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It's Okay to Be Awesome
- 8. WRONG.
- 31. Poly Placements Today • 2011 Toronto Star’s ‘Ones to Watch’ • 2010 RBC Canadian Woman Entrepreneur Awards Winner of Deloitte Start-Up Award • Profit Magazine Top W100 (2010) • Profit Magazine Top W100 (2009) • Profit Magazine PROFIT HOT 50 (2009) 6th fastest growing start-up in Canada • The Branham300 (2008): Top 25 IT up and Comers in Canada
Editor's Notes
- IT'S OKAY TO BE AWESOME These days, women have more opportunities than ever before. So why are we still not sitting on boards, still feeling guilty, and still struggling to feel - and act - awesome?
- Last year, I got featured on the front page of the Toronto Star as one of the 'People to Watch in 2011', along with other entrepreneurs and people who are doing interesting things in their fields. I won't lie to you - I was pretty excited. I mean, who wouldn't be excited about getting their picture on the front page of a big newspaper for such a positive reason? But when it came out, it wasn't me who went out and bought a whole bunch of copies, or called friends and family members, or got the front page of the newspaper framed. It was my husband. Even though I was so excited about it, and really kind of proud of myself, I thought it was somehow inappropriate to boast about it. Even when people called me after they'd seen the paper, I downplayed it.
- I'm pretty sure that if I was a man, or possibly a Kardashian, I would have tweeted about it every 2 hours for 3 days - and felt perfectly comfortable doing it. It's even hard for me to start this presentation talking about a specific achievement - especially one like making front page of a newspaper! I worry that there are those of you thinking that I shouldn't be bragging about myself, or that I'm making too much of something that really isn't a big deal. But that's okay - that's what we're here to talk about.
- I want to talk about our natural reluctance to toot our own horns, our reluctance to take credit for our accomplishments, our fears about being judged when we put ourselves forward - and how this reluctance and this fear can create real obstacles for women in the workplace.
- It seems that not a day goes by in which I don't read the results of yet another study telling me that, as a woman, I'm suffering: Women are 49% of the workforce but 59% of low-wage workers ( http://graphics8.nytimes.com/packages/pdf/business/GAO-12-10.pdf ) Only 20% of the leadership roles in private companies are filled by women Only 3.6% of Fortune 500 CEOs are women Women file only 7.5% of patents Women work at least 8 hours more per week than men Only 12.5% of board positions in Canada are filled by women After more than 100 years of efforts to improve the 'equality' of women, we're still can't get ahead! Read enough of this stuff, and it's no wonder that women struggle with self-esteem in the workplace. It must just not be possible to be awesome...right?
- Today I want to talk to you about 3 ways in which we as women tend to get in the way of our own awesomeness, and sometimes get sucked into believing the negative 'facts'. 1. Underestimating our abilities 2. Fear of seeming 'too pushy' 3. Not taking enough risks (calculated risks) And then we'll discuss ways in which we can learn to get out of our own way, and start realizing that it's okay to be awesome!
- As the President of a recruiting company, I can tell you that women tend to be poor negotiators when it comes to their salaries, and it has to do with underestimating our abilities - and our value. For example, last week I sent a woman on an interview for a job I knew she was perfect for: She's talented, well-respected in her field, and has a great track record. Sure enough, she was offered the job, and accepted it. But when the employment contract came through, I realized that the salary she'd be getting was at least $15,000 less than the person who was leaving the role - who happened to be a man. I knew that she could have done better for herself. When I asked her about it, she said, "Oh, well, that's what they offered me, and I knew I liked the job and the people. I didn't really think I was in a position to negotiate - I didn't want to lose the opportunity." Money isn't everything, but it's a good indicator of what we think about our abilities and our value in the marketplace. When we're reluctant to negotiate, what we're really saying - to ourselves and to others - is that we're underestimating our contribution, abilities and value.
