Heat up the broth and start dumping everything in. Keep it all simmering till dinner (or supper or whatever you call your evening meal), enjoy the fruits of your labor, and start packing all the rest into the freezer. Be sure to get someone else to stir things during all that simmering... far to tedious to do yourself. Notes: don't stress about the exact measurements. Use whole can/bottle quantities where you can. This is more about having mass quantities of slow cooked meat. Also makes good stuff for a sandwich if cooked down or mixed with a little leftover cornbread to thicken it up.
  • 5. Chicken Soup: An original. This one is likely to keep evolving. Ingredient wish list: A chicken Small can of tomato sauce Rice An onion Green onion Kale A couple roma tomatoes Random refrigerator veggies salt and pepper What to do with this pile of stuff? Let's try something like this. Find a good chicken-sized pot, put in the chicken and add water to mostly (but not quite!) cover the chicken. Add a little salt and pepper and boil till done. This takes awhile, so go forth and be lazy. Come back when the chicken is done, remove the chicken, cool it off, and send it to the fridge. Cut up all the onion, tomato, random refrigerator veggies, and kale and dump them all in. Add the tomato sauce. Simmer the veggies in the broth while the chicken cools off enough to handle. Pull off all the meat and put it back in the pot. Once all seems more or less done, throw in some rice and wait 15 minutes. Notes: Start to finish this takes a long time (4 or 5 hours for me) with all the simmering but very little of it is spent actually doing anything productive.
  • 6. Beans!!!: Oh I love beans! I promise I'll keep it brief, but beans are awesome. This is basically the baseline for my diet. Ingredient wish list: 1 lb beans (I like navy, but great northern or pinto will work fine if that's your thing) Rice (if you have some extra liquid and want to stretch things out) One smoked ham hock One onion Green onions Kale (if you feel like it) Liquid smoke (again, if you feel like it) That's all it takes! You need to start the night before. I promise, this needs fore thought but not actual effort. Sort and soak the beans in cold water the night before. Let your beans soak overnight (maybe with a little salt). In the morning dump the water down the drain, get the beans in your pot, and add fresh water. Heat up on the stove and start simmering. Add some salt and pepper. Plop the smoked ham hock right down in there. There probably isn't enough water to cover the ham hock... and that's OK. Cut up the onions and kale and any random refrigerator veggies you choose to add and dump them in. No need to get fancy, this will be dominated by beans and ham hock. No need to get in a hurry, you'll be letting the beans cook most of the day so if you get lazy and don't get the onion cut up till lunch time it'll be fine. Let the beans simmer and do their thing till afternoon/evening. If it's close to time to eat and it's more liquid-y than you want, add some rice and let it cook. If you want additional smoke, add the liquid smoke right at the end.
  • 7. Stuffed Peppers: I've cooked this one for about as long as I've been able to cook. Stole it from Mom, but I'm not sure if she recognizes it as her own creation or not. Ingredient wish list: 1+ lb ground beef (or buffalo, pork maybe?) 1 normal size (15/16 oz) can tomato sauce 1 can diced tomato 1 cup rice cooked per instructions on package (or one of those boil-in-bag things) an onion three – six bell peppers (depends on your desired stuffing/pepper ratio; I usually go with three) Brown the ground beef in a pan. Cook the rice in another pan at the same time (the boil-in-bag stuff works nice for this). Drain the fat from the meat. Add the rice and cans of tomato bits and the onion (you've already cut it up, right?). Heat everything through. Cut the tops off the peppers and clean out the innards, place in a caserole dish and dump in the stuffin'. Any extra just fills in in between the peppers... or cut the peppers into little pieces and mix all together. Put in the oven at around 350 degrees for about an hour or so. Throw some cheese on top if it makes you feel good. Same goes for any bread crumbs you may have around. Notes: All hell is breaking loose in the kitchen while this is coming together because everything wants to happen at the same time, but the total time is pretty minimal. You'll have that hour in the oven to regroup :-P
  • 8. Bread: Sometimes I get bored and bake some wheat bread. Seems like a lot of work until you try it... then you realize it's mostly waiting. Ingredient wish list: 2 cups whole wheat flour A little salt One packet yeast ¾ cup warm water A little sugar or honey (optional) Your choice of fat (a couple tablespoons of melted butter works best) What to do... what to do... well, let's try putting the warm water in a large bowl. Add a little sugar or honey to help keep your yeast happy if you feel like it. Add the yeast. Set aside the bowl and measure out the flour. Add a little salt (no need to measure, just pour a little into your hand – like a quarter tsp or so) and mix it into the flour. Dump the flour into the water/yeast mixture. Add a little of your fat of choice. I've been using mostly olive oil, but I honestly think butter worked best. Now would be a good time to add a bunch of cinnamon if you want such things. You could also mix in sunflower seeds or sesame seeds if you have some hiding in the back of the cabinet crying out to be used up. Mix all together and start pushing everything together till it makes a ball of dough. Pick up your dough ball and knead it over the bowl so as not to get the whole kitchen dirty. Dust the ball as required with additional flour to keep it from sticking to your hands. Ten minutes of kneading is about all anyone could do without going crazy, so set the dough ball down in the bowl after ten minutes of kneading and cover with a towel. Let rise for an hour. Scoop the dough out, flatten it, and stretch it as needed to get a shape that will roll up into the loaf you want. Roll it up, fold the ends under to hide them, and pinch the seams a little to keep them sealed up. Set it in the pan or on the sheet you'll use to bake (a little butter to prevent sticking goes a long way), cover with the towel again and go be lazy for another hour or so. Stick in the oven at a little over 400 degrees (I use about 420) for around 20 minutes. All done! Now is the time to cut off a piece and drizzle a little honey on it.
