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MDS 4100 COMMUNICATION LAW
Spring 2020
Case Study #3: Obscenity
Is this Bud for you?
The legislature of the state of Utah recently updated its
obscenity law. Elections in the
past four years gave the Populist Party a majority. That party
sponsored the revisions to
the law. The Populist Speaker of the House said the law was
intended to “re-establish
traditional morality.” Its wording is as follows:
A person is guilty of obscenity when, knowing its content and
character, he
promotes or possesses with intent to promote, any obscene
material.
The new law also defines obscenity:
Any material or performance is obscene if (a) considered as a
whole, its
predominant appeal is to shameful or morbid interest in nudity,
sex, excretion,
masochism, or sadism, and (b) it goes substantially beyond
customary limits
of candor in describing or representing such matters, and (c) its
predominant
appeal is such that it lacks serious literary, artistic, political, or
redeeming
social value. Predominant appeal should be judged with
reference to ordinary
adults of this state.
Shortly after the law was passed and signed into law by the
governor, it was put to the
test. In the small city of Pine Grove two undercover police
officers entered Bud’s Palace,
an adult entertainment and video store owned by Bud Finley.
The business had been in
operation for nearly a decade. The officers purchased two DVD
movies, both containing
bondage and lesbian and group sex scenes. After the sale was
complete, the officers
arrested Finley on charges of violating the state’s new obscenity
law. Bud’s Palace was
padlocked and remains closed to the public. Finley was released
on $50,000 bond and is
awaiting trial. Also charged with obscenity violation is X-
citement Video of Los Angeles,
the producers of both videos.
At the pre-trial hearing, both Finley’s attorney, Bill O. Wrights,
and District Attorney I.M.
Proper, provided respective arguments to the court.
For the defense, Wrights asserted that the state obscenity law
violated the First and
Fourteenth Amendments. He argued that material not considered
obscene in one state
cannot be considered so in another. Neither of the videos, eac h
released in fall 2016,
had been found obscene elsewhere. It is the defense’s position
that the Fourteenth
Amendment guarantees the residents of all states protection
from their state
governments as exists concerning the federal government.
Wrights: “Adult entertainment is a billion dollar-a-year industry
in the U.S. and employs
thousands of individuals. The sale and manufacture of adult
entertainment videos and
literature involves not only small businesses, but multi-million
dollar corporations as
MDS 4100 COMMUNICATION LAW
Spring 2020
Case Study #3: Obscenity
well. Nothing in these videos is debasing. No actors were forced
against their wills to
participate in the making of these videos. In reality, the two
videos are reflections of
what takes place daily in homes and hotels across this country
and in the state of Utah.
If the Utah obscenity statute is allowed to stand, the
consequences may be the end of
an entire sector of our economy.”
For the prosecution, Proper noted that the entire nation is
witnessing a fundamental
change in morality. “The statute under question was created
based on a popular
demand, she said, and enjoys widespread support throughout the
state. Collectively, the
people of the state have stated a preference for a certain way of
life where obscene
entertainment cannot be sold. Traditional American values are
reflected in every
sentence of the new law,” she added. “The United States is not a
single, homogeneous
unit. Instead, diversity is celebrated and difference is preferred
to the tyranny of
sameness. It must be recognized that the values of residents of
Utah differ substantially
from those of residents of California. This difference is good. It
allows people a choice of
lifestyles. The state’s obscenity statute benefits all people of the
United States by
allowing freedom of choice.”
Assignment:
You know the facts and have heard arguments on both sides.
Now it’s time to apply this
case to the law of the land as it stands in 2020.
Either Finley is guilty and the statute is constitutional, or the
authorities erred in their
action by targeting two non-obscene videos and closing down a
legitimate business.
Should X-citement Video be liable?
Prepare your case. Citing appropriate state and federal court
decisions, make a
persuasive and convincing argument. You must decide: Guilty
or Innocent?
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1. Problem to solve. These seem easy—so easy that we probably
don’t consider them conflicts. We talk it over. We listen. We
consider.
We decide. We move on. Most, in fact, are resolved at this
level.
Mark and Miranda, and Rachel had together bought an
olderbuilding, now a duplex. Mark and Miranda would live on
one
side of the duplex, Rachel on the other. Actually, the legal term
for
their purchase was “joint tenancy,” which tied the neighbors
together through a carefully crafted contract, except for one
detail.
Despite the consideration given to many shared matters, such as
utilities and a common basement, the one thing the contract did
not clarify was the exact property line between the two units.
Soon enough, they had a “problem to solve”—how to define
the property fairly, either by hiring a surveyor or simply by
walk-
ing around the property together with stakes and a measuring
tape. As easy as this would have been to do early in their rela-
tionship, they just didn’t get around to it. There were too many
other pressing needs—hanging curtains, painting the kitchen, or
planting the garden—that were easier and more fun to do than
having this difficult conversation.
2. Disagreement. This gets a bit more challenging. The parties
begin to see that they have different views and each moves into
the ter-
ritory of declaring who is right, who is wrong. People take
actions based
on assumptions and perceptions.
Rachel decided to build a patio, and she took down a
trellisbeside the existing patio when she did it. When Miranda
looked out her kitchen window, she was surprised that the trellis
was gone. This felt aggressive to Miranda: “But, Rachel, we
never
talked about this.” To Miranda, the trellis and the area around it
looked like a natural dividing point between the properties.
Clearly, to her, that trellis was on her property. Meanwhile, on
their side of the property line, Mark and Miranda did not want
to
get into an argument with Rachel, and they tried to take steps to
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avoid that. They did not have a further discussion with her
about
the trellis. What they didn’t do was propose a sit-down
conversa-
tion with Rachel so that each could hear the other’s views and
they could reach some mutually acceptable understanding.
When we can solve problems and
resolve disagreements at these lower lev-
els, they dissolve easily. There is not that
rear-end collision we described in the first
chapter—the quarrel that gets everyone’s attention. But
hindsight is
20/20. As we watch this dispute unfold, it is easy to see what
the three
of them could have done.
3. Contest. Ratchet it up a bit, and people swing into the next
level
of this model. Now it is about who is right, who is wrong, and
the impor-
tance to each party of being right. Because—if we are wrong,
then what?
Are we less for it?
After some time had passed, the question of the trellis and
ofRachel’s unilateral action gnawed at Miranda. These are her
words describing the next step: “I drew plats, I made lots of
draw-
ings that offered what I thought were reasonable options to
initi-
ate discussion. I told her, ‘Now that the trellis is removed, let’s
solve the rest of the property-line issue and compromise on the
other divisions needed.’ I’d drop these proposals off. Rachel
intimidated the hell out of me. She shut me out of any conversa-
tion—she would get snippy and snotty.”
At this level, fear continues to rise, trust
further erodes. Blame increases, along with
negative assumptions and attributions.
Because there is little communication, peo-
ple create stories about what the other person is doing and why.
The fil-
ters we use to make these interpretations are clouded by our
own view
Honest disagreement is often
a good sign of progress.
—MOHANDAS GANDHI
A long dispute means that
both parties are wrong.
—VOLTAIRE
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of the situation—and about how right we are and how wrong
“they” are.
From this story we generate hostile attributions and
characterizations.
4. Fight. The stakes are higher yet. A fight moves the parties to
the
possibility of pain. Someone will get hurt, maybe both parties—
emo-
tionally or physically. People move into defensive mode. How
can they
inflict pain on the other to the point that the other gives up?
Fights are
for winning. Fights are for not losing. (Sometime people define
winning
as losing less than the other guy.) In any event, compromise
counts as a
loss.
By now the neighbors had stopped talking to each other—not
fordays or months, but for years. To avoid talking to each other,
they would leave the utility bills in a common area, and write
notes
of complaint when a math error is caught. Rachel would watch
Miranda water her garden, and seethe at the impact this would
have
on their joint water bill. Mark and Miranda left messages on
Rachel’s voice mail when they knew she wasn’t home to answer
the
phone. They sent e-mails. E-mails were particularly satisfying
because then they had proof of the message they had sent.
When Rachel came home with a German shepherd and when
she put up shutters, Mark and Miranda took it personally: “Now,
she even has a guard dog!” Then Rachel confronted Miranda:
“Did you walk through my yard yesterday? You set off my
dog.”
What Miranda heard was hostile and combative. Miranda’s view
was, “I felt like it was purposeful—she was putting together a
plan to get me.”
At this point in a conflict there is no communication. Trust is
nil.