- Negative Fact: Studies show that 9 out of 10 women accept the salary they're offered, while 9 out of 10 men see the offer as a starting point for negotiation Over the course of a lifetime, some studies showed that this can add up to over $1M.
- Better Fact: Studies show that when women negotiate the terms of the employment offer, they're perceived as having more power, being more valuable, and start the job with a reputation for being a go-getter who will deliver ROI to the organization Let’s talk about some strategies.
- Strategies to Overcome Underestimating our Abilities 1. Do your homework The more you know, the more accurately you'll be able to assess your abilities and your value in the marketplace and within the workplace. Find out what education and skills other people in your field have; research salaries and compensation packages; and keep your eye on other top players in your field. Don't just restrict yourself to other women, either! 2. Keep a tally of your accomplishments Women tend to be task-oriented, and have a tendency to focus on this week's project or achievement rather than recognizing that we're building a long track record of success. (And I don't know about you, but as I get older it gets harder to remember my spectacular wins from 10 years ago! ha ha) Get yourself a notebook and write down your big career highlights, from the first time you got a major promotion, to the first time you successfully managed a team, to the most recent challenge you overcame. Reviewing these accomplishments from time to time will help you remember that you have in fact done a heck of a lot - and will help keep you from underestimating your achievements. 3. Don't be afraid to negotiate Whether you're undertaking a new job or brokering a new deal for your company, have the confidence to negotiate a better deal for yourself. Negotiating delivers a whole bunch of benefits: You'll end up with a better deal; you'll impress your managers and co-workers with your great business skills; and you'll feel awesome because you'll know that you have more power over your situation than you thought you did!
- BARRIER 2: FEAR OF SEEMING TOO PUSHY The Situation: After I sold my restaurant, I decided that it was time to get a 'real' job in a 'real' office, so I took a position as a junior sales representative. I was given a territory which I shared with a guy - let's call him Bob - who was, like me, in his mid-20s. I'd grown up believing that the best way to get ahead was just to put your head down and work hard, so that's what I did: I came in early, stayed late, and pretty soon I had taken the territory from $30,000 a month to $200,000 a month. Meanwhile, Bob spent half his time practicing his golf swing right behind me when I was on the phone, and the other half lounging around in our manager's office, 'shooting the sh---' - well, you know what I mean. Bob wasn't working too hard. So when the time for promotion came up, I figured I was a shoo-in - right? Wrong. Bob got the job. While I was busy doing the work, Bob was busy talking about it, and it turned out that talking about what you were doing was more important. By keeping my head down, not complaining, and not bragging about all the sales I was making, my manager simply wasn't aware of how hard I was working, and how much of the territory's success was due to my efforts. In other words, hard work definitely does produce results - but if you don't push yourself and your efforts forward, you won't receive the benefits of those results. That was when I started getting over my fear of seeming too pushy.
- Negative Facts: A survey of 255 female managers in Australia revealed that even though they recognized that speaking more assertively would help their career, more than 60% resisted doing so because they felt it would make them seem too 'masculine'. Carnegie Mellon professor Linda Babcock found that when men and women used the exact same script to ask for a raise, the men were perceived as deserving of a raise, while the women were perceived as 'too aggressive'
- Better Fact: Jean Oelwang, the CEO of Virgin Unite, said recently that values that used to be dismissed as too 'feminine' - like the ability to build collaboration and create positive environments for open dialogue - are now in high demand. In a global, networked economy, collaborative abilities are more important than ever.
- These women have no problem talking about what they've achieved - and we don't dismiss them for being too 'pushy': Angela Merkel, German Chancellor Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook Lisa Lisson, President of Fedex Canada Hillary Clinton, US Secretary of State Christine Lagarde, IMF Chairman Irene Rosenfeld, CEO of Kraft Oprah Winfrey, Media Mogul and power broker Georgina Rinehart, billionaire and businesswoman Hilary Devey, CEO Pall-Ex, Dragon's Den UK Sara Blakely, CEO of Spanx The truth is that women will tend to be seen as being too 'pushy' or 'assertive' even when they're saying the same things in the same way as their male counterparts. But it's important to remember that things are changing - and you can choose to be a part of that change or you can let fear hold you back. Let's talk about some strategies for overcoming the fear of seeming too pushy.
