Life With Teens - June 2012 - Boston

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CO NT R I B UTI N G W R I TE R S
Chad Foster, Lucy Norvell, James Paterson,
Diana Simeon, Kimberly Wolf, M.Ed.

A RT & PR O DU C T I O N
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PUBLISHED BY Life with Teens, Volume I, Issue I,
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Copyright © 2012 by TeenLife Media, LLC
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2 LIFE WITH TEENS SUMMER 2012

BOSTON
SUMMER 2012

TeenLife.com

8 CAREER TRACK:
21st Century Skills for the 21st Century Workplace
By Chad Foster

11 MONEY SENSE:
Financial Wisdom for Teens—Learn Now or Pay Later!
By Chad Foster

14
27
FEATURE:
Helicopter Parenting—
Why It’s Not Good for Your Teen
By Diana Simeon

25 VOLUNTEER SPOTLIGHT:

14
Does Your Teen Want to Be a Samariteen?
By Lesli Amos

27 CAMPUS CONNECT:
Why Hire an Independent Consultant?
An Objective Professional Can Pay Off in Many Ways
By Jim Paterson

29 HEALTH & WELLNESS:
Media Literacy 101—Fortifying Teens’ Media Diets
By Kimberly Wolf, M.Ed.

31 VIEW POINTS:
The Dreaded “D” Word

In Every Issue
6 DID YOU KNOW?
New ground-breaking stats
See page 7.

7 FAVORITE FINDS:
Review the latest and greatest

39 43
STAY CONNECTED!
DIRECTORY: WHAT’S HAPPENING?
Programs and services for Regional events in and
families with teens around Boston.
SUMMER 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS 3

High School Quiz Show is a Major sponsorship for High School Quiz Show is provided by: Additional funding is provided by:
production of WGBH Boston

Welcome to

A New Quarterly Magazine For Parents of Teens!
You asked for it—and we delivered! Our feature, Helicopter Parenting: Let me know what you think! This
In response to interest from TeenLife Why It’s Not Good for Your Teen on page magazine is for you—comments and
members and parents of teens—like you— 14, resonated with me right away. I think feedback are always welcome. And please
we recognized that you not only need, but we have all been guilty of micromanaging pass it along to other parents you know
want, more information and guidance to our teens. with teens!
navigate the issues affecting teens today. On page 31, we look at parent, teen,
Happy Reading,
As you know, these can be formidable and expert perspectives on divorce and
years—and we want to be right by Kimberly Wolf, M.Ed. evaluates teen
your side! media literacy on page 29. In addition,
Life with Teens aims to inspire par- we offer ways your child can manage their
ents to be better parents, and teens to be money (page 11) and apply “21st Century
better teens. We also aspire to help your Skills” to their lives (page 8).
budding college student prepare for life In each issue, you’ll also find a Marie Schwartz, President & Founder,
beyond high school. To think about finan- Volunteer Spotlight (page 25), a Listings TeenLife Media, LLC
mschwartz@teenlife.com
cial security, work/life skills, the value of Directory of teen-friendly programs and
giving back, and more. resources (page 39), and Local Events
You’ll find our editorial is timely (page 43) to add to your calendar. P.S. Spread the word! Connect with
and offers valuable advice.Thanks to We hope you enjoy your first issue TeenLife on Facebook and Twitter
the team at Your Teen magazine for of Life with Teens. To keep receiving (@teenlifemedia). Invite family, friends,
providing some of the content in our your free subscription, sign up at and coworkers to subscribe to Life with
inaugural issue. Teenlife.com/mag. Teens at TeenLife.com/mag.

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DID YOU
KNOW?

OVER A LIFETIME, INDIVIDUALS
WITH A BACHELOR’S DEGREE
MAKE 84% MORE MONEY
THAN THOSE WITH ONLY A
HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA.
The Georgetown University Center
on Education and The Workforce

Working couples talk
to one another an average
of only 12 minutes
a day.
NYU Child
Study Center

BY 2015, THE MILLENNIAL
1 in 3 teens
sends more than
GENERATION WILL MAKE
100 text messages
UP ONE-THIRD OF THE a day, or
ELECTORATE. 3,000 texts a month.
Young Democrats of America 2010 The Pew Research Center’s Internet &
American Life Project


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mild buzz going throughout your kids that eating alcohol-laden designs too!
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www.yubz.com
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Some content reprinted with permission from Your Teen magazine.

CAREER
TRACK

Century Skills
FOR THE 21ST CENTURY WORKPLACE
ST

BY CH AD FOST ER
BY C H AD FO ST ER

Today’s teens will spend at least 16 years
Today’s teens will spend at least 16 years Networking Skills—Future
Networking Skills—Future
and almost 20,000 hours in classrooms
and almost 20,000 hours in classrooms teen employees will need to master
teen employees will need to master
before heading out into the real world.
before heading out into the real world.
So, how can a parent be sure that this
So, how can a parent be sure that this
the skills of meeting and effectively
the skills of meeting and effectively
communicating with a lot of people,
communicating with a lot of people,
12 TIPS
for Teens Preparing
for Teens Preparing
lengthy journey provides their teens
lengthy journey provides their teens getting to know those people, and
getting to know those people, and
with the necessary tools needed to suc-
with the necessary tools needed to suc- then staying in touch with those
then staying in touch with those for the Real World
for the Real World
ceed? The question is fair, and deserves
ceed? The question is fair, and deserves people—maybe even hundreds of
people—maybe even hundreds of 1. Find your passion
1. Find your passion
serious consideration. Education alone
serious consideration. Education alone new contacts. In actuality, teens are
new contacts. In actuality, teens are and follow it.
and follow it.
probably isn’t the answer. But the addi-
probably isn’t the answer. But the addi- all quite familiar with the concept
all quite familiar with the concept 2. Ask a million
2.
tion of summer jobs, community service
tion of summer jobs, community service of “keeping in touch” with a large
of “keeping in touch” with a large questions.
questions.
work, educational programs, and even
work, educational programs, and even community of people via social net-
community of people via social net- 3. Read everything
3.
internships can help fill in the gaps. Each
internships can help fill in the gaps. Each working, so the transition to a pro-
working, so the transition to a pro- you can.
you can.
of these experiences will teach teens the
of these experiences will teach teens the fessional application should be fairly
fessional application should be fairly
4. Meet all kinds of
4.
vital 21st Century skills necessary to
vital 21st Century skills necessary to smooth. Keep in mind however,
smooth. Keep in mind however,
people.
people.
prepare and succeed in work. So, what
prepare and succeed in work. So, what that teens must be reminded that all
that teens must be reminded that all
are these skills?
are these skills? of the technology in the world will
of the technology in the world will 5. Fill your address
5.
not change the age old premise that
not change the age old premise that book.
book.
Communication Skills—Teens
Communication Skills—Teens “people make people successful.”
“people make people successful.” 6. Stay in touch with
6.
must develop the ability to talk to people
must develop the ability to talk to people Who you know will always be just
Who you know will always be just everyone.
everyone.
from all walks of life. “Don’t talk to
from all walks of life. “Don’t talk to as important as what you know.
as important as what you know. 7. Always do the right
7. Always do the right
strangers” makes great sense until age
strangers” makes great sense until age thing.
thing.
11 or 12. After that, the ability to hold a
11 or 12. After that, the ability to hold a People Skills—In a practi-
People Skills—In a practi- 8. Volunteer for
8.
conversation is vital. Questioning skills
conversation is vital. Questioning skills cal sense, the ability to get along
cal sense, the ability to get along community service.
community service.
and listening skills are both critical to
and listening skills are both critical to with others will benefit teens in all
with others will benefit teens in all 9. Discover your natural
9.
this process, which need not be compli-
this process, which need not be compli- aspects of their lives—at home, in
aspects of their lives—at home, in talents.
talents.
cated. Whether personally or profession-
cated. Whether personally or profession- the classroom, and in the work-
the classroom, and in the work-
10. Try a few jobs before
10. Try a few jobs before
ally, teens should be reminded to ask
ally, teens should be reminded to ask place. However, statistics show
place. However, statistics show
and during college.
and during college.
simple questions; listen to answers and
simple questions; listen to answers and that people skills in the workplace
that people skills in the workplace
incorporate them into their next ques-
incorporate them into their next ques- are often the toughest to master. A
are often the toughest to master. A 11. Pursue your dreams.
11. Pursue your dreams.
tions; and focus questions on jobs,
tions; and focus questions on jobs, whopping 70% of people who quit
whopping 70% of people who quit 12. Remember: mastery
12. Remember: mastery
families, and hobbies. A teen that is
families, and hobbies. A teen that is or lose their jobs do so because they
or lose their jobs do so because they of vital 21st Century
of vital st
“interesting” is great. A teen that is
“interesting” is great. A teen that is can’t get along with their bosses
can’t get along with their bosses skills leads to suc-
skills leads success.
“interested” is even better.
“interested” is even better. or coworkers. This is clearly one
or coworkers. This is clearly one cess.

8
LIFE WITH TEENS SUMMER 2012

skill that is best not learned “on
Give your
the job.” Success will depend on a
teen’s ability to compromise and teen the
to resolve conﬂict—coupled with
understanding the dangers of burn-
ing bridges along the way.
confidence
Tolerance—Three-year-olds
they need.
from diverse backgrounds play
together peacefully on playgrounds
across America. They do so be- Academic Life Coaching Ten one-on-one sessions tailored to
cause they have yet to embrace the the individual student. Increase academic confidence and reduce
poison of intolerance. Socially, anxiety. Build personal confidence and self-awareness. Improve
intolerance is distasteful, but pro- communications, relationships and leadership skills; for school, for life,
fessionally intolerance can be fatal. for your child.
Employees don’t have the luxury
of choosing their coworkers, their Gina Halsted
bosses, and/or their customers. Academic Life Coach
Teens who expect to survive and gina@ALCteen.com
succeed in the global economy to-
day absolutely need to learn how to www.ALCteen.com
live with, work with, and socialize
with people from all walks of life.
So, how can you as a parent help?
Intolerance—a learned behavior—

ArtsBridge
can be unlearned with the help of
parents who recognize the dangers
of this behavior and the future
challenges that it presents.
INTENSE COLLEGE ADVISING
Choices/Consequences— IN THE PERFORMING ARTS
There is no magic wand when
it comes to helping teens always
make the right choices, but they
can be reminded to weigh data,
think about risk, and consider the
consequences of their choices. The
key is for teens to develop pro-
cesses and strategies that enable
them to sharpen their foresight.
“If I only knew then what I know
now,” a comment often heard,
reminds us that hindsight is always
20/20. Teens must understand that
there is a dangerous correlation
between making minor bad choices
now and making major bad choices
later. It is also critical for them to Educational Consultants
realize that just one destructive specializing in the Performing Arts
decision can easily destroy the
best laid plans and highest hopes. ArtsBridge.com // info@artsbridge.com


Conversely, making positive “right”
decisions can help them achieve
their life-long dreams.