Blame and wild assumptions have taken over. Any action or
statement
made by one party is seen by the other as hostile.
5. Intractable conflict. This is the kind of conflict we all
dread—
conflict with a capital C. There is no going forward. Everyone
is well
beyond winning and losing. The parties are in a dangerous
territory,
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where the only answer anyone can see is annihilation, or at least
com-
plete separation.
Rachel had had enough. She was selling her half of the
house.She demanded that Miranda and Mark do the same, at the
same time. As far as she was concerned, their joint tenancy con-
tract required that solution. Selling their home was the furthest
thing from Mark and Miranda’s minds—they had a small child,
they loved the neighborhood (except for their relationship with
Rachel), and they wanted to stay put. Rachel finally said, “Sell
your half when I do, or I’ll take you to court.”
The case ended up in front of a judge. Years after the event,
the memory is still painful. Miranda continues to talk about the
money that she and Mark lost and have yet to recover—in
lawyers
and court fees, in time away from work. Mark and Miranda can-
not count the emotional toll all of this took on both of them, and
the stress it created within their own relationship as well.
Looking
back, Miranda observed, “Avoiding conflict can cost more than
just tackling it.” They had gone from possibly uncomfortable
con-
versations to the reality of the difficulties (time, money,
emotion-
al costs) of litigation.
You can appreciate how this escalation may play out in a
workplace
situation. For example, the boss and the staff have had
differences from
the very beginning. The first week in her new position, Paula
announced
major changes in the work schedule. From her view, it was
important to
establish her authority early on. When a staff member
questioned a deci-
sion, Paula was unable or unwilling to sit down and talk through
the mat-
ter. Rather, when she heard the beginnings of a disagreement,
Paula
would make a declaration about what would happen, and then
begin
peppering the staff with e-mails to see if they were following
through on
her demands. The staff’s efforts to talk to Paula about this
ended in
more directives. When three of her top performers gave notice,
within
days of each other, Paula was stunned. She couldn’t understand
what
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had happened or why they were leaving. The staff had reached
level
five—intractable conflict—and Paula had no idea how this had
hap-
pened. Had she heard and responded to their concerns earlier,
repairs
might have been possible.
Whenever and wherever possible, find ways to resolve
differences
and disputes before conflicts get to level five. That will save
you time,
money, and an emotional cost that cannot be calculated. People
often
turn to the courts for the final settlement of their disputes,
though
courts often don’t correct the problems that people have brought
with
them. The courts are littered with broken relationships—
business as
well as personal. I have mediated countless situations like
these.
T wo brothers opened a restaurant together. They had not clar -
ified in the early days of startup who would be responsible
for what. When the restaurant hit hard times, the two became
entangled in a nasty legal battle that shattered their relationship,
as well as destroying the business.
Five young men were eager to start a company together.
Theyhad been fraternity brothers; they stood in at each other’s
weddings. In those early days, when the problems were small
and manageable, they were too busy to be concerned about
minor
disagreements. Over time, as their lives changed and the
business
and the disagreements grew, the conflicts became insurmount-
able, the distrust and fear became more than they could manage,
and the business was destroyed as one filed lawsuits against
another.
Yes, resolving differences earlier is better. Complete separation
is
often not that simple—and maybe not even possible. In the
world of
work, even after a termination, the boss and the employee can
still find
ways to inflict pain on one another, likely through lawsuits or
assaults on
one or another’s reputation.
There are intractable conflicts, but still we press to find a way
around and through them. At some point, the cost of keeping the
con-
flict alive is no longer worthwhile. When each party realizes
there is no
winning, together they may begin looking for another way.
Based on his
experience in resolving the conflict in Northern Ireland, George
Mitchell was sent as special envoy to the Middle East. As he
took this
assignment, he said, “There is no such thing as a conflict that
can’t be
ended. Conflicts are created by human beings, and can be ended
by
human beings.”
Strategies for Each Conflict Level
So, the earlier you resolve a conflict, the better. What can you
do if the
situation has moved up the scale? Is it hopeless? Not if you are
willing
to put considerable effort into repair. Depending on how far the
conflict
has gone, how long it has been deteriorating, and how important
the
relationship is to both parties, transforming a deep-seated
conflict is pos-
sible, although it can take considerable effort over time. I often
tell
clients, “You didn’t get into this quickly. You can’t get out of it
quickly,
either.”
When you are thinking about strategies for responding to
problems
at each of these levels, consider this: the level of conflict
increases as the
emotional involvement goes up and as the trust goes down. The
follow-
ing strategies are built on managing those changes.
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If we are all in agreement on the decision, then I propose we
postpone
further discussion of this matter until our next meeting to give
ourselves
time to develop disagreement and perhaps gain some
understanding
of what the decision is all about.
—ALFRED P. SLOAN,
AS QUOTED BY PETER DRUCKER IN THE EFFECTIVE
EXECUTIVE (OXFORD: ELSEVIER, 2007)
Resolving Level 1, “Problems to solve,” calls for clear
communica-
tion skills and a collaborative solution-seeking approach. I
delve more
into that approach and how to use it effectively in Chapter 13,
“Reaching Agreement.” However, at this point, know this
approach
begins with clearly stated issues or problems to solve, and it
relies on
good listening skills and the ability to identify interests.
Agreeing on
shared goals, even though individuals may have differing
priorities, can
help set a positive tone. Keeping conflict resolution at this level
is possi-
ble when there is an atmosphere of trust within the office, there
is a cul-
ture that views conflict and differences as healthy, and people
are
encouraged to raise questions and to disagree constructively,
even in the
face of difficulty.
At Level 2, “Disagreement,” the tension and anxiety have begun
to
rise, and the fear of conflict is mounting. “What if the conflict
becomes
bigger?” “What if we can’t settle it?” “What if I get upset, or
she does?”
What if? What if? What if? There is the potential for the
difficult dis-
cussions to go badly—it is that potential that creates the fear. If
you have
had difficult, nonproductive conversations before, your fear of
that hap-
pening again is even higher.
At this stage, you need more structure to create a safe place for
dia-
logue. You need to specify some ground rules (guidelines, if
you prefer)
for how you are going to talk to each other. This can be as
simple as,
“Can we agree that one of us will talk at a time?” Or, “I’ll listen
to you,
will you listen to me?” You will need to clarify a common goal
or objec-
tive around which you are all looking for a solution. For
instance, within
the workplace, the productivity or the mission may be a
common
goal. Another may be maintaining an atmosphere where people
can
come to work looking forward to the day, rather than dreading
possible
interactions. These steps decrease the anxiety and difficulty of
the con-
versation.
At Level 3, “Contest,” the intensity and, hence, the fears are
higher.
Distrust is rising between the parties. As the drive to be right
takes over,
people in the workplace start reaching out for allies—people
who sup-
port them in their position, who agree with how right they are,
fanning
the flames of conflict. A few people cluster at the coffee pot, or
in one
another’s offices, talking about what has gone wrong: what he
said, or
what she did, or how badly “they” acted. As the distrust mounts,
com-
munication about the issue becomes more difficult, often
disappearing
completely.
At this level, you need a more structured process. To manage
the dis-
trust and anxiety, you need to ensure process clarity: what is
going to be
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decided and how? What will the ground rules be? What data do
we need
and who will gather it? When will we meet and who will lead
the meet-
ing?
When you are at Level 4, “Fight,” the fears are high and the
emotions
are running strong. Trust between the parties has reached such a
low
that neither party wants to participate in constructive
discussion. Often
the conflict at this point has grown larger and more diffuse. At
an earli-
er stage, there may have been two or three issues to resolve;
now even
identifying specific issues becomes challenging, as fears and
assump-
tions have been built on top of one another. The parties have
gone
beyond having a problem or issue to resolve. Distrust and
suspicion have
overwhelmed all aspects of the relationship.
At this point, you need external help. This help may be someone
both of you trust within the organization, or someone hired from
outside
to serve as a mediator or facilitator. In addition to resolving the
problems
that were the origin of the conflict, the mediator may need
agreement on
new ground rules for how people will work together or interact
within
the workplace in the future. To be of any value, such
commitments
require a system for monitoring and accountability. These
commitments
may be written into performance plans or monitored through
regularly
scheduled follow-up meetings.
If the conflict reaches Level 5, “Intractable conflict,” the people
who
are immediately involved are not able to make a joint decision.