  • 9. Shortbread: This one goes together pretty fast. Nice to have if you're stuck bringing a desert, but really don't want to give up hours of being lazy. Ingredient wish list: ½ cup butter ¼ cup granulated white sugar 1 egg yolk 1 ¼ cup flour Cream the butter and sugar together (a pain!). Work in the egg yolk. Now the flour. Knead a bit till it turns into something resembling dough... and then stop! No need to over do it. Spread out in the bottom of a pie pan. Depending on your equipment you might need something to keep it from sticking. For me, the butter in the shortbread is generally enough to keep sticking at bay. Prick all over with a fork. Stick in a 325 degree oven for 35 minutes. Don't worry so much about the time, just keep an eye on it. It'll give you a subtle little bit of browning when it's ready. You'll have to get it wrong and over cook it at least once to figure out what's right for you. Take it out of the oven and flip the pan over. Smack it a few times and hopefully your shortbread will fall free. Notes: If you want to take this one step further, melt a little bittersweet chocolate and dip the bottom of your shortbread pieces in. Cool on waxed paper in the fridge.
  • 10. Biscuits: Another stolen from Mom... she knows about this one :P Ingredient wish list: 2 ¼ cups self rising flour 1/3 cup butter 1 cup buttermilk This one is pretty self explanatory. Mix together. Makes a crazy-sticky dough. Roll out without making too much of a mess. Cut out the biscuits and bake at 400 degrees for about 10 to 12 minutes. Don't run away while they're cooking, keep an eye on them. You have some honey on hand, right? Notes: You could make drop biscuits with this, but cut biscuits are totally worth the extra 30 seconds of effort. Be sure you drop the whole 79 cents it takes to have an actual biscuit cutter on hand. If you don't like keeping self rising flour on hand (like me) check the side of the flour sack – it tells you how much baking powder to add. Come to think of it, so does the baking powder can. Between the flour sack, the baking powder can, and the internet I think you can figure out how to turn your all purpose flour into self rising flour.
  • 11. Dok Bok Ki: Started cooking this one after moving to the Seattle area and noticing there's a bunch of mysterious stuff at the grocery store without labels in English. The BEST explanation of how to make this is found at eatyourkimchi.com somewhere in the archives. Ingredient wish list: 2 cups water green onions 2 tablespoons red pepper paste (the stuff in the red tub) red pepper powder ½ teaspoon salt black pepper 1 tablespoon soy sauce 1 teaspoon sugar rice cakes fish cakes Boil the water and add in the red pepper paste. It seems like the red pepper paste should just dissolve on its own, but it doesn't! Keep stirring and mashing and whatever it takes to make it break apart. Cut up and add the green onions (let's go for big enough pieces that it's not a giant pain to eat with chopsticks). Time to dump in everything else except the rice cakes and fish cakes. If you want it soupy, then add the rice cakes and fish cakes and cook... maybe 3 or 4 minutes. The rice cakes will feel soft but not completely floppy soft. Want it thicker? Boil a little while before adding the rice cakes and fish cakes. Notes: Sadly I don't have a good source of fish cakes, so more often than not I'll make mine with just the rice cakes. You'll note that there's no quantities on the pepper – you know your limits better than I and to the uninitiated this could be insanely hot.