Time Management—Organi-
zational and time utilization skills
are two of the most vital common
denominators of highly successful
people. The ability to multi-task is
paramount to a successful educa-
tional, as well as workplace experi-
ence. Simply put, teens who cannot
effectively manage their time and
organize their daily schedules are
certain to struggle. Every teen
must have a system. Whether that
system is implemented with an
electronic gadget or an old fash-
ioned manual process is irrelevant.
If the system works, then it is the
right system. Hint: the ability to
say “no” can go a long way in the
game of time management!

Business Literacy—In today’s
world of entrepreneurial busi-
nesses and start-up companies, the
vast majority of today’s teens will
not work for large corporations.
Smaller companies will employ
most—and the preparation is quite
different from the preparation for
a job in generations past. These
companies typically do not have
the time or resources to train basic
workplace skills or teach the newly
employed about the particular in-
dustry landscape. Employees who
take initiative, deal with challenges,
overcome obstacles, and solve
problems starting in their teen
years will have a distinct advantage
over the rest. Business literacy is
probably the difference between
failure and success.

There is ample time for teens to
master the 21st Century skills vital
to workplace and life achievement
if they start now. They must get
involved, communicate, network,
organize, make calculated deci-
sions, appreciate others, and learn
business. LWT


SENSE

FINANCIAL WISDOM FOR TEENS

Learn Now or Pay Later!
What teens need to do now in order to become financially literate young adults.

BY C HAD FO ST ER

very parent wants their teen And it can go even further. What
to walk into the real world they are probably not thinking about is
fully prepared to make wise how influential these jobs can be on their
financial decisions. But, for eventual career path. I like to remind par-
most parents, teaching their ents and teens that the process of career
children how to do this is not—at all— exploration, preparation, and selection
easy. So, here’s some practical advice, cannot start too early.
mixed with a little bit of financial wisdom, As parents, encourage your teen
that you can share with your teen about to get summer jobs in various different
making, managing, and multiplying their types of work and intern (hopefully paid)
hard-earned money. during breaks. Not only will they be
earning their own money, but they will
1. MAKING MONEY—How will your also be exploring what they like to do.
teen get his or her money? Simply put, A love for animals is not enough to
they can earn it, marry it, inherit it, or become a vet, but combining a love for
steal it! Since marrying money is unlikely, animals with substantial time working
inheriting money can take forever, and in a vet’s office may lead a teen to
stealing money is illegal, the truth of the that very career.
matter is that the vast majority of today’s
teens will have to do it the old-fashioned
way. Earn it.
Of course, your child—and many of “Young
the teens you might know—are probably
earning money by babysitting, mowing savers usually
lawns, working in retail, or cashiering at end up as old
the local supermarket, which are all excel- savers.”
lent ways in which young adults can make
money. Obviously earning their own
money not only gives them some cash in
their pockets, but it also teaches them so
much more. They begin to learn the corre-
lation between working hard and getting
paid for their efforts. And they can learn
about supply and demand: after babysit-
ting for a few families, they might realize
how many families need childcare help—
and thus an enterprising teen might seize
on the chance to earn even more money.


2. MANAGING MONEY—So,
what happens when the cash starts to
ﬂow in? Will your teen spend it all?
Save some of it? Give some away?
Hopefully, the answer will be no, yes,
yes. Yes, you are reading it correctly,
I replied no, yes, yes. In passing my
ﬁnancial wisdom on to you, I honestly
believe that successful money man-
agement can only take place if “the
list” is in the right order. Give, Save,
Spend. Let me explain.
Giving. Granted, “giving” is not
always an easy concept to sell to the
average teen that has worked hard
for his or her paycheck. But then
again, who wants to have an average

10
teen? Teens should be encouraged
to give—this reminds teens at an 30 simply will not be as effective as
early age that no matter who they starting the saving process as a teen.
are or what they have, there is always The secret to saving is time.
someone less fortunate. I like to put Spending seems to come quite
it this way: whether you are 16 or 60, naturally to most teens. After all, why
and whether you give away $10 or work hard to earn that pile of money Ten Tips for Teens
$10,000, there are three things I can if you can’t turn around and spend on the Road to
some of it? The desire to spend for
promise you.
most teens is quite normal. But it
Financial Freedom
1. It always feels good to give. is imperative that teens have a clear
2. It helps others when you give. understanding of how much money 1. Work part-time as a
they’re bringing in, and thus how teenager.
3. Giving is the right thing to do.
much they can allow themselves to
2. Give to those less
Teens who start giving at an spend, both on things they need and
fortunate than you.
early age typically become adults who things they want.
continue the practice of giving later As parents, intervene a bit; ask 3. Learn to save money at
in life. your kids before shopping if they an early age.
Saving. Saving is important, and actually need what they plan to
it must become a habit. Habits, good buy—or just want what they plan to 4. Understand the
and bad alike, are hard to break. For buy. Again, they will probably spend difference between
this reason, young savers usually end a little on both, but a clear problem needs and wants.
up as older savers, which is critical arises when teens start spending
5. Develop good spending
to the process of wise money man- money they don’t have on things they
habits before you have
agement. While still highly recom- don’t need. When that line is crossed, big bucks.
mended, starting to save at age 25 or a small piece of plastic has obviously
6. Pursue a career you enjoy.

7. Figure out how to make
COLLEGE money while you sleep.
PRESIDENTS
TELL US 8. Pay off all credit cards
THAT THEY every month.
LOSE MORE
STUDENTS 9. Protect what you own
TO CREDIT with insurance.
of college students carry credit year-olds that have
CARD DEBT
card debt, with more than half declared bankruptcy
THAN TO 10. Recognize the need to
of those students charging their has increased 96%
ACADEMIC live within your means.
cards to the limit. over the past 10 years.
FAILURE.

worked its way into the process.
Be aware, credit card compa- EarthConnect:
A Costa Rican Adventure
nies target teens, too. And credit
card debt, as anyone knows, can
cause long-term financial ruin. In

Summer Program
fact, colleges today report that they
lose more students to credit card
debt than to academic failure.

3. MULTIPLYING MONEY—
Teens who explore rewarding
for Teens

‘‘
careers for themselves and learn
to effectively manage the money Story after story came…
they earn are well on their way to
financial success. Only the abil-
Spy hopping with the
ity to multiply their money stands dolphins, kayaking in
between them and their future,
and complete financial freedom.
mangroves, meeting
As a wise man in West Texas once locals and traveling by
shared with an eager, ambitious
teenage entrepreneur, “Until you
bus. What became clear
learn how to make money while to me was how much
you sleep, you will never really get
ahead in the financial process.”
Sam enjoyed being with
Teens who learn how to make authentic people from a
money while they sleep, unearned
money, are the real winners. The
foreign culture. When I
sooner teens are introduced to the asked him “Was it what
process of investing, and the earlier
they are taught to understand the
you thought it would
power of unearned income, the be?” His response was
better off they will be in the long
run. No matter how the market
“Better, by far!” He
performs, a safe, long-term stock was proud of the work
will be more profitable the earlier
your teen invests.
he accomplished and all
Once again, time is a determin- that he learned. He got
ing factor in the process. Adults
and teens alike must understand,
more out of the program
than I could have

’’
however, that investing is a skill,
which must be learned and prac-
ticed in order to improve over time.
possibly expected.
Is there a sure-fire formula that —EarthConnect 2011 Parent
works for every teen learning about
money? Not a chance. But is it
possible to send teens into the real
world financially literate? You bet. Chill Expeditions
As parents, encourage them to earn
their own money; to really think
Costa Rican Adventures
Experiential Learning Adventures Since 1995
about their career path; to give,
save, and spend in the right order; 800.551.7887 Toll Free
and to multiply their money even requests@costaricanadventures.com
while they sleep. Teach financial
wisdom now or consequently they
www.costaricanadventures.com
will pay later! LWT


PARENTING
Why It’s Not Good for Your Teen

Haven’t we all had a helicopter moment?
Perhaps it was a note to a teacher
protesting a grade, or a call to a coach
insisting our teenager gets to play in
next week’s game. Maybe it was
helping too much with an English
paper or wrangling an invitation
to a party. Whatever the reason,
we stepped in and did for our
teenager what they could—
and probably should—have
handled on their own.

by Diana Simeon
Reprinted with permission from Your Teen magazine.


CCASIONAL MOMENTS LIKE THESE ARE PART
OF BEING A PARENT. WE LOVE OUR TEENAGERS AND WANT
THE BEST FOR THEM. BUT WHEN INTERVENTION HAPPENS
TOO OFTEN, AND WE FIND OURSELVES HANDLING LIFE’S
CHALLENGES FOR OUR TEENAGERS WEEK AFTER WEEK—
OR DAY AFTER DAY—THEN WE MAY BE HURTING MORE
THAN HELPING.
IN ORDER FOR OUR TEENAGERS TO GROW INTO
SUCCESSFUL ADULTS, THEY MUST LEARN TO HANDLE
CHALLENGES ON THEIR OWN. THIS DOESN’T MEAN THAT
WE LET OUR TEENAGERS GO THEIR OWN WAY NO MATTER
WHAT THEY’RE UP AGAINST, BUT IT DOES MEAN THAT, MORE
OFTEN THAN NOT, WE MUST LET THEM TAKE THE LEAD.

And when our radar detects trouble, we act. In fact, how many of us would get into the college we
“Some parents hope to rescue their teenagers from getting attended? The current economic climate doesn’t help mat-
a bad grade or from a social situation or from any of the ters; even attending a prestigious college doesn’t guarantee
pitfalls that can happen in life, believing perhaps that it a job upon graduation for our teens.
will be too difficult for their teen to handle,” explains Amy Then, there are our worries over driving and drugs
Speidel, a Cleveland-area parenting coach. and alcohol and sex and everything else that can go
“We have a pessimistic attitude toward our kids wrong—sometimes drastically so—in their lives. And, as
that says they cannot do anything safely or successfully if all of this weren’t enough, chances are we’re also acting
without our help,” adds New York City-based syndicated out of guilt.
columnist Lenore Skenazy, author of Free-Range Kids: “We feel guilty because it’s so much harder for our
How to Raise Safe Self-Reliant Children without Going Nuts teenagers today or because we’re asking them to do so
with Worry. much or because we’re divorced or we work too much or
So why do we do it? What’s changed from the hands- whatever,” Gilboa says.
off parenting style of past generations to the enmeshed
style so frequently found today? Why do we think that our
teenagers can’t handle what we handled at their age? Well, Wait, Should We Really Land this
according to the experts, there are several factors at play. Helicopter?
First, foremost and most obvious, we love our teen- So, if the world has changed, if it’s that much harder
agers. “We believe that no one has our teenager’s best for our teenagers, isn’t the appropriate response to be more
interests at heart. That’s not self-aggrandizing. That’s enmeshed with them? Absolutely not, the experts say.
truly love,” says Deborah Gilboa, MD, a.k.a. Dr. G, a “We can almost describe it like this,” Speidel says. “It
Pittsburgh-area physician. “And as they move into is as if parents are attempting to help their teens develop
adolescence, we’re also still in the habit of taking care an internal guidance system, but never allow the teen to
of all their needs.” experience the learning as their own. For instance, years
Anxiety for our teenagers’ future is another reason. ago, if you were 12 years old and nobody picked you up at
“There is an apt recognition that the world is a more the end of an activity, you had to ﬁgure it out. Now, teens
competitive place now,” notes Dr. Lisa Damour, a clinical don’t do that; they just make a call.”
psychologist at Laurel School in Shaker Heights, Ohio. Yet, it’s this ﬁguring out of day-to-day problems
“And that this generation will have to work harder to be that teenagers need to grow successfully into adulthood,
as successful as their parents.” Speidel notes. “By giving children the answers, parents
No doubt. Take getting into college, particularly a are actually creating a foreman-on-the-job response in
top-ranked college. It’s just much harder to do these days. their child that says, ‘I don’t have to bank this knowledge