It is time
to turn to an external authority to make that decision. At Levels
1–3, the
conflict is at a level where the parties themselves can still
negotiate with
one another, if they have communication tools and skills to
manage their
differences. When conflict reaches Level 4, trust has
deteriorated to a
point that an external person whom both of the parties trust is
necessary
to provide a process for communication. Whereas at Level 4 an
outside
source can facilitate communication, Level 5 requires someone
else to
decide the outcome. The power difference between the parties
may be
too great, or there may be serious threats of harm to either or
both.
Workplace bullying falls into this category and deserves special
attention here. Over the past several years, my conversations
with mis-
erable employees have increasingly included claims of being
bullied or
subjected to hostile work environments. By workplace bullying,
I mean
behavior that is aggressive, unreasonable, and persistent. It can
be ver-
bal or nonverbal, and can be subtle and insidious. This behavior
gener-
ally involves emotional or psychological abuse or humiliation.
Bullying
behavior occurs regularly over a long period of time, and
includes verbal
abuse, intimidation, regular threats of dismissal, character
assassination,
smear campaigns, and social ostracism. Most often, it’s a boss
who car-
ries this out; occasionally a co-worker engages in this behavior.
In this or in other forms of Level 5 conflict, someone with clear
authority needs to take appropriate action—as a decision maker
and as
a monitor to hold people accountable for their actions. This may
be
someone higher up within the organization, or it may be an
external
authority, such as a judge or an arbitrator.
Consider This
] How do you resolve problems when they arise?
] Do you promote an atmosphere where disagreements are
encouraged?
] Consider the conflicts within your organization. At what level
is each one? What can you do now to begin to resolve one
of them?
Note
1. Speed Leas, Moving Your Church through Conflict (Herndon,
VA : Alban Institute,
2002).
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W
hen Sam gets an e-mail from his boss, giving him another
assign-
ment that is due this Friday, Sam reads the e-mail, shrugs to
himself, and continues with the project he is working on.
When Tasha gets an e-mail from her boss, giving her another
assign-
ment that is due this Friday, she sighs, marks it down on her
calendar,
and scrambles to add it to her to-do list.
When Marvin gets an e-mail from his boss, giving him another
assignment that is due this Friday, he picks up the phone and
calls his
boss to bargain. “I can’t get that project done on Friday, but if
you can
finish that report I am working on, I’ll get the new project
mapped out
so someone else can fill in the pieces.”
When Louisa gets an e-mail from her boss, giving her another
assignment that is due this Friday, she calls him on the phone
and
explains, firmly and clearly, “I can’t possibly get that done by
Friday. I
already have a stack of work to do this week.”
59
How We Respond:
Approaches to
Conflict
C H A P T E R 5
When Bernie gets an e-mail from his boss, giving him another
assignment that is due this Friday, he puts aside the report he is
working
on and goes into the boss‘s office. “What do you need this
project for? I
need more information. And let me be clear with you about the
projects
I already have on my plate this week. Let’s see if we can devise
a solu-
tion that works for you and for me.”
When we face differences and disagreements, we have choices
about how we will respond to the situation. If you were to ask
Sam,
Tasha, Marvin, Louisa, or Bernie what their approach to that
moment
was, they may not be able to tell you. Each of them just
responded in the
way that made the most sense to them. We probably do not
spend much
time thinking about these choices; we may not even consider
that we are
making a choice. We respond in a way that we feel is
comfortable and
right for the situation. Most of us use only one or two
approaches near-
ly all of the time.
Here is a short quiz that will help demonstrate the differences i n
these approaches. Picture yourself in the middle of a
disagreement at
work. Which of these statements sounds most like you?
1. I back off and let it go, even if it means that nothing is
settled.
2. I prefer to do what others want for the good of the
relationship.
3. I focus more on my goals and less on what others want.
4. Everyone should accept a little less than what he really wants
so
we can get on with the work.
5. I go to great lengths to understand what is important to others
and to make sure they understand what is important to me.
Maybe the answer you give depends on whom you are having
the
disagreement with—your boss, your subordinates, or your peers
or team-
mates. Maybe it depends on how important the disagreement is
to you
or to the office. Maybe it depends on other things going on in
your life
at the time, your mood, your health, the weather, the stock
market, or
what’s happening at home. This list cites five such patterns:
avoiding,
accommodating, driving, compromising, and collaborating.
Most of us have preferences and patterns for the choices we
make.
Sometimes our approaches work well. At other times, these
patterns may
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be limiting and self-defeating. The people we work with have
their own
patterns and preferences, as well. As a manager, understanding
your own
approaches to conflict can help you make better decisions in
how to
respond to conflicts you face. Further, understanding more
about the
approaches of the people you supervise gives you additional
tools to
manage conflicts effectively.
Over the past thirty years, various authors have written about
these
different approaches people take.1 There are assessments
available
online that can help you identify your own preferences. One of
the most
accessible of these guides is Style Matters: The Kraybill
Conflict Style
Inventory at http://www.riverhouseepress.com.2
In this chapter I present in depth each of these five approaches
to
conflict listed above. Figure 5-1 is a visual way to understand
these dif-
ferent approaches and their relationships to one another. The
vertical
axis represents concern or energy for one’s own goals (wants,
needs,
expectations), or the goals of the group one belongs to. The
horizontal
axis represents concern for the relationship or for the other
person (or
people), his or her wants, needs, and expectations. While the
figure
helps to explain and understand these differences, bear in mind
that
there are no distinct boundaries between these approaches.
Figure 5-1. Approaches to conflict.
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Consider This
] As you read the descriptions below, think about your own
choices. When things are going smoothly, how are you
inclined to respond?
] How do you respond when tension rises in a disagreement?
Does your reaction pattern shift?
There is no one right way to approach conflict. Each of these
styles
is appropriate in some circumstances, inappropriate in others.
One chal-
lenge is to learn to use different approaches depending on
different cir-
cumstances. As behavior specialist Abraham Maslow said,
“When the
only tool you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a
nail.”
Another dynamic to recognize is how your preferred style might
shift
when you are in a stressful situation.3 If your approach shifts
dramati-
cally when the tensions rise, you are likely to create confusion
and dis-
trust in those you work with. For instance, if your preferred
style is
accommodating under normal conditions, and your behavior
shifts to
directing when your anxiety rises, others are likely to be wary,
finding
your reactions unpredictable.
For each of the five approaches mentioned earlier, consider how
that
style can be an appropriate response to conflict. Then look at
the down-
sides of overusing that style. Finally, for each approach, there
are tips for
working more effectively with another person who uses that
approach.
Avoiding
The first example in the quiz, “I back off and let it go, even if it
means
that nothing is settled” is a statement of avoiding. It sits in the
lower left-
hand side of Figure 5-1: low energy for or attention to either the
rela-
tionship or the task, as well as your own concerns. At times,
there are
good reasons to choose avoidance:
> Don’t sweat the small stuff. Let go of problems that, in the
grand
scheme of things, are just not that big a deal. Sometimes you
have so
many bigger problems to deal with that it’s better to let this one
go.
Suppose someone leaves a coffee cup in the office sink; it is
easier to
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wash it out than to either chase down the culprit or create
signage to
hang over the sink.
> It’s just not worth it. You can spend a lot of energy banging
your
head against a brick wall, to no good end. Let it go—avoid the
conflict.
Suppose, for example, that when a new policy on comp
(compensatory)
time comes out, you as manager read it and groan. Now, you
will have to
explain to staff that the extra time they are putting in during
this crunch
won’t be compensated the way it was last year. People are not
going to
like it. They will complain, but there is nothing you can do
about it. You
don’t waste energy and effort trying to get the policy changed.
You know
from past experience that once something like that has been
decided,
the decision is final.
> Sometimes people need time to cool off. Or you need to cool
off—or to get more information, or to consider what is going
on, or to
better understand what the problem might be. This is tactical
avoidance;
it is a short-term response, a postponement. You will revisit the
conflict
when you are better prepared.
On the other hand, some of us avoid problems, differences, and
dis-
agreements when the situation really needs to be addressed. A
manager
who always avoids conflict creates a very difficult workplace
for every-
one. For example:
> Small problems get bigger. Problems that start small or are
man-
ageable can grow into situations that are much harder to deal
with—or
even become insurmountable barriers. Avoidance seems like the
best
route to take—until a negative behavior becomes a pattern. For
example,
one coffee cup in the sink is a small thing; however, when staff
consis-
tently leave their dirty dishes stacked in the sink, expecting
someone else
to clean up their mess, the problem needs to be addressed.