  • 12. Cold Spicy Noodles: Simple, quick, and most of the ingredients last nearly forever in the cupboard. This is a fantastic recipe for helping to create the illusion that you know how to cook. Ingredients wish list: Buckwheat noodles 5 tablespoons red pepper paste Honey (or a little sugar if you're out, brown would be nice) 2 ½ tablespoons vinegar (I've been using malt vinegar) 1 teaspoon sesame oil 2 teaspoons sesame seeds Nori (dried, roasted seaweed – you know, the stuff around your sushi rolls) Cucumber Let's make the sauce first. Mix the red pepper paste, honey, vinegar, sesame oil, and sesame seeds in a bowl. It should be sorta like a thick syrup. As is the sauce is likely a little too thick. Now is the time to give it a taste. Decide if it needs some water or more vinegar or whatever and adjust till the consistency is right for you. Now the sauce can go to the fridge and hang out for awhile. Cook the noodles. Drain and rinse in cold water until they too are cold. If you haven't already cut up the cucumber, the noodles can hang out in the fridge as well in a bowl. Slice up the cucumber (not round cross sections, go lengthwise and make little strips/sticks – something you could conceivably pick up with chopsticks). Cut a little bit of nori into small strips with scissors. Retrieve your noodles and sauce. Drain any additional water that's come out of the noodles. Put the noodles in a bowl, cover with a bit of sauce, and add cucumber and nori on top. Sit back and enjoy the cold yet nuclear hot goodness you've slaved over for all of about 20 minutes. Notes: Even better if you soft boil and egg or two at the same time the noodles are cooking... or maybe wait a few minutes to start the eggs so they're still nice and warm when you're ready to serve. Slice up the eggs with an extra sharp knife and put on top with the cucumber and nori.
  • 13. Borscht: Not quite sure if my borscht really qualifies as borscht, but it's a very beet-y soup none the less so that's what I call it. Ingredients wish list: One beet half an onion random refrigerator veggies (don't go wild, just a little) butter or oil for the pan 16 ounces beef stock a little salt a little black pepper sour cream Slice up half an onion and a small amount of whatever veggies you've been keeping in refrigerator purgatory. Fry them in the bottom of a two quart sauce pan. While the onion and other stuff starts frying slowly, peel and cut up your beet. Whatever the beet touches turns red. It WILL look like you killed someone. Cut up into little pieces about the size of big wooden matchsticks. Dump the cut up beet into your pan and move everything around. Cover and keep on low. Let the beet soften up a bit and release its juices. Add the beef stock and then add water till you have the right amount of liquid. Simmer for a longish time (a couple hours would be nice). Serve with a nice healthy sized blob of sour cream on top. Notes: If you're not too fast with a knife you might want to cut up the beet ahead of time.
  • 14. Grown up ramen: It seems odd, but there's an entire swath of the country surrounding the place I grew up where ramen is purely a terrible but cheap dish that comes only in chicken or beef flavor. Let's not continue punishing ourselves... Ingredient wish list: 1 package spicy Shin ramen 1 egg green onions if you have some a little baby bok choy Boil the ramen till it just loosens up and ceases to be a noodle brick (maybe two minutes). Crack an egg into the center, reduce heat to low (or off, or remove from heat entirely... each will bring the egg to a little bit different stage of “doneness”), cover, and let sit for about 10 minutes. Add some green onion and baby bok choy if you have either. Now you've got spicy ramen with REAL veggies and a soft cooked egg in the middle!
  • 15. Creme Brulee: Another one worth having waiting in the wings. It's simple, easy, and is mostly waiting for the darned thing to get done in the oven. No need to add a bunch of fruit or chocolate or other flavors... this is better simple and if you're adding to it, you don't get what crème brulee is about. Ingredients wish list: 4 egg yolks 1 teaspoon vanilla white granulated sugar 2 cups cream a little salt Beat the egg yolks a little. Work in the sugar and salt. Slowly heat the cream in a saucepan and remove from heat before it boils. Slowly the the cream into the egg mixture. Add the vanilla and mix in. Pour into ramekins and place in some kind of baking pan/dish that will hold water. Add water to the baking pan about halfway up the ramekins. Bake 50-60 minutes at 350. Remove from the oven and from the water bath and let cool a bit. Now for the fun part! Sprinkle some granulated sugar on top and break out the blowtorch! The little crème brulee torches are probably the most practical way to go, but a plumbers' torch adjusted way down works fine too. Use the torch to caramelize the sugar. Pretty sure I've seen instructions for caramelizing the sugar under the broiler, but the thought of skipping an opportunity to use a torch in the kitchen is too sad to contemplate. Notes: You can caramelize the sugar ahead of time and stick these in the fridge, but it's nice to wait till desert time to do it. If nothing else you get a chance to escape to the kitchen and play with fire.