- Strategies for Overcoming the Fear of Seeming Too Pushy: 1. Stop worrying so much about what other people will think For whatever reason - nature, nurture or socialization - women tend to worry more about what others think about them than men do. This can prevent you from tooting your own horn in case people think you're too full of yourself; it can prevent you from speaking up in the boardroom in case people think you're too 'pushy'; or it can prevent you from taking a career risk in case other people think you're out of your mind. When you stop worrying about other people's opinions, you'll have more faith in your own. 2. Make the most of every opportunity Don't let false modesty or reluctance to put your hand up or fear get in the way of taking advantage of opportunities. Maybe this means being brave enough to make that follow-up phone call to the business leader you met at an event last week; maybe this means negotiating that better deal so you end up making more money and doing less work; maybe it means saying "Yes" when you have the opportunity to start your own business when your baby is 3 months old, like I did. (ha ha) 3. Speak assertively We all know women who undermine themselves by speaking with an implied question at the end of every statement: "So I was thinking, that maybe if we..." But many of us don't realize how powerful our language choices can be in the workplace, and how we're undermining ourselves by being too tentative. INSTEAD OF: "What if we pursued a growth strategy in a new market?" TRY: "When we commit to a growth strategy for the emerging market in the northeastern US, we'll see a significant uptick in revenue within 12 months." INSTEAD OF: "Have we considered launching an additional product line to reach the tween market?" TRY: "I think that launching a product line to take advantage of the growing tween market will give us the best chance of success." The more you use confident, declarative statements, the more confidence you'll inspire in yourself - and in others. And that's not being too pushy - that's being an awesome leader!
- And next, not taking risks. BARRIER 3:NOT TAKING ENOUGH RISKS I’d like to share with you a personal experience - Soon after I was married, I was offered two jobs: One was well-paying and looked exciting, but was more risky and didn't have a great benefits package; the other wasn't nearly as interesting, but offered stability and a great benefits package with lots of maternity leave. Instead of immediately jumping at the most interesting, exciting - awesome! - opportunity, I found myself hesitating: Maybe I should take the 'secure' job because I was married now, and was probably going to have children at some point, and I was going to need that maternity leave and benefits...wasn't I? In the end, I took the more risky job - and got pregnant anyway. It turned out to be the best thing I ever did! Sure, the company folded and I was out of a job when I was 8 months pregnant (ha ha), but the whole experience was the fuel I needed to start my own business. And in fact, I started my own business when my son was 3 months old. There's nothing wrong with choosing to leave the workforce or scale back your work in order to have a family. But when you find yourself avoiding risks because you're assuming you can't manage to 'do it all', you can end up limiting yourself.
- Negative Fact: Studies show that women are significantly more risk-averse than men, in everything from patent-filing to gambling to financial management. Part of this seems to have to do with testosterone, but more of it is simply to do with conditioning
- Better Fact: Studies show that in a single-sex environment, women eventually become much less risk-averse, with eventually no difference in risk-taking between male and female groups. In other words, it's possible to learn to be a better risk-taker.