> The appearance of unfairness. Overuse of avoidance in the
workplace can create significant difficulties. On survey after
survey, the
biggest complaint workers have is the perceived unwillingness
of man-
agers to take action against poor performers. Those who do pull
their
weight in the office, who are dependable and productive, watch
another
who is not held accountable. Their motivation and morale drop
as they
64 UNDERSTANDING THE DYNAMICS OF CONFLICT
American Management Association • www.amanet.org
begin to wonder, “What is the point? Why am I expected to be
responsi-
ble when others are not?”
> No paper trail. A manager who avoids confronting a poor per -
former often creates a difficult scenario. After weeks, or
months, or even
years, of not holding the employee accountable for the quality
of his
work or her tardiness, of avoiding the confrontation, and
perhaps even of
giving this person, year after year, positive performance
reviews, the
manager reaches a tipping point of exasperation, and calls the
human
resources office, wanting to terminate the employee. HR’s
response?
“You can’t fire this person. You have no justification in his
personnel file.”
> No visible presence. I have worked with a few managers who
seem to have perfected the ability to get from their own offices
to the
elevator without making contact with anyone else in the
office—so, they
never have any problems. At least, none that they can see.
Others who
work with them, however, are increasingly frustrated. Problems
that
could be resolved can’t even be raised.
Simone and Luis were really ticked off with …
Level 0
Con�ict
Avoidance
Level 1
A Problem
to Solve
Level 2
Disagreement
Level 3
Contest
Level 4
Fight or
Flight
Level 5
Intractable
Situation
Imagine that a problem has arisen in a
local church, and that problem has
moved during one or two council
meetings into a Level 2 con�ict in which
there is some serious disagreement over
how to solve it. One council member has
suggested, for example, that it must be
�xed immediately and proposes a
communication asking the entire
congregation for help, while another
council member has asked, for example,
that the issue be sent to a sub-team for
study, later reporting to the council and
suggesting solutions some months down
the road. The two council members are
each certain, with good reason, that their
solution is best for everyone. The two
suggestions are too di�erent for
compromise, and at the end of the
council meeting the issue isn’t resolved.
Afterward people begin telephoning or
chatting in the parking lot or at other
meetings, and “sides” begin to form on
the question. Wrestling with this problem
has become a contest between two (or
more) factions. This is Level 3.
Level 3 con�ict is not immediately a
danger to the Body of Christ, and the
opportunity to get people thinking
passionately about what might be best in
the long run for the local church is
actually a very good thing. This may be a
time when the Holy Spirit has given the
church a challenge in order to help bring
it alive. Once again, Church Innovations’
Spiritual Discernment for Thriving in
Change process was built for just such a
level of con�ict, provided that the contest
has not yet turned mean-spirited and
people are still capable of the deep
listening that the TIC process requires:
listening to the Word, to one another, and
to the neighbor. If general good will is
still present, there is no better strategy.
At some point during Level 3, however,
the contest can become mean, the humor
can become sarcastic, and the defense
walls can naturally go up, to the point
where deep listening can be very, very
di�cult. If your group is in this Level 3.5 or
higher, you will need excellent leadership
and very neutral, safe space and time to
visit the issue together, building trust
before you can employ the TIC process
and try to together discern what God may
be calling you to do about the problem.
However, churches that have been to
Level 3 and still remained capable of
listening to God, one another, and the
neighbor to do excellent spiritual
discernment will often look back on that
time as one of holy growth and
deepening of their faith walk together.
Let’s say that a problem has arisen and
been brought to the attention of a church
council or board. While most groups of
persons might start suggesting ways to
solve the problem, sometimes a
disagreement arises, either over the
seriousness (or not) of the problem or
over the type of solution that will work
best. What seems obvious to some
members is not at all obvious to others,
for many reasons. This is Level 2 con�ict.
With good leadership and general good
will, such disagreements may be
acknowledged, discussed, all views heard,
and an appropriate solution agreed upon,
even if it’s not the favorite solution of
everyone.
So Level 2 con�ict, Disagreement, isn’t
automatically dangerous. But for church
councils and boards, it is particularly
important that there are well-known
habits or rituals in place for use when
people can see a disagreement forming.
The best of these rituals involve deep
listening for God, for one another, and for
the neighbors the local church is in
community with. Church Innovations’
Spiritual Discernment for Thriving in
Change is ideally suited for Level 2
con�icts because of its emphasis on deep
listening, dwelling in the Word, and
asking the question “What is God up to in
this issue for us?” Really good solid work
using TIC on several Level 2
disagreements in a row can prevent
future challenges from escalating into
higher con�ict, and church members will
have experienced disagreements as times
when God might be giving a challenge as
a gift and giving multiple passionately-
proposed solutions as abundant wisdom
for a congregation.
In human community there will always be
problems to solve as well as multiple
options. Even a single person can feel
pulled in two directions and have a hard
time coming to terms with how to solve a
problem. But gather two or more persons,
throw in a problem, and you will quickly
have several solutions emerging. Human
beings are natural problem solvers. That is
not the di�culty here. A church council or
board, let’s say, learns there is a problem
on the horizon: a bricks-and-mortar
problem like a leaky roof, or a
people-related problem like a sharp drop
in worship attendance. Almost right away
the board members will try to think up
solutions. Or they won’t be able to think
up any viable solutions, and they will feel
frustrated, disempowered. Or only one
viable solution is o�ered, but some
people have doubts about its
e�ectiveness. If this is where your group
is sitting, you are probably at Level 1.
Almost everyone prefers to avoid
confrontation and con�ict. Especially if
we need to live side by side with people
in an o�ce, in a small town, in a family, in
a church group. There is a big di�erence
between A) this normal preference for
keeping things running smoothly and B)
deep con�ict avoidance. Preferring A but
being willing at times to face con�ict
requires regular habits of deep listening
to God and others, setting your own bias
slightly aside for the moment and really
hearing others in order that the
community thrives together. A strong
preference for B involves regular habits of
either passively letting things lie or
actively intervening to distract from or
hide the disagreement.
When you listen deeply and know that
there is truly a disagreement or hurt or
misunderstanding, you can make one of
two decisions: A) decide to get the
disagreement cleared up by honest
conversation for the good of everyone, or
B) decide to ignore it and hope it will go
away, doing whatever is necessary to not
address the disagreement. Choice B, done
systemically across the community over
the long haul, probably means you are at
Level 0.
A congregation has been having a
contest over an issue. It feels as though
people have been in a tug of war, a
two-way contest or even a three- or
four-way contest, depending on the
situation it is facing. People are
passionate about their desired solution.
They have argued their positions and,
although they were listening to the other
side(s) for awhile, it has become clear to
them that their own solution is the only
acceptable one. Many things have been
said, both out loud in public as well as
behind people’s backs on the phone, in
letters, and in private meetings, that have
damaged trust and made things feel
increasingly unsafe for each side to be in
the presence of one another. This is Level
4, where people must either �ght or �ee
from one another.
Level 4 con�ict requires special skills of
listening and reconciling, skills that,
because of the high passion as well as the
onset of con�ict fatigue, church members
probably do not have at that moment.
Most local churches will invite an outsider
to work with the council or board and
with other groups in the church, to help
do the deep listening for them, still giving
people the chance to listen for
themselves. A specially trained mediator
or counselor can bring invaluable help at
this point and is sometimes able to roll
the con�ict level back down to 3, and to
assist the church to work out the problem
for themselves. Most church bodies have
such persons on their sta�s or on call for
work in their region. Churches that have
escalated to Level 4 and been helped
back into a level where they can listen
again and be reconciled with one another
often say the experience strengthened
them and their dependence on the Holy
Spirit, making future challenges much
easier to bear.
Once in awhile a disagreement in a local
church moves through the Contest stage
where people take sides on the issue and
�ght over it without resolution, becoming
less and less able to be in the same room
with one another, having to either �ght or
�ee when they encounter an opponent.
For many reasons, if the two sides cannot
communicate any longer, the parties
remain apart, the gulf growing wider
between them. Even an outside mediator
cannot bring compromise or
reconciliation. It feels as though the only
safe solution is to bring in lawyers to
resolve the dispute. This is Level 5.
Excellent professionals serve the church
in these di�cult times. They know exactly
what has to be accomplished in order for
a church and its members to move ahead.