because you will have the answer adults who lack confidence, and per-
for me.’” haps even the competence, to success-
In other words, when teenag- fully make their way in the world.
ers deal with a challenge, they learn Meanwhile, our relationship with
how to deal with a challenge. When our teenagers is also at risk when we
they, and not their parents, talk to the helicopter. “There may be kids who
coach about playing in next week’s find this totally inappropriate and
soccer game or to the teacher about humiliating,” Damour says. “It puts
a poor grade, then the next time a them in the position of being angry
TIGER PARENTING:
similar situation arises, they will have with someone who is acting on their The Flip Side of the Coin?
built the skills to do so. behalf.” Meaning you.
But, when a parent swoops in Thanks to Amy Chua’s bestselling
Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother,
and takes charge, these skills won’t
develop. Coming in for a Landing we now have yet another parenting
moniker at our disposal: tiger mom.
“It can feel like a vote of no confi- Former New York Times and now
dence. The parent is, in effect, telling Huffington Post columnist Lisa Belkin Tiger mom—or tiger parent—means
the teenager: ‘I don’t think you can said it all when she wrote: “Our own a parent who pushes her children to
handle this, so I am going to handle it quirks look, to us, like concern or excel, at times using strategies that
for you,’” Damour says. prudence or love. It’s everyone ELSE may seem excessive to the rest of us.
Then, there’s the tendency of who hovers.”
While it’s most often seen with
many enmeshed parents to rescue Isn’t it true? It’s easy to “tsk, tsk” academics, it also happens in music
their teenagers from the consequences about instances of extreme helicopter- or sports or debate or dance or most
of their actions. For example, the ing—like the parent of the Colgate any competitive activity in which a
parent who calls to complain about University student who called the tiger parent decides, “My child will
a grade her teenager “deserved” is school to complain about the plumb- be the best.”
not helping her teenager at all. Why ing conditions in China, where her
At Life with Teens we wondered: Are
study next time if Mom or Dad can daughter was spending a semes-
tiger parents the same as helicopter
fix it for you? ter—but when it comes to our own parents? They are, after all, very in-
teenagers, determining how much is volved with their children’s lives. So,
too much is not easy. we asked our experts to weigh in.
“I think parents feel frustrated
“When your teenager by this. They wonder: ‘So, I’m just “I would say those are mostly
different dynamics,” explains Lisa
supposed to let them sink or swim?’”
comes to you with Speidel says. “It’s the balance that’s Damour, a clinical psychologist at
Laurel School in Shaker Heights,
a problem, instead so important. Are you giving them Ohio. “You can have super-
steps along the way to become that
of providing a confident adult that you clearly want
demanding parents that expect
a kid to manage, but the helicopter
solution, just listen— them to become? They are not going parent does not think their kid
to become competent just because can manage.”
and be curious.” they reach a certain age. They become
What’s more, tiger parents want
that confident adult because they have
their children to experience hard
“Consequences give our brain those experiences leading up to that, knocks, says Harvard-affiliated
information that says: This worked which tell them, ‘You are capable sociologist Hilary Levey Friedman,
well; I want to do it again. Or: This of this.’” author of the forthcoming Playing to
didn’t work at all for me; I want to Win: Raising Children in a Competi-
avoid that or try something different. Here are some strategies tive Culture. “Competitive parents
The brain actually wires itself around to get you started: recognize that no matter how great
you are, you are going to face ad-
these experiences,” Speidel notes.
versity at some point in your life. If
What’s at stake? A lot. If parents Listen (a lot) more than you you learn how to deal with that at a
don’t allow teenagers to take charge suggest. When your teenager younger age, and in a safer environ-
of their lives—and experience the comes to you with a problem, instead ment, that’s a good thing.”
positive and negative consequences of providing a solution, just listen—
of their actions—they will grow into and be curious. “So, for instance, if Reprinted with permission from Your Teen magazine.


ADVICE FROM OUR EXPERT
Why do we helicopter? Because we love our teenagers and, at times, we’re afraid
for them. But, says Deborah Gilboa, MD, a.k.a. Dr. G, a Pittsburgh-area physician who
also dispenses parenting advice on HuffPost Parents and Twitter, we need to get
over that. Letting our teenagers stumble is just what they need.

What do you think of the term “helicopter parent?” Okay, so say my teenager never gets up on time
I prefer to say “enmeshed parent.” It is honest, but not for school?
as condemning. I would say, “Your ride to school leaves at this time. But
I’m not going to yell anymore, because it ruins my day.”
What are we doing when we’re enmeshed with our If they miss the bus, they miss the bus. However, you and
teenagers? your teen must agree on the consequences if school is
We’re not building resilience. Our goal is to raise our missed. By high school, you can wait for the school to give
teenagers so they can leave us; we’re important, but consequences, but be cautious about inserting yourself
temporary. When we don’t teach our teenagers to man- between the child and the consequences. Your teenager
age problems on their own, they don’t learn resilience. may get an unexcused absence; they may have to take a
And, if we don’t teach resilience, then we rob them of the grade hit. But, high school is a much better time to under-
self-esteem that comes from learning that they are resil- stand the cost of consequences rather than in college or
ient, that they can solve their own problems and make at a job. I would also recommend you give your teenager
their way in life on their own. three pieces of paper: three no-questions-asked rides to
school. This can help you and your teenager ease into
So what’s the alternative? the program.
Be engaged, but not enmeshed. Listen much more than
you give advice. I read this great article years ago where A big project is due, but my teenager is doing a
the writer described how her dad responded when she terrible job. What now?
came to him with a problem. He would say, “Wow, that’s When it comes to a younger teenager, I encourage par-
a tough fix. I’ll be interested to see what you do about ents to think of themselves as a project manager, but not
it.” And he was not being patronizing. He was saying, “I’ll an employee. You can talk to your child about timelines
be interested to see how you solve this problem. I have and resources, but don’t do the work for them. Doing
faith in you, and I want to hear how it goes.” Listen, listen, these projects is not really about, say, learning all the
listen, so you can be engaged, but bite your tongue. Offer names of the planets in the solar system. They’re about
advice only a fraction of the time, even though you have learning how to manage timelines, manage frustration,
the perfect piece of advice. Because the message when etc.—all the tools we need to become competent adults.
you don’t offer advice is that you have faith that your And, if you do the project for them—and especially if they
teenager has some good ideas about how to fix this get a good grade—they are not going to feel good about
problem on his or her own. it. So, yes, let them fail if necessary. You are saying: “This is
your work.” And, you let them see that one grade is not a
Even if they mess up? reflection of who they are and that they have what it takes
The biggest gift we can give our teenagers is NOT to fail and recover. For an older teenager, do much less.
protecting them from consequences. If your teenager is They should handle most of this on their own. Again, let
going to get benched because of a C in math, you should them experience the consequences of their actions.
not argue with the coach or the principal or the math
teacher; you should say, “How are you going to improve What about the teenager who is not handing in
your grade?” If we protect them from consequences when homework day-to-day?
they are teenagers—and don’t teach them resilience— This could suggest that your teenager has an organiza-
they will be shocked and betrayed by the real world. tional problem. But it could also be something else, like
We are not doing them a good service. That’s the danger anxiety or social pressures. I always tell my patients that
of being enmeshed with our kids. We’re setting up false if they see a dramatic change in their child, that is not a
expectations for how they will be treated in every aspect time to be hands-off. So, if you see a dramatic change in
of their lives. grades or their friends, then in a very non-accusatory way,
sit down with your teenager and say, “You need some-
That’s hard to do for enmeshed parents. thing you are not getting. There is a missing link for you,
Yes, it’s hard but not impossible. It is very difficult to and we need to figure it out.” Promise yourself that you
change how you feel, but how you feel is not as important will not try to fix it in that first conversation, just be empa-
as what you do. Parents can change their actions without thetic and listen. Walk away and sit with it for a few hours,
changing their feelings. Change your goal from raising a then go back and say, “I’ve been thinking about what you
teenager who is protected to raising one who is resilient. said.” Then, you can start a conversation about next steps.

For more advice from Dr. G or to ask a follow-up question, visit her website at askdoctorg.com or tweet her @AskDocG.


your daughter comes home and says, suggests. But, coaching your teenager where to start. So, here’s an idea.
‘A friend is having a party, and I on what to do with language like, “Next time your blades are spinning,
wasn’t invited,’ the tendency might “Here’s how to handle this,” is not ask yourself: ‘What’s the worst that
be to say, ‘Well, are you having appropriate. could happen in this scenario?’” says
trouble with your friend? Did you do Speidel. “And, if the answer is that
something? Do you want me to call Start with low stakes—and your teenager ‘could be hurt, but it
her mom?’ In other words, ‘How do don’t rescue your teenager seems as if they will recover,’ then
you want me to interfere?’” explains from the consequences. allow the possibility of hurt, knowing
Speidel. “Instead, the first thing you Teaching our teenagers to fend for they can recover and do it differently
should do is become curious about themselves means allowing them to the next time. Every time you allow
how your child is experiencing this make their own choices and experi- your child to have a disappointment
situation and ask, ‘I’m wondering how ence the consequences of those choic- and recover, what you’re saying is:
you feel about this?’ It’s important for es. For an enmeshed parent, it can ‘You are strong. You can handle this.
your child to know that the feeling is be gut-wrenching to watch teenagers And, we’ve got your back.’”
hers to own, not for you to fix.” stumble, perhaps even fall, which is When our teenagers were tod-
exactly what they’ve been trying to dlers, just learning to walk, we were
Be a coach. Asking questions is prevent with their hovering. happy to let them teeter, totter, and
also appropriate when it comes to Mobile, Alabama, father of three, tumble because we understood that
supporting your teenagers through Tilmon Brown, knows this all to well. this is how children learn to walk—
problems. “Parents should do a lot of “My daughter is a lost puppy. So I and eventually run. Our teenag-
thoughtful coaching. For example, if have to decide: Do I let her flounder ers are not so different: They will
your teenager is having trouble with and make a mess of her life or do I wobble; they will trip; they will most
a teacher, you could ask, ‘Would it get involved and help her succeed?” certainly fall. But, if we let them do
be helpful to email your instructor?’ For those of us, like Brown, who it enough, they will also fly. LWT
or ‘What’s the appropriate verbiage?’ struggle day in and day out with Reprinted with permission from Your Teen magazine.
or ‘What are your goals?’” Damour being enmeshed, it’s hard to know

TOP We polled our staff, readers, experts, friends, and family to bring you a TOP 13 of moments
when our helicopter blades were whirling. While some may make you giggle or gasp, others
may sound, well, uncomfortably familiar—proof positive of how difficult this can all be. The
bottom line: if these moments are the rule in your home, and not the exception, it may be
time to take a deep breath, review the tips from our experts and come in for a landing.