- Strategies for Overcoming Fear of Taking Risks: 1. Don't confuse 'information gathering' with 'procrastination' I see many potential female entrepreneurs getting stalled by spending months preparing the perfect business plan or 'talking to people' about their big idea. Yes, you need to do some groundwork before you make a big move, whether you're climbing the corporate ladder or starting a business - but if you've spent more than 3 months on 'research', you have to ask yourself whether you're just afraid to take the leap. 2. Remember that other people don't have a magic potion that you don't Read a handful of books or articles about successful people and one thing becomes clear: There's no single, 'correct' way to go about being a leader in your field. There are as many ways to achieve success as there are people - and that goes for both genders. The only way to know if your ideas are really as awesome as you think they are is to get out there and put them into practice. 3. Trust yourself and others will follow When I first started Poly Placements, I had a 3-month-old baby, a dining room table, and one client. I had always known that I wanted to start my own business, and I knew it would be in the recruiting space...but starting a business while nursing a baby didn't exactly seem like the ideal time. (ha ha - wry smile) But I figured it was 'now or never', as they say, so I forged ahead and started telling people that I'd launched my own business. And it was amazing: As word got around, I suddenly had a handful of clients, and a couple of great former colleagues told me they'd love to work with my new company. Apparently I was a more attractive prospect than I thought I was! I learned that it's important to trust my own judgement when something feels like the right fit for me and my company - I just might be more ahead of the curve than I think I am.
- SO HOW DO WE GET TO THE BUSINESS OF BEING AWESOME? We've talked about some of the issues and how it's important to recognize the ways in which we're holding ourselves back, and some of the ways we can overcome the barriers to our own success. Well, I've already told you that it's important to make your own rules, and I believe that's true - but here are 5 tips I try to live by:
- 1. Embrace the differences So women tend to be consensus builders, better listeners, and like team environments more than men. That's great - it gives us lots of advantages in the workplace! Instead of focusing on the supposed 'negative' differences between men and women in the workplace or the boardroom, embrace the differences and use them to your advantage. Are you a great team builder who can achieve consensus from differing points of view? Remember that's a key quality of an inspirational leader. 2. Choose strategic vision - not Pinterest Does everyone know what Pinterest is? It’s basically a virtual pinboard that allows you to share content - and it's currently the #3 social network, after Facebook and Twitter, if you can believe it. Anyway, on Pinterest you “pin” images videos and other objects you like to online 'pages'. What I find interesting? Women make up about 82% of active users on Pinterest . Successful people map out strategic plans for their careers and their business - but women are flocking to Pinterest, which is essentially a 'dream board' for things they'd like to have 'someday'. It's great to have dreams - and even a scrapbook of ideas for your future - but when you're letting 'ideas' take the place of a strategic plan for your future, you're a passenger, not a driver. 3. Choose the right partners When I say 'partner', I mean both 'life partner' and 'business partnering'. Sheryl Sandberg of Facebook suggests that women should marry other women because they'd end up getting more support throughout their careers! (ha ha) She's got a point, though, in that it's important to choose the right partners at home and at work. Having the right partner on the home front can ensure that your self-esteem and self-perceptions are being supported in your personal life. Choosing the right partners in a business environment - whether it's co-workers or clients - can make a big difference in your ability to take the risks that lead to being awesome. 4. Choose the right role models Some women I know put all their emphasis on modeling themselves after - or networking with - other women. I think this is a limiting approach, and the sooner we stop thinking in gender-only terms, the sooner it will cease to be an issue. By all means, look for female role models to learn from, and align yourself with the female movers and shakers in your industry. But when you're looking for inspiration or a personal role model, don't be afraid to choose the most awesome people you can think of, the ones who are doing the things you'd most like to do, regardless of gender. 5. Give yourself positive affirmations Today we've talked about some of the 'negative' messages women get from the media and elsewhere, which get in the way of us achieving our true 'awesomeness'. What's worse is when we internalize these messages and start playing negative 'tapes' in our heads that reinforce these negative messages.
- Really being awesome depends on positive self talk. I’d like to share with you a little video on positive self-talk. (Show video) I hope that all of you start your morning that way. Caution – please don’t stand on the sink.
- THE BEST WAY TO BE AWESOME? The best advice I could give you today and, if you remember nothing else I’ve said please remember: You know that little voice in your head that has been quietly telling you you're awesome, all along? Turn up the volume on that voice, and listen to it!