  • 16. Baby Sea Monster: The store near my apartment stocks two pound bricks of baby octopus. When I'm tired of cooking normal stuff I break out the baby sea monster to break the monotony. Ingredients wish list: Frozen brick of pre-cleaned baby sea monsters Cooking oil Salt and black pepper Thaw your brick of little monsters just enough to break it into ½ pound chunks. Thaw one of the chunks and put the rest back in the freeze. Put the little cephalopods in a ziplock bag with some oil and a little salt and a little pepper (some of your favorite vinegar might be a nice addition too). Send them back into the fridge for awhile (like in the morning when you'll be grilling these in the evening). Skewer and cook on a hot grill. The “authorities” generally say to cook 3 minutes, turn, and cook 3 more minutes. My grill must not be as hot as theirs – around 4 ½ minutes and 4 ½ minutes works about right for me. Notes: At the same time I'll usually cut up some bell pepper and/or onion, wrap in foil with oil/salt/pepper, and cook off to the side on the grill. By the time I'm done with monster eating, the veggies are done. Some folks advocate dunking the octopus in boiling water for about a minute right before marinating in oil, but I've never tried it.
  • 17. Cheesecake: Only included because cheesecake is the pie of the cake world. Fewer and fewer people make their own, so you look like a hero when you pull this off. Ingredients wish list: Shortbread 2 ½ pounds cream cheese 1 ½ cups sugar 6 eggs 2 egg yolks ½ cup heavy cream a little salt (like an 1/8 teaspoon) 1 teaspoon vanilla Make shortbread per my shortbread recipe and bake in the bottom of a 10 inch springform pan. In a large bowl, combine cream cheese, sugar, eggs, and egg yolks and mix thoroughly. Add the heavy cream and mix only enough to blend. Pour the filling over the already made crust and bake for 10 minutes at 475. Reduce temperature to 200 degrees and continue to bake for an hour. Turn oven off and bake for another hour. Remove from oven and chill overnight. Notes: Cheesecake likes good process control. You need to bake till the center temperature is 150 and try not to go over 160. So your first attempts will need an oven thermometer stuck into it to work out the exact baking times. Your thermometer may also point to the need to let some of the heat out of the oven at the break points in baking temperature. Also, I've got dark pans so the only way to keep the edges from burning was to wrap the sides with foil and set the whole works on top of an overturned shiny aluminum pie pan. Use whatever non-stick spray or goo you prefer, but it's likely the edges won't come out perfect anyways. Don't worry, it still tastes good.
  • 18. Pie crust: My pie crust took awhile to work out because I had something specific in mind – I wanted a very thin crust that was still strong enough to remove a piece of pie from the pan without turning the whole thing into cobbler thus allowing people to eat it without a fork if they choose. This recipe generally breaks the “rules”for pie crust, but it seems that what I want is very different from what the experts tell you you should. Ingredients wish list: These are the basic proportions I use for a small/medium single crust pie – scale up and down as you feel necessary and double for a two crust pie 1 cup all purpose flour ½ teaspoon salt ¼ cup butter 3 tablespoons ice water 1 egg yolk Time to break out the pastry cutter! Mix the flour and salt in a large bowl. Cut in the butter. I know you want to stop! Keep going till the butter is separated into little tiny chunks coated with flour. The books usually say they should be about the size of rice grains, but they'll really be whatever size they happen to be when you give up. I'm convinced no one has actually made it to “rice grains”. Add one tablespoon of ice water to a small bowl and add the egg yolk to the tablespoon of ice water. Beat just enough to mix thoroughly. Add half the mixture to the flour/butter and toss around with a fork. Throw out the rest of the egg yolk/ice water mix if you're only making a single crust. Add the rest of the ice water slowly while tossing with a fork to at least make an effort at evenly mixing things. Having a hard quantity of ice water for a pie crust is kinda silly – if its dry you might need a little more and you probably won't know the difference the first time through. Just add however much ice water feels right to you. Start forming this mess into a ball. I know it's dry – that's OK. Some of it will fall back in the bowl; we can work it back in later. Start working/kneading the ball just till it turns into something resembling dough. Keep working in the dry bits that were crumbling off the ball of not-quite-pastry crud earlier. Now we just need to flour a good sized cutting board or a pastry cloth or whatever you've got, plop down the ball of dough, and roll it out nice and thin and a little bigger than your pie pan. If you need a precooked pie shell, work the pastry down into the pie pan, trim, and prick all over with a fork. Bake at 425 for 15 to 18 minutes. Don't take the time too literally. You better keep an eye on it. Lots of books will tell you to line the pie crust with parchment or foil and fill with beans to prevent bubbles, but I find it to interfere with actually getting the crust properly done all over. Look in on your creation every so often and if you see a bubble forming, wield your fork, get in there, and reclaim the glory that should be your un-bubbled up pie crust! Notes: Pie crust is always a compromise. In order to make this one thin and durable enough to actually keep the pie together you lose on other fronts. It WILL shrink – if you don't like that, make something else. Usually, this recipe is just barely enough for a “normal” 9 inch pie when you deduct the ragged edges you cut off – it might be more practical to ratio things up just a bit to give yourself a little more dough to work with.