1. Recently, I emailed about 100 adults to ask them to 8. My son had to return a book to his college’s bookstore.
be mindful of their behavior during an upcoming There was a problem, so while he was standing in the store,
meeting that my high schooler was also attending. he called me on his cell phone, and I talked to the manager.

2. I called my daughter’s college to complain about 9. I require my teenager to take a picture on her phone and
the food. text it to me, so that I know she really is where she says
she is.
3. I called my son’s school because he missed the
deadline to return a form that would allow him to 10. I check online daily to make sure my daughter’s grades
participate in an extracurricular activity. are acceptable.

4. I can’t help myself. I attend my daughter’s rehears- 11. I went to my son’s school and held his spot in line to make
als, take notes and then review with her the areas sure he got into an activity he wanted to sign up for.
that I think need improvement.
12. I drive my daughter to school 2 – 3 days a week because
5. I filled out my son’s applications for a summer job, she can’t get to the bus stop on time.
and I called to schedule the interview.
13. And here’s one from the headlines. A house shared by
6. I filled out my daughter’s college applications and seven Boston University students was going up in flames.
helped her write the essay. Instead of dialing 911, one of the students called his parents,
who in turn alerted the University’s police department.
7. I called my daughter’s boss to ask for a better Reprinted with permission from Your Teen magazine.
work schedule.


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JUNIOR YEAR Thinking about college starts in your junior year.

FALL WINTER SPRING SUMMER
Take a challenging course load and all of the Begin researching colleges. Look into summer jobs, Request catalogs and admission
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Log on to PrincetonReview.com to register
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and add these experiences to your applications. and prepare questions for Explore the campus, its fa- Start your applications before
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SENIOR YEAR It’s your last year of school! Now’s the time to complete your college quest.

SEPTEMBER APRIL
Decide which colleges to apply to. Include schools that you believe
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If you are added to a waiting list, notify the college or university if
Contact The Princeton Review to discuss the College Admissions you are still interested, and ask them if there’s anything you can
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Take the SAT/ACT. process including your counselor, teachers, and those who’ve
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Plan to attend a summer orientation at your college.

NOVEMBER/DECEMBER
Submit your completed college applications and essays. JUNE
Check to see if your recommendation letters have been mailed. .
Search for scholarship opportunities.
Complete any last minute paperwork required for your school.
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Ask your counselor to send your mid-year grades to the colleges or
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if you
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Check the policies on the College Level Examination Program (CLEP) tests
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VOLUNTEER
SPOTLIGHT

Does Your Teen Want
to Be a Samariteen?
BY L ESLI AM O S

“It provides a space for callers to able lessons she will take from Samari-
have direct and honest communication teens are summed up in two quotes.
with someone their age who will respect One is, “To the world, you may be one
and listen to what they’ve been going person—but to one person, you may be
through,” continues Baum. the world.” The other is the Samaritans’
There is no better way to understand tagline: “You are not alone!”
the impact of Samariteens than by meet- The most rewarding part of the Sa-
ing one of the 64 active teen volunteers. mariteens experience varies by volunteer,
Jess Kruger (16), a junior at Fram- but Baum maintains that volunteers are
ingham High who handles several making real differences in callers’ lives.
3:00–9:00 p.m. shifts per week, offers a “Our teen volunteers speak with
Jess Kruger, teen perspective. As a teen who person- individuals who are experiencing some
junior at ally conquered her own struggles with very difficult situations. That said, it’s an
Framingham mental illness, Kruger believes she “was incredibly meaningful experience where
High School
meant to be a Samariteen.” teens are directly providing help to those
Kruger explains, “Obviously each who are in great need,” adds Baum.
he teen years can be extremely dif- caller’s situation is different; we are Samaritans has other volunteer op-
ficult with pressures from school, home, trained to intently listen, not to offer portunities as well. Teens can participate
friends, and media, along with rapid advice. But it is an incredible feeling to in events like the 5K Walk/Run to raise
biological changes. For many, it is often be on the other end of the phone when awareness about suicide and prevention,
too much to bear. In these dire circum- someone really needs me.” or the annual Make Noise to Save a Life
stances, parents and teens are extremely Being a Samariteen offers benefits fundraiser.
fortunate to have organizations like on both ends of the phone line. Follow- For teens who believe in the power
Samaritans (www.samaritans.org) with up calls from teens formerly in crisis of caring for others, who want real world
a mission to help reduce teen suicide: a reassure that the program works—and experience in the mental or public health
very real—and serious—problem today. that meaningful peer relationships are fields and the opportunity to make an
In a recent interview with Nate imperative to recovery. On the listening immediate difference, the Samaritans’
Baum, the Youth Services Manager of end, Kruger notes that her interpersonal Samariteens program is an ideal fit.
the Samaritans’ Samariteens Program, and active listening skills have flourished Samariteens accepts volunteers ages
I was reminded that suicide is the third as well as her own self-worth. “I am a 15 - 19, and requires a nine-month com-
leading cause of death for people ages 15 more patient and understanding person. mitment for the helpline. Teens can sign
to 24. Although I had heard that statistic I may even explore the field of psychol- up online at samaritanshope.org/volun-
before, it has only now truly resonated. ogy down the line,” remarks Kruger. teer, or call (617) 536-2460 for Boston or
Along with extensive community Kruger explains that the most valu- (508) 872-1780 for Framingham. LWT
education and outreach to help young
people who are depressed or suicidal, the
core of the Samariteens Program is the
“teen to teen” helpline: (800) 252-TEEN
and the IMHear instant messaging pro- “TO THE WORLD,
gram, which allow teens to confide their YOU MAY BE ONE
feelings to a peer. PERSON—BUT TO
Baum explains, “Our helpline volun-
teers use a technique called ‘befriending’ ONE PERSON, YOU
as a way to actively listen and offer sup- MAY BE THE WORLD.”
port for callers, without giving advice or Samariteens answering calls for the helpline.
passing judgment.”


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Why Hire an talented athlete joins the football team at a
prominent Ivy League. A “late-to-bloom”
graduate attends a major liberal arts school

Independent
by means of community college first. A
budding diplomat finds the perfect academic curriculum
at a university in D.C. And a student with learning

Consultant?
challenges moves from discouragement to a college that
meets specific needs.
Apart from being successes, all of these high school
students have one other thing in common: they each
hired an independent educational consultant (IEC) to
An objective professional can match them with the perfect school—a college that was
exactly what they were looking for.
pay off in many ways So, what does an IEC exactly do that parents,
college-bound teens, and sometimes time-constrained
school counselors can’t or don’t?
Mark Sklarow, executive director of the Indepen-
dent Educational Consultants Association (IECA, www.
iecaonline.org), the nation’s leading professional organi-
B Y J IM P A T ER SO N zation for independent educational consultants working
in private practice, says, “there are a variety of ways


consultants can help throughout the “Working with me means that
confusing and high-stakes process of students will learn a great deal about
choosing a college—by not only sav- themselves and what they want/need
Just as you want to find ing families time and money, but by at this moment in their lives.”
the best-fit college for your getting students to think about their She notes that almost half of
teen, you will also want to find interests, as well as the vast array of college freshmen don’t return for
the best IEC to help you. Here options they have. A consultant can their sophomore year. A good IEC
are some tips on selecting also recommend different career paths can increase a student’s odds of find-
an Independent Educational and rethink preconceived notions ing the right fit.
Consultant, according to Mark about a school.” Rabe says she keeps track of de-
Sklarow, executive director of Sklarow continues, “Typically, tails such as “whether the labs are up-
the Independent Educational a consultant has the benefit of more dated, the career center is well-staffed,
Consultants Association. time to research colleges compared to construction projects have stalled,
school counselors. IECs use that time the new workout facility is complete,
to find a school where a student will or there are internships or research
thrive.” options.” Families are often over-
• The IEC you hire should be Lucia Tyler, a college consultant- whelmed by the information about
approachable and work easily from Trumansburg, NY, explains, the academics, costs, and environment
with the personality of your “In today’s rapidly changing environ- at various schools, but a consultant
family and your student. Each
ment, families value up-to-date advice can help manage the information.
consultant has a different ap-
proach and different expertise,
on selectivity, applications, scholar- “Also, family and student
and should understand exactly ships, programs, and facilities.” opinions can be strongly held, and a
what your family needs. Tyler explains, “The public consultant can provide an objective
schools often have a tough time keep- voice—and being less close to the
• Select a person who does a lot ing up with the tsunami of informa- situation, can observe student inter-
of college visits and is current tion coming from colleges.” ests, skills, or personality traits, and
on the best information and
“IECs consolidate information be impartial,” Rabe explains.
trainings.
to save time and frustration—and can Students often appreciate that
• Keep an open mind about the provide specific data on other topics, other voice. Rabe says, “In an age
information a consultant pro- such as unusual majors, special needs, when everyone gets a trophy for
vides, even if it doesn’t fit your or unexpected family or personal showing up, it can be helpful—and
preconceived notions. circumstances,” adds Tyler. sometimes a huge relief—to have an
Tyler also notes that beyond educational consultant who is passion-
• Don’t assume that the IEC the data and paperwork, IECs are ate about excellence.”
needs to have worked as a high
concerned about the student, “A In conclusion, Rabe states,
school counselor or in a college
admissions office.
major reason for students leaving “Family savings go up in smoke and
school is a mismatch. When consul- often times students are facing debt
• Find an IEC who is interested in tants tour, they pay attention to the that has not moved them very close to
the right fit and not just “get- types of students who attend and the a diploma, much less a career. Making
ting your teen in.” activities that are deemed important a mistake with college choice can be
so they can help their clients with that very expensive. I know dollars and
• Look for someone who makes
information.” cents matter. But saving my families
the student responsible.
Luisa Rabe, a partner at Pru-
Pruett money isn’t what makes me jump
• Meet several consultants when ett Rabe Associates, educational con-
Rabe Associates, an an educational out of bed in the morning. Instead,
your teen is a freshman or consulting firm in Haverford, believes
sultingfirm in Haverford, PA PA be- it’s the possibilities for a successful
sophomore, so you can start lieves that have extensive experience,
that IECs IECs have extensive expe- student experience.”
working with your choice IEC rience, having touredcampuses and
having toured many many campuses Despite the frustration the college
right at the beginning of their and gone through process withwith
gone through the the process many search process can entail for both par-
junior year.
many students. She visits about about
other other students. She visits 50 ents and college-bound teens, there
• Make sure your consultant
50 campuses a year andconstantly
campuses a year and is is constantly are plenty of success stories in which
works an average of 20 hours updating her knowledge base. students find the right match. And
with you and your student to “What matters to me and what in many cases, hiring an independent
keep the college admissions I think matters most to my families educational consultant helped lead
process on track. are possibilities,” says Luisa Rabe. the way. LWT


