Three people share stories about keeping secrets and then finding the courage to share them. Miguel Ferreira-Monteiro reveals he kept his HIV status secret for years due to stigma but now sees himself as a survivor. Mark Broadbank realized he was gay in school but hid it due to peer pressure, and is now glad he told friends and family at 17. Joanna Parker always felt like a puzzle with a missing piece, realizing at age 5 she wanted to be a girl. She began transitioning 6 months ago and feels happy being herself.

1. TRUTH & BEAUTY

2. TRUTH & BEAUTY TRUTH & BEAUTY
2 3
I am a lover of the written word;
whether in verse or prose I think
the power of words is beautiful.
Previously I was a teacher and
watching children realise for the first
time the real meaning of what they
were reading was a great feeling
and helped me understand my
own infatuation with language; as
well as this, educating them about
the world and how to use writing to
express themselves encouraged me
to further pursue my own education
and in turn a career as a writer.
Writing requires inspiration and I think
the world is full of muses. I have used
my natural interest in people and their
diverse lives as a focus, especially
when writing features, which has
become something I love due to their
personal nature; they contain more
than facts, but truth within feelings
and poignancy within emotions.
Listening to the thoughts, dreams
and experiences of others and then
telling their stories is something
that I will continue to pursue.
Everything I have written so far
has been based around my own
interest in the human feelings
that life has created; I am a great
believer in having the freedom
to be yourself and my feature
entitled ‘I’m Not a Secret,’ is
ultimately about empowerment
and embracing what makes you,
you – it is about being able to dress
how you want; feeling free to tell
someone about all aspects of your
life and the freedom to be in love.
Film is another interest of mine; as
Audrey Hepburn said: ‘Everything I
learned, I learned from the movies.’
Although real life experiences,
friends and everything in between
obviously had a large part to play,
I will always remember the films
that were so beautiful, funny, scary,
surreal and changed how I looked
at things; films are where I first
experienced everything weird and
wonderful that the world inspired
and creative minds offered and the
feeling of being in awe is addictive.
When consuming cinema – as well
as the narrative – the fashion and
scenery, for me, are the perfect
visual stimuli. Mia Farrow’s style in
Rosemary’s Baby is just perfection
and partnered with the late 60s
décor makes the film a work of
art. Dario Argento’s Suspiria is
another vintage horror, where the
delicate ballerinas’ willowy outfits
are the perfect contrast to the
vibrant prints and Technicolor –
where everything is just a little
too red. The surreal, dream like
experience is like poetry in film.
I love how art appears in many
different forms in many different
places and also the influence it
can have on our lives, emotions
and realisations – as Pablo
Picasso said: ‘Art is the lie that
enables us to realise the truth.’
Truth, Beauty,
Freedom,
Love
and Vintage
Horror
Words by Michelle Antoniou

