Living Joyfully with a Difficult Spouse

The Equipping Christian Ministry
Living Joyfully With a Difficult
Spouse
1 Sam. 25: 2-17, 23-28, 36
Jerry Akinsola,
jerryakinsola@yahoo.com
+2348033804982

The story of Mrs. Peter
Engr Peter is a very difficult
person. He is an unfaithful
husband and a harsh father of
two.
Eighteen months ago, Mrs. Peter
who has not been happy with her
marriage, met her ex-lover, who is
now a widower.

Mrs. Peter’s ex lover is well to do
and he really celebrates and
appreciates her. He wants to them
to relocate abroad and marry.
Mrs. Peter has confided in you
that she is in love with her ex-
lover… but she needs counsel.

What would you do if you are Mrs.
Peter?
What should Mrs. Peter do with a
husband who seems to hate her?
What would you advise Mrs. Peter
to do if she is your daughter or
sister?

What will you do if
the person you
marry turn out to be
the exact opposite of
who you expected?

Is it possible to live
joyfully
with a difficult
spouse?

Abigail made a statement
through her life.

The Profile of a Difficult
Spouse: NABAL

1 Samuel 25:3 (NKJV)
The name of the man was
Nabal, and the name of his wife
Abigail. And she was a woman
of good understanding and
beautiful appearance; but the
man was harsh and evil in his
doings….

1 Samuel 25:17 (NCV)
Now think about it, and decide
what you can do. Terrible
trouble is coming to our
master and all his family. Nabal
is such a wicked man that no
one can even talk to him….

25 My master, don’t pay
attention to this worthless man
Nabal. He is like his name. His
name means ’fool,’ and he is
truly a fool….

When Abigail went back to
Nabal, he was in the house, eating
like a king. He was very drunk
and in a good mood. So she told
him nothing until the next
morning.

NABAL was...
An unapproachable man
an irrational - one who speaks
before he thinks.
an ungrateful person
a drunkard;
a fool.

What does the Bible
reveal about ABIGAIL ?

Abigail is everything Nabal is
not: polite, well-spoken,
submissive, honest, and ready
to take responsibility and
blame.

Six times she refers to herself
as David’s maidservant, and
fourteen times she calls David
her lord. She have saved Nabal
and his household

The Bible did not tell us why
a wise person like
Abigail married a fool. But
she stayed faithful to him…

We still have men and
women who
marry people who are their
complete opposite

There are
3
Critical factors for
Living with Difficult Person…

1. Know the type of difficult
person you are living with.
2. Understand why he or she is
difficult
3. Practice Biblical Principles

Who amongst
these difficult
spouses are you
living with….?

Are you living with …
The
Hostile
Spouse:
Often unfriendly,
violent and
dominant.
Uses force,
withdrawal and
manipulations to
have their ways.

The Un-
appreciating
…:
Constantly
complains and
easily irritated
Find fault in
others.

The
Immature..
Baby Husband
or Baby wife.
Insecure
Emotionally
unstable.
Irresposible.

The
Unfaithful..
A liar. He or she
does not honour
promises.
Betrays trust by
mishandling
money and sex.

The
Lazy…
A waster of resources.
Dirty and carefree.
Uses spirituality to
abandon the care of
spouse and children.

The
Stingy…
Does not share his or
her resources. Greedy.
Hoards. Emphasizes
the monetary value of
whatever is done.

The
Emotionally
Cold…
Sexually
unresponsive.
Withdrawn. Not
humorous - Does
not play. Moody.

The ‘I Know-
It-All’:
Proud. Resists
learning and
counsel.
Does not
apologise.

The ‘It is
Alright’…
tolerates everything.
Gives excuses for
destructive tendencies.
They make you look
wicked. They make
parenting difficult.

Why are some
spouses difficult?

Background
•Family, Cultural, Social and
Religious
Spiritual State:
•Unconverted
•Arrested Spiritual Development

Immaturity and Insecurity:
•Those who seek the please their
parents, colleagues and spiritual
mentors might become spouses.
Insecurity:
•A person who feels neglected or
‘jealous’ could do bizarre things.

Transitions:
•Prosperity or adversity could
produce a change in the way a
person behaves.
Health Issues
•Bad health, medications could
affect mood and performance.

Avoidance of Responsibilities:
•Some are hostile because they want
to avoid parental responsibilities.
Forgetfulness:
•Some are difficult because they have
forgotten how things were and
where they started from.

Bad Company:
•The values, character and spiritual
convictions of the friends your
spouse keep matters a lot.
Demonic Oppression :
•A demon possessed person would
live self destructive ways (Mark 5).

What can you do
to live joyfully with
a difficult spouse?

Intimate Relationship With
God: Love, trust and obey God.
Remain connected to God
through prayers, study and
service.
1

Admit You Are Difficult Too:
We are all difficult persons.
Don't spend all your days
magnifying the faults in your
spouse. Search and correct
yourself too.
2

Be Calm: Don’t look desperate.
Don’t police him or her. Don’t
lose your confidence. Running
after shadows will wear you
out. - Exodus 14:14
3

Your Character matters:
Avoid short-cuts or retaliation.
Remain caring, reliable,
respectful, honest and godly as
you live with a difficult spouse.
(1 Peter 3:2.)
4

Be Patient: The things that
make you uncomfortable will
not vanish in a twinkle of an
eye. Subdue the desire for an
instant change.
5

Get Knowledge and Wisdom:
Get a mentor. Seek godly
counsel. Consider serving as a
marriage Mentor. Attend
marriage enrichment retreats.
6

Make Adjustments:
Watch what you say and change
how it is said.
Subtract (-) those things that
cause irritations and add (+)
those things promote peace.
6

Take Short Breaks: In
extreme cases a short break
might help a difficult spouse.
God sometimes uses distance
and time to fuel marital
intimacy.
7

In conclusion…
How did Abigail live with Nabal?
She effectively used her
combination of grace and skills.
Go and do likewise.

Living Joyfully with a Difficult Spouse

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