HEALTH &
WELLNESS

Media Literacy 101
Fortifying Teens’ Media Diets
BY KI M BER L Y W O L F, M . E D.

mart phones. Video games. Tablets. Laptops. with organizations like MissRepresentation.org and
Desktops. Magazines. Books. TV. Movies. DoSomething.org promoting healthier content and tech-
Newspapers. Radio. You name the sources; nological interaction for young people, much of the media
the chances are your teen is consuming adored by teens is full of unrealistic body images, gender
content from most or all of them on a weekly stereotypes, focus on material possessions, and incomplete
basis. According to Generation M2: Media in the Lives representations of health and wellness. With this makeup
of 8- to 18-Year-Olds, a 2010 study by the Kaiser Family and the time that teens spend with media, the potential
Foundation, American teens spend over 7.5 hours using negative effects are many. Social withdrawal, under-
media each day, and because of time spent multitasking, developed conversation skills, poor sleep, issues with
they consume over 10.5 hours of media content within body image, and weight problems are just a few.
that timeframe. For generations, parents have briefed their teens
Media provides sources of entertainment, social on the dangers associated with sex, drinking, drugs,
interaction, and education. Teens love it. And now more and driving. Today’s parents should be adding media
than ever, media has tremendous inﬂuence over them. It to their list of topics.
helps shape their self-concepts, how they understand the If you want to help your teen navigate today’s media
world and their places within it. landscape in a healthy way, I suggest a multi-faceted
While a “healthy media” movement is on the rise approached.


Educate yourself. With media
use on the rise and more studies
about media’s negative influence on
the teen demographic, many organi-
zations are actually taking the initia-
tive to educate adults about “healthy
media diets.” CommonSenseMedia.
org—run by James Styer, a Stanford
professor, lawyer, and media execu-
tive—has media reviews, parenting

Substance Abuse tips, and a customizable newsletter.

Model healthy media
Treatment for Teens behaviors. CommonSenseMedia.
org encourages parents to “set an
Clinical expertise in substance abuse example by using media the way
and psychiatric illness you want [your kids] to use it. Don’t
bring your phone to the dinner table,
Strong support for parents and turn the television off when it’s
not actively being watched.”
Peaceful residential setting near Boston
Limit teens’ media
exposure (when possible).
Generation M2 points out the
numerous decisions parents make in
creating a “media environment” for
their teens. You may not be able to
control your teen’s media exposure
beyond your home, but simple deci-
sions like banning TV, computers,
and smart phones from your child’s
bedroom move the dial when it
comes to reducing media intake.

Teach media safety. Make
your teens aware of media’s down-
falls and how they affect all people,
not just youth. Talk to them about
recent studies or statistics about
media use, and refer to their favorite
shows or magazines as jumping
off points for discussions around
negative or inaccurate imagery and
messaging.

The influence of media on
American teens can’t be discount-
ed—and it doesn’t look like teens
will be losing interest in media any
time soon. The good news is that
McLean Hospital is the largest psychiatric affiliate of Harvard Medical School
today’s parents have the opportunity
and a member of Partners HealthCare.
to foster responsible media habits in
www.mcleanlanding.org :: 877.412.3445 teens, which will help them enjoy
mcleanlanding@mclean.harvard.edu media’s benefits in more positive,
healthy ways. LWT


VIEW
POINTS

The Dreaded “D” Word
IT IS NO SURPRISE THAT DIVORCE IS DIFFICULT
FOR ALL INVOLVED, BUT WE HOPE THESE PERSONAL
STORIES AND EXPERT ADVICE SHED SOME LIGHT ON
HOW FAMILIES CAN PERSEVERE.



www.tec-coop.org
PA RENT
JEN N I
N EWMA N
INTERNSHIP
PROGRAM “W hen I got divorced, my kids were 14, 10, and 6. It was a
painful time for all of us, but I thought that I was prepared for every-
thing that would accompany this difficult decision. And to some extent
Internships offered during: I was. I knew how to handle most things that would change our lives
summer months from a two-parent household to a single-parent household. Once the
divorce was final my kids and I began working together to move
the academic year forward into a new schedule for all of us.
The new challenges that I was not prepared for came when I began
after school hours dating. Dating at 41 was very different than dating in my twenties.
the school day For starters, meeting single men was not the same as it was when I
was younger. And before I got married, I only had to worry about my
post secondary/ parents; now I had to worry about my kids.
Of course I could not dictate what my ex would share with my kids,
gap year but I decided that I would not discuss dating with my kids unless it
became serious. I had a few dates shortly after my divorce was final,
enough to learn that there were any number of strange men I wouldn’t
“Together we go out with again, let alone introduce to my kids. But when you go out
as a single parent you have to decide what to tell your kids about where
create more you are going. Plus, I also knew that I needed to be more responsible
about dating and late nights than when I was younger; my teenagers
possibilites” would be learning from my example.
One evening after a coffee date, I got home much later then I had
originally planned to find my daughter waiting for me with a look of
disdain. She said, “You cannot expect me to call you when I am going
to be late, if you do not do the same for me.” Suddenly my daughter
became the mother and I became the child. That was quite a reality
Find us on check, and to some extent, she was right. So moving forward, I made
Facebook sure to set the right example in my dating life.
TEC Interns
What also became clear to me was the change in how my children
would see me and how I would see myself. I would always be a parent,
but how do you balance that with also being a woman? Not so simple.
Whatever decision I made could be the wrong one.
Follow us on: This became abundantly clear when I met the right man a year after
my divorce. It was certainly difficult to introduce him to my two sons,
twitter
but the real challenge was introducing him to my teenage daughter.
TEC Internships She was less than amused at the prospect of meeting him. I was not
sure why, but it was a difficult first meeting.
Over time, I learned that her discomfort about meeting him was
Visit our website connected to her fear of more changes in her life. At that point, I un-
for more information. derstood that the biggest anxiety in divorce is the fear of change. And
Contact Sherri Sigel at no matter what, change was always going to be in the air. And kids will
ssigel@tec-coop.org learn how to adjust.”


their rooms or watch TV in the den (while doing their best
to ignore me), I just tell them that their presence is important
to me.
Nothing can replace face-to-face interactions with my teen-
age daughters. Although I work in social media for a living,
I never communicate with them through social media. I oc-
PAREN T casionally check Facebook to see what they are doing, but the
last thing they want is their dad communicating with them in a
TED visible format. When necessary, I send texts. And of course, I
RUBIN call them. Although they rarely check email, I always send one
before I fly to tell them I love them, so they will always know.
Our most important moments are in person, when I am truly

“W
paying attention and being involved in what they do.
Due to my work in social media marketing, I’ve built deep,
ith divorce, most dads are not the custodial rewarding relationships with many mom bloggers. Because
parent, and therefore, the dad has little or no control over the I reveal my status as a divorced dad of teenage girls, moms
daily decisions. For many reasons, dads may allow the mom share valuable advice that I hope has made me a better, more
to be the custodial parent due to financial necessity and lack of sensitive and insightful dad. I have been asked, “If you had just
comfort with being the primary caretaker. Often attorneys and one hour with your girls, what would you do?” At this point,
psychologists advise this traditional route. I would choose anything that I could do “with” them. When
I believe that dads should do whatever it takes to get full they were young, and I had a real choice, I would choose swim-
joint legal and physical custody, even if equal splitting of time ming because it was so interactive. Now, I make myself avail-
means not having a “primary” home. Many psychologists able when any opportunity presents itself.
advise against this and recommend that the child should have Being an involved dad has changed my life. Everything I
a primary residence, but I disagree. Don’t be left out of your do is all about what I can do for my kids and how I can make
kids’ lives. Step up and commit to being available for your chil- the world and their lives better. In business, I preach about the
dren right from the beginning. Be a steady influence in their importance of relationships. I hope to pass this legacy on to my
lives so that when they are teens, and they pull away for their girls: It’s All About Relationships.
own reasons, you remain a constant enduring presence. My dreams have changed because of being a dad. My
I learned that no matter what it took, I needed to stay in- dream day now is skiing with my girls and having them truly
volved and be a steady presence. When my daughters got older want to be physically on the slopes with me, just like when
and their feelings grew more complicated than a simple ‘I love they were younger. I want my daughters to know that I love
my Daddy no matter what,” parenting became much more dif- them unconditionally. And my hope for them is to make a
ficult. But, no matter what, I stayed present. Now, when they difference in the lives of others, even if only with a smile and
ask why they have to be at my house when all they do is stay in kindness.”

Commit to being available for your children right from the beginning.

“D ivorce does not always have to be a bad thing.
While it can be very upsetting and challenging, attitude can
make a big difference. When I was in seventh grade, my par-
ents separated, and my mom moved out shortly afterwards.
At first it was hard to bear, but then I got used to my living
situation, and now I cannot imagine living any other way.
It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon, and I was about to
TEEN go over to a friend’s house when my parents sat my siblings
ANNIE and me down at the kitchen table. They seemed uncomfort-
able, and I knew something wasn’t right, but I tried to stay
CART ER optimistic. Hesitantly, they announced that they were get-
ting a divorce and that at the end of the school year, my mom


PROFESSIONAL ADVICE:
By Dr. Amy Lee, Pediatric Psychologist at the Center for
Pediatric Behavioral Health, Cleveland Clinic Children’s Hospital

“A
many families. When pain and conflict are too chal-
lenging for mediation, collaborative-minded attorneys
for each parent can work together to resolve conflicts
s these per-
around parenting.
sonal stories illustrate, divorce is a complex and painful
experience. Children live through so many emotions over
Parents also eventually need to move on to de-
the changes divorce brings to their lives: loss, conflict,
velop new relationships. Some parents might re-enter
anxiety, and sadness. Parents suffer similarly, and for all
the dating world, and some might even remarry. The
involved, these feelings can change over time.
needs of the children involved become very important
here as well. Parents should care for their relationships
Despite the challenges, parents can reduce tension
with their children during and after divorce. Continu-
by helping their kids experience their own adjustment
ing to communicate with teens about their feelings
without involving them in the spousal conflict. Two fac-
and the changes in the family is critical.
tors that protect kids through divorce are consistent,
loving relationships with their parents and protection
Parents may find it best to share their plans to
from parents’ emotional conflicts. As the teens point
begin dating before introducing their kids to anyone
out, many kids find their own form of resilience and
new. A child who is unable to discuss a parent’s dating
forgiveness, but parents make the road easier when they
is probably not ready to meet a parent’s new friend,
manage their own emotions, take a child-centered
but when the child is ready, introduce the new person
approach to the divorce process, and seek collaborative
gradually and according to the child’s needs.
ways to negotiate with their ex-spouse.
Although divorce is always difficult, it can result in
Teens navigating divorce will often use resources
new and healthy family relationships. Parents can find
outside of their immediate family for support, turning
ways to navigate the process collaboratively if they
to supportive friends, coaches, therapists, or teachers
place their children’s needs at the forefront. Children
who can offer understanding and validation. Children of
can emerge from the divorce experience resilient and
all ages may feel the need to protect their parents from
able to cope with challenges that they will encounter
their emotions; so having healthy outlets for expressing
in their own relationships.”
their grief, anger, and sadness can relieve a great burden.
Some teens might not work through their personal
experience by talking about their adjustment. For these
teens, involvement with friends and activities may be
more helpful. Regardless of the path chosen, protecting
teens from their parents’ emotional conflicts frees them
to sort out their personal feelings about the changes in
their family.