3. TRUTH & BEAUTY TRUTH & BEAUTY
4 5
Bound by stigma and
released by empowerment,
Miguel Ferreira-Monteiro
reveals his life with HIV.
‘I first discovered I had HIV in
1993 and the medication was not
developed. I was told that I had three
years to live. At first my struggle
was not only having the illness but
also facing how I got it, which was
something I didn’t want to think about
because of the memories it conjured.
I was a victim of rape, and admitting
this as well as accepting my HIV
was a big part of my recovery. I
know that it was not my fault and I
know that having HIV is nothing to
be ashamed of – but it is something
others looking to recover, whether
mentally or physically, need to know.
I waited until 1998 to tell my mother,
and my father even after that.
The dark place I lived in, after
watching friends die and facing my
own end, was the reason for this;
during this time I felt like I couldn’t
even see the light from the sun. I
was glad when I finally told them
as their love and support helped
heal some of my internal wounds.
In 2000, things got better for me as
my new medication was working.
I was no longer dying; I was no
longer in a dark place and life was
again full of colour, light and beauty.
But I know that for others the right
medication isn’t the end of their
journey, because of the stigma; the
judgement in eyes from strangers
and friends, but most troubling
comes in the form of the judgement
from within – the self-stigma. We
need to give ourselves the same
love and understanding that we want
from others and not carry around
the mental scars that some people
think comes with the illness; instead
let education and understanding
take these scars away.
Charlie Sheen was blackmailed
for having HIV, when he should
have been supported. I have heard
people mention how traumatic it
must be for him to have the illness
and this thinking must change. I
feel no trauma. I am a survivor;
I am alive and I am strong.’
Mark Broadbank first
realised he was gay
at school. Now in his
thirties, he’s realised
how far he’s come.
‘Even as a child I knew there was
something different about the beauty
I saw in a man. But when I got to
secondary school I knew. I was gay.
School children can be cruel and
although they don’t fully understand
what they are doing, their flippant
comments can cause damage
they are too young to understand
and with this they can also be
unknowingly perceptive. I didn’t
want them to know I was gay. Not
really know. So I hid it from them
and hid it from myself and I listened
to peer pressure which told me that
I had to kiss girls, even though my
heart knew it wasn’t what I wanted.
When I was fourteen, I had my
first same-sex relationship and
he wanted to hide it for the same
reasons as me. It’s hard to feel
something but have to keep it all
locked away. If I could go back now I
would say be yourself, as holding on
to a secret is like holding on to your
own happiness – but, for me, this
was a lesson that I learnt with time.
At seventeen I told my friends and
family and when it was over I felt
liberated. With this liberation came
the chance to really be myself.
This was fourteen years ago,
and I have since seen attitudes
to homosexuality change for
the better. I remember being a
teenager and watching Queer as
Folk and it changed my life. I can
see now, how it paved the way for
a new acceptance but also how far
television has come. Now dramas
centred around homosexuality
aren’t all ‘sex, drugs and rock n’ roll;’
they are now about love and life.
Previous generations fought hard for
gay rights and I am forever thankful
and believe we should always
fight for what is right, because
no one should have to keep a
secret about love; because love
is love and doesn’t discriminate.’
Three different people, share three different
stories with two things in common:
They all felt the need to keep a secret about a
big part of their life and then they all had the
courage to share that secret with the world.
Transgender woman Joanna
Parker, decided six months
ago that she was ready to
be herself and now she is
ready to reveal her journey.
‘This is a secret that I’ve always
had, whether I knew it or not. From
the age of five I wanted to wear my
sister’s clothes and although it made
me happy – a happiness that I only
found again when I finally became
who I wanted, I felt as though
I was doing something wrong.
I spent a long time knowing
nothing about what it meant to be
transgender, just that I felt like a
puzzle with a piece missing; only
I didn’t know what that piece was
or where to find it. Then one day
I started looking in the mirror and
seeing female eyes but a man’s
body. A body that would carry on
a life structured by society; a body
that would put on a suit and go to
work, even through the sadness.
A body that never felt like my own.
As a man, I wasn’t myself so
I couldn’t be happy; then a
good friend said to me, ‘you
can be a people pleaser and
do what they want, or you can
please yourself and follow your
heart.’ So that’s what I did.
After extensive research, and the
help of an amazing specialist, I
made the decision to transition;
this is something I didn’t take lightly
but in the end I knew it was right,
and with every person I told, I felt
more confident in my journey. My
new clothes and makeup make
me feel beautiful and my mother
told me she has never seen me so
happy and that’s how I feel. Happy.
Unfortunately, I have met prejudices
along the way; this has inspired
me to create awareness and to
educate which is needed in order to
stop discrimination. The world isn’t
always a nice place and it saddens
me to think people suffer because
of this. It would help to see more
transgender people in the media and
not just the celebrities, the person
‘If I could
go back
now I would
say be
yourself, as
holding on
to a secret
is like
holding on
to your own
happiness’
I’m not
a Secret
from ‘down the road’ that I can relate
to. We have a cause and a voice
and we need more people to listen.
Of course I am afraid, but I know
what a strong person I am and
how much support I can give
others; words really can make
such a difference in someone’s
life and it’s beautiful. But for
me, now, when I look in a mirror
and into my eyes, I see me.’
‘I am a
survivor’
‘Follow your
heart’
Words by Michelle Antoniou
Photography by Sophie West