How do you navigate microaggressions - those words and actions that offend or hurt, even though they may be unintended? Learn some of the obstacles of authentic conversations, as well as practical strategies for what to do or say when you are the target of, witness to, and agents of microaggressions.
1. Leadership Tomorrow
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
Seattle Girls’ School
Navigating Microaggressions:
When You Receive, Witness, or Do
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6. What Are Microaggressions?
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Accumulated Impact
Regular, Frequent, and Pervasive
Verbal and Non-Verbal
Based on Stereotype
Often Unintended
7. Process Break
• What are barriers for
you in saying something
when someone says or
does something that is
hurtful, marginalizing, or
perpetuating stereotypes?
• What are everyday
microaggressions you
would like to interrupt
more effectively?
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8. Speaking From the Heart
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Can you lean on the
relationship?
Can you make it personal?
* Is your relationship
hierarchical? *
10. Being A DEAR
Affirm the person or relationship
Describe the behavior without judgment
Explain the emotion/impact and your filters
Assume positive intent
Request or suggest different behavior
*** Key Points: timing, I statements, actions not
adjectives, inside feelings not outside feelings***
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
11. Being A DEAR: An Example
I think you and I both agree we all have a
right to be respected and heard in this
community. When we were disagreeing
about budgets, you said, “You’re being
overdramatic,” and later, you called me a
“drama queen.” Statements like this make it
sound like I am being too emotional and
that my concerns are drama rather than real
issues. I am assuming you don’t intend to
police my tone or dismiss my concerns. I
would appreciate your not saying things
like this anymore. Thank you.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
13. Are you speaking to the agent or
the audience?
Do you want to minimize harm to
the target group?
Do you want to educate?
Do you want to challenge social
norms?
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14. NCBI Effective
Interventions Model
Reduce Defensiveness
– Tone
– Body Language
– Respect
Keep the Conversation Going
– Hear Them Out
– Ask Open-Ended Questions
– Set Aside Your Feeling for the Moment
– Dialogue
Build the Relationship
Stop the Behavior
Win an Ally
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
15. Active Witnessing: Examples
Ask open ended questions
– “He looked suspicious”
– “How did he look? How was he acting? Why was that suspicious?”
Find out the experience motivating the comment
– “Why can’t they just speak English around here?”
– “It must be hard not to understand what people are saying around you.”
– “I’m sick of my taxes paying for freeloaders”
– “Tell me more about about that.”
Use exaggerated humor to highlight what’s going on
(use sparingly)
– “You’re gay – what do gay people think about this issue?”
– “I’m not sure – I’ll go ask. It may take me a while, since there are a million people.”
Join the person and do not make yourself superior
– “She got that award because she’s Black and female.”
– “You know, I hear that a lot. I’ve been trying to figure out why we seem to think when a
Black woman gets recognized it must be because of ‘diversity’ or ‘affirmative action’
reasons rather than that she earned it.”
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
16. Listening to the Real Message
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Is this about what you did or
who you are (guilt or shame)?
What is your mindset voice
telling you?
Might this be an opportunity to
learn and grow?
18. Listening and Responding Bravely
Listen with full attention
Don’t try to defend or respond right away
– Take deep breaths
– Acknowledge your feelings
Your mistakes don’t define you
– Be worthy of their trust and gift
Prioritize the Impact over Intent
– Apologize for real
*** Moving through these moments with grace is
called shame resilience. It’s a vital skill***
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
19. Listening and Responding: Examples
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“I really appreciate your telling me this.”
“I’m so embarrassed that I did that.”
“I’m so sorry my words and actions made you feel
that way. No matter what I intended, it hurt you.”
“I’m pretty overwhelmed right now, and I don’t
want to respond in a way I’d regret. After I take a
few minutes, do you think you can help me come
up with a better way to handle that situation?”
“I wanted to go back to a moment I don’t think I
handled very well… Can we talk?”
20. Process Break
• How might you use
these tools in your
everyday life and more?
• What questions or
concerns come up when
contemplating having
these conversations?
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21. Final Words of Advice:
Recognize Your Triggers
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22. Find Your Bucket People
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28. Presenter Information
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
6th Faculty and
Professional Outreach
Seattle Girls’ School
2706 S Jackson Street
Seattle WA 98144
(206) 805-6562
rlee@seattlegirlsschool.org
http://tiny.cc/rosettalee
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29. Final Questions or Comments?
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30. Resources
• Anti-Defamation League
• Brené Brown
• Cross Cultural Connections
(www.CulturesConnecting.com)
• National Coalition Building Institute
• The People’s Institute
• Stirfry Seminars
• Teaching Tolerance
• The Thiagi Group
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)