Parents can learn to let go of their anger, hurt,
disappointment, and sadness by allowing themselves
to grieve as well. Parents should seek guidance with a
trained professional if it becomes too difficult to manage
alone. As the legal system can be inherently adversarial,
it is also important for parents to seek legal advice that
is more collaborative in nature. Mediation or a newer
form of collaborative law may be the best option for


would move out.
I was shocked; I hadn’t seen it
coming. Sure, they fought sometimes,
but I knew most parents fought one
time or another. I managed to keep it
together downstairs, but when I was
back in my room the tears came like a
ﬂood. I called my friend immediately,
but I was crying too hard to even get
the words out. The next day at school,
I told more of my friends. They were
all very supportive, and by the end of
the day, I was already feeling much
better. The rest of the school year is
sort of a blur to me—I don’t remem-
ber much. As soon as school ended my
mom moved out.
All of a sudden, the situation
became very real. I had two houses,
two rooms, and two separate families.
While the change was difficult to get
used to, I soon realized I didn’t have
it nearly as bad as some other kids
with divorced parents. First of all, my
mom’s job forced her to travel a lot,
so I was already somewhat used to not
being with both parents all the time.
For at least the past year, my mom
had been out of town for roughly half
of the week, so it didn’t feel unnatural
not to be with both of my parents for
the entire week.
Transitioning between the two
houses was more of a challenge, but
my mom moved only two blocks down
the street from my dad, so it was fairly
manageable.
My parents have also maintained
a very civil relationship to this day;
they’re not like some divorced couples
mer Studio
who refuse to even speak to each Pre-College Sum
Arts
other. The more I looked at my situ- Bachelor of Fine
ma
All-Studio Diplo
ation from a larger perspective, the
more I realized how fortunate I was. ree
Overall, I have come out with a Dual Deg
relatively positive outlook on my ex-
perience. While the changes that came Talk to us about
with my parents’ divorce were hard scheduling a visit.
to accept at ﬁrst, I came to realize that
even tough situations can still turn out Admissions
all right. 230 The Fenway,
I have been lucky enough to main- Boston, MA 02115
tain good relationships with both admissions@smfa.edu
parents, and the good relationship 617-369-3626
they maintained with each other made
the transition easier on my siblings
and me. In the end, I have learned that
in situations such as this, I could dwell
on how life could be, or accept how it
is, and make the best of it.”


The Bonus Parent BY TAM I B UTCH ER

y 14-year-old fresh- no visitation fights; we saw Mom when President. Bonus Mom Nancy was a
man daughter we wanted and Dad when we wanted. stay-at-home mom who taught us the
enjoyed her first No this weekend here, that Wednes- meaning of a handwritten card versus
homecoming this day there. We lived in both houses and an email or text message. Mom took us
fall. On the big night, they never talked badly about each to banquets for senators; Nancy took
she was giddy, so ex- other around us. We actually thought us to book signings and plays. Taking
cited, and to top it off, the boy of her they were still best of friends. They set the great from both ladies, my sisters
dreams asked her to go. I had forgot- their egos aside. It was obvious that and I became strong, independent
ten those feelings until now. For me, they were committed to making our leaders in high school, who ran for
it was a flashback to that special time lives easier, and it worked. Student Council but sat with the
during my own teen years. She walked person at lunch who was eating alone.
down the stairs to a veritable sea of Mom remarried Ken. I found it dif- Both women molded us into the
eyes— two grandparents, two bonus ficult to love him at first because I felt people we are today and shaped
grandparents, one sister, one brother, guilty; I loved my dad so much. Ken how we raise our children.
neighbors, my husband, and myself. understood and told us he was not our
dad, and that he could never replace That’s why I am the luckiest per-
This was one of those moments I our dad. son in the world. I grew up with a bo-
had talked about with my kids. I always nus family, with all its bonus benefits
told them how lucky they were to have He just wanted to fill the parental that trickle down into the balanced
so much family to help them celebrate void when our dad was not around. environment I try to provide for my
those moments in life. Watching my This communication was so important. teenage kids.
daughter’s four grandparents—my own
mom and dad, plus my bonus mom Dad met Nancy when I was 14. While most children of divorce
(father’s wife) and bonus dad (moth- She was nothing like Mom. Mom was have memories of sorrow and a sense
er’s husband)—relish in the joy of her a businesswoman, savvy and sleek. of loss, I am the opposite.
first homecoming, I felt that she was Nancy loved the outdoors, animals,
so lucky to have so many people who and a great book. I loved her immedi- People think my life is unrealistic.
loved her so much. And, I realized then ately. She exuded warmth to everyone I think anger and bitterness are a state
that I was also lucky, for as unorthodox she met. Nancy made it clear she was of mind that we can change at any
and rare as my upbringing may seem here to love our dad and us, not to time. My upbringing showed me that
to others, it was a gift to me. replace Mom. I believe that once both I am in control of my own destiny and
my parents found happiness, life got happiness, nobody else. My parents
Surely this sounds strange. Yes, much better for everyone. put their children first; their selfless-
my 11-year-old life was turned upside ness made me a better person. I am
down when my parents got divorced, My mom never felt threatened by grateful for the many “bonuses” in my
but I can now describe this as “lucky” Nancy; she felt relief—relief that when life and that I can pass them along as
because I know that my parents were she was called into work, Nancy could gifts to my own children.
not happy together. Some people are cheer us on at our softball games,
just not meant to be. They married relief that when State Legislative ses-
young and had three children under sions fell into days with no breaks,
the age of three by the time they were Nancy had an eye on her teenage girls,
21 years old. They could have been un- making sure they were staying out of
happy for years, filtering that unhappi- trouble and the boys were standing
ness down to my two younger sisters clear. The gaps of a working mother
and me, making all our lives miserable. were filled in by the love of a stay-at-
Instead, they broke ties early and let home bonus mom, and we appreciated
everyone get on with our lives. and noticed it.

My parents made a commitment Mom was a successful business-
to make the divorce as easy as pos- woman who taught us how to fill out
sible, especially for us girls. There were a resume and run for Student Body

Tami Butcher, the author of My Bonus Mom! Taking the Step out of Stepmom, and her husband,
Mike, have three children—ages 7, 10, and 14. For more information, go to www.mybonusmombook.com.


night, I saw my mom pack up all of my father’s things and
give them to one of his friends to take to him.
After my father officially moved out of our house, he filed
TEEN the divorce proposal, and the three-year court battle began.
MORGAN As the weeks played out, I saw my mom go to court over the
things that she needed to take care of us that my father was
T HOMAS trying to deny her.

“D
The whole process seemed endless, and as I watched it
unfold, I saw my father put more challenges in front of my
ivorce was never real to me until my parents were mom. My mom wasn’t fighting for everything my dad owned
actually filing. This experience solidified divorce in my world as or anything absurd, she was simply fighting for what she
something that can be both liberating and limiting. Divorce breaks needed to pay for health insurance, doctors and orthodontist
the chains that hold people back from what they truly want, while appointments, and other basic needs.
creating new burdens that hadn’t existed before the break. In the end, my mom was able to obtain the legal agreement
When I first found out about my parents’ problems, which that my father couldn’t run off and leave her to care for all
mainly were caused by my father’s affair, I was devastated and just three of us without his just contribution. However, that still
shut down. I don’t know what I had expected to happen, but I only hasn’t stopped him from trying to evade his responsibilities
hoped that it was best for them both. They went to counseling, and even now.
I saw my mom really try to work things out, but this effort was in I cannot truly say that I’m not mad at my Dad for what
vain due to my father’s perception that he’d done nothing wrong. he’s done to my family, but I can say that I have forgiven him
Once I realized his lack of remorse, I couldn’t hold back all of the and moved on, despite all the pain he still causes me with his
anger I felt towards him. actions and attitudes. Even when things are really hard to
Throughout the whole divorce process, I felt hurt and sick- deal with, I am thankful that my family is blessed enough in
ened by him. He continued to be self-righteous, and sadly, on the the simplest of ways. Even now that my family is small and
Fourth of July, his affair, which we thought he had put to rest, was broken, the peace that comes with the separation is something
fully exposed as we returned home from a baseball game. That that would have never happened without the divorce.”

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S P E C I A L P R O M OT I O N

The Camp-College Connection
HOW OVERNIGHT CAMP
PREPARES TEENS FOR COLLEGE
By Lucy Norvell
of the American Camp Association, New England

A teen’s first experience living away from home builds
a tremendous foundation for the transition to college.
Summer Camps are intentional communities that are not
only designed to foster optimal youth development, but
also provide opportunities for personal growth in a fun,
safe, and educational environment.

Of course, there are many benefits to attending a struc- camps provide authentic and meaningful decision-
tured camp program at any age, but here are four key making opportunities for teens. All of these ma-
ways they help teens prep for campus life: jor—and minor—choices can be precursors to the
types of decisions college students face.
Separation—Whether the session length is two weeks
or the entire summer, overnight camp provides a trial Collaboration—21st century skills are vital for teens
separation from parents. In many cases, campers will to be productive members of society and the
be living away from home for the first time, which workforce today. The ability to collaborate with
can be a big step for many teens. This trial period people who may come from very different back-
can alleviate much of the emotional stress faced by grounds is just one of those skills. Living, playing,
freshmen “leaving the nest” and beginning their first learning, and working together at summer camp
year of college. provides excellent groundwork for group academic
assignments that have become increasingly more
Independence—It’s certainly a long journey from prevalent at college.
birth to full-blown independence. At camp, young
people are charged with taking care of themselves The Camp-College connection is significant. The “learn-
and their belongings. In addition, they must organize ing by doing” that summer programs offer is instru-
their day-to-day activities and manage their personal mental in helping teens navigate college—and beyond!
relationships with peers. Simply put, the camp expe-
rience is all about youth independence, which makes To find a camp using the ACA’s online camp search tool
for an easier transition to college. Your son or daugh- and read more about why every child deserves a camp
ter will arrive at college with tried and true systems experience, visit www.campparents.org.
for not only managing their schedules and lifestyle,
but also for getting along with others. And learning
how to navigate emotional and social issues at camp
is valuable groundwork for college friendships.