They attend to every detail. Every major
church body has a list of these good
professionals for help when Level 5 is
reached, and they are a gift to the church
as they create the best solution out of a
bad situation.
A Primer on Levels of Con�ict
Dr. Pat Taylor Ellison, Managing Director of Research &
Development, Church Innovations Institute
Levels of con�ict are addressed in detail by their author Speed
Leas in Moving Your Church Through Con�ict Alban Institute
2007

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MDS 4100 COMMUNICATION LAW Spring 2020 Case Study #3 Ob

  • 1. MDS 4100 COMMUNICATION LAW Spring 2020 Case Study #3: Obscenity Is this Bud for you? The legislature of the state of Utah recently updated its obscenity law. Elections in the past four years gave the Populist Party a majority. That party sponsored the revisions to the law. The Populist Speaker of the House said the law was intended to “re-establish traditional morality.” Its wording is as follows: A person is guilty of obscenity when, knowing its content and character, he promotes or possesses with intent to promote, any obscene material. The new law also defines obscenity: Any material or performance is obscene if (a) considered as a whole, its predominant appeal is to shameful or morbid interest in nudity, sex, excretion, masochism, or sadism, and (b) it goes substantially beyond customary limits of candor in describing or representing such matters, and (c) its predominant appeal is such that it lacks serious literary, artistic, political, or redeeming
  • 2. social value. Predominant appeal should be judged with reference to ordinary adults of this state. Shortly after the law was passed and signed into law by the governor, it was put to the test. In the small city of Pine Grove two undercover police officers entered Bud’s Palace, an adult entertainment and video store owned by Bud Finley. The business had been in operation for nearly a decade. The officers purchased two DVD movies, both containing bondage and lesbian and group sex scenes. After the sale was complete, the officers arrested Finley on charges of violating the state’s new obscenity law. Bud’s Palace was padlocked and remains closed to the public. Finley was released on $50,000 bond and is awaiting trial. Also charged with obscenity violation is X- citement Video of Los Angeles, the producers of both videos. At the pre-trial hearing, both Finley’s attorney, Bill O. Wrights, and District Attorney I.M. Proper, provided respective arguments to the court. For the defense, Wrights asserted that the state obscenity law violated the First and Fourteenth Amendments. He argued that material not considered obscene in one state cannot be considered so in another. Neither of the videos, eac h released in fall 2016, had been found obscene elsewhere. It is the defense’s position that the Fourteenth Amendment guarantees the residents of all states protection from their state
  • 3. governments as exists concerning the federal government. Wrights: “Adult entertainment is a billion dollar-a-year industry in the U.S. and employs thousands of individuals. The sale and manufacture of adult entertainment videos and literature involves not only small businesses, but multi-million dollar corporations as MDS 4100 COMMUNICATION LAW Spring 2020 Case Study #3: Obscenity well. Nothing in these videos is debasing. No actors were forced against their wills to participate in the making of these videos. In reality, the two videos are reflections of what takes place daily in homes and hotels across this country and in the state of Utah. If the Utah obscenity statute is allowed to stand, the consequences may be the end of an entire sector of our economy.” For the prosecution, Proper noted that the entire nation is witnessing a fundamental change in morality. “The statute under question was created based on a popular demand, she said, and enjoys widespread support throughout the state. Collectively, the people of the state have stated a preference for a certain way of life where obscene entertainment cannot be sold. Traditional American values are reflected in every sentence of the new law,” she added. “The United States is not a
  • 4. single, homogeneous unit. Instead, diversity is celebrated and difference is preferred to the tyranny of sameness. It must be recognized that the values of residents of Utah differ substantially from those of residents of California. This difference is good. It allows people a choice of lifestyles. The state’s obscenity statute benefits all people of the United States by allowing freedom of choice.” Assignment: You know the facts and have heard arguments on both sides. Now it’s time to apply this case to the law of the land as it stands in 2020. Either Finley is guilty and the statute is constitutional, or the authorities erred in their action by targeting two non-obscene videos and closing down a legitimate business. Should X-citement Video be liable? Prepare your case. Citing appropriate state and federal court decisions, make a persuasive and convincing argument. You must decide: Guilty or Innocent? 50 UNDERSTANDING THE DYNAMICS OF CONFLICT American Management Association • www.amanet.org 1. Problem to solve. These seem easy—so easy that we probably
  • 5. don’t consider them conflicts. We talk it over. We listen. We consider. We decide. We move on. Most, in fact, are resolved at this level. Mark and Miranda, and Rachel had together bought an olderbuilding, now a duplex. Mark and Miranda would live on one side of the duplex, Rachel on the other. Actually, the legal term for their purchase was “joint tenancy,” which tied the neighbors together through a carefully crafted contract, except for one detail. Despite the consideration given to many shared matters, such as utilities and a common basement, the one thing the contract did not clarify was the exact property line between the two units. Soon enough, they had a “problem to solve”—how to define the property fairly, either by hiring a surveyor or simply by walk- ing around the property together with stakes and a measuring tape. As easy as this would have been to do early in their rela- tionship, they just didn’t get around to it. There were too many other pressing needs—hanging curtains, painting the kitchen, or planting the garden—that were easier and more fun to do than having this difficult conversation. 2. Disagreement. This gets a bit more challenging. The parties begin to see that they have different views and each moves into the ter- ritory of declaring who is right, who is wrong. People take actions based on assumptions and perceptions. Rachel decided to build a patio, and she took down a trellisbeside the existing patio when she did it. When Miranda
  • 6. looked out her kitchen window, she was surprised that the trellis was gone. This felt aggressive to Miranda: “But, Rachel, we never talked about this.” To Miranda, the trellis and the area around it looked like a natural dividing point between the properties. Clearly, to her, that trellis was on her property. Meanwhile, on their side of the property line, Mark and Miranda did not want to get into an argument with Rachel, and they tried to take steps to WHERE WE ARE: LEVELS OF CONFLICT 51 American Management Association • www.amanet.org avoid that. They did not have a further discussion with her about the trellis. What they didn’t do was propose a sit-down conversa- tion with Rachel so that each could hear the other’s views and they could reach some mutually acceptable understanding. When we can solve problems and resolve disagreements at these lower lev- els, they dissolve easily. There is not that rear-end collision we described in the first chapter—the quarrel that gets everyone’s attention. But hindsight is 20/20. As we watch this dispute unfold, it is easy to see what the three of them could have done. 3. Contest. Ratchet it up a bit, and people swing into the next level of this model. Now it is about who is right, who is wrong, and
  • 7. the impor- tance to each party of being right. Because—if we are wrong, then what? Are we less for it? After some time had passed, the question of the trellis and ofRachel’s unilateral action gnawed at Miranda. These are her words describing the next step: “I drew plats, I made lots of draw- ings that offered what I thought were reasonable options to initi- ate discussion. I told her, ‘Now that the trellis is removed, let’s solve the rest of the property-line issue and compromise on the other divisions needed.’ I’d drop these proposals off. Rachel intimidated the hell out of me. She shut me out of any conversa- tion—she would get snippy and snotty.” At this level, fear continues to rise, trust further erodes. Blame increases, along with negative assumptions and attributions. Because there is little communication, peo- ple create stories about what the other person is doing and why. The fil- ters we use to make these interpretations are clouded by our own view Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress. —MOHANDAS GANDHI A long dispute means that both parties are wrong.
  • 8. —VOLTAIRE 52 UNDERSTANDING THE DYNAMICS OF CONFLICT American Management Association • www.amanet.org of the situation—and about how right we are and how wrong “they” are. From this story we generate hostile attributions and characterizations. 4. Fight. The stakes are higher yet. A fight moves the parties to the possibility of pain. Someone will get hurt, maybe both parties— emo- tionally or physically. People move into defensive mode. How can they inflict pain on the other to the point that the other gives up? Fights are for winning. Fights are for not losing. (Sometime people define winning as losing less than the other guy.) In any event, compromise counts as a loss. By now the neighbors had stopped talking to each other—not fordays or months, but for years. To avoid talking to each other, they would leave the utility bills in a common area, and write notes of complaint when a math error is caught. Rachel would watch Miranda water her garden, and seethe at the impact this would have on their joint water bill. Mark and Miranda left messages on Rachel’s voice mail when they knew she wasn’t home to answer
  • 9. the phone. They sent e-mails. E-mails were particularly satisfying because then they had proof of the message they had sent. When Rachel came home with a German shepherd and when she put up shutters, Mark and Miranda took it personally: “Now, she even has a guard dog!” Then Rachel confronted Miranda: “Did you walk through my yard yesterday? You set off my dog.” What Miranda heard was hostile and combative. Miranda’s view was, “I felt like it was purposeful—she was putting together a plan to get me.” At this point in a conflict there is no communication. Trust is nil. Blame and wild assumptions have taken over. Any action or statement made by one party is seen by the other as hostile. 5. Intractable conflict. This is the kind of conflict we all dread— conflict with a capital C. There is no going forward. Everyone is well beyond winning and losing. The parties are in a dangerous territory, WHERE WE ARE: LEVELS OF CONFLICT 53 American Management Association • www.amanet.org where the only answer anyone can see is annihilation, or at least com- plete separation.
