This sermon, “Let’s Talk About Death” was originally delivered to the congregation of Harmony, a Unitarian Universalist Community, on July 2, 2017, by guest speaker Angie Carter. From our childhood we absorb ideas and myths about dying. As we age, we talk less and less about death, and our misconceptions may grow. These myths can get in the way of planning properly and positively for the end of life. Let’s have a positive discussion about some these myths and what you can do to best prepare for the end of life. Read the full text of this sermon at https://harmonyuu.org/the-sermons/lets-talk-about-death/

1. Let’s Talk About Death

2. Hello!
I am Angie Carter
Iama death positivefuneraldirector/embalmerapprentice,
&thanatologist,whobelieves thatdeathshouldno longer
be ataboosubject.

3. Why is death a taboo subject?

4. InAmerica theway weexperience death has changed.It has
becomesomething controlled byothers.
Death hasbecomesomething that happens inhidden spaces.
Inhospitals, andnursing homes.Our loved onesareprepared
formemorialbehind theclosed doorsoffuneral homes.
Whereonceit happened inourhomes,we prepared andlaid
out ourloved ones,andit happened often.

6. There is no point talking about “it”.

7. Talking about dying will not make it happen!
Asasocietywetendapproach
deathwith;
✢Superstition
✢Personification
✢Phobia

8. American view of death
✢ Wedon’twanttothinkabout“it” :Deathdenial.
✢ Deathequalsfailure.
✢ Unableto expressgrief, orwanting to beover“it” already.

9. I don’t want a fuss,
Just put me in a wood box!

10. What they don’t know, can hurt them.
Beinghonestaboutyourwishes when itcomestodeathandillness with
thoseyoulove can behard.
Youmayfearthatonceyoustarttalking, thingswill neverbethesame.
However, manypeoplefindthatonce theyhavehadtheconversation
theyfindit acomfort.

11. Why we need to have the conversation
Talkingmoreopenlyabout
deathanddying canhelpyou
make themostoflife andto
supportlovedones.
Withanageing populationand
peopleliving longerwithlike
limitingillnesses, discussing
dying isincreasingly
important.
Manyofusthinkthatitis
extremely importantthattheir
family isburdenedby tough
decisionsaboutend oflife care,
andfunerals,butdon’tknow
where tostart.

12. Tips for having the big conversation
Youdon’thavetobeillor
dying totalkandputplansin
place
Youmayfinditeasiertotalk
aboutwhatyoudon’twant,
ratherthanwhatyou dowant.
Talkingaboutdying doesn’t
havetobedepressing, and
humourcanbearealhelp.
Onceyou haveovercomeand
initialawkwardness thereis
every chanceyouwillbe
relievedthatyouhadthe
conversation.
Don’tlet beingworriedabout
saying thewrongthingstop
youfrombeing therefor
peoplewho areillorare
bereaved.

13. It’s ok to be remembered, & make it personal
Manyofushavestrongviews
aboutourcareandwhat
happensafterwedie,butifwe
don’ttalkaboutourwishes
theseareunlikely tobemet.
Roughly 16%of peopleover
theage of50havewrittena
specificset ofinstructionsfor
theirfuneral.
Whenwedon’tplanahead,
mostfamilies relyondoctors,
hospiceworkersandfuneral
directorstocreateaservice.
Thisoftenleadstolossof
meaning forthefamily.

14. I ‘ll be vulnerable and powerless
towards the end of my life.

15. It’s true that as people becomeincreasingly ill theyareunable
tocontrolwhat happens tothem onaminute-by-minute
basis.
But manypeople effectively remainin controlbecause they
haveprepared foratime whendecision-making won’tbeeasy.
Leaving instructions onhowandwherethey would like tobe
cared for,whentheywould like treatment tostop, whothey
would like tomake decisions forthem,and howthey would
like tobe remembered can easeburdens.

16. I’m ready for the talk - What do I do now?
End ofLifePlanning
✢Livingwill
✢HealthCarePowerof
Attorney
✢End oflifecare
declaration
Nextof KinList
✢Spouse
✢Adultchild
✢Parents
✢Adultsiblings
Funeral/MemorialPlanning
✢Mostfuneralhomesoffer
pre-planningguidesatnocost.
✢Mostfuneralhomesallow
you topre-plan,andhave
optionswithor without
payment.

17. Let’s start talking