Individual Decision-Making—Campers have to make
both large and small decisions, and then deal with
Lucy Norvell is the Director of Public Information for the American Camp
the consequences of these decisions. From the
Association, New England, a 501(c)(3) organization that serves as the
power to choose an elective activity (for example, leading source for summer camp information and resources in CT, MA, ME,
whether to try something new or stick with a favorite NH, RI, and VT. Contact www.acanewengland.org to discover how to find
hobby) or the ability to create a menu for the day, the best-fit camp for your teen.


DIRECTORY

Categories SMART TRACK™ TOOLKIT’S
DINING O U T
COLLEGE ADMISSIONS
BOOTCAMP
We are pleased to provide you with UNO CHICAGO GRILL
The Smart Track™ Toolkit helps high
a comprehensive Directory of local school families with the entire college Uno Chicago Grill has been a favorite
and national programs, schools, admissions and planning process. Students for delicious pizza, but we do so much
colleges, and regional services and will leave the Bootcamp with a completed more! Uno is proud to support local
admissions essay, list of schools, financial communities with our Dough Rai$ers
businesses that meet the needs of
aid strategies, a head start on the rest fundraising program for non-profits. To
families with teens. date, we’ve donated more than $4 million
of their peers, and more!
Contact: Jay Robie, (508) 533-3055 x277, dollars! Host an event at your local Uno
College Resources and earn up to 20% of sales generated from
jay.robie@smarttracktoolkit.com
Colleges Location: Babson College, MA guests to support your cause. Call today and
www.smarttracktoolkit.com/bootcamp start making money for your organization!
Dining Out Contact: Nami Zylbersztajn,
(516) 504-8649, nami.zylber@unos.com
Health Services
Locations: 25 Unos locations in
Independent Advisors CO L L E G E S Greater Boston
www.unos.com
Independent Schools
BERKLEE COLLEGE OF MUSIC
Local Programs & Classes
Berklee College of Music was founded on
Overnight Summer & the revolutionary principal that the best H E ALT H S E RVICE S
Gap Year Programs way to prepare students for careers in
music is through the study and practice
Recreation & Entertainment THE LANDING AT MCLEAN
of contemporary music.
Contact: Admissions Office, (800) 237-5533, HOSPITAL
Shopping
admissions@berklee.edu The Landing at McLean Hospital is a four-
Tutoring & Test Prep Location: Boston, MA to six-week residential treatment program
www.berklee.edu for adolescents (up to age 19) struggling
with substance abuse and psychiatric illness.
COL L E G E RE SOU R C E S Individuals are treated by expert Harvard
ITHACA COLLEGE SCHOOL affiliated clinical staff.
AMERICAN COUNCIL ON OF MUSIC Contact: (877) 412-3445,
Since its founding in 1892 as a conserva- mcleanlanding@mclean.harvard.edu
EDUCATION (ACE)
tory, the Ithaca College School of Music Location: Belmont, MA
ACE is the only higher education organiza- www.mcleanlanding.org
has earned the reputation as one of the best
tion that represents presidents and chancel-
in the nation. It offers world-class faculty,
lors of all types of U.S. accredited, degree-
performance opportunities, updated facilities,
granting institutions: community colleges
liberal arts courses, and career placement.
and four-year institutions, private and
Contact: Thomas Kline, Director of INDE PE NDE N T ADV IS O RS
public universities, and non-profit and
Music Admissions, (607) 274-3171,
for-profit colleges.
music@ithaca.edu
Contact: Carolyn Stanek Lucy, ACADEMIC LIFE COACHING
Location: Ithaca, NY
Associate Director, National Initiatives,
www.ithaca.edu/music Individually tailored for each teen, this
(202) 939-9358, cstaneklucy@acenet.edu
Location: Washington, D.C. one-on-one life coaching program empow-
www.acenet.edu ers students with a set of skills and tools to
SCHOOL OF THE MUSEUM OF help them become academically efficient,
FINE ARTS, BOSTON (SMFA) emotionally self-aware, and personally
CITIZENS BANK confident.
One of only three art schools in the U.S. af- Contact: Gina Halsted, (781) 258-9085,
Citizens Bank is committed to making filiated with a major museum—the Museum
education affordable by offering banking ghalsted@comcast.net
of Fine Arts, Boston—the SMFA’s mission Location: Lincoln, MA
and borrowing products that help college is to provide an interdisciplinary fine arts
students finance their education. Our TruFit www.alcteen.com
education that values cultural, artistic, and
Student Loan® is available with a fixed or intellectual diversity.
variable rate option, and repayment options Contact: Admissions Office, (800) 643-6078
to best fit a student’s needs. or (617) 369-3626, admissions@smfa.edu
Contact: Education Finance Specialists, Location: Boston, MA
(800) 708-6684, TURN PAGE FOR
www.smfa.edu
educationfinance@citizensbank.com MORE LISTINGS!
www.citizensbank.com/trufitstudentloan

DIRECTORY

AMG EDUCATIONAL POPP & ASSOCIATES, LLC BOSTON ARCHITECTURAL
CONSULTANTS Popp & Associates provides expert admis- COLLEGE SUMMER ACADEMY
Counseling in college and independent sions guidance to college-bound students of Spend four weeks this summer exploring
school placement since 1988, Andrea all ages. We are committed to supporting architecture and design through hands-on
Glovsky has successfully helped hundreds students and families in a sensitive and hon- projects in the Boston Architectural College
of students by matching their interests and est manner, and personalize our services to design studios in Boston’s Back Bay.
abilities to the most appropriate school. address students’ individual needs and goals. Construct scale models and experiment
Guidance is provided face-to-face or elec- Contact: Mindy Popp, (781) 859-9116, with a wide range of materials and
tronically by a combination of phone, email, mpopp@poppandassociates.com design methods.
and Skype. Local, regional, and interna- Location: Wellesley Hills, MA Contact: Nadine Gerdts or Jennie Pardoe,
tional clients served. www.poppandassociates.com (617) 585-0101, summer@the-bac.edu
Contact: Andrea Glovsky, (978) 526-7809, Location: Boston, MA
amglovsky@comcast.net www.the-bac.edu/summer
Locations: Beverly and Manchester, MA
www.findingcolleges.com I NDE P E N DE NT S CH O O LS
BOSTON BALLET SCHOOL
LANDMARK SCHOOL Boston Ballet School has a long-standing
ARTSBRIDGE, LLC Founded in 1971, Landmark School offers dedication to excellence and access, and
ArtsBridge is an educational consulting firm a full range of personalized programs reaches more than 10,000 students ages 9
specializing in helping high school and and for students in grades 2 through 12 with months to adult each year through classes,
college transfer students in the performing language-based learning disabilities, such as our Summer Dance Workshop, Summer
arts navigate through the unique college dyslexia. Landmark is situated on two beau- Dance Program, Citydance, Taking Steps,
application and audition process. Summer tiful campuses 25 miles north of Boston. and Adaptive Dance.
programs available. Contact: Carol Bedrosian, (978) 236-3000, Contact: School Administrator, Boston
Contact: (855) 778-ARTS or (855) 778-2787, admission@landmarkschool.org (617) 456-6260; Marblehead (617) 456-6380;
info@artsbridge.com Locations: Manchester-by-the-Sea and Newton (617) 456-6263;
Locations: Various program locations Prides Crossing, MA school@bostonballet.org
in the Greater Boston area www.landmarkschool.org Locations: Boston, Marblehead,
www.artsbridge.com and Newton, MA
www.bostonballet.org/school
NOBLE AND GREENOUGH
COLLEGE COACH SCHOOL
College Coach is the recognized leader in The Noble and Greenough School is a ENVIRONMENTAL SCIENCE
educational advising, offering step-by-step rigorous academic community dedicated PROGRAM
guidance and insider knowledge from for- to inspiring leadership for the public good. The Environmental Science Program is a
mer senior admissions officers, to assist high Nobles is a coeducational, nonsectarian day unique camp for girls and boys entering
school students and their families through and five-day boarding school for students grades 7 - 10. Students learn about the
the college admissions process. in grades 7 through 12. environment by hiking, biking, canoeing,
Contact: Erica Blades, Manager of Contact: Jennifer Hines, (781) 320-7100, doing an environmental cleanup project,
Client Services, (877) 40-COACH or admission@nobles.edu and climbing Mt. Washington.
(877) 402-6224, Location: Dedham, MA Contact: David Backer, Executive Director,
erica.blades@getintocollege.com www.nobles.edu (617) 969-0288, contact@newtonenvisci.org
Locations: Newton, MA plus 12 other Location: Newton, MA
offices nationwide www.newtonenvisci.org
www.getintocollege.com
LO C A L PRO G RAMS &
C L ASS E S
INTERNSHIP CONNECTION
ONE-ON-ONE COLLEGE
CONSULTING Internship Connection is a structured,
BEAVER SUMMER PROGRAMS educational program that provides high
One-on-One College Consulting is a Beaver Summer Programs offer teens a school and college students with real-world
private, comprehensive educational consult- variety of summer specialty camp opportu- career experience through summer and gap
ing service that specializes in guiding high nities through one- or two-week intensive year internships. Students live at home and
school students and their families in explor- experiences in the arts, athletics, or outdoors work in part-time positions matched to
ing options, and making informed decisions adventures. Specific programs include their career interests.
regarding the college admissions process. Simply Circus, Beaver Off-Broadway, Contact: Dr. Carole Jabbawy,
Contact: Kim Penney, (781) 246-4111, High Adventure, and Extreme Sports. (617) 796-9283,
kimpenney@oneononecollegeconsulting.com Contact: Nat Saltonstall, (617) 738-2750, carole@internshipconnection.com
Location: Wakefield, MA camp@bcdschool.org Locations: Boston, MA and New York, NY
www.oneononecollegeconsulting.com Location: Beaver Country Day School in www.internshipconnection.com
Chestnut Hill, MA
www.bcdcamp.org

MEADOWBROOK SUMMER
PROGRAMS: TEEN TRIPPING
PROGRAM
A series of one-week programs designed
for young teens completing 7th or 8th Uno is proud to support the local communities
grade. Join your teammates as you go it serves with our Dough Rai$ers program.
on fun, challenging day trips such as
sea kayaking, hiking, visiting Project To date, we’ve donated over $4 million to deserving
Adventure, white water rafting, surﬁng, organizations! Host a lunch or dinner
and more. at a local Uno and earn up to 20% of sales
Contact: Renee Mitchell, (781) 647-0546,
camp@meadowbrook-ma.org generated from guests.
Location: Newton, MA
www.daycamp.meadowbrook-ma.org

URBANFRAME -
SUMMER YOUTH COMMUNITY
DESIGN/BUILD
URBANFRAME offers teens a unique
hands-on introduction to design and Contact Nami Zylbersztajn at
architecture. Based at MIT and under the 561-504-8649 or nami.zylber@unos.com.
guidance of an architecture professor and
team of graduate students, youth design, START MAKING MONEY FOR YOUR NON-PROFIT TODAY.
build, and install real architecture for the
community.
Contact: Daniel Hewett, (617) 444-9904,
dmh@urbanframe.org
Location: Cambridge, MA
www.urbanframe.org

WRITE FOR COLLEGE
Write for College is a three-week, two-
hours-a-day writing course for students
entering grades 10, 11, or 12. All forms of
writing are covered, with emphasis on
essays, plus preparation for SAT, ACT,
MCAS, and for seniors, the personal
college essay.
Contact: Don Stewart, (617) 489-5662,
donstewarts@gmail.com
Location: Belmont, MA
www.writeforcollege.com

To showcase your
business or service
in the Life with
Teens Directory contact
sales@teenlife.com.