  • 19. Plum pie: Awesome stuff!!! Not too many people make plum pie. What a shame. Ingredients wish list: ½ cup sugar (or maybe a little less) ¼ cup flour ¼ teaspoon cinnamon ¼ teaspoon ginger a little nutmeg about 2 pounds plums all sliced up (leave the skins on ém!) 9 inch double crust Combine sugar, flour, cinnamon and ginger in a large bowl. Add plums and toss. There's probably a little sugar/flour/spice mixture that just doesn't really want to combine – toss some of it in the bottom of the pie crust. Place your plums in the pie and dump any remaining sugar/flour/spice on top. Run a damp finger around the edge of the pie crust and slap the top crust on there. You are going to need vents in that upper pie crust... and it is NOT worth the effort to cut little shapes out. Just stick the end of a knife in there and tear little openings. Once you eat it, it looks the same no matter what shape vents you cut out. Bake at 425 for 15 minutes, reduce to 375 and continue baking for an hour. Notes: Always meant to add few little pieces of butter to the pie filling before sealing the whole thing up, but never seem to remember to try it. You could go heavy on the cinnamon. The nutmeg isn't super important, it just seemed to balance out the ginger. You could do without the ginger too and it wouldn't ruin things. The really nice thing about plum pie is that it doesn't care if your plums are ripe. If they're not quite ready to eat, don't worry. It'll still turn out the same. My blackberry pie is basically the same recipe. Sub out the plums for blackberries and you'll be close enough.
  • 20. Chocolate pie: Another pie that probably doesn't get enough play time. Put away the pumpkin and the apple and try this instead. Ingredients wish list: 1 cup heavy cream 3 eggs ¾ cup sugar 2 tablespoons water 8 ounces bittersweet chocolate (melted) 1 tablespoon vanilla 1 stick (8 tablespoons) unsalted butter – cut up and bring to room temperature 1 baked pie shell You are going to have fun cobbling together a way to cook this. You'll need one mixing bowl for the cream and you will also need a large metal mixing bowl along with a 2 quart sauce pan to use as a double boiler when cooking the eggs. Whip the cream (medium/high speed) using an electric mixer till you get stiff peaks (takes 2 or 3 minutes). Now put your whipped cream in the refrigerator. Combine the eggs, sugar, and water in the large metal mixing bowl and start mixing over a sauce pan of simmering/slightly boiling water. Continuously beat the egg mixture while it's cooking. If ever there was a handy time to sprout a third arm, this would be it. You also need to be measuring the temperature of the eggy stuff while it's cooking. Cook and beat the mixture till you get to 160 degrees (takes about 10 minutes). Once you hit 160 degrees, remove the mixing bowl from the sauce and continue beating for another 8 minutes or so to let it cool off a bit. Add the melted chocolate to the cooked egg mixture and beat till incorporated. Now do the same with the butter. Once all is combined, take the whipped cream out of the refrigerator and fold it in until there are no white streaks and the whole mixture is uniform. Pour this into the pie shell and stick it in the refrigerator. Make the day before and allow to chill overnight. Notes: I've always thought this would also make a nice coffee pie with instant espresso and maybe a little cocoa instead of the chocolate, but haven't worked out the details.