  • 10. Rachel had had enough. She was selling her half of the house.She demanded that Miranda and Mark do the same, at the same time. As far as she was concerned, their joint tenancy con- tract required that solution. Selling their home was the furthest thing from Mark and Miranda’s minds—they had a small child, they loved the neighborhood (except for their relationship with Rachel), and they wanted to stay put. Rachel finally said, “Sell your half when I do, or I’ll take you to court.” The case ended up in front of a judge. Years after the event, the memory is still painful. Miranda continues to talk about the money that she and Mark lost and have yet to recover—in lawyers and court fees, in time away from work. Mark and Miranda can- not count the emotional toll all of this took on both of them, and the stress it created within their own relationship as well. Looking back, Miranda observed, “Avoiding conflict can cost more than just tackling it.” They had gone from possibly uncomfortable con- versations to the reality of the difficulties (time, money, emotion- al costs) of litigation. You can appreciate how this escalation may play out in a workplace situation. For example, the boss and the staff have had differences from the very beginning. The first week in her new position, Paula announced major changes in the work schedule. From her view, it was important to establish her authority early on. When a staff member questioned a deci- sion, Paula was unable or unwilling to sit down and talk through the mat-
  • 11. ter. Rather, when she heard the beginnings of a disagreement, Paula would make a declaration about what would happen, and then begin peppering the staff with e-mails to see if they were following through on her demands. The staff’s efforts to talk to Paula about this ended in more directives. When three of her top performers gave notice, within days of each other, Paula was stunned. She couldn’t understand what 54 UNDERSTANDING THE DYNAMICS OF CONFLICT American Management Association • www.amanet.org had happened or why they were leaving. The staff had reached level five—intractable conflict—and Paula had no idea how this had hap- pened. Had she heard and responded to their concerns earlier, repairs might have been possible. Whenever and wherever possible, find ways to resolve differences and disputes before conflicts get to level five. That will save you time, money, and an emotional cost that cannot be calculated. People often turn to the courts for the final settlement of their disputes, though courts often don’t correct the problems that people have brought
  • 12. with them. The courts are littered with broken relationships— business as well as personal. I have mediated countless situations like these. T wo brothers opened a restaurant together. They had not clar - ified in the early days of startup who would be responsible for what. When the restaurant hit hard times, the two became entangled in a nasty legal battle that shattered their relationship, as well as destroying the business. Five young men were eager to start a company together. Theyhad been fraternity brothers; they stood in at each other’s weddings. In those early days, when the problems were small and manageable, they were too busy to be concerned about minor disagreements. Over time, as their lives changed and the business and the disagreements grew, the conflicts became insurmount- able, the distrust and fear became more than they could manage, and the business was destroyed as one filed lawsuits against another. Yes, resolving differences earlier is better. Complete separation is often not that simple—and maybe not even possible. In the world of work, even after a termination, the boss and the employee can still find ways to inflict pain on one another, likely through lawsuits or assaults on one or another’s reputation. There are intractable conflicts, but still we press to find a way
  • 13. around and through them. At some point, the cost of keeping the con- flict alive is no longer worthwhile. When each party realizes there is no winning, together they may begin looking for another way. Based on his experience in resolving the conflict in Northern Ireland, George Mitchell was sent as special envoy to the Middle East. As he took this assignment, he said, “There is no such thing as a conflict that can’t be ended. Conflicts are created by human beings, and can be ended by human beings.” Strategies for Each Conflict Level So, the earlier you resolve a conflict, the better. What can you do if the situation has moved up the scale? Is it hopeless? Not if you are willing to put considerable effort into repair. Depending on how far the conflict has gone, how long it has been deteriorating, and how important the relationship is to both parties, transforming a deep-seated conflict is pos- sible, although it can take considerable effort over time. I often tell clients, “You didn’t get into this quickly. You can’t get out of it quickly, either.” When you are thinking about strategies for responding to problems
  • 14. at each of these levels, consider this: the level of conflict increases as the emotional involvement goes up and as the trust goes down. The follow- ing strategies are built on managing those changes. WHERE WE ARE: LEVELS OF CONFLICT 55 American Management Association • www.amanet.org If we are all in agreement on the decision, then I propose we postpone further discussion of this matter until our next meeting to give ourselves time to develop disagreement and perhaps gain some understanding of what the decision is all about. —ALFRED P. SLOAN, AS QUOTED BY PETER DRUCKER IN THE EFFECTIVE EXECUTIVE (OXFORD: ELSEVIER, 2007) Resolving Level 1, “Problems to solve,” calls for clear communica- tion skills and a collaborative solution-seeking approach. I delve more into that approach and how to use it effectively in Chapter 13, “Reaching Agreement.” However, at this point, know this approach begins with clearly stated issues or problems to solve, and it relies on
  • 15. good listening skills and the ability to identify interests. Agreeing on shared goals, even though individuals may have differing priorities, can help set a positive tone. Keeping conflict resolution at this level is possi- ble when there is an atmosphere of trust within the office, there is a cul- ture that views conflict and differences as healthy, and people are encouraged to raise questions and to disagree constructively, even in the face of difficulty. At Level 2, “Disagreement,” the tension and anxiety have begun to rise, and the fear of conflict is mounting. “What if the conflict becomes bigger?” “What if we can’t settle it?” “What if I get upset, or she does?” What if? What if? What if? There is the potential for the difficult dis- cussions to go badly—it is that potential that creates the fear. If you have had difficult, nonproductive conversations before, your fear of that hap- pening again is even higher. At this stage, you need more structure to create a safe place for dia- logue. You need to specify some ground rules (guidelines, if you prefer) for how you are going to talk to each other. This can be as simple as, “Can we agree that one of us will talk at a time?” Or, “I’ll listen
  • 16. to you, will you listen to me?” You will need to clarify a common goal or objec- tive around which you are all looking for a solution. For instance, within the workplace, the productivity or the mission may be a common goal. Another may be maintaining an atmosphere where people can come to work looking forward to the day, rather than dreading possible interactions. These steps decrease the anxiety and difficulty of the con- versation. At Level 3, “Contest,” the intensity and, hence, the fears are higher. Distrust is rising between the parties. As the drive to be right takes over, people in the workplace start reaching out for allies—people who sup- port them in their position, who agree with how right they are, fanning the flames of conflict. A few people cluster at the coffee pot, or in one another’s offices, talking about what has gone wrong: what he said, or what she did, or how badly “they” acted. As the distrust mounts, com- munication about the issue becomes more difficult, often disappearing completely. At this level, you need a more structured process. To manage the dis- trust and anxiety, you need to ensure process clarity: what is
  • 17. going to be 56 UNDERSTANDING THE DYNAMICS OF CONFLICT American Management Association • www.amanet.org WHERE WE ARE: LEVELS OF CONFLICT 57 American Management Association • www.amanet.org decided and how? What will the ground rules be? What data do we need and who will gather it? When will we meet and who will lead the meet- ing? When you are at Level 4, “Fight,” the fears are high and the emotions are running strong. Trust between the parties has reached such a low that neither party wants to participate in constructive discussion. Often the conflict at this point has grown larger and more diffuse. At an earli- er stage, there may have been two or three issues to resolve; now even identifying specific issues becomes challenging, as fears and assump- tions have been built on top of one another. The parties have gone beyond having a problem or issue to resolve. Distrust and suspicion have overwhelmed all aspects of the relationship.
  • 18. At this point, you need external help. This help may be someone both of you trust within the organization, or someone hired from outside to serve as a mediator or facilitator. In addition to resolving the problems that were the origin of the conflict, the mediator may need agreement on new ground rules for how people will work together or interact within the workplace in the future. To be of any value, such commitments require a system for monitoring and accountability. These commitments may be written into performance plans or monitored through regularly scheduled follow-up meetings. If the conflict reaches Level 5, “Intractable conflict,” the people who are immediately involved are not able to make a joint decision. It is time to turn to an external authority to make that decision. At Levels 1–3, the conflict is at a level where the parties themselves can still negotiate with one another, if they have communication tools and skills to manage their differences. When conflict reaches Level 4, trust has deteriorated to a point that an external person whom both of the parties trust is necessary to provide a process for communication. Whereas at Level 4 an outside source can facilitate communication, Level 5 requires someone else to decide the outcome. The power difference between the parties
  • 19. may be too great, or there may be serious threats of harm to either or both. Workplace bullying falls into this category and deserves special attention here. Over the past several years, my conversations with mis- erable employees have increasingly included claims of being bullied or subjected to hostile work environments. By workplace bullying, I mean behavior that is aggressive, unreasonable, and persistent. It can be ver- bal or nonverbal, and can be subtle and insidious. This behavior gener- ally involves emotional or psychological abuse or humiliation. Bullying behavior occurs regularly over a long period of time, and includes verbal abuse, intimidation, regular threats of dismissal, character assassination, smear campaigns, and social ostracism. Most often, it’s a boss who car- ries this out; occasionally a co-worker engages in this behavior. In this or in other forms of Level 5 conflict, someone with clear authority needs to take appropriate action—as a decision maker and as a monitor to hold people accountable for their actions. This may be someone higher up within the organization, or it may be an external authority, such as a judge or an arbitrator.
  • 20. Consider This ] How do you resolve problems when they arise? ] Do you promote an atmosphere where disagreements are encouraged? ] Consider the conflicts within your organization. At what level is each one? What can you do now to begin to resolve one of them? Note 1. Speed Leas, Moving Your Church through Conflict (Herndon, VA : Alban Institute, 2002). 58 UNDERSTANDING THE DYNAMICS OF CONFLICT American Management Association • www.amanet.org American Management Association • www.amanet.org W hen Sam gets an e-mail from his boss, giving him another assign- ment that is due this Friday, Sam reads the e-mail, shrugs to himself, and continues with the project he is working on. When Tasha gets an e-mail from her boss, giving her another assign- ment that is due this Friday, she sighs, marks it down on her calendar,
  • 21. and scrambles to add it to her to-do list. When Marvin gets an e-mail from his boss, giving him another assignment that is due this Friday, he picks up the phone and calls his boss to bargain. “I can’t get that project done on Friday, but if you can finish that report I am working on, I’ll get the new project mapped out so someone else can fill in the pieces.” When Louisa gets an e-mail from her boss, giving her another assignment that is due this Friday, she calls him on the phone and explains, firmly and clearly, “I can’t possibly get that done by Friday. I already have a stack of work to do this week.” 59 How We Respond: Approaches to Conflict C H A P T E R 5 When Bernie gets an e-mail from his boss, giving him another assignment that is due this Friday, he puts aside the report he is working on and goes into the boss‘s office. “What do you need this project for? I need more information. And let me be clear with you about the projects
  • 22. I already have on my plate this week. Let’s see if we can devise a solu- tion that works for you and for me.” When we face differences and disagreements, we have choices about how we will respond to the situation. If you were to ask Sam, Tasha, Marvin, Louisa, or Bernie what their approach to that moment was, they may not be able to tell you. Each of them just responded in the way that made the most sense to them. We probably do not spend much time thinking about these choices; we may not even consider that we are making a choice. We respond in a way that we feel is comfortable and right for the situation. Most of us use only one or two approaches near- ly all of the time. Here is a short quiz that will help demonstrate the differences i n these approaches. Picture yourself in the middle of a disagreement at work. Which of these statements sounds most like you? 1. I back off and let it go, even if it means that nothing is settled. 2. I prefer to do what others want for the good of the relationship. 3. I focus more on my goals and less on what others want. 4. Everyone should accept a little less than what he really wants so
  • 23. we can get on with the work. 5. I go to great lengths to understand what is important to others and to make sure they understand what is important to me. Maybe the answer you give depends on whom you are having the disagreement with—your boss, your subordinates, or your peers or team- mates. Maybe it depends on how important the disagreement is to you or to the office. Maybe it depends on other things going on in your life at the time, your mood, your health, the weather, the stock market, or what’s happening at home. This list cites five such patterns: avoiding, accommodating, driving, compromising, and collaborating. Most of us have preferences and patterns for the choices we make. Sometimes our approaches work well. At other times, these patterns may 60 UNDERSTANDING THE DYNAMICS OF CONFLICT American Management Association • www.amanet.org be limiting and self-defeating. The people we work with have their own patterns and preferences, as well. As a manager, understanding your own approaches to conflict can help you make better decisions in how to
  • 24. respond to conflicts you face. Further, understanding more about the approaches of the people you supervise gives you additional tools to manage conflicts effectively. Over the past thirty years, various authors have written about these different approaches people take.1 There are assessments available online that can help you identify your own preferences. One of the most accessible of these guides is Style Matters: The Kraybill Conflict Style Inventory at http://www.riverhouseepress.com.2 In this chapter I present in depth each of these five approaches to conflict listed above. Figure 5-1 is a visual way to understand these dif- ferent approaches and their relationships to one another. The vertical axis represents concern or energy for one’s own goals (wants, needs, expectations), or the goals of the group one belongs to. The horizontal axis represents concern for the relationship or for the other person (or people), his or her wants, needs, and expectations. While the figure helps to explain and understand these differences, bear in mind that there are no distinct boundaries between these approaches. Figure 5-1. Approaches to conflict.
  • 25. HOW WE RESPOND: APPROACHES TO CONFLICT 61 American Management Association • www.amanet.org Consider This ] As you read the descriptions below, think about your own choices. When things are going smoothly, how are you inclined to respond? ] How do you respond when tension rises in a disagreement? Does your reaction pattern shift? There is no one right way to approach conflict. Each of these styles is appropriate in some circumstances, inappropriate in others. One chal- lenge is to learn to use different approaches depending on different cir- cumstances. As behavior specialist Abraham Maslow said, “When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.” Another dynamic to recognize is how your preferred style might shift when you are in a stressful situation.3 If your approach shifts dramati- cally when the tensions rise, you are likely to create confusion and dis- trust in those you work with. For instance, if your preferred style is accommodating under normal conditions, and your behavior shifts to
  • 26. directing when your anxiety rises, others are likely to be wary, finding your reactions unpredictable. For each of the five approaches mentioned earlier, consider how that style can be an appropriate response to conflict. Then look at the down- sides of overusing that style. Finally, for each approach, there are tips for working more effectively with another person who uses that approach. Avoiding The first example in the quiz, “I back off and let it go, even if it means that nothing is settled” is a statement of avoiding. It sits in the lower left- hand side of Figure 5-1: low energy for or attention to either the rela- tionship or the task, as well as your own concerns. At times, there are good reasons to choose avoidance: > Don’t sweat the small stuff. Let go of problems that, in the grand scheme of things, are just not that big a deal. Sometimes you have so many bigger problems to deal with that it’s better to let this one go. Suppose someone leaves a coffee cup in the office sink; it is easier to 62 UNDERSTANDING THE DYNAMICS OF CONFLICT American Management Association • www.amanet.org
  • 27. HOW WE RESPOND: APPROACHES TO CONFLICT 63 American Management Association • www.amanet.org wash it out than to either chase down the culprit or create signage to hang over the sink. > It’s just not worth it. You can spend a lot of energy banging your head against a brick wall, to no good end. Let it go—avoid the conflict. Suppose, for example, that when a new policy on comp (compensatory) time comes out, you as manager read it and groan. Now, you will have to explain to staff that the extra time they are putting in during this crunch won’t be compensated the way it was last year. People are not going to like it. They will complain, but there is nothing you can do about it. You don’t waste energy and effort trying to get the policy changed. You know from past experience that once something like that has been decided, the decision is final. > Sometimes people need time to cool off. Or you need to cool off—or to get more information, or to consider what is going on, or to better understand what the problem might be. This is tactical avoidance;
  • 28. it is a short-term response, a postponement. You will revisit the conflict when you are better prepared. On the other hand, some of us avoid problems, differences, and dis- agreements when the situation really needs to be addressed. A manager who always avoids conflict creates a very difficult workplace for every- one. For example: > Small problems get bigger. Problems that start small or are man- ageable can grow into situations that are much harder to deal with—or even become insurmountable barriers. Avoidance seems like the best route to take—until a negative behavior becomes a pattern. For example, one coffee cup in the sink is a small thing; however, when staff consis- tently leave their dirty dishes stacked in the sink, expecting someone else to clean up their mess, the problem needs to be addressed. > The appearance of unfairness. Overuse of avoidance in the workplace can create significant difficulties. On survey after survey, the biggest complaint workers have is the perceived unwillingness of man- agers to take action against poor performers. Those who do pull their weight in the office, who are dependable and productive, watch another who is not held accountable. Their motivation and morale drop
  • 29. as they 64 UNDERSTANDING THE DYNAMICS OF CONFLICT American Management Association • www.amanet.org begin to wonder, “What is the point? Why am I expected to be responsi- ble when others are not?” > No paper trail. A manager who avoids confronting a poor per - former often creates a difficult scenario. After weeks, or months, or even years, of not holding the employee accountable for the quality of his work or her tardiness, of avoiding the confrontation, and perhaps even of giving this person, year after year, positive performance reviews, the manager reaches a tipping point of exasperation, and calls the human resources office, wanting to terminate the employee. HR’s response? “You can’t fire this person. You have no justification in his personnel file.” > No visible presence. I have worked with a few managers who seem to have perfected the ability to get from their own offices to the elevator without making contact with anyone else in the office—so, they never have any problems. At least, none that they can see. Others who work with them, however, are increasingly frustrated. Problems
  • 30. that could be resolved can’t even be raised. Simone and Luis were really ticked off with … Level 0 Con�ict Avoidance Level 1 A Problem to Solve Level 2 Disagreement Level 3 Contest Level 4 Fight or Flight Level 5 Intractable Situation Imagine that a problem has arisen in a local church, and that problem has moved during one or two council meetings into a Level 2 con�ict in which there is some serious disagreement over
  • 31. how to solve it. One council member has suggested, for example, that it must be �xed immediately and proposes a communication asking the entire congregation for help, while another council member has asked, for example, that the issue be sent to a sub-team for study, later reporting to the council and suggesting solutions some months down the road. The two council members are each certain, with good reason, that their solution is best for everyone. The two suggestions are too di�erent for compromise, and at the end of the council meeting the issue isn’t resolved. Afterward people begin telephoning or chatting in the parking lot or at other meetings, and “sides” begin to form on the question. Wrestling with this problem has become a contest between two (or more) factions. This is Level 3. Level 3 con�ict is not immediately a danger to the Body of Christ, and the opportunity to get people thinking passionately about what might be best in the long run for the local church is actually a very good thing. This may be a time when the Holy Spirit has given the church a challenge in order to help bring it alive. Once again, Church Innovations’ Spiritual Discernment for Thriving in Change process was built for just such a level of con�ict, provided that the contest has not yet turned mean-spirited and people are still capable of the deep
  • 32. listening that the TIC process requires: listening to the Word, to one another, and to the neighbor. If general good will is still present, there is no better strategy. At some point during Level 3, however, the contest can become mean, the humor can become sarcastic, and the defense walls can naturally go up, to the point where deep listening can be very, very di�cult. If your group is in this Level 3.5 or higher, you will need excellent leadership and very neutral, safe space and time to visit the issue together, building trust before you can employ the TIC process and try to together discern what God may be calling you to do about the problem. However, churches that have been to Level 3 and still remained capable of listening to God, one another, and the neighbor to do excellent spiritual discernment will often look back on that time as one of holy growth and deepening of their faith walk together. Let’s say that a problem has arisen and been brought to the attention of a church council or board. While most groups of persons might start suggesting ways to solve the problem, sometimes a disagreement arises, either over the seriousness (or not) of the problem or over the type of solution that will work best. What seems obvious to some members is not at all obvious to others, for many reasons. This is Level 2 con�ict.
  • 33. With good leadership and general good will, such disagreements may be acknowledged, discussed, all views heard, and an appropriate solution agreed upon, even if it’s not the favorite solution of everyone. So Level 2 con�ict, Disagreement, isn’t automatically dangerous. But for church councils and boards, it is particularly important that there are well-known habits or rituals in place for use when people can see a disagreement forming. The best of these rituals involve deep listening for God, for one another, and for the neighbors the local church is in community with. Church Innovations’ Spiritual Discernment for Thriving in Change is ideally suited for Level 2 con�icts because of its emphasis on deep listening, dwelling in the Word, and asking the question “What is God up to in this issue for us?” Really good solid work using TIC on several Level 2 disagreements in a row can prevent future challenges from escalating into higher con�ict, and church members will have experienced disagreements as times when God might be giving a challenge as a gift and giving multiple passionately- proposed solutions as abundant wisdom for a congregation. In human community there will always be problems to solve as well as multiple options. Even a single person can feel
  • 34. pulled in two directions and have a hard time coming to terms with how to solve a problem. But gather two or more persons, throw in a problem, and you will quickly have several solutions emerging. Human beings are natural problem solvers. That is not the di�culty here. A church council or board, let’s say, learns there is a problem on the horizon: a bricks-and-mortar problem like a leaky roof, or a people-related problem like a sharp drop in worship attendance. Almost right away the board members will try to think up solutions. Or they won’t be able to think up any viable solutions, and they will feel frustrated, disempowered. Or only one viable solution is o�ered, but some people have doubts about its e�ectiveness. If this is where your group is sitting, you are probably at Level 1. Almost everyone prefers to avoid confrontation and con�ict. Especially if we need to live side by side with people in an o�ce, in a small town, in a family, in a church group. There is a big di�erence between A) this normal preference for keeping things running smoothly and B) deep con�ict avoidance. Preferring A but being willing at times to face con�ict requires regular habits of deep listening to God and others, setting your own bias slightly aside for the moment and really hearing others in order that the community thrives together. A strong preference for B involves regular habits of
  • 35. either passively letting things lie or actively intervening to distract from or hide the disagreement. When you listen deeply and know that there is truly a disagreement or hurt or misunderstanding, you can make one of two decisions: A) decide to get the disagreement cleared up by honest conversation for the good of everyone, or B) decide to ignore it and hope it will go away, doing whatever is necessary to not address the disagreement. Choice B, done systemically across the community over the long haul, probably means you are at Level 0. A congregation has been having a contest over an issue. It feels as though people have been in a tug of war, a two-way contest or even a three- or four-way contest, depending on the situation it is facing. People are passionate about their desired solution. They have argued their positions and, although they were listening to the other side(s) for awhile, it has become clear to them that their own solution is the only acceptable one. Many things have been said, both out loud in public as well as behind people’s backs on the phone, in letters, and in private meetings, that have damaged trust and made things feel increasingly unsafe for each side to be in the presence of one another. This is Level 4, where people must either �ght or �ee
  • 36. from one another. Level 4 con�ict requires special skills of listening and reconciling, skills that, because of the high passion as well as the onset of con�ict fatigue, church members probably do not have at that moment. Most local churches will invite an outsider to work with the council or board and with other groups in the church, to help do the deep listening for them, still giving people the chance to listen for themselves. A specially trained mediator or counselor can bring invaluable help at this point and is sometimes able to roll the con�ict level back down to 3, and to assist the church to work out the problem for themselves. Most church bodies have such persons on their sta�s or on call for work in their region. Churches that have escalated to Level 4 and been helped back into a level where they can listen again and be reconciled with one another often say the experience strengthened them and their dependence on the Holy Spirit, making future challenges much easier to bear. Once in awhile a disagreement in a local church moves through the Contest stage where people take sides on the issue and �ght over it without resolution, becoming less and less able to be in the same room with one another, having to either �ght or �ee when they encounter an opponent. For many reasons, if the two sides cannot
  • 37. communicate any longer, the parties remain apart, the gulf growing wider between them. Even an outside mediator cannot bring compromise or reconciliation. It feels as though the only safe solution is to bring in lawyers to resolve the dispute. This is Level 5. Excellent professionals serve the church in these di�cult times. They know exactly what has to be accomplished in order for a church and its members to move ahead. They attend to every detail. Every major church body has a list of these good professionals for help when Level 5 is reached, and they are a gift to the church as they create the best solution out of a bad situation. A Primer on Levels of Con�ict Dr. Pat Taylor Ellison, Managing Director of Research & Development, Church Innovations Institute Levels of con�ict are addressed in detail by their author Speed Leas in Moving Your Church Through Con�ict Alban Institute 2007