DIRECTORY

OV E RN I G HT S U M M E R PEOPLE TO PEOPLE LEADER- BOSTON BALLET
& GA P YE A R P RO GR AMS SHIP AMBASSADOR PROGRAMS Since 1963, Boston Ballet has been one of
During Leadership Summits on the cam- the leading dance companies in the world on
puses of prestigious universities, students stage, in the studio, and in the community.
ASPIRE BY API gain valuable leadership skills, explore Under the leadership of Artistic Director
Trek through jungles, climb volcanoes, and careers, and prepare for college, while earn- Mikko Nissinen and Executive Director
volunteer in Costa Rica! Explore the medi- ing academic credit and making friends with Barry Hughson, the Company maintains an
eval cities, castles, and cathedrals of Europe! students from around the globe. internationally acclaimed repertoire.
Brush up on the French, Irish, Italian, or Contact: Natasha Porter, (888) 275-5061, Contact: Box Office, (617) 695-6955,
Spanish language and culture, and potential- info@peopletopeople.com tickets@bostonballet.org
ly earn college credit before graduating high Locations: Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Location: Boston, MA
school! The opportunity is yours—experi- Columbia, Johns Hopkins, Tulane and www.bostonballet.org
ence the world with Aspire by API! George Washington universities, UCLA,
Contact: Courtney Link, (512) 600-8921, and University of Chicago
courtney@aspirebyapi.com www.p2pleadershipsummits.com S H O PPING
Locations: Costa Rica, England, France,
Ireland, Italy, and Spain
www.aspirebyapi.com SUMMER ACADEMY IN APPLIED THE MALL AT CHESTNUT HILL
SCIENCE & TECHNOLOGY Taste, smell, touch, see, and shop The
CARPE DIEM EDUCATION (SAAST) Mall at Chestnut Hill—intercontinental
Carpe Diem’s study abroad programs are cuisine, fresh flowers, supple leathers, exotic
The Summer Academy in Applied Science perfumes, and fine merchandise at the only
designed to safely challenge every student. & Technology (SAAST) at the University
Through service, travel, and community and Bloomingdale’s in New England, Michael
of Pennsylvania welcomes highly motived Kors, Tiffany & Co., L’occitane, Apple
cultural exchange, our students receive a and talented students to explore engineering
unique and personal insight into themselves Computer, and more.
at the college level, combining sophisticated Contact: (617) 965-3038
and the cultures they live within and explore. theory with hands-on, practical experience
College credit is available through Portland Location: Chestnut Hill, MA
in cutting-edge technologies. www.simon.com
State University. Contact: Paige Harker, (215) 898-0053,
Contact: Ethan Knight, (503) 285-1800, saast@seas.upenn.edu
info@carpediemeducation.org Location: Philadelphia, PA
Locations: Australia, Brazil, Cambodia, www.seas.upenn.edu/saast T U TO RING & T E ST P RE P
Costa Rica, Ecuador, Fiji, Honduras, Hopi
Nation, India, Navajo Nation, New Zealand,
Nicaragua, Peru, Rwanda, Tanzania, THE PRINCETON REVIEW
Thailand, Uganda, and Vietnam R E C R E AT IO N &
No matter what your goals are, we have over
www.carpediemeducation.org E N T E RTA INME NT
30 years of experience offering leading SAT,
ACT, and PSAT prep courses and tutoring
EARTHCONNECT COSTA 5 WITS, FEATURING ESPIONAGE programs designed to provide a complete
RICAN ADVENTURES AND 20,000 LEAGUES and personalized experience that fits your
5 Wits is a one-of-a-kind attraction in learning style, schedule, and budget.
EarthConnect is a fusion between a camp Contact: Shannon Shepardson,
and abroad experience in one of Earth’s most Patriot Place, Foxborough. 5 Wits is an
interactive adventure, offering multiple (800) 447-0254, infoboston@review.com
splendid places. Each two-, three-, or four- Locations: Newton, MA; Online
week adventure features cultural immersion, puzzles and obstacles in a real life, highly
detailed environment. 5 Wits features two www.princetonreview.com
service, wilderness exploration, and educa-
tion. Join us for an unforgettable summer! attractions: Espionage and 20,000 Leagues.
Contact: Wendy Brown, (800) 551-7887, Contact: Joe Botsch, (508) 698-1600 x607,
VERITAS TUTORS
wendy@costaricanadventures.com jbotsch@5-wits.com
Location: Costa Rica Location: Foxborough, MA Veritas specializes in subject tutoring,
www.costaricanadventures.com www.5-wits.com test preparation, and college admissions
consultation. With personalized coaching
from outstanding educators at Harvard and
EMERSON COLLEGE SUMMER ARTSBOSTON MIT, as well as a staff of former Ivy League
PROGRAMS ArtsBoston is the region’s largest and most Admissions Officers, Veritas will help you
Explore communication and the arts in a comprehensive non-profit arts service achieve your academic potential.
summer program at Emerson College. Five- organization. With innovative programs like Contact: Adrian Jones, (617) 395-4160,
week programs include: stage design, musical ArtsBoston.org and BosTix discount ticket- info@veritutors.com
theatre performance, acting, filmmaking, ing, patrons benefit from our commitment to Locations: Cambridge, MA; Online
creative writing, and film production. The keeping the arts accessible and affordable. www.veritutors.com
college also offers two-week programs in Contact: Customer Service, (617) 262-8632
political communication and journalism. x229, customerservice@artsboston.org
Contact: Tori Weston, (617) 824-8280, Location: Boston, MA
continuing@emerson.edu www.artsboston.org
Location: Boston, MA
www.emerson.edu/ce

HAPPENING

Mark your calendars!
Here are some family-friendly events to enjoy in Greater Boston this summer.

JUNE JULY
Thursday, June 28 – Wednesday, July 4 Tuesday, July 3
Boston Harborfest Boston Pops Warm-Up
Various locations around Boston Concert
Boston Harborfest is a six-day long Fourth The Charles River Esplanade, Boston
of July festival that showcases the colonial 4:00 p.m. – 10:00 p.m
and maritime heritage of the historic City of Get a sneak peak at the Pops Goes the
Boston. The festival honors and remembers Fourth Spectacular at this free dress
the past, celebrates the present, and educates rehearsal performance by the Charles.
about the future with reenactments, concerts, Stick around for the huge ﬁreworks
historical tours, and more. display over the river in a grand ﬁnale.
www.bostonharborfest.com www.celebrateboston.com/july-4th.htm
DAVID FOX


Sunday, July 8
Vintage Baseball Tournaments
AUGUST

Sign up at Georges Island, Boston
11:00 a.m. – 3:30 p.m.
Step into the 1860’s and watch Civil
Saturday, August 4
The City-Wide Book Sale
Boston Public Library Central Branch
War-era baseball games played at historic 10:00 a.m. – 4:00 p.m.
Fort Warren with original rules and uni-

TeenLife
forms. Also running Sunday, August 19. The City-Wide Friends of the Boston Pub-
www.bostonharborislands.org/ lic Library host a sale of donated books. All
park-calendar proceeds benefit the Boston Public Library.
www.bpl.org/news/calendar.htm
.commag Sunday, July 15 – Tuesday, July 17
Saturday, August 11
South Shore Arts Festival
Cohasset 1st Annual Boston Tee Party &
Design/Artist Expo
to keep South Shore Art Center Arts Festival
celebrates its 57th year and showcases artists
Boston Teacher’s Union Hall, Boston
The Tee Gazette will join local and national
getting your from New England and beyond. The Arts
Festival features almost one hundred juried indie t-shirt brands, designers, and artists at

free
exhibitor booths, a juried art exhibition and the first annual Boston Tee Party & Design/
members’ show, live music performances, Artist Expo to showcase their latest designs.
artist demonstrations, children’s art activi- www.teegazette.com/2012/03/update-on-
ties, and a young artist exhibition. the-boston-tee-party
www.ssac.org/festival.asp
Thursday, August 16 – Saturday, August 18
subscription of Wednesday, July 25 – Sunday, August 12
(Tuesday – Sunday evenings)
Boston GreenFest 2012
Boston City Hall Plaza
Free Shakespeare on the Boston GreenFest 2012 is a festival filled
Common: Coriolanus with fun learning experiences to address the
Parkmand Bandstand at Boston Common important changes we need to make in our
For its 17th season of Shakespeare on the daily lives and our neighborhoods. It will
Common, Commonwealth Shakespeare begin at Boston City Hall Plaza with a
Company (CSC) is proud to present the Kick-off Concert on Thursday, August 16,
political drama Coriolanus. The play charts from 5:00 p.m. – 9:30 p.m. Events continue
the rise and fall of a powerful general as Friday through Saturday.
he battles enemies abroad, and a tide www.bostongreenfest.org
of popularity at home in Rome.
www.commshakes.org/performances Wednesdays and Fridays throughout August
Summer Street Markets
Friday, July 27 – Sunday, July 29 Downtown Crossing, Boston
Boston Summer Arts Weekend Downtown Boston’s largest outdoor arts and
Copley Square, Boston crafts market is expandeding to Wednesdays
The Boston Globe and WGBH have created and Fridays through October. All original,
the inaugural Summer Arts Weekend in handmade pieces: fine art, jewelry, clothing
Boston. Presented by Citizens Bank, this and accessories, artisan foods, photography,
weekend event will celebrate the arts with a wood-, glass-, and metalworks, fiber arts,
free festival, special offers around the city, and more available.
and ticketed performances. With music rang- www.summerstreetmarkets.com
ing from classical and jazz to bluegrass and
soul, along with dramatic theater and street
performers, Summer Arts Weekend will
showcase Boston’s thriving arts community.
www.boston.com/ae/theater_arts/
summer_arts_weekend/2012

Fridays throughout July and August
Free Friday Flicks at the
Hatch Shell
The Hatch Shell, Boston
The movies start at dusk, and are usually
films that were huge box office successes,
both recent and modern classics. The Hatch
Shell lawn fills up on a first-come, first-
served basis. Bring a blanket or lawn chair
and enjoy this family-friendly free event.
www.celebrateboston.com/free-friday-
flicks.htm

THEATRE+MUSIC+DANCE+COMEDY

1/2 PRICE
TICKETS
AND MORE

The definitive source for all
things arts in Greater Boston,
including teen and family-friendly
events year-round.

ALSO AVAILABLE AT FULL PRICE:
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+ BOSTON DUCK TOURS + NEW ENGLAND AQUARIUM + MORE
A P R O G R A M O F

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