The document outlines 5 common mistakes in writing commentary: 1) commentary that is too generic, 2) commentary that drifts from the topic sentence, 3) commentary that provides too much concrete detail, 4) commentary that repeats itself, and 5) commentary that contradicts the topic sentence. Examples of each mistake are given along with suggestions for improving the commentary. The goal is to avoid superficial or inconsistent commentary and instead provide analysis that ties back to and deepens the topic sentence.

1. Mastering Commentary
Common Mistakes

2. Common Mistakes
1. Too generic (elementary)
2. Drifts from the topic sentence
3. Is really concrete detail
4. Commentary repeats
5. Contradicts the topic sentence

3. Commentary is generic
(basic, common)
 Brother was cruel to Doodle when he
was growing up. For example, he made
him touch the coffin in the loft. This was
mean of him. He wasn’t being nice.

4. Better
 Brother was cruel to Doodle when he
was growing up. For example, he made
him touch the coffin in the loft. He didn’t
care about hurting Doodle’s feelings by
forcing him to face a symbol of his own
death. All he cared about was not
feeling ashamed of an invalid brother.

5. Commentary that Drifts from
the Topic Sentence
 Brother was cruel to Doodle when he
was growing up. For example, he made
him touch the coffin in the loft. He didn’t
care about hurting Doodle’s feelings by
forcing him to face a symbol of his own
death. The coffin wasn’t even used.

6. Better
 Brother was cruel to Doodle when he
was growing up. For example, he made
him touch the coffin in the loft. He didn’t
care about hurting Doodle’s feelings by
forcing him to face a symbol of his own
death. He wanted to terrorize Doodle by
making him realize he wasn’t supposed
to live.

7. Commentary is really
Concrete Detail
 Brother was cruel to Doodle when he
was growing up. For example, he made
him touch the coffin in the loft. They
were in the barn when he touched it.
The parents had kept the coffin even
though they didn’t need it.

8. Better
 Brother was cruel to Doodle when he
was growing up. For example, he made
him touch the coffin in the loft. He didn’t
care about hurting Doodle’s feelings by
forcing him to face such a symbol of this
own death. All he cared about was not
being ashamed of an invalid brother.

9. Commentary Repeats
 Brother was cruel to Doodle when he
was growing up. For example, he made
him touch the coffin in the loft. This was
cruel of him to do. He didn’t have to
make Doodle touch the coffin.

10. Better
 Brother was cruel to Doodle when he
was growing up. For example, he made
him touch the coffin in the loft. This was
a mean and heartless thing to do to his
little brother. All he cared about was not
being ashamed of an invalid brother.

11. Commentary Contradicts the
Topic Sentence
 Brother was cruel to Doodle when he
was growing up. For example, he made
him touch the coffin in the loft. Brother
was just embarrassed by Doodle. He
didn’t really mean to hurt his feelings.

12. Better
 Brother was cruel to Doodle when he
was growing up. For example, he made
him touch the coffin in the loft. He didn’t
care about hurting Doodle’s feelings by
forcing him to face such a symbol of this
own death. All he cared about was not
being ashamed of an invalid brother.

13. Summary
1. Too generic (elementary)
2. Drifts from the topic sentence
3. Is really concrete detail
4. Commentary repeats
5. Contradicts